theLoveBelow669 Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 Wow am I glad I found this outlet! lol So anyway... I met this chick on the internet. She contacted me. Within 15 minutes of IMs we were on the phone. She is 10 yrs younger...almost to the day...3 to be exact. She is hot, independant (lives w/ roomates), well-educated and has a good sense of humor. Heres the thing, she has moved around quite a bit. Born in state 1, moved to state 2 (family move), state 3 (for college), state 4 and now state 5 (where I am). Plus her family is half and half (she has 2 half-siblings she says she treats badly) via divorce etc, etc. I dont think its such a bad thing, but its just a matter of fact. So anyway, first date was food and a movie. We had great convo during the meal...we both seemed to like eeach other ... we mutually suggested another date. 2nd date, dinner and ice skating. She said it had been 20 years since she skated. This date was very fun. We had great convo during the food and then skating was really fun. She was like a little girl on the skates ... and I loved being there to see her have such a good time (she was very unsure and excited beforehand)...but she confessed she had a great time. When I told her I was really glad she had fun she said, "I'm glad it was with you." Well thats been playing over and over in my over analytical mind. But anyway, that date was really great. Up to this point no physical contact ... except skating when I put my hand out to catch her to stop, she grabbed my hand casually and came to a stop. No big deal, but I did it to see what she would do. Again, we mutually agreed on another date. OK so 3rd date, pretty much i treated her to dinner/drinks for her bday ... BUT, I drove to her place and picked her up. Saw her pets, her bedroom, the house, went to her job after hours, met a co-worker, then back to her place and met her roomies. Again we have mutually agreed on another date. So... She says she really doesn't know what she's looking for ... and I say thats fine we're just friends/acquaintances ... and she's very cool with that. Meanwhile I'm like Homer Simpson staring into a Krispy Kreme store. But I'm holding back because she's told me she's broken relationships off because of being 'smothered'. She also dates frequently and tells me about some of them. So thats my story up to now. 4th date/hang out coming soon. For anyone who reads this drivel, I'd love to hear any comments. Until next time ... lol
Nomad Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 It's not really clear what your question is here...she DOES want to see you again, right? You're getting a 4th date with her... I'd suggest just letting her take the lead & don't come on too strong. It sounds as if she's interested but doesn't want to rush into anything. Also, I'd go for at least a good-night peck on the cheek w/ this date. 4 dates in w/ no physicality whatsoever is a little odd. I've read a lot of posts from women who were wondering why their guy hasn't even kissed them yet...
VirginiaBob Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 "She says she really doesn't know what she's looking for" yes she does, she's just playing the game. liar. "... and I say thats fine we're just friends/acquaintances " great, you gave her your consent to put you in the friends zone. you have an uphill battle. "But I'm holding back because she's told me she's broken relationships off because of being 'smothered'." sounds like a user who doesn't like committment. "She also dates frequently and tells me about some of them." who the heck tells thier date they date a bunch of other people. stupid, unless she wants to be rid of you.
ggallin13 Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 Man, I see the pain you are headed for...I'd bail right now, based on personal experience. First, she knows what she wants, when she said that she knows she doesn't want it with YOU. Think about it: here you are with a hot, available woman. If she threw herself at you would you say, "I don't know what I want?" or would you jump on it? She obviously isn't attracted to you like that. You are a nice person, so of course she appreciates that, but I am sure there are lots of people in your life that appreciate that. That doesn't make her special, the fact that she can recognize the obvious. Second, she knows that little things like "I'm glad it was with you" will play over and over in your mind. Trust me, I don't know how some women learn how to do it, but certain types can push your buttons so easily it is pathetic. She will say little things like this and do little things that will drive you crazy wondering what it meant or giving you hope the entire time you know her. Run for your life. Third, she has said she felt "smothered" before. Great. That was the easy way to back you off and set up the blowing you off stage when she finds something better--or just gets bored with you. She'll say, "I'm feeling smothered, I just need time. I told you about this before" and you'll remember and feel like you screwed up when in actuality it is all her. Run for your life. Fourth, friends sucks. It isn't like you met bowling or whatever and you are friends because of that; you do have feelings for her, right? She will use those feelings against you to manipulate you yet you'll never get anything off of her and