Should I wait for him or move on?

[nothingsintheflowerz]

He "isn't over his ex".

 

Yes, the age old line.

 

It began on the fourth of July when we began to message one another through a mutual friend. We had a date to the movies (he paid) and I ended up sleeping over, spending a day in the city with him, and spending an entire next weekend with him. During that time he paid for everything, acknowledged that we were going on actual dates, called me babygirl, kissed me on the forehead and held my hand in public, and generally acted like he cared about me.

 

Now, a few days ago, after we had been talking every day, He asks me what I consider us to be. I tell him "idk? Do you want to be official?"

 

He then hit me with the,"I'm not over my ex" despite telling me a few weeks earlier that they argued all the time and that "he didn't think she was the right person". He said that he thinks I'm a "really dope person" and would date me, but doesn't want to hurt me because "he'd consider getting back with her" even though "he doesn't want to date her but still thinks about her".

 

He then said that we could still "do cute things like go on dates and hang out" but that "we shouldn't have sex for a while tbh." That didn't make sense to me because he had claimed that he thought we were just hooking up (bullsh--t in my opinion bc he had acknowledged the dates) a few seconds earlier.

 

When I asked him if there was a chance at all, not asked but stated that there wasn't, He said "of course there is". Now, the kicker is that just the day before, He found out that she had unfriended him; I believe this left him hurt, as they had been civil to one another and had decided to be distant friends before she suddenly unfriended him. I am told by a mutual friend that it seems that he actually really cares about me, and by another who knows him quite well that she "thinks he's scared". I told him, I give him pretty much a month to figure it out and I in fact do not want to be friends with him if he decides he wants to get back with his ex. He's still sending mixed signals, like hearts and kissy faces.

 

Should I wait for him?

Is he playing me?

And why on earth, if he only saw me as a hookup, would he be comfortable with actually going on dates with me but *not* having sex with me?

 

Thanks in advance y'all; I'm getting really sick of the runaround

[preraph]

You need to give up on him and tell him to call you if he ever really gets over his ex, but tell him meanwhile, you need to move on. He's been very honest, to his credit. There's no chance for you two anytime soon. He's got a long way to go. Save yourself the aggravation of a long painful relationship and nasty breakup and part friends. Sorry.

[Amelie1980]

I have met someone while hurting over an ex before and you know what: sometimes I wasnt interested in the new person and still wanted my ex and another couple of times that new person was SO awesome that I forgot my ex as soon as I met them and couldnt care less if I never saw my ex again. I was literally over my ex when I liked the new person more.

 

He just isnt that interested. He doesnt like you more than his ex. He would go back to his ex. If there was any spark there, he would want you no matter waht and not his ex.

 

The chances are when he gets over his ex, he will not come to you, he will look to date new women.

 

Dont waste, your time, keep your dignity and withdraw from his life. Dont hang around while he wants to be with another woman and is thinking of her.

 

I call it the "pick me dance" sometimes. Like jumping up and down saying "oh pick me!" Dont do it.

[summertitparadise]

"He said that he thinks I'm a "really dope person" and would date me, but doesn't want to hurt me because "he'd consider getting back with her" even though "he doesn't want to date her but still thinks about her".

 

As seen from what you written here, he's an *******. Don't waste your time on an *******. My piece of advice.

[Amelie1980]

"He said that he thinks I'm a "really dope person" and would date me, but doesn't want to hurt me because "he'd consider getting back with her" even though "he doesn't want to date her but still thinks about her".

 

As seen from what you written here, he's an *******. Don't waste your time on an *******. My piece of advice.

 

He isnt over his ex, he isnt dating you because of that and because he would have her back, it isnt fair to you.

 

He shouldnt have got involved at all or slept with you in that case.

 

My guess is, the ex is lies and he just wants an easy way out. Good riddance.

Edited August 19, 2016 by Amelie1980

[nothingsintheflowerz]

Any theories about waiting?

[smackie9]

Tell him to contact you when he finally gets her out of his system....then go NC.

 

 

All you are doing is setting yourself up to be a rebound, stepping stone, getting hurt etc. I bet money on it he is in contact with her still and hoping......

[Redhead14]

Any theories about waiting?

 

We're telling you to move on . . . there are no theories that support waiting for a man -- ever.

[Larryville]

Any theories about waiting?

 

Theories? Seriously!?

 

We're telling you to move on . . . there are no theories that support waiting for a man -- ever.

 

Ya know folks sometimes the answers to some questions posed on this site are so ridiculously easy.

 

Will you process the above quote and advice and do the logical common sense thing?

 

If you don’t then he is NOT the problem, your mindset is… because what you say here…

 

called me babygirl, kissed me on the forehead and held my hand in public, and generally acted like he cared about me.

 

You say this like a young teenager, like you have never had a dude give you any real sincere, attention and or you are unable to recognize true genuine behavior.

 

there are no theories that support waiting for a man

 

When I see threads where women think waiting for ANY man is a good idea there are much deeper issues going on that have to be addressed.

