ohso Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 I've started seeing this guy a few months ago. We really had nice time and were connected. We talked almost whole day and we held hands and did everything couples do. We are both in open relationships, as well as he has a few fwb too. He told me he loves me and I asked him does he want a relationship, but he said no. I am ok with being fwb then. After we slept together a few times, he disappeared, but he keeps in touch for months saying he is busy but we will see each other eventually. This is bothering me and I asked him to all be over between us so I can move on, but he ignores that and keeps contacting me. I can't go so low and just ignore him. What does he want? To make me miss him? Someone for backup sex?
Gaeta Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Why do you care? I have been in a relationship for 9 months and this week some dude I dated last year got back in touch with me! ONE YEAR later!! Why? I have no clue and I don't care to know. I told him I was not interested in reconnecting with anyone and blocked. Need help to find how to block him? 5
SevenCity Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 OP - Sorry you are going through this. The fact of the matter is if you want to go, go. You obviously want the words / actions to come from him but if he is not in alignment with what you want then you have to take a stand. To the guys here - notice what a powerful weapon it is to have a girl chase you and keep her guessing?
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 I've started seeing this guy a few months ago. We really had nice time and were connected. We talked almost whole day and we held hands and did everything couples do. We are both in open relationships, as well as he has a few fwb too. He told me he loves me and I asked him does he want a relationship, but he said no. I am ok with being fwb then. After we slept together a few times, he disappeared, but he keeps in touch for months saying he is busy but we will see each other eventually. This is bothering me and I asked him to all be over between us so I can move on, but he ignores that and keeps contacting me. I can't go so low and just ignore him. What does he want? To make me miss him? Someone for backup sex? I agree with Gaeta, who the hell cares what or why??? If it bothers you then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Psycho analyzing him is only keeping you stuck in this limbo you claim bothers you. Besides, you're already in a relationship. Here's a novel idea, how about stop wasting any more of your precious time and energy trying to figure this guy out and put that into your primary relationship. And if you must have an answer to your question, YES, he's only using you for back up sex if/when it's convenient for HIM of course. You're just another FWB hun. 4
stillafool Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 (edited) No what he wants is to see you as one of his FWBs when he gets around to you. Otherwise he is seeing others and doing his thing. He has told you he doesn't want a relationship. He may have said he loves you (as a friend) but did he say "I'm in love with you"? There's a difference. Also just because he holded your hand and you guys had an all day conversation doesn't mean he is thinking seriously about you. You've admitted you both are in open relationships which means he does have someone already, right? You asked this exact same question about this guy in June. Edited August 19, 2016 by stillafool
Gaeta Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 To the guys here - notice what a powerful weapon it is to have a girl chase you and keep her guessing? This should read: notice how much emotional distress you create when you awaken love in a woman without the intention of ever loving her. 4
smackie9 Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Why give him all the control? Just tell him it's over and not to contact you again...then block/delete his number. You can do that you know.
SevenCity Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 This should read: notice how much emotional distress you create when you awaken love in a woman without the intention of ever loving her. Perhaps, but the fact remains true. Women respond to doing the chasing, not being chased. Ask how many guys were successful when they chased a woman be it a new one or ex? It's only when you let a woman do the chasing that she will go out of her way for you. As a woman you will disagree with this. But it is the truth. I can't count how many times I hear women chasing after guys who treat them like crap and get bored of guys who are too nice. 2
Amelie1980 Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Because you're available to him. In his mind, you've always been there and always will be. So in his mind there is no reason to change the arrangement that suits him.
JDPT Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 What does he want? To make me miss him? Someone for backup sex? Sex No Yes You can't be upset at it after you told him it's cool to just be fwb. From a guy's perspective, this is a win, win situation. On to better things, you owe him nothing and it's totally ok to ghost and not return any calls or texts from him. If your true intentions are to move on from this fwb arrangement, because this is really all it is, then you will just move on with zero explanation to anyone. The end.
ChickiePops Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Ignoring him isn't low. He ignored your request to stop contacting you..he's had plenty of notice that you're not interested in maintaining any sort of relationship. You're free to block and ignore without guilt!