never be where you want to--i.e., her boyfriend. Of course she is cool with being friends, you buy her dinner ands take her places and she doesn't have to give you anything. And I am not just talking about sex, either. You give her all the benefits of being her boyfriend and she doesn't have to give you anything back. If you stick around there aren't words to describe the torture you will experience. Fifth: She tells you about dates with other men. You are so screwed. She sees you as a really sweet older brother at best, or a sexless eunuch at worst. I don't think that there is any way out of this horrible position, but you can try. She tells you this to either torture you or to demonstrate that she doesn't want you, or both. Believe it or not, without even realizing it you have been telegraphing your intentions toward her this entire time and she is well aware of it. Again, she gets all of the benefits of having a boyfriend without any of the work or risk. She will play with your heart as long as she can, until you either wise up and bail or you can't stop talking about it with her and it bothers her and she bails on you for the next schmoe. Sixth, meeting her friends and roomies means exactly zilch. Or even worse. If you were a potential boyfriend, you would meet them AFTER you had been physical and she knew that you were an "item". Because you met them now, you are no threat and just another stray she picked up and is toying with. Sad, but true. At this point, all you can do is man up and make a power move. That'll let you know exactly where you stand. If she goes for it (which I'd bet my house she won't), great! You win. You can be casual and yet still get some of what you want, and maybe it'll get more serious. If she rejects you, say, "That's cool, no hard feelings" and get out of there fast. Tell her that while she is a great girl (which to me it sounds like she isn't or this wouldn't be happening), you have enough friends and you don't have time to waste on this relationship. You want a woman who will not reject your heart. Then don't call her or contact her or anything. Pretend she's dead. Chances are, you'll never hear from her again, but she'll respect you, at least. If she does contact you, then you'll know you made an impression and the relationship will be more fair to you. Do not see her unless it is perfectly clear that your intentions are romantic in nature. The odds of that happening are so astronomically small I wouldn't hold my breath. Whatever you do, do NOT make yourself totally available to her. If she calls, wait a couple of days before you call her back. If she calls and asks you to do something, be busy and suggest another time. Never tell her what you are doing or who you are with. Never talk about past relationships--hers or yours. When you go places, make her pay her own way. That is the only way you are going to make her attracted to you--and that is only after you make a move and put your cards on the table. Challenge will make you attractive, and right now you aren't one in the least. On the surface it would seem that you are being manipulative, but in actuality you are just looking out for yourself and demanding the respect that you deserve. It's true. Demand to be treated like you want to be treated and you will be. What probably will happen is she will toy with you for a while as you get more and more attached to her, and then one day she'll tell you all about this guy she met (who treats her like ****, by the way) and how rad he is, how you're friendship means so much to her and that she wants to keep you in her life, how she wants you to find what she has "and someday you will" (she'll probably grab your hand as she says this to make it seem more sincere), and then you'll never see her again--unless she needs to talk about her relationship problems, in which case your phone will ring. And you'll listen, all the while thinking that if only she'd realize that the man who's perfect for her is you and you're right there....gawd, it's horrible. Luckily for myself, I never let it get that far, but I have heard horror stories, brother. Horror stories. I can not stress this enough: GET OUT NOW! Minimize your agony while you can! I am telling you this from personal experience, bro, and while I am glad I learned the lessons I did having been through what you are about to go through, you can bypass it if you want. I'd recommend that course, believe you me. It sucks so much ass it is the worst thing ever. It sucks worse than a bad breakup. And the worst part is you go through it all for absolutely nothing.
Marshbear Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 I totally agree with ggallin 13. Bail out now before your feelings get more involved. The fact that she told you of dates with other men should tell you that she doesn't want to be exclusive to you. It is a womens way of telling you to keep your distance as far as romance. Just flat out tell her what you want the the relationship. If she doesn't agree then leave. Don't be her friend. Don't just hang out with her and hear her stories about how bad men are and how she wishes she could find a good man. She doesn't have a romantic interest in you but she won't tell you until you make a move and she has to break it off. Then she will try to blame it all on you for spoiling the friendship. Sorry....
