Bringing her dog on a first date?

[JDPT]

I agree, however when we arranged the date/meeting over a phone conversation and agreed to meet in a very public place with the opportunity to either take a walk or grab a coffee together in a place of mutual territory. I don't really get the neded to suggest alternatives via text afterwards and then decide the dog needs to come along.

 

The alternative she suggested is a quiet location with no local amenities and I can only assume it was to suit the dog. That's my concern for this first date, can she not leave the dog for an hour to two to meet someone new and make an effort?

 

I have no issue with the woman choosing the location, I have reservations about coming up with totally different dynamic after agreeing on what to do previously where she seemed totally fine with it.

 

 

emphasizing the obvious, It's called compromising, something you have to be open to if you want to be in a relationship.

I prob have a hard time with that hence the reason why I chose to be single (for now

[Gaeta]

I agree, however when we arranged the date/meeting over a phone conversation and agreed to meet in a very public place with the opportunity to either take a walk or grab a coffee together in a place of mutual territory. I don't really get the neded to suggest alternatives via text afterwards and then decide the dog needs to come along.

 

The alternative she suggested is a quiet location with no local amenities and I can only assume it was to suit the dog. That's my concern for this first date, can she not leave the dog for an hour to two to meet someone new and make an effort?

 

I have no issue with the woman choosing the location, I have reservations about coming up with totally different dynamic after agreeing on what to do previously where she seemed totally fine with it.

 

You would come across to me as a very inflexible man.

 

See how your mind is directed toward the negative, she did not decide to bring her dog along she ASKED you if it was ok, you could have said no, but instead you said yes when you really wanted to say no and now you complain about it.

 

If you say yes about something you take it and you don't go around complaining how stupid it is and she should have known blahblahblah

 

YES she could have left the dog home, if you had told her you preferred the dog to stay home she would have done so.

 

To you it's a big deal she brings the dog along, to her it's not, she deals with her dog on daily basis and thought hey! what a good opportunity to walk Ruffus. That's all. It's not about not being able to go somewhere without the dog.

 

You have build up so much unjustified negativity around this woman I wonder why you are going to meet her at all !

[True Gent]

Maybe is the animal lover in me but heck yeah bring your dog, bring your cat, bring your snake! I think it gives me a common thing to bond (the pup) with an have a nice conversation. There are no red flags here, only thing I see her is that her dog means a ton to her and she wants to make that very clear to you. I think if you have an issue with here where you feel threatened by a dog taking her attention away from you then it's time to move on and find someone who would devote all her time in you.

 

It's got nothing to do with the dog taking attention away from me, that's just way off the mark.

 

It's to do with her talking to me over the phone seeming totally happy to arrange a date where we both agree to the location/style of date and then feel the neared to completely change the dynamics of it via text later on.

 

Aren't first dates about getting to know each other?

 

Should I take my trophy winning show car along and expect her to show interest in it and go for a drive in it? Or perhaps arrive on my mountain bike wearing my cycling kit and expect her to be ok with it because it's a big part of my life and she'll need to accept it? "Oh sorry we can't go in here and sit down with a coffee I can't leave my bike outside" You know a bit like she can't just take her dog into anywhere?

 

Yeah her dog is important to her, there are things important to me but it doesn't go with me on a first date.

[True Gent]

emphasizing the obvious, It's called compromising, something you have to be open to if you want to be in a relationship.

I prob have a hard time with that hence the reason why I chose to be single (for now

 

I have agreed to compromise, hence agreeing to her taking her dog, but sticking with a place where we can sit and chat too!

[ChickiePops]

A mans biggest worry about meeting a girl from OLD is that she's fat

 

I love my dog - like really love my dog. I would easily put a bullet in someone's head to save her from them if faced with the situation. She's sleeping in my lap as I write this.

 

That said, I don't think I would take her on a first date. I think that is akin to bringing a kid on your first date.

 

It would be different if the girl wanted to meet her and we were doing a dog park or something but on a first date I would care to spend my attention getting to know the girl.

 

If a girl wanted to bring her dog I would be ok as I love dogs but it would make me think she's not that serious about meeting me.

 

1. Yes, because fat people are disgusting and should never leave their homes. In fact, being fat should be illegal. Why don't we just ship all the fat people to an island so they can't repulse us anymore? They should not be allowed to socialize with the rest of society.

 

2. Dogs are not children. They don't understand human relationships. Bringing a dog on a date is nothing like bringing a child on a date. I love dogs as much as the next person but no.

