NJ123 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Is it an instant deal breaker if a guy works a low paying job to most women or is it not as big of a deal as people make it seem to be?
Dork Vader Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 High paying and having a career are two different things. There is a lot more too it then just the income. It's a reflection of your ambition. It's a reflection of your drive and desire to succeed. It's a reflection of your ability to provide and so much more. I'm 32 and massively turned off if a woman does not have her act together. It does not have to pay well, but it does have to be career type. Offer health care, room for promotiob, retirement and advancement in life. Waiter, waitress, bartender, fast food, retail are all turn offs. 7
RecentChange Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Well, there are lots of variables to consider. Age. Are you talking about marriage martial, or ability to "get tail" etc? For most women, a man who is DRIVEN is attractive. Does he have a good career? Educated? Does he have potential or is he stuck flipping burgers or working security? I wouldn't mind if a guy didn't make that much, but still had a good a good career, a passion, something he was dedicated to. On the other hand my brother in law is a bartender. Handsome and charismatic, he has a ridiculous number of women who chase him, despite his "job". I don't think these ladies are looking to marry him though. When I was 21, I don't think I cared much about his job or career. In my 30's? He better have more going on than just a "job". It doesn't have to be high paying - but drive, skill, dedication etc are important to me. 1
TennisGal Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 It mattered to me once I earned my master's degree (age 24). It wasn't so much the money as having a career plan and a direction. And frankly, I found men in "jobs" and with lower pay were turned off by a woman with a graduate degree and professional career, though I was not making much money right out of the gate. I now have a PhD and married a man with a bachelor's degree. But his degree is in engineering, where a graduate degree is less important to a successful career. 2
longjohn Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 As a male, when dating ladies I tend to aim for those with a profession if I can. I like ladies that have drive, ambition and the ability to fend for themselves. That is not however to say I wouldn't date any other ladies. I can understand people change jobs or careers, sometime people find a "job" and it becomes a career and if it makes them happy with less income who am I to say it's wrong. My experience with ladies in most major cities I've have found many to be attracted to men whom have a certain level of success and an ability to provide or a certain status. I've spoken at events and had young attractive ladies approach me which is very flattering. Yet I've also seen guys turn ladies off by talking about how great they are, what they drive or how much they bring home. Hang around any hotel bar after a conference/convention and you'll spot them hiding their wedding bands while trying to impress younger ladies to come back to their room for "fun". Money and success won't buy happiness but it will rent it and it's more comfortable to be alone in your new car or inside your new house
Sally_Creatively Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 If you really love what you do I think that's all that matters. But if you can't pay your bills and just kind of show up and expect things to just fall into your lap, then out the door you go! Having passion and drive is attractive. 3
LadyLike30 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 For every garbage can there's a lid. What I'm a sayin' is find a gal who also lacks ambition and she'll think you being the shift manager at McDs is you being a god. 2
Ami1uwant Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 As others have said career is different than pay. If you are in a good career but the system doesn't pay as high then it's not as much held against a person. For example teachers and social works require a masters degree but don't pay as well as if you got an mba. In general with sex ND income there are two competing issues that can complicate things. First some men feel they need to earn more than her otherwise their manhood is in question. The other issue is women feeling they should date someone with a similar 8n come for lifestyle purposes.if they are still young they my wNt to be able to take maternity leave from their career and return to it.
BaileyB Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 For me, it's about meeting someone who is educated and can have an interesting conversation. I've dated men who had low paying jobs and were fairly uneducated, and I found them quite boring. I've dated others who were well educated and had high paying jobs, but they were all about their jobs and they worked constantly - that didn't work either. For me, there is a sweet spot. I want someone who is well educated, has a stable, well paying job, and someone who is interesting to talk to.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) Career is important to me much more so than pay. A job tells me so much about a person: ambition, drive, education, commitment. Way more important than looks. I need to find out what a guy does before I even talk to him further. OLD is littered with men that have achieved nothing at 40 or so. I am also turned off by men who have drastically changed their career path more than say twice. That tells me that they lack commitment to stick with anything. Also, it's not like I am looking for a doctor or a lawyer. I would be happy with someone that is an accountant, computer programmer, social worker, engineer, teacher......just a regular professionally employed guy. I find it extremely disappointing that I can go through 40+ OLD profiles and find zero guys in my town that fit this criteria. Edited August 20, 2016 by Eternal Sunshine 2
4x4storm Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I commented on a similar thread awhile back explaining how my first love dumped me for working at Mcdonalds when I was 19. I'm now 20 and working in a warehouse picking and packing orders i'm very embarrassed to tell women what I do because the job sounds very laughable. But when I mention to them that i'm earning just over $1000 a week they roll their eyes and think i'm joking around. I had the motivation to become the typical IT guy but that's all gone now considering i'm earning double what they do even if my current job doesn't sound very impressive.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I have multiple degrees, make pretty good money. I prefer professional women simply b/c they are typically in jobs that are steady with possible upward mobility. I have met some wonderful ladies doing clerical work, non-professional, but they always seem to have financial issues. In the end, professional or no, they need to have their finances in order. I don't know how most men feel, but that's me. I am not all that certain what most women FEEL, but many ladies on OLD seem to want a man who is simply employed. I could be wrong, but I think people with a more blue-collar background don't mind the blue-collar partner near as much as the college educated, professional does. Even among the more educated (formal), PhD tend to look down on those with bachelors unless they are power-business types.