RecordProducer Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 I think you should propose to her on the 5th date!
theLoveBelow669 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Thanks for the feedback. Well I kind of figured I was into something like what yall described. What I didnt post originally is how she was really hard to read...one day of IMing she said she really doesnt know what she wants or is looking for... HER(10:54:38 PM): yeah, i'm into controlling the pop...you want kids? i forget ME (10:55:04 PM): i'm not against having kids ME (10:55:16 PM): u want kids? HER (10:55:33 PM): used to, but now i'm not sure ME (10:55:46 PM): whys that HER (10:55:59 PM): the'yre very permanent ME (10:56:19 PM): you dont like permanent huh HER (10:56:39 PM): it scares me, yes HER (10:56:49 PM): unless it feels exactly right ME (10:56:53 PM): u want to get married? HER (10:57:19 PM): if fit feels exaclt right ME (10:57:35 PM): how do you know if its exactly right HER (10:58:02 PM): i'll know ME (10:58:14 PM): ever been close to that? HER (10:58:34 PM): long long time ago and was crushed...never been the same since... ME(10:58:44 PM): ahhhhhhhh HER (10:59:05 PM): i'm just realizing that is what is wrong with me... ME (10:59:10 PM): so youve been hurt ME (10:59:27 PM): ur heart is scarred ME (10:59:48 PM): how long is long long time ago HER (10:59:53 PM): yeah, but i never realized it effected me so much until recently... HER (11:00:03 PM): 6 years HER (11:00:06 PM): long enough? ME (11:00:07 PM): lol ME (11:00:11 PM): yeah i guess ME (11:00:21 PM): what made u realize recently HER (11:00:42 PM): my total inability to be in a relationship ME (11:01:27 PM): that sucks ME (11:01:39 PM): but i understand HER (11:01:45 PM): i'm actually coming to terms with it ME (11:02:55 PM): so you just make alot of acquaintances HER (11:03:09 PM): is that what they're calling them these days? THEN the next day we were IMing and she was saying how she had such a long day working her 2 jobs, so I told her "yeah, you need to lose that 2nd job" and she responded with... HER (10:27:37 PM): i need a man that can take care of me... ME(10:27:53 PM): oh really? ME (10:27:57 PM): its like that huh HER (10:28:17 PM): it could be...for the right man... ME (10:28:35 PM): take care of you how? HER (10:28:52 PM): any way i want them to ME (10:29:01 PM): i know waht i'm thinking HER (10:29:16 PM): i know what you're thinking too! ME (10:29:44 PM): so u saying u want a man to support you?? ME (10:30:06 PM): like finances?? HER (10:30:23 PM): depends on what they want in return... HER (10:30:33 PM): if they want cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc... HER (10:30:42 PM): i'll need time to do all that... here is some of the most recent IM...regarding some dvds I brought to her place (3rd 'hang') to watch and are still there; ME (6:07:26 PM): are we gonna hang out again or should i send you a self addressed stamped envelope?? HER(6:07:45 PM): funny HER(6:08:05 PM): do you want to hang out again?... ME(6:08:18 PM): absolutely HER(6:08:26 PM): really? HER(6:08:33 PM): okay, sure then... HER(6:08:36 PM): hee hee ME(6:08:46 PM): like you dont know I do HER(6:09:28 PM): i'm never sure...i thought maybe i was too loud, wierd, etc with too many issues... So yeah...thats that. Any further comments are welcome...thanks again yall.
VirginiaBob Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Run run run, run away very very fast. "ME (10:55:16 PM): u want kids? HER (10:55:33 PM): used to, but now i'm not sure ME (10:56:19 PM): you dont like permanent huh HER (10:56:39 PM): it scares me, yes HER (10:56:49 PM): unless it feels exactly right ME (10:56:53 PM): u want to get married? HER (10:57:19 PM): if fit feels exaclt right ME (10:57:35 PM): how do you know if its exactly right HER (10:58:02 PM): i'll know HER (10:27:37 PM): i need a man that can take care of me... ME(10:27:53 PM): oh really? ME (10:27:57 PM): its like that huh HER (10:28:17 PM): it could be...for the right man... ME (10:28:35 PM): take care of you how? HER (10:28:52 PM): any way i want them to ME (10:29:01 PM): i know waht i'm thinking HER (10:29:16 PM): i know what you're thinking too! ME (10:29:44 PM): so u saying u want a man to support you?? ME (10:30:06 PM): like finances?? HER (10:30:23 PM): depends on what they want in return..."