 

OP, the dog is not that big a deal. You're nitpicking, but that's fine because you don't seem to be that into her anyway. The texting is a bigger deal than the dog..if it bugs you, don't meet her. I don't like constant texting either..totally get where you're coming from.

[JDPT]

It's got nothing to do with the dog taking attention away from me, that's just way off the mark.

 

It's to do with her talking to me over the phone seeming totally happy to arrange a date where we both agree to the location/style of date and then feel the neared to completely change the dynamics of it via text later on.

 

Aren't first dates about getting to know each other?

 

Should I take my trophy winning show car along and expect her to show interest in it and go for a drive in it? Or perhaps arrive on my mountain bike wearing my cycling kit and expect her to be ok with it because it's a big part of my life and she'll need to accept it? "Oh sorry we can't go in here and sit down with a coffee I can't leave my bike outside" You know a bit like she can't just take her dog into anywhere?

 

Yeah her dog is important to her, there are things important to me but it doesn't go with me on a first date.

 

Have you thought that maybe her dog has a medical condition and she's having a hard time finding a puppy sitter to meet with you?

 

Have you thought that maybe she has trained him to attack on command in case you turn out to be a creep?

 

I can go on and on and one.

 

Another thing called change of plans, if plan A didn't pan out then there is plan B and on and on and on and on. Hey at least she's not completely blowing you off and saying sorry my pup is more important can't meet with you today. What i'm trying to say is that I can't that you want to stand your ground because you two agreed on something but there isn't anything wrong in improvising. If this girl is really worth going through the pain of having a cute pup coming along for the ride then go for it. If not as stated, find a chick that will stick to every little thing that comes out of her mouth and follows through, btw good luck with that.

[True Gent]

You would come across to me as a very inflexible man.

 

See how your mind is directed toward the negative, she did not decide to bring her dog along she ASKED you if it was ok, you could have said no, but instead you said yes when you really wanted to say no and now you complain about it.

 

If you say yes about something you take it and you don't go around complaining how stupid it is and she should have known blahblahblah

 

YES she could have left the dog home, if you had told her you preferred the dog to stay home she would have done so.

 

To you it's a big deal she brings the dog along, to her it's not, she deals with her dog on daily basis and thought hey! what a good opportunity to walk Ruffus. That's all. It's not about not being able to go somewhere without the dog.

 

You have build up so much unjustified negativity around this woman I wonder why you are going to meet her at all !

 

 

Well I agreed to her taking her dog (after we already arranged something else) to avoid being inflexible. I'm not complaining I'm ASKING for other peoples opinions in the dating world on what they think is good first date etiquette.

 

Why am I meeting her at all is the question I'm asking here for a second opinion on. Is it wrong to be having second thoughts becuse she wanted to change the date to a dog walk?

[JDPT]

Well I agreed to her taking her dog (after we already arranged something else) to avoid being inflexible. I'm not complaining I'm ASKING for other peoples opinions in the dating world on what they think is good first date etiquette.

 

Why am I meeting her at all is the question I'm asking here for a second opinion on. Is it wrong to be having second thoughts becuse she wanted to change the date to a dog walk?

 

You really feel less than and believe the dog is more important than you in this date. C'mon dude I understand how you feel but it's really something that you can easily come to terms with simply by acknowledging that you will never compare to that dog and vice versa.

Idk but I would love that as a first date, just meet with a girl at the park, bring something cool to drink, walk around enjoying the nice scenery. And if you really wanted to make a good impression you would bring some treats for the pup as well.

You aren't bowing down to her or her dog is just common sense thing to do.

[PrettyEmily77]

Well I agreed to her taking her dog (after we already arranged something else) to avoid being inflexible. I'm not complaining I'm ASKING for other peoples opinions in the dating world on what they think is good first date etiquette.

 

Why am I meeting her at all is the question I'm asking here for a second opinion on. Is it wrong to be having second thoughts becuse she wanted to change the date to a dog walk?

 

No, it's not wrong. I'm not even sure why you're getting so much flak about this.

 

That said, go with the flow; it may be that your instincts are correct, and it may be she has a perfectly legitimate reason for both the dog thing and the changing of venue thing. You won't know for sure until you find out on the day, so relax a little; after all, it's only a first date .

[True Gent]

Have you thought that maybe her dog has a medical condition and she's having a hard time finding a puppy sitter to meet with you?

 

Have you thought that maybe she has trained him to attack on command in case you turn out to be a creep?

 

I can go on and on and one.