RoseHeart Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 My boyfriend is studying to be a social worker, which is a very low paying job in my country. Me and the other hand, am finishing my honors degree in Logistic Management and will be going into the corporate world next year. We're on 2 very different boats career wise and salary wise BUT I couldn't care less. In fact, I prefer to be the breadwinner and to be the one in charge of finances. I'm very independent when it comes to wanting my own money and to not never feel dependent on someone for cash. Especially on my partner. That's one thing I've learnt from my parent's marriage.. "don't rely on any man/woman for money".
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I'd rather a risk taker who got to where he is on his own merits, regardless of pay or job description, than a daddy's boy who got his high-paying job thanks to his connections. It's all in the attitude rather than the job itself. A healthy level of intellectual curiosity is important too, and someone who doesn't value education and has issues with their partner being more educated than they are is a major turn off. 2
elaine567 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Is it an instant deal breaker if a guy works a low paying job to most women or is it not as big of a deal as people make it seem to be? Look around, plenty guys in low paid jobs, even no jobs at all have a woman, so whilst obviously some woman covet a man with a high paid job, most women obviously don't. "The 1%" are not called that for no reason, so whilst some women are looking for wealth and riches via a man, they soon find their ambitions may be somewhat unrealistic. Truth is people tend to stick with people they know and are comfortable with so there is usually needs to be a common thread and whilst it may be possible for a low paid person to marry a high paid person, it tends not to work that way, as the differences in upbringing, class, education, general life experiences, friends, family. etc. can make it difficult. Some men and woman do however like to "save" their SO or they like to be in control or even both, so they may be very happy being the breadwinner and the high earner as it gives them the opportunity to feel benevolent or to always have the upper hand. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Look around, plenty guys in low paid jobs, even no jobs at all have a woman, so whilst obviously some woman covet a man with a high paid job, most women obviously don't. "The 1%" are not called that for no reason, so whilst some women are looking for wealth and riches via a man, they soon find their ambitions may be somewhat unrealistic. Truth is people tend to stick with people they know and are comfortable with so there is usually needs to be a common thread and whilst it may be possible for a low paid person to marry a high paid person, it tends not to work that way, as the differences in upbringing, class, education, general life experiences, friends, family. etc. can make it difficult. Some men and woman do however like to "save" their SO or they like to be in control or even both, so they may be very happy being the breadwinner and the high earner as it gives them the opportunity to feel benevolent or to always have the upper hand. An unfortunate characteristic that seems to inflict more women than ladies is co-dependence. An emotional condition that compels them to attach themselves with men who NEED them, but often provide nothing else in terms of material support. Too many people (women) have bfs (gfs) who are slackers, unmotivated. When I discover such a disparity in income, professional connection/status between a couple, I sometimes wonder if this is an healthy relationship and/or something that will lead to conflict in the future. Just some thoughts...