Author ohso Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Perhaps, but the fact remains true. Women respond to doing the chasing, not being chased. Ask how many guys were successful when they chased a woman be it a new one or ex? It's only when you let a woman do the chasing that she will go out of her way for you. As a woman you will disagree with this. But it is the truth. I can't count how many times I hear women chasing after guys who treat them like crap and get bored of guys who are too nice. Only shortly. He waisted more time in keeping in touch than having me. If you believe this tactic is working, how do you think he will proceed now when I decided to ignore him and never be with him again?
Lois_Griffin Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I've started seeing this guy a few months ago. We really had nice time and were connected. We talked almost whole day and we held hands and did everything couples do. We are both in open relationships, as well as he has a few fwb too. He told me he loves me and I asked him does he want a relationship, but he said no. I am ok with being fwb then. After we slept together a few times, he disappeared, but he keeps in touch for months saying he is busy but we will see each other eventually. This is bothering me and I asked him to all be over between us so I can move on, but he ignores that and keeps contacting me. I can't go so low and just ignore him. What does he want? To make me miss him? Someone for backup sex? Because you're an available and sure source of sex if he needs it. You're on the back burner as an option, is all. How flattering.
phineas Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Because you're an available and sure source of sex if he needs it. You're on the back burner as an option, is all. How flattering. The only way that even makes sense is if the guy lied about being in an open relationship and actually had a GF or is married. That's why he went underground. Because he almost got caught. Re-read op's post. She agreed to be FWB and they both knew they were each in an "open relationship" He already had free sex. Free sex with OP and another FWB and OP stated she was ok with that. OP was most likely just a side piece and he was cheating on someone.
stillafool Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Only shortly. He waisted more time in keeping in touch than having me. If you believe this tactic is working, how do you think he will proceed now when I decided to ignore him and never be with him again? Who cares? Worry about how your bf will proceed.
Versacehottie Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Why are you acting like you have no choice in the matter? It's annoying. Stop worrying about his reasons and just decide what you want to do. 2
Author ohso Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Who cares? Worry about how your bf will proceed. Why? I didn't tell you nothing about him to say this.
Author ohso Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Why are you acting like you have no choice in the matter? It's annoying. Stop worrying about his reasons and just decide what you want to do. Yes it's annoying being in love and having no choice because it sucks whatever I decide. 1
Hermus Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Yes it's annoying being in love and having no choice because it sucks whatever I decide. Being in love and having to cut someone off can hurt. But being someone's playball in the end is going to end a lot more. To me it looks like in the end you are doing yourself a favour by accepting your loss and moving on. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I've started seeing this guy a few months ago. We really had nice time and were connected. We talked almost whole day and we held hands and did everything couples do. We are both in open relationships, as well as he has a few fwb too. He told me he loves me and I asked him does he want a relationship, but he said no. I am ok with being fwb then. After we slept together a few times, he disappeared, but he keeps in touch for months saying he is busy but we will see each other eventually. This is bothering me and I asked him to all be over between us so I can move on, but he ignores that and keeps contacting me. I can't go so low and just ignore him. What does he want? To make me miss him? Someone for backup sex? NO, it's annoying that you are acting like a victim and that you have no choice in the matter. Bolded above: *He doesn't want a relationship with you. *You told him to stop contacting you but he doesn't abide by that. *You are actually NOT a victim. If you don't want him to contact you, don't allow the contact. Block him or ignore him. It's simple. *You are acting like "love" is stronger than you and that what you say and do is less than what he says and do. That's annoying and not attractive in the least. Trust me, you should examine that portion of your dilemma when trying to figure out reasons why he doesn't want a relationship with you. Such as you are acting as if you have no free will or backbone. No one really wants to be with that kind of person. They typically want to be with someone that they admire and stands for something. 3
JDPT Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Yeah there aren't any victims here, take charge and change things around. Something tells me you don't want to move on and you may have your reasons for that but keep in mind that this arrangement has reached its pinnacle.
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