[Redhead14]

Most of the time we see posts from women who are in a situation trying to figure out whether or not they maybe being taken advantage of and trying to prevent being made a fool of . . . most of the time, they do it to themselves.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

Okay, FIRST of all, I *am* a young teenager--ive just entered college. Second of all, you do not need to make personal attacks on my experience level. If it was common ****ing sense I wouldn't be on a thread asking for advice.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

And I *have* gotten advice about waiting from others in real life who know more about him, so when I ask I'm not SAYING I want to --I obviously wrote in the thread that I told him two weeks and I'm out.

 

Have some compassion and stop talking down to people like you're a bitter old woman. Thank you.

[Amelie1980]

Okay, FIRST of all, I *am* a young teenager--ive just entered college. Second of all, you do not need to make personal attacks on my experience level. If it was common ****ing sense I wouldn't be on a thread asking for advice.

 

I am afraid it is common sense my dear, and it should be common sense even at 18-19 years old.

 

If he is not with you, he doesnt want to be.

 

He has hung out with you, slept with you and has not made you his girlfriend. He still would have his ex back rather than be with you now and you are asking if you should wait for him?

 

He has insulted you because he has told you quite blatantly he prefers his ex to you.

 

What more do you need to know.

 

In case you really dont understand, hanging around waiting for him will make you look desperate and he will never take you as a gf.

 

My guess is, the ex is lies. He is letting you down gently.

[Amelie1980]

Also he has insulted you once by telling you, after being with you, he would rather have his ex back than be with you.

 

If you want to hang around to be insulted by him again, go ahead. It is your life and your self respect.

 

When he said I'd rather be with my ex, you should have said, Fine, go and get her, but I won't be seeing you again. And then never contacted him again.

[Michelle ma Belle]

So you gave him two weeks to think about what he wants then you walk...so what? Giving ultimatums never works. Do you really want to be with someone you have to convince you're the better option? I wouldn't. EVER. I'm the main course not some appetizer a guy can munch on whenever he's feeling a bit peckish.

 

Expect and demand more for yourself. You were/are a great distraction for this guy but he made it clear he's still not over his ex. That alone should make you run for the hills.

[Redhead14]

Okay, FIRST of all, I *am* a young teenager--ive just entered college. Second of all, you do not need to make personal attacks on my experience level. If it was common ****ing sense I wouldn't be on a thread asking for advice.

 

Young lady, it's obvious you're young, however, you've been getting advice from a few people here and they are all telling you not to wait and to move on. And, then, you ask about "theories for waiting" . . . so I just stopped sugar-coating it so that the message gets through . . .

[nothingsintheflowerz]

I was just asking a damn question but obviously y'all are butthurt from your own experiences and need to, again, insult my intelligence. Take care.

[Amelie1980]

I was just asking a damn question but obviously y'all are butthurt from your own experiences and need to, again, insult my intelligence. Take care.

 

Yes and we all answered you question. Dont wait.

 

Of course you are right.

 

You go right ahead and sit and wait for him to come around if that is what you want to do. Come back in a years time and tell us how it worked out.

 

If you want to waste your life go right ahead. It is your life. Take care.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

Okay but y'all don't even get that I wasn't even trying to rush a relationship. Like at all. Like, this was his bringing it up, not mine.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

And thank you!! I'll take it! But all I'm saying is that y'all don't need to insult my intelligence.

[Michelle ma Belle]

And thank you!! I'll take it! But all I'm saying is that y'all don't need to insult my intelligence.

 

You asked a question and we gave you answers. The answer is clear as crystal for anyone looking at this from an outside perspective. Just because you don't like the answers doesn't make them wrong. And there is no need to be so aggressive with those who have posted as no one is questioning your intelligence for heaven's sake. You're being far too defensive.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

Again , I never said you were wrong but you're continuing to beincompetent apparently so I'll leave you to it.

[smackie9]

You are being a sorry sore sport because no one is giving you any hope and telling you what you want to hear. No one is "butt hurt", we are experienced in seeing or being in such situations....that is why we are here giving advice to the masses.

 

If you want to wait, and keep seeing this guy, go right ahead, no one is holding a gun to your head or forcing you to do other wise.

[Amelie1980]

Okay but y'all don't even get that I wasn't even trying to rush a relationship. Like at all. Like, this was his bringing it up, not mine.

 

He brought it up because he does not want a relationship with you at all. He wanted to make that clear. He also made it clear that if his ex came back he would have her.

 

Why would you want a man who told you they don't like you as much as they like their ex. And you want to wait for him?

 

Go right ahead. Wait.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

*I never said that I wanted to wait for him, I simply asked a question and then y'all insulted me for asking *others* for alternate opinions*.

 

I'm sorry you've had ****ty experiences that have led yall to wasting time on pointless situations but that doesn't mean it's just completely "common sense" to me, and yes, that offended me. Just leave me alone.