alphamale Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by theLoveBelow669 She says she really doesn't know what she's looking for ... All women say the above TLB669 and I say thats fine we're just friends/acquaintances ... Why would you say that TLB669? You have three choices here: 1) No relationship whatsoever, 2) Friends, or 3) Lover. I say you go for door # 3. Never say to a woman you want to sleep with that you are "just friends" Meanwhile I'm like Homer Simpson staring into a Krispy Kreme store. But I'm holding back because she's told me she's broken relationships off because of being 'smothered'. She also dates frequently and tells me about some of them. Let up on the gas pedal a bit. She is telling you you're coming on too fast. Be a challenge, only see her once every other week. Play hard to get. Be busy and interesting and mysterious. Gurls love that sheeyot. Oh, and it is not a good sign she tells you about other guys she dates. Either she is trying to make u jealous or she thinks of you as friend.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 I agree with the emerging consensus here. She sounds scary to me - adept at using people and pushing the buttons to do it. Crap at making commitments and the give-and-take on which real relationships are based.
ggallin13 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by theLoveBelow669 HER (10:27:37 PM): i need a man that can take care of me... ME(10:27:53 PM): oh really? ME (10:27:57 PM): its like that huh HER (10:28:17 PM): it could be...for the right man... ME (10:28:35 PM): take care of you how? HER (10:28:52 PM): any way i want them to ME (10:29:01 PM): i know waht i'm thinking HER (10:29:16 PM): i know what you're thinking too! ME (10:29:44 PM): so u saying u want a man to support you?? ME (10:30:06 PM): like finances?? HER (10:30:23 PM): depends on what they want in return... HER (10:30:33 PM): if they want cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc... HER (10:30:42 PM): i'll need time to do all that... The "broken heart" thing is a load of crap. It's kind of evil, actually. I need a man that can take care of me is the biggest red flag EVER. She doesn't know what love is, or care. If there ever was a previous relationship that "hurt" her, it was a guy like you with money and he saw through her and split, or he found someone like her but hotter and he jammed. Real women with feelings don't talk like that. She manipulates emotions to get what she wants, and will be the most charming chick ever for the right number of $$$$$$ in your account. If you are in your 70's, marry her. If not, RUN FOR IT NOW!!!!! here is some of the most recent IM...regarding some dvds I brought to her place (3rd 'hang') to watch and are still there; ME (6:07:26 PM): are we gonna hang out again or should i send you a self addressed stamped envelope?? HER(6:07:45 PM): funny HER(6:08:05 PM): do you want to hang out again?... ME(6:08:18 PM): absolutely HER(6:08:26 PM): really? HER(6:08:33 PM): okay, sure then... HER(6:08:36 PM): hee hee ME(6:08:46 PM): like you dont know I do HER(6:09:28 PM): i'm never sure...i thought maybe i was too loud, wierd, etc with too many issues... Gawd, I think I know her. You really need to be more forceful, at the very least. Don't say, "Are we gonna hang out again", as that is weak and lame. Always, ALWAYS assume you are. Say something like, "Next time I see you remind me to pick up my movies." "I'm going for Mexican food Friday. Should I pick you up at 8?" If she says no but suggests another day, you're cool. If she just says she has plans and doesn't suggest another time, you're out and you should bail. Which is not to say you shouldn't bail anyway, and FAST. Already it doesn't feel all that great, right? You wouldn't be posting here if it were. It's going to keep getting worse, more confusing, and expensive before it's over. And remember, all the bad ones do is keep the good ones away. You need to telegraph to her that YOU are in charge, and that you could bail at any moment if things aren't going your way. No offense, but it is already way too late for that. All that, "Really? You want to hang out again?" is her way of finding out where you are without having to tell you how she feels. Notice, she didn't say, "I would really like that too. I had fun." It was all, "I'm too weird, blah blah blah." That way, you start telling her how you feel, make an effort to let her know you dig her ALL THE TIME and start SHOWING her that you do. That's what men do, and she knows it. I am sure that when she did this before the guy started with gifts right about now, or VERY expensive outings, all free of charge for her. You will do all this reassuring for her, when YOU are the one that needs assurance. I guarantee you that she isn't thinking about any of this right now. At all. She's going about her merry way, going out on dates, sleeping like a baby while you sit around wondering what the deal is, how she feels, where it's going--torturing yourself basically. Sorry to be so long-winded, but I have been through this before, more than once. In all but one instance, I did actually end up dating them (which is great and SUCKS depending on how you look at it). What ended it each time was me getting tired of their whining about their past, and their issues (whatever they may have been) and constantly having to reassure them that our relationship was "OK". I am one of the rare ones, as from reading the posts on here and other guys I know IRL they never get to date them and get stomped on emotionally and they are tortured for as long as they know the woman in question. At least I got some physical pleasure out of it, but it was nowhere NEAR worth it. Don't be a statistic, brother!
