Maggiedizzle Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 I'll start off by stating I am only 14 however I don't think it matters what age you are, love still hits you just as hard so please don't tell me I'm too young for this. My boyfriend and I broke up five months ago now and I'm still not over it. He was my first real boyfriend and I never knew it was possible to feel so strongly towards someone. He was my best friend. We were together for about a year and I was so absolutely in love with him. The pain from the break up at first was excruciating and I didn't think I'd get through it. We then started seeing eachother again until I ended it all. He showed very little interest in me and honestly as much as I wanted to stay with him I was going insane. I don't even remember how bad he made me feel but it must of been pretty bad. I now have a new boy who is lovely and I wish I could love him but I just can't. When I first started seeing this new boy my ex turned so nasty and was spreading rumours and calling me things like a pathetic slag and saying he despised me. I went through a phase after this of thinking I was over it but now he has a new girl and I'm so jealous and unhappy. The thought of them together makes me feel physically sick. I don't want him thinking she's better than me even though she clearly is. It sounds so selfish but I just don't want him to be happy without me. I can't stop reminiscing and thinking of all the good times we had together and wondering if she's now enjoying him instead of me. We had a real connection and we could talk for literally a whole day and it not get awkward. I just can't imagine having this connection with someone else. What I want is to be able to stop thinking about him and to move forward and not care that he's with someone else but how? I keep hoping for a message or to see him and him tell me how much he misses me and wants me back but I know that's not going to happen. So how do I stop wanting it?
Toodaloo Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Maggie. I can tell you now that when you are my age you will struggle to remember either of these boys names let alone all of this pain and hurt. I can remember being your age and being so in "love" and all of that but darned if I can remember what they even looked like! Keep that in mind. What you should be doing right now is taking time to make friends. Friends who will be around for a life time because I can tell you now that it is highly unlikely that any boy you meet at the moment will be the one for you. The rumours and nasty things he is saying? Deal with it by just shrugging it off and responding that its a sad day when people have to be nasty towards others to get attention. There is a "thing" called no contact. It helps. What you do is you cut all ties so no facebook, no instagram, no snap chat, you stay away from him in class etc. Concentrate on your studies and sports and stuff like that. They will be far better for you than stressing about some boy. There are loads of sayings about breaking up etc but they all come back to the same thing. Look after yourself and take care of yourself. The one who is irreplaceable will not put themselves into a position to be replaced...
Ocino Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 (edited) I can tell you now that when you are my age you will struggle to remember either of these boys names let alone all of this pain and hurt. I agree about the pain and the hurt, it will fade away completely. As for the names, given the prevalence of social media these days you will most likely remember their names. However that's typically when you look back on your HS years at all your old crushes and lust objects and young lovers. You look at how their lives have progressed and think to yourself "thank god I didn't wind up with them." Not even because they're necessarily worse off, but because you'll change so much over the course of your life that what you once thought was appealing will most likely no longer be. And there's all this icky HS baggage tied to them that you'll want nothing to do with. I know that doesn't give you an immediate solution, but hopefully you can take comfort in the fact that you did yourself a favor by ending things. Make friends, maybe find some distractions. For 14 you seem like a very capable and insightful writer! Please read some good books and perhaps take up writing. Your self esteem is low now but if you find something you enjoy doing and work tirelessly at it you can literally conquer the world. See what happens when you believe that for a sustained period of time. It's not the privileged or the geniuses who get super successful, or find real happiness, or wind up with the man/woman of their dreams. It's those who work really really hard and don't quit. Right now no one is better than anyone. You all have the potential to be whatever you want to be (except perhaps a professional athlete unless you've already gotten started). It sounds cliche, but it's true. Like actually real. Take that to heart. Edited August 19, 2016 by Ocino
Redhead14 Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 I'll start off by stating I am only 14 however I don't think it matters what age you are, love still hits you just as hard so please don't tell me I'm too young for this. My boyfriend and I broke up five months ago now and I'm still not over it. He was my first real boyfriend and I never knew it was possible to feel so strongly towards someone. He was my best friend. We were together for about a year and I was so absolutely in love with him. The pain from the break up at first was excruciating and I didn't think I'd get through it. We then started seeing eachother again until I ended it all. He showed very little interest in me and honestly as much as I wanted to stay with him I was going insane. I don't even remember how bad he made me feel but it must of been pretty bad. I now have a new boy who is lovely and I wish I could love him but I just can't. When I first started seeing this new boy my ex turned so nasty and was spreading rumours and calling me things like a pathetic slag and saying he despised me. I went through a phase after this of thinking I was over it but now he has a new girl and I'm so jealous and unhappy. The thought of them together makes me feel physically sick. I don't want him thinking she's better than me even though she clearly is. It sounds so selfish but I just don't want him to be happy without me. I can't stop reminiscing and thinking of all the good times we had together and wondering if she's now enjoying him instead of me. We had a real connection and we could talk for literally a whole day and it not get awkward. I just can't imagine having this connection with someone else. What I want is to be able to stop thinking about him and to move forward and not care that he's with someone else but how? I keep hoping for a message or to see him and him tell me how much he misses me and wants me back but I know that's not going to happen. So how do I stop wanting it? until I ended it all. He showed very little interest in me and honestly as much as I wanted to stay with him I was going insane. Maggie, for 14 you are very articulate and clearly in touch with yourself and your needs. You should be proud of yourself. If you continue to focus on you and your needs, you will do very well in life. You two are very young. Too young for "relationships", that's for sure. You should be enjoying your life and friends and focusing on school. Don't let yourself get too wrapped up in guys your age because the truth is the girls are so much more mature usually than the guys. Your ex lashed out at you because he just doesn't know how to manage his anger and disappointment in a healthy and mature way. So how do I stop wanting it? Think about the fact that he made you feel bad. The other girl isn't better than you nor does it sound like she's got herself a prize. As for the rumors -- As soon as something else comes along to talk about -- peeps will be focusing on that, instead of you. In other words, shake it off, hold your head high and remember, this too shall pass. I now have a new boy who is lovely and I wish I could love him but I just can't Right now, you are having the "what ifs" -- what if things were different with X, what if . . . If you're living your life with what ifs, you're missing out on what's now. Meaning, you already know what he was like, so give this new guy a good chance and focus on what's in front of you instead of what's in the past. Tell yourself that you'd rather be happy with yourself and your life than miserable with the EX.
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