LucreziaBorgia Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I thought things were going well! Did you and he break up?
Author kittenhead Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 I can barely open my mouth about it. It's nice to see some people responding though--it makes me feel like at least someone cares. things i thought--were going well--but my ex called my friend Laura--and then she called me---she said he was really upset that we hadn't spoken in awhile and could I call him--so I did. The ex--was like this is rediculous--we've been friends for ten years--so we dated----it didn't work out (we were also engaged but that was stupid to--so I broke it off--I just wasn't in love with him)--but you're a great friend and i wish there was a way we could still be in one another's lives--I'll even talk to your boyfriend--I'm sure I would like him....and I was like-hmmm--I don't know--BF is really threatenned by him..but my girl Laura was like I'm having a party and want ALL my friends to be there (people pleasing is my greatest character flaw as you can see)--so I went to the BF--and said--I just want to let you know--the ex called--this is what he asked.... and I think we should just shelf it for right now b/c we have important things going on--like my BF was waiting to hear about a job--and the BF was like no. I want to discuss it now. Then he wanted to know --what do i think about this--and i said--i think friendship is reasonable but it would be better if you and i (together) were friends with the ex. he did not think that was reasonable. he thought the idea was completely unreasonable and that the ex had a destructive presence in our relationship. then he wanted me to call the ex while he was on the other line--listening silently--while i tell him that i will never speak to him again in my life--i said i would make the call--but that i would not have him listening in--that he could listen while i made the call but that i thought that was weird and that i didn't want to degrade or humilated myself or another individual because he was pissed. so he then handed me my car keys--told me to go f--k myself and then he lit a card i gave him about soul mates on fire. it was horrible for both of us. and then i cut this 2 1/2 minute film about us--where i ask for another chance but then he forwarded me a letter i wrote to him from april--he broke up with me then (LucreziaBorgia--you'll remember that whole debacle) and said he would not consider being in a relationship with me again. so i'm suffering a lot. you know--and this is something he doesn't seem to care about--but I was going to try to get into nursing school to b/c he's got some health issues but he thinks I'm selfish. anyway--I keep seeing all these images in my head of our first date--the love--the moments--it just won't stop and he doesn't care. why did he say he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me? why did he talk about marriage? why the hell did he do all this and just drop me, like I don't matter? how the hell is everyone else?
upsetnhurt Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 kittenhead, I don't blame your current ex bf at all. I am going through similar feelings as him as my ex (for the second time) has been playing a game with me as well. What good is to come from you becoming friends with your former boyfriend? Can't you make other friends, ones that you have not had an intimate relationship with. Why wouldn't you let him listen to you say those words to your ex? Its because you would not have said them I think. My ex also ontinually told me that she told her ex to stay out of her life yet everytime he would send her a mail or so forth he would comment that she promised him this or that (that she would leave me to be with him)....and when I would question her if she in fact did she would always recant and say no! If you are fully committed to making your relationship a success with your current ex, why would you want to jeopardize it at all and not do anything to make him feel like the priority?
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Geez, I feel for you. That sucks. I wish I could help you in some way, but I have never been in a situation like that. I will say that wanting you to call your ex while silently listening sounds pretty f**ked up, and good for you for not doing it! Since your BF wigged about it so much, maybe he has insecurity issues? The burning the card thing and all sounds way melodramatic, too. Has this guy freaked out like this before? All I can say is that with time you'll feel a lot better, but I know that is small consolation.
Author kittenhead Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 to upsetnhurt : hold on there-- i did make that man feel like he was number one--i adored him and loved him like no other--i was prepared to move ANYWHERE in the world to be with him--for his career--at the expense of my own. i spelled out i love you on his back porch in pine cones--i cut out a picture of him and put it in a locket which i wore close to my heart---i cooked meals for him--i walked from uptown to downtown NYC to drop off a pie for him at work--I whispered sweet things into his ears as he fell asleep--I held him at night--I promised that he would not be alone when he passed on--that I would be there on either end-helping him--i drove hours to see him when i only had 20 bucks in my pocket to last me four days. that night--I i said i would give him what he wanted but that i felt weird about the way he wanted to deal with it. i wanted to get the job done and was prepared to do it--but he wanted me to tell the guy he was a loser--and he wanted to hear me say it! no--i will not degrade someone to make someone else feel like a priority. he too had an ex girlfriend-- everyone has ex-s. some are gone--some are friends. My BF and I were together for 6 months and he wanted me to give up people who have demonstrated serious committment to my well being. he made many promises to me but did not follow through. my friends that have not left my side for 10-14 yeras--I'm sorry--they have remained close to me b/c they want the best for me and it goes around that way. when i saw him staying in touch with all his ex-s, ones that were weird--like some girl he said he never liked --that they had great sex--but that they couldn't stand one another--i thought--well--what is the point of friendship. when i saw him spending time with another girl that he wanted very badly to have a relationship with but didn't work out b/c she was inexperienced and literally hurt him in bed--but that he kept her as a friend--after he told me that she made him promise that they sleep with one another after she finally was de-virgined--that hurt. It hurt that he said she may live with his parents. Or what about the ex girlfriend who --the one that he really loved-- that he "had" to remain friends with because of some situation--that I can't mention. that he couldn't give that up--what about the fact that he went out to dinner with this ex--and that she said some mean things about me--and that my BF thought she was silly and laughed it off? seriously--what are YOU hiding? do you wnat you GF to give up her ex-s because deep down its you who can't have a normal-platonic relationship with another woman?
