Block after 8 months apart and 4 months NC.... :-/

[sportygirl]

Hey LS friends.

 

Me and the man I thought I'd spend my life with broke up 8 month's ago. In my eyes the break up was totally out of the blue and it's since transpired that we broke up so that he could start a new relationship. I've struggled to get pas this, though have at least not reached out or messaged in a good 4 months. However, he's taken the decision to block me on FB. We were no longer friends frI ends on FB from day1 of the breakup. I only knew about the block as a number of albums are now greyed out on my account.

 

So.... I'm kinda hurt he's taken the step to actually block and can't understand why. Does anyone have any insights? I know I shouldnt let this bother me, but it does... I can't understand why he'd want to erase me in such a way. Also - do I say anything to him about this?

[Bialy]

Breakups are excruciating.

 

He blocked you because he doesn't want you looking at his public profile.

 

He blocked you because he has moved on and is looking forward, not backward.

 

He blocked you because he is with someone else.

[Bialy]

Also - do I say anything to him about this?

Why? He's not your boyfriend. He doesn't owe you an explanation. He has moved on. He doesn't want you in his life.

 

By contacting him about it, you're showing that he did the right thing. It'll confirm in his mind that you were looking at his page. Let it go.

 

Pretend that you haven't noticed it.

 

If you reach out to him, odds are you will discover that he has blocked you via phone. Or, he will end up blocking you via phone.

 

Just leave things be. He's doing you a favor by blocking on you FB - you can continue to move forward down your own path.

[Aniela]

I wouldn't say anything. I know it hurts - I've had it happen with a former friend, in the past, not the same, but it still hurt. Don't let him know that it bothers you. At some point in the future, he will unblock you, and get to see how well you've moved on, how happy you are, etc. Hopefully.

 

I am terrible at taking that sort of advice, but when I have managed to, it works. Things usually get sorted in some way, and if they don't, then the other person really wasn't good enough to be in your life in the first place.

[smudge21]

Yes it hurts, all break ups do and then reminders of it bring all that pain back. However, he has moved on and you need to do the same. Finding stuff out about an ex, no matter what it is, will always make us feel down and remember the past. The best thing to do is always cut all contact and from what you're saying, it's clear you have never truly 100% done that. Now it's been forced upon you, rather than you taking control. Don't live in the past as you miss out on your future.

[sportygirl]

Thank you all for the quick responses... it is appreciated. I know that I don't have a say in his world any more.... I'm just trying to understand. I don't quite get why I'm blocked.... I haven't been using it as a mechanism of contacting him, he's had a new gf since day 1, and the albums haven't been deleted, I've just been blocked.... so its not like he's deleting our history. Confused as to why its struck him now to remove me :-( (and obv. feeling hurt by it all)

[pidgeon1010]

Maybe his gf told him to do it, maybe he decided to take his relationship to the next level and didn't want any ties to past lovers, etc. etc. It's been over 8 months and frankly even though you haven't contacted him, it sounds like somehow having that last link to him kept you from moving on fully. You'll never understand his motives and reaching out to him to ask why really comes off a little crazy (sorry to be so blunt but it sounds like he is embracing the future and you're still stuck in the past). It's hard but you'll move on and hopefully one day look back on it and realize it was good thing. Social media despite its benefits can be very harmful when a relationships end. People try to find meaning in every single thing an ex does or does not do on their social media account. More often than not, the reasoning is really simple without much thought put into it.

[asphyxis]

Thank you all for the quick responses... it is appreciated. I know that I don't have a say in his world any more.... I'm just trying to understand. I don't quite get why I'm blocked.... I haven't been using it as a mechanism of contacting him, he's had a new gf since day 1, and the albums haven't been deleted, I've just been blocked.... so its not like he's deleting our history. Confused as to why its struck him now to remove me :-( (and obv. feeling hurt by it all)

 

You'll spend forever trying to make sense of it, but you never will. The albums will be eventually removed. You've been blocked and he's started a new relationship. It's been 8 months. He's done, and you are moved into his past when he broke up with you. Consider this a silver lining, this will launch you into the recovery that you desperately need since Facebook was your last string. Start by taking initiative and getting yourself into some activities. Utilize this forum to your advantage.

[privategal]

It could be that he did this to help HIM move on 100%

He may have seen a tag from a mutual friend and it still stings as he isn't really in a place to be able to relive memories.... or maybe his gf might be a little jealous and suggested to block or it was just time for him to make a little more closure.

Hard to say but blocks arent always malicious.

If someone cares nothing for you, they actually don't even care to block you.

I'd take it as a compliment, you obviously still affect him. and by no means take it personally as its kind of ex protocol.

[sportygirl]

Hey,

 

Today would be our anniversary (not married... dated a while)... and against all my will I'm ending up dwelling and upset. I reached out to friends to not be alone but they're all busy tonight and I'm dwelling big time. He was the one who left (out of the blue) and I was broken... still am almost 10 months on. He jumped straight into a relationship and I have the fear that I'll never be in that kind of relationship again.... and that when it gets to 12 months I'll not have moved on. I'm not sure what I'm asking for with this post... I just need an outlet as I feel I'm going to explode today.... I miss him so much and still love him :-(

[aloneinaz]

Sorry to hear you're hurting. Don't beat yourself up. It takes time to move past an ex. Be kind to yourself while trying to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied on something else.

