notyouraveragejoe Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Theres a girl at work who I've fancied for quite a while, and during work there has definitely been some flirting going on. A bit of texting, but nothing much. This was 6 months ago. Recently we've had a few meetings together and the flirt is back. Yesterday after work, I join a table in our work bar where she was sitting and we chatted for a while. Everyone else left and we started walking to the train. She asked if I wanted to go fo another drink, we went to a bar and talked for a while. Getting more flirty and started kissing. She tells me she stopped texting me because she saw me with another girl from work (That night I was helping said girl to the train because she was very drunk nothing more). We a both a bit drunk at this point, and she askes me "yours or mine?". I actually quite like this girl so I say that I'm not sure it is a good idea, she insists and make it back to mine. We make out, and I starting getting really nervous for some reason. I end up not being able to perform, like completely dead. Never happened before on a first night with someone. Not sure if the alcohol played a role as well. We keep making out a bit, before settling in each others arms. She has previously told me (at the bar) that she has trouble sleeping, and she does toss and turn a bit not quite falling asleep for a couple of hours. Then she says she is too stressed out about sleeping and want to go home. I'm like wtf, but sure. She ends om taking an uber. We never really talk about the failed sex. I actually quite like this girl, otherwise I wouldn't hook up with someone from work. In the bar she did say **** like 'I'm a dangerous girl' and other sligtly odd things like 'Don't laugh but I have been dreaming of being in your big arms'. Not sure what my next step is. Like I say I like the girl, and would like to date her more, but this whole perfomance issue plus leaving in the middle of the night is quite weird to me.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 If she's mature, she'll understand that sometimes a man's anatomy doesn't co-operate with his desires. Most of us ladies know that and generally it isn't an issue, unless we feel like it's because you're not actually attracted to us. Does she know that this isn't the reason? That could be the reason she felt awkward and preferred to go home. I wouldn't make a big deal out of the failed sex. But what you could do is ask her on a proper date. One drunken hookup doesn't really count; if you want to rectify things, I would ask her out for dinner. 1
Author notyouraveragejoe Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Yeah that's my plan. Texted her earlier (not asking out, just standard post date text and asking if she got some sleep). No response yet. Don't know why I'm freaking out about this, normally I'm really chill and confident but somehow I feel really embarrassed.
lillymae1010 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Not only did she refer to herself as "dangerous" but it seems to have stood out with you. That's not to say that she IS dangerous but perhaps there is something on her mind that she doesn't know how to disclose. Was she recently involved? Any chance of medication issues? No matter what it is (or isn't) maintain compassion and try to understand but not push. If you really like her, then be patient but don't give up! Best of luck
phineas Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 The WTF 0 to sex in 10 seconds for the first time situations with someone you actually like always leave me not quite ready to perform because i'm still in "is this really happening" mode. I've learned to just tell them to help me out with their hand or mouth and none had a problem then I was ready to go. Unfortunately, my experience is most women are not mature and most are insecure as heck and if they want sex but don't get it for whatever reason they will assume you are either not attracted to them or just not man enough. If you were dating and she liked you then she'd probably be ok with it but this is just a co-worker you had a drunken hookup with.
Author notyouraveragejoe Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 @lillymae1010 The dangerous thing came after she asked if I was seeing someone else, and I said I had went on a couple of dates with someone recently but it wasn't really going anywhere. She continued to ask quite a bit about this girl, her name, age, where she was from, where I'd met her. @phineas Yeah I'm sure that would have helped, but I hadn't really been in this situation before so I felt a bit odd getting her to use her mouth when so soft. I panicked a bit I guess, thought she would find it even more embarrassing if she did that and nothing ended up happening. Anyway let's see. I don't really hook up with work people, and only did because she insisted. So I will try and do a proper date thing.
lillymae1010 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Hmmm. I'm 50/50 on this one. I think you give it another shot before analyzing too much.
Popsicle Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I won't lie to you. I'm sure she's pretty disappointed and feels let down. It didn't feel right and like something was missing and it didn't feel worth it to stay and that is why she left. You would be better off explaining yourself rather than leaving her to think the worst.
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 This was just a coworker hookup....I doubt she is looking for anything more than that.
Author notyouraveragejoe Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 @Popsicle Makes sense. She did seem a bit freaked out. @smackie That may very well be, and that would be fine. Regardless, it would be good to know. I feel we have a lot in common and would definitely pursue dating her. She hasn't replied to my text yet. Would it be too pushy to ring her tonight? If only to sort things out one way or the other, we do have to work together.
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Think about it.....why do you not want to respond to a text from someone....because you don't want to. 1
Popsicle Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) @Popsicle Makes sense. She did seem a bit freaked out. Would it be too pushy to ring her tonight? If only to sort things out one way or the other, we do have to work together. No, I don't think it would be too pushy to ring her tonight, but I wouldn't ring before night time. She may be sleeping! Edited August 20, 2016 by Popsicle
preraph Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Ask her, Would you be up for going on real dates and slowing things down and seeing if things go better?
winny Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Dont do anything for now. She didnt respond to your text. When you see her at work be cool and nice. See how she behaves with you. Ask her out on a proper date if she seems open and talks to you normally. 1
phineas Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Joe- you did your due diligence and texted her after. Leave her alone now. I have some experience with sudden hookups with women acquaintances and friends. After the next day text to let them know you had fun and it's all good(basically letting them know you don't consider them a slut and you didn't hit n' quit), just act like it never happened, BE NICE, if she's cool SHE will joke about it down the rd a little, let her decide what she wants with you. You can ask her on a real date but unless you are known for being a direct guy it may not go well for you.
kendahke Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 @lillymae1010 She continued to ask quite a bit about this girl, her name, age, where she was from, where I'd met her. Word to the wise: never tell someone you say you like anything about someone she will never know and who is none of her business. Change the subject and keep your business to yourself.
Mkn1010 Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 I personally think this girl sounds majorly insecure for asking so many questions about that other girl, which means she most likely considered your performance 'anxiety' about her. When I was younger and more insecure, I always interpreted by BFs issue in that regard to be about me not being attractive enough. I also know what it's like to not be able to sleep easily and it's way worse around someone new/at a new place. I've left guys' houses in the middle of the night quite a few times for this reason and it was not because I didn't like them.
Recommended Posts