mikeylo Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 I'm seeing that as I get older , my and my wife's conflict resolution styles are changing. We used to blow up in younger days and go to extremes, more child like even well into our 30s. With maturity , and longer the we are together, we have gone better and talk it out before it blows up again. But I still feel that we can resolve better. How much conflict is acceptable in a long term relationship and how do you guys resolve?
Larryville Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Engaging in conflict won’t end a relationship, it’s avoiding the conflict that might… I processed this for a bit before writing, I know people argue about things like finances, responsibilities, time together ect but what exactly is an example of “conflict” with you? The only “conflict in first marriage was dealing with our son, other than him there was no conflict whatsoever. Second marriage same thing we never had “conflict” Went to dictionary… Conflict: “a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.” I’ve never had a “serious” disagreement with either wife or any relationship long or short term. How much conflict is acceptable in a long term relationship and how do you guys resolve? To me I frankly would not be with anyone I had “serious” disagreements with, period. Important points though when dealing with… Communicate clearly Talk when you’re calm. Address specific behaviors Don’t get personal Also don’t ignore even the small stuff because if you don’t address the small issues in your relationship, they just evolve into a bigger problem. When people have big fights usually it is never about the topic of that particular moment, almost always something small (or a bunch of ignored small things) way back when that rose to the surface. How much conflict is acceptable? Man I just can’t wrap my head around that question because I don’t and would never do conflict seems to me would only be present if you were with someone who does not share your values or lack of respect builds between couples. Interesting question.. 2
LadyLike30 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I believe in a lot of conflict because you don't want to be a doormat and then there's make up sex.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 How much conflict is acceptable in a long term relationship and how do you guys resolve? I wait til she decides I'm right . Life tends to put things in perspective. Once you've faced a real crisis together - sick child or spouse, job loss, death of parents, etc - suddenly arguing over who forgot to close the garage door seems silly and counter-productive. And if you avoid the drama and tension that comes from sweating the small stuff, you have greater reserves of kindness and consideration to throw at the big issues. Like doubles in tennis, successful marriage is all about partner selection. Most conflict is resolved by marrying the right person... Mr. Lucky 3
Arieswoman Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I can remember attending a 50th Wedding Anniversary dinner and the husband got up and said the usual guff about "being so happy and never had a cross word for 50 years" and a woman in the party shouted out " you would have done if you'd been married to me " !! Now that caused gales of laughter. Personally when I hear that kind of stuff I wonder to myself which one is the doormat? I agree with Mr Lucky, don't sweat the small stuff and don't marry selfish entitled, bad-tempered people 2
Author mikeylo Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 I guess this is one of the most important and difficult thing in a successful relationship -- how we fight , how we resolve and most importantly, how it seeps into future success or failure. If not handled with care, it ends in resentment that destroys everything. No conflict is in itself, a bad sign. When someone stops complaining, it's beginning of the end. On lighter side, I let my wife win. Happy wife is happy family ! It doesn't mean I'm a doormat, before anyone here goes on attacking mode , lol. There was a period where even though I was in the wrong, I knew it but my ego didn't let me accept it. What it all did was push her away that she stopped sharing. Anyway, like my dad used to say , marriage keeps men grounded and live longer. A happy wife is a happy family. It worked for me but conflict does come up now and then. Now I know better!
Gloria25 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Marrying the right person is important, but I still believe in pre-marital counseling and even marital counseling. Some people simply don't have the tools to make a marriage work. And, while marrying someone who gives a hoot about making it work is important, it still can only go so far if either person lacks certain abilities and/or skills. Communication is important. Yes, with age and maturity we learn a thing or two - but still some people need guidance and help.
Recommended Posts