 

Another thing called change of plans, if plan A didn't pan out then there is plan B and on and on and on and on. Hey at least she's not completely blowing you off and saying sorry my pup is more important can't meet with you today. What i'm trying to say is that I can't that you want to stand your ground because you two agreed on something but there isn't anything wrong in improvising. If this girl is really worth going through the pain of having a cute pup coming along for the ride then go for it. If not as stated, find a chick that will stick to every little thing that comes out of her mouth and follows through, btw good luck with that.

 

 

Well I'd assume if a medical condition was the case then she'd probably of mentioned that in the first place. Also if the dog was so ill that it couldn't be alone then I doubt it would be able to go for a walk either TBH. If the dog was ill and couldn't be left then tell me and we'll arrange another time.

 

This is all hyperthetical and not really relevant.

[True Gent]

No, it's not wrong. I'm not even sure why you're getting so much flak about this.

 

That said, go with the flow; it may be that your instincts are correct, and it may be she has a perfectly legitimate reason for both the dog thing and the changing of venue thing. You won't know for sure until you find out on the day, so relax a little; after all, it's only a first date .

 

Thank you the most helpful and non passive aggressive post so far!

[JDPT]

 

This is all hyperthetical and not really relevant.

 

It absolutely is relevant simply because i'm trying to help you see the bigger picture as opposed to focusing on one thing.

[True Gent]

You really feel less than and believe the dog is more important than you in this date.

 

No not all, that's not it.

 

 

As for taking treats for a dog I don't know, then it's a no to that as well. That's something I'd have no problem with if I knew her and her dog, but at this stage I don't.

 

I went though a lot of heartache loosing my own dogs with my breakup. I have no intention of getting involved with someone else's dog (at least in the early stages).

 

My concerns are:

 

1. Constant texting when we've never met. I'm fine with texting when we know we like each other and have actually met face to face.

 

2. Asking to change the first meeting dynamics in every way without any given reason for it, after being all happy and looking forward to what we'd planned on the phone.

 

3. She texts me to say she's taken her profile down form match. I don't get it.

 

 

 

 

I came here for a second opinion as I was seriously considering dropping out, but wanted to discuss it with others and to see if I was being unreasonable for thinking that. However it seems I'm the inflexible and selfish party here, despite agreeing to her bringing her dog.

[joyful]

wait - why are you going to meet up with this woman?

 

you have a list of things you dislike and have not spent even a minute in her company. i would hate to have a first-time meetup with someone who already had a list of turn-offs about me.

 

it is not clear why you would even bother at this point.

[SevenCity]

1. Yes, because fat people are disgusting and should never leave their homes. In fact, being fat should be illegal. Why don't we just ship all the fat people to an island so they can't repulse us anymore? They should not be allowed to socialize with the rest of society.

 

2. Dogs are not children. They don't understand human relationships. Bringing a dog on a date is nothing like bringing a child on a date. I love dogs as much as the next person but no.

 

OP, the dog is not that big a deal. You're nitpicking, but that's fine because you don't seem to be that into her anyway. The texting is a bigger deal than the dog..if it bugs you, don't meet her. I don't like constant texting either..totally get where you're coming from.

 

I've got nothing against fat people. I just don't date fat women. There are many men that do.

 

I was being honest though - that appears to be the number one complaint from men and old - she was much bigger in person than in the pic.

 

I would say a dog is roughly the same as a 2 year old as far as understanding human RLs. I would not bring a 2 year old on a date!

[SevenCity]

No not all, that's not it.

 

 

As for taking treats for a dog I don't know, then it's a no to that as well. That's something I'd have no problem with if I knew her and her dog, but at this stage I don't.

 

I went though a lot of heartache loosing my own dogs with my breakup. I have no intention of getting involved with someone else's dog (at least in the early stages).

 

My concerns are:

 

1. Constant texting when we've never met. I'm fine with texting when we know we like each other and have actually met face to face.

 

2. Asking to change the first meeting dynamics in every way without any given reason for it, after being all happy and looking forward to what we'd planned on the phone.

 

3. She texts me to say she's taken her profile down form match. I don't get it.

 

 

 

 

I came here for a second opinion as I was seriously considering dropping out, but wanted to discuss it with others and to see if I was being unreasonable for thinking that. However it seems I'm the inflexible and selfish party here, despite agreeing to her bringing her dog.

 

 

As long as you feel she's not cat fishing you, you have nothing to lose.

[Gaeta]

Why am I meeting her at all is the question I'm asking here for a second opinion on. Is it wrong to be having second thoughts becuse she wanted to change the date to a dog walk?