Author kittenhead Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 I'm gonna add one more thing about my ex BF (the one my recent ex had a melt down over). This is something that few people know--I never even said it to my BF b/c he got angry everytime I tried to bring up the situation with the ex. i was in NYC during 9/11. (shouting out to all you londoners--I feel for you--deeply.) when i was with P---y (my distant ex) he did some really bad things while we were together--things that made me leave--but he did do one thing that i always admired-- he got me out of NYC that day, home, and safe to my family. i was in SoHo when it happenned and i watched the horror from my office window. no one new what to do--should we leave and risk an attack on the train--or should we stay and risk an attack on other buildings. no one knew what would happen--but that day--P---y was at the world trade center and watched people jumping from the towers. when the building began to collapse--he ran--he ran from ground zero to my building and he got me out of there--his first tought was my life. and so i am endebted to him and will always respect him for that. to upsetandhurt again: i was NOT rekindling a friendship with my ex--when my BF came into the picture. we had been friends since 1993. we began dating after 9/11 and i stayed with him for 1.5 years. the last 6 months we were engaged. but i left. endebtedness is not a reason to build a life with someone--especially if you are not in love. but i did fall in love with T--d (the recent ex). I fell madly in love with him. and i made sure P---y knew that.
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by kittenhead i did make that man feel like he was number one--i adored him and loved him like no other--i was prepared to move ANYWHERE in the world to be with him--for his career--at the expense of my own. i spelled out i love you on his back porch in pine cones--i cut out a picture of him and put it in a locket which i wore close to my heart---i cooked meals for him--i walked from uptown to downtown NYC to drop off a pie for him at work--I whispered sweet things into his ears as he fell asleep--I held him at night--I promised that he would not be alone when he passed on--that I would be there on either end-helping him--i drove hours to see him when i only had 20 bucks in my pocket to last me four days. Wow! I have never had a girlfriend be that cool to me, ever! That's depressing for me...I was so "up" before... When all this blows over and you feel better, maybe you should go into girlfriend coaching or write a book on how to be a great girlfriend or something. In a couple years if neither of us are married what do you say we get hitched? that night--I i said i would give him what he wanted but that i felt weird about the way he wanted to deal with it. i wanted to get the job done and was prepared to do it--but he wanted me to tell the guy he was a loser--and he wanted to hear me say it! no--i will not degrade someone to make someone else feel like a priority. The exact right thing. Be proud of yourself. he too had an ex girlfriend-- everyone has ex-s. some are gone--some are friends. My BF and I were together for 6 months and he wanted me to give up people who have demonstrated serious commitment to my well being. he made many promises to me but did not follow through. my friends that have not left my side for 10-14 years--I'm sorry--they have remained close to me b/c they want the best for me and it goes around that way. The guy sounds like a douchebag--no offense. From your description, it sounds like this is all his problem, not yours. I have never, and would never, ask my GF to abandon her friends, especially if she had known them longer than she knew me. Of course, if they weren't really her friends and made her feel bad that's another story, but it doesn't sound like your situation at all. when i saw him staying in touch with all his ex-s, ones that were weird--like some girl he said he never liked --that they had great sex--but that they couldn't stand one another--i thought--well--what is the point of friendship. when i saw him spending time with another girl that he wanted very badly to have a relationship with but didn't work out b/c she was inexperienced and literally hurt him in bed--but that he kept her as a friend--after he told me that she made him promise that they sleep with one another after she finally was de-virgined--that hurt. It hurt that he said she may live with his parents. Or what about the ex girlfriend who --the one that he really loved-- that he "had" to remain friends with because of some situation--that I can't mention. that he couldn't give that up--what about the fact that he went out to dinner with this ex--and that she said some mean things about me--and that my BF thought she was silly and laughed it off? What a d**k. Sounds like he could be kind of wigged out about sex, too. Why is it cool for him to be hurtful to you on purpose be he flips out when you are actually being a cool friend and GF? Sheesh.
upsetnhurt Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Kittenhead, I lashed out at you as well without reason. Every situation is different and I did not step back and think of that prior to my message. If you are in love with your current ex then please by all means make sure he knows it and give her some time to digest what has gone on. Best of luck to you!
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