Gaeta Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 It's so personal for each individual. I am a professional, I earn good money and have reached a nice level of financial security now at 50. If I want something I do not need a man to participate financially for me to get it. I have been an owner already for many years, got myself a nice 'of everything'. What I wanted in a man was a connection and if that connection came with someone that earns minimal wages than not a problem for me. My boyfriend is an Electrician but is from France so very cultivated. Even though he did not attend University he has more knowledge in history, geography, art, economy, than most University graduate in north America. I have never associated being cultivated with degrees. My boss is a college drop out and still built 5 companies. So again, I don't see people as per their degrees or hour-rate but as per the richness of their mind.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 It's so personal for each individual. I am a professional, I earn good money and have reached a nice level of financial security now at 50. If I want something I do not need a man to participate financially for me to get it. I have been an owner already for many years, got myself a nice 'of everything'. What I wanted in a man was a connection and if that connection came with someone that earns minimal wages than not a problem for me. My boyfriend is an Electrician but is from France so very cultivated. Even though he did not attend University he has more knowledge in history, geography, art, economy, than most University graduate in north America. I have never associated being cultivated with degrees. My boss is a college drop out and still built 5 companies. So again, I don't see people as per their degrees or hour-rate but as per the richness of their mind. I agree to a point. What you describe is NOT typical. Where I am now, in the SOUTH of the USA, you can count on a great deal of ignorance both in terms of culture, contemporary knowledge if one does not have a degree.
carhill Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Is it an instant deal breaker if a guy works a low paying job to most women or is it not as big of a deal as people make it seem to be? In my demographic, it's not so much pay rate, though money is one sign of success, it's more quality and quantity, meaning a woman can qualify and quantify the man's social and monetary status. As example, if he's a systems engineer for Cisco, a global company, that's preferable to an IT systems consultant. In my industry, it would be the guy who owns the company that has dozens of trucks with the company name on the side versus the independent. Doesn't matter that the independent may be living quite comfortably off of dozens of patents that only a patent attorney would be able to suss out. They guy with the bricks and mortar presence wins. However, generally, this only applies to the legal partnership path of relationships, not casual socializing or dating. In that realm, in general, the local women don't care, though they do have a lifestyle they're accustomed to and expect from the men they date. This perspective is gained from living in and dating in one demographic for over 4 decades. Demographics vary widely. Definitely YMMV. To use a reverse method, another guest at the beach over Labor Day will be a lady my age who works in a specific position for a specific school in the local school district. Her 'stuff' is more verifiable and quantifiable than the stuff of the guy (me) who will also be there and also did a lot of work there, for free, to make the house the comfortable and pleasant place it is. The guy who spent the day yesterday under another house fixing its plumbing so it could sell on time. What does he do? IDK. Stuff. IME, this lack of clarity has always been a sticking point when they get down to 'what do you do?'. Good luck in your pursuits!
Gaeta Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I agree to a point. What you describe is NOT typical. Where I am now, in the SOUTH of the USA, you can count on a great deal of ignorance both in terms of culture, contemporary knowledge if one does not have a degree. Yes that is why it is so personal to each individual and like you are pointing where you are from, and the educational system of that place. The high school diploma of the US is different than the one in Canada, and those graduating simply high school in Europe are way ahead in terms of general knowledge compare to North America. But that being said I would much prefer dating a cultivated low pay blue collar than rich but dumb engineer. 1
jen1447 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I think it'd be hard to speak for the "vast majority" of women but IMO it's not the job but what the job represents - drive, ambition, pride, etc. As for the vast majority, I think about all you could say is most women prefer their partners have jobs. 2
preraph Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I don't think it's a big deal to a lot of women, but once you think about having babies with someone, it's something you have to consider. If she herself is working and you are working, you should be able to make it, probably. But now, you can't go getting picky and only dating women who dress in expensive clothes and stuff like that. If they use a lot of money on clothes and cars, they probably don't want to date a pauper, but most people don't have that much money in this world.
JDPT Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 My standards have really changed and at the age of 34 the chick really needs to have her ***** together. I don't expect her to make 6 figures but i'll like for her to not count on me for anything that she can't do herself. A strong independent woman I think they call it lol. But yeah I used to focus so much on the physical aspect which is clearly imperative when meeting someone, you need that chemistry but a relationship is comprised of way more than a cute face and a cute well you know. 1
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 For me it's about ambition and good work ethic. It you do the bare minimum, no ambition to make more money, or work OT, do side jobs, can't support yourself, always broke, goes from job to job....this fails with me.
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Yes that is why it is so personal to each individual and like you are pointing where you are from, and the educational system of that place. The high school diploma of the US is different than the one in Canada, and those graduating simply high school in Europe are way ahead in terms of general knowledge compare to North America. But that being said I would much prefer dating a cultivated low pay blue collar than rich but dumb engineer. Here in BC the blue collar workers (contractors/ trades) are the ones driving the $100,000+ vehicles, not doctors or lawyers. 1
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