 

Of course you can ask any questions and share your thoughts. In general when people compromise they are happy to do so, in your case it seems it pains you.

 

 

And so far what seems to be the consensus on here?

[Gaeta]

in the dating world on what they think is good first date etiquette.

 

Show up with a clean shirt, that's about it for the Etiquette.

 

I have a friend who guy showed up to their first day-date with his 6 yo son. She got surprised at first than he explained to her the babysitter cancelled on him last minute. It's a big no-no in the dating world BUT they have been married 10 years now and that little boy who's a big teen boy now is her reason to live.

 

Sometimes breaking the rule brings you the best things in life.

[preraph]

It could be two things. One, she feels more secure if she brings her dog because women are rightly paranoid about first meetings with a stranger. Or it could be she is inseparable from her dog, which would be a problem for you but not for everyone. I thoroughly believe my old lab mix saved me from being gang-raped once, so...

[SevenCity]

Of course you can ask any questions and share your thoughts. In general when people compromise they are happy to do so, in your case it seems it pains you.

 

 

And so far what seems to be the consensus on here?

 

Reading the op, it sounds like he feels old has wasted his time. He's met tons of women but doesn't have a girlfriend yet. He sounds like he wants one.

 

He sounds jaded. That can happen if you repeatedly have failures with something. I don't blame him for being negative and cautious though it will beget.

[joyful]

Reading the op, it sounds like he feels old has wasted his time. He's met tons of women but doesn't have a girlfriend yet. He sounds like he wants one.

 

He sounds jaded. That can happen if you repeatedly have failures with something. I don't blame him for being negative and cautious though it will beget.

 

it is unfair to bring this amount of negativity into a new person's life when she has done nothing wrong. all she has done is plan a meeting with a man she suspects/hopes she can have something with.

[JDPT]

it is unfair to bring this amount of negativity into a new person's life when she has done nothing wrong. all she has done is plan a meeting with a man she suspects/hopes she can have something with.

 

amen to that!

[PrettyEmily77]

it is unfair to bring this amount of negativity into a new person's life when she has done nothing wrong. all she has done is plan a meeting with a man she suspects/hopes she can have something with.

 

Apologies if I'm speaking out of turns OP, but it actually looks like he is trying to rid himself of his negative thoughts by talking them out here, so he doesn't bring them to the date.

 

Neither of them has done anything wrong thus far, given that the date hasn't even taken place yet - I'm for cutting them both some slack...

[SevenCity]

it is unfair to bring this amount of negativity into a new person's life when she has done nothing wrong. all she has done is plan a meeting with a man she suspects/hopes she can have something with.

 

Agreed. But doesn't mean that's not what is going on here.

[MissBee]

I'm meeting a woman tomorrow from match.com, nothing new there I've met countless ladies in this way now. However I'm beginning to have a couple of reservations with this one.

 

She seems to be happy texting each other constantly, which I've had to back down from. I'm not into texting someone I haven't met yet. We have spoken on the phone though and we seemed to chat easily for an hour which was fine.

 

We arranged a meeting place and a time, somewhere for a coffee and a short walk if the weather is permitting. Now comes the issue. After agreeing the date she's text me asking if she can bring her dog along and has tried a couple of times to change the location via text.

 

To not seem like an unreasonable person, I've said ok to the dog, but kept the original location. I think sitting down to have a face to face chat is the best way to break the ice and there are dog friendly places at our original agreed destination too. So she agrees but changes the agreed time by 15 mins for no apparent reason, we're both driving there I just find it odd.

 

Am I wrong in thinking that a first date should just be the two of you, where you can just have a chat and see how you get along? I don't think bringing a dog along is a good idea, it's more restrictive (she's already expressed concerns about where to go for a coffee becuse of the dog) and well... It's a bit odd when you've never ever met each other before?

 

In my opinion meeting with no other distractions or restrictions is the best first meeting. What do you guys think?

 

I'm not 100% convinced here, I don't normally have any reservations before meeting someone. I don't like agreeing something which should be simple and then the other party starts throwing things into the mix like changing the whole arrangement and bringing their pet.

 

Go with your gut.

 

In my experience, when I have a lot of reservations about someone it usually doesn't pan out well in the end, as usually the reservations are things that point to incompatibilities.

 

I would flat out refuse a man bringing his dog along personally and would also be annoyed if we agreed to one thing then he kept trying to change the place, the time, add a dog, for no good reason....

 

A first date/meet should be just that. I agree. Just us, not your dog, your kid, your pet parrot etc...just us...later on there is plenty of time to bring your dog along or introduce your kid if all parties are okay.