 

You will meet someone else and he'll be a distant memory. Stay strong and post to vent as you need to! It does help!

[sportygirl]

I do hope so... at the moment I'm just stuck on knowing he's moved on, and is with someone else on our day... a day that I'd treasure if with him. I think the part I've found most upsetting is that we had a long distance relationship due to his work schedule... but just after we broke up he lost his job, and has been able to be with her full time... I only found out this recently... so I kinda feel very much like she's living the life I wanted... and couldn't quite have with the distance :-(

[aloneinaz]

Are you in therapy at all? Have you dated since then? After 8 months, you should be feeling much better but you appear to be choosing to stay "stuck" in this idolization phase over someone who didn't want you in their life. At some point, you need to get mad and say F-him. Why give so much time and energy to someone from your past? Is this helping you move forward to your next R/S?

 

Seriously, if you're not in therapy, you should consider it. Life's too short and there are millions of others out there to waste time on someone who doesn't want us in their lives.

[sportygirl]

Yes - I've tried it all from almost day 1 as I know I'm hopeless at getting over people. He was my first long term relationship so I knew it would be hard. I've done therapy and life coaching and even once tried hypnotherapy. I've also done a few mini breaks alone, and a big adventure on my own to get new memories & get the feeling that life has progressed. I've also moved home. I seem to be doing everything in the recovery books except get a haircut (as I'm not brave enough to change my hair!). I've also joined different clubs and done the gym thing. Any other suggestions are more than welcome as I'm running out of ideas.

 

Oh and yes - I have dated.... I've tried a good few apps and been on quite a few dates, but not found anything special. I should add that I've been super bubbly on these dates, am sporty and into my outdoor sports, have a good job and am not quite a troll... so I'm very much trying.

 

Frustratingly I've never been able to get mad at him... even when I wrote a list of things could have said / done better in the relationship (least of all suggesting to buy a house together and then bailing.. but I can't move past all this :-( help!

[sportygirl]

... I should add as well that I've felt a little guilty dating.... just to be thinking of someone else whilst going on dates seems unfair :-(

[Zahara]

... I should add as well that I've felt a little guilty dating.... just to be thinking of someone else whilst going on dates seems unfair :-(

 

Yes, it is unfair to those coming to the table with emotional availability while you're still pining for someone else.

[Lyssse]

Hey LS friends.

 

Me and the man I thought I'd spend my life with broke up 8 month's ago. In my eyes the break up was totally out of the blue and it's since transpired that we broke up so that he could start a new relationship. I've struggled to get pas this, though have at least not reached out or messaged in a good 4 months. However, he's taken the decision to block me on FB. We were no longer friends frI ends on FB from day1 of the breakup. I only knew about the block as a number of albums are now greyed out on my account.

 

So.... I'm kinda hurt he's taken the step to actually block and can't understand why. Does anyone have any insights? I know I shouldnt let this bother me, but it does... I can't understand why he'd want to erase me in such a way. Also - do I say anything to him about this?

 

I feel your pain and I wish I could give you advice but I'm going through the same thing. My ex of 6.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago and to help me get over him, I blocked him on all social media accounts. It was the least I could do since I was the one dumped and didn't want to see anything regarding him.

 

I found out last week he cheated on me the week he broke up with me and is now dating the girl. I found out he removed me from all his past Facebook profile pictures and all instagrams I was in. He also blocked and defriended all of my friends and people who would snitch on him about anything regarding his new girlfriend. This hurt me so bad. Feels like he is completely erasing me from his world, which he is.

 

I don't want to give you false hope, but sometimes hearing what we want to hear helps us cope with every day life. But maybe he just doesn't want to see your stuff pop up anymore. Maybe it pains him to see. I would not say anything to him though. A quote I'm really listening to right now is "It's better to move on than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand you, because your absence will teach what your presence cannot"

[preraph]

Yeah, he has a girlfriend now who he wants to keep at least for the present and meanwhile, she isn't going to appreciate him having exes on his social media. This is not a math quiz. He's doing the right thing for his new relationship. He's moved on, and people do that at different paces, but you need to do the same pretty soon. Good luck.

[marky00]

I understand your feelings here.

 

 

You haven't been contacting, you have maintained good self-control and what does he do? Block you. That definitely does hurt because it like he totally discounted the fact that you hadn't tried anyway.

 

 

Im going through a similar thing. I was re-kindling with an ex. Went on a holiday a few months back. Been long-distance and just having laid-back convo and then out of the blue total disappears. I don't think she has blocked me from her main IM app but I have a feeling she may have changed phone numbers.

 

 

And the sad part is, I haven't even tried. to contact her since she disappeared. So yes the block hurts more when you were actually doing all the right things.

 

 

You'd hope the block is about respecting his new partner. Any other reason seems a bit over the top.

Edited August 31, 2016 by marky00