theLoveBelow669 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Man oh man. I really appreciate all the feedback, thanks yall. I am waiting on her to contact me regarding a 4th 'hang/date'. And when she does reach out to me....I'll wait a day to get back to her. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER, I PROMISE!!! Peace love and happiness to all. Stay tuned...
theLoveBelow669 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Thanks so much for all the feedback yall. Its good to get all these opinions. So, I await her to contact me in regards to the 4th....encounter? lol. When she does contact me, I'll wait a day or so to reply...I WILL NOT REACH OUT UNTIL THEN, I PROMISE!!! Thanks again yall...Happy 4th, Peace Love and Happiness to all...
theLoveBelow669 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Just some more info, as far as me spending all the $; 1st- date, dutched the chow...I had free movie passes = i only paid for my meal 2nd hang- i paid for meal she got the tip...i paid skating admission she paid for her skate rental 3rd - for her Bday i paid for dinner/drinks at a sports bar = i paid 20 on her behalf Not sure what it means but thems da facts...
AndrewJ Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Run......... never tiring Run...run boy...run...run. And dont look back
drgnflybethany Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by theLoveBelow669 When I told her I was really glad she had fun she said, "I'm glad it was with you." Well thats been playing over and over in my over analytical mind. But anyway, that date was really great. Up to this point no physical contact ... except skating when I put my hand out to catch her to stop, she grabbed my hand casually and came to a stop. No big deal, but I did it to see what she would do. Stupid Girl Question: You mean you men actually make excuses to touch a girl - or do what you can to find the opportunity... so, offering his hand to help me up was a sign that he's interested and wants to touch me? I'm a stupid, silly girl - sometimes, you have to be blunt about it - that's how I am - I don't know until I have verbal confirmation...
d'Arthez Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by drgnflybethany Stupid Girl Question: You mean you men actually make excuses to touch a girl - or do what you can to find the opportunity... so, offering his hand to help me up was a sign that he's interested and wants to touch me? That is a very culturally loaded question, Bethany. Where I live touching a girl (by a guy) is in often considered an act of rudeness. Especially if there is no need for it. Reserved for really close female friends, and of course the girlfriend / fiancee / wife. But of course, there are many different attitudes towards it. A working class girl has a completely different attitude towards it, than a middle-class girl. And the same holds true for the guys. So the answer is not as straightforward as you wish.
ggallin13 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Wait, I have thought about your situtation and have come to a totally different conclusion. Pursue her. Go out with her as often as you can, but never make a move on her--make sure she has all the "space" she needs. Tell her you'll be there always and you just want her to be happy. Whenever you go out, you pay, always. Rain or shine, night or day, be available to her. If she needs a ride to work and it'll make you late then so be it. Take a week off when she is on vacation just in case. Always have your phone on you so you will always be there when she needs you. If you can manage it, sleep in your car in front of her house so she knows you are there when she needs you. Give the guy she is sleeping with rides wherever he needs to go. Pretend like it is totally cool that you and she are not together even though it kills you inside. If her car breaks down, make sure you get it running before the big concert weekend she is going to go to without you. Drive her and her boyfriends on their dates. Give them money for the motel. Loan him condoms if he doesn't have any. Loan her money so the guy she is sleeping with can make his rent. Don't ever ask to be paid back. Make sure you hear about all her dates, what she finds attractive in other men, and all her issues with past boyfriends. Do what you can to NOT be like them. If she decides to be vergan, never eat meat again. If you are vegan and she eats meat, start. Always agree with everything she says, no matter how inane or hurtful or stupid. Agree with her even if what she says goes against the core of your beliefs. Remember, when you are together she'll automatically agree to think EXACTLY AS YOU WANT HER TO. Complain to her friends about your relationship often. Rarely if ever see your male friends (you probably don't have any, but just in case). Convert to whatever religion she is. Become really good friends with her mom. Hyperanalyze little gestures she may use, or little things she says. Really, she'll tell you how she really feels when she orders a latte or is trying on shoes. You can tell, because you "communicate" on such a different level than everyone else does. Make it a "thing" betweeen the two of you that you see every chick movie that comes out TOGETHER. Pick a date where you watch "Steel Magnolias" together, same time every year. Of course, if she breaks that to be with another guy accept it and wait until the next year. Leave the DVD on her dorrmat (the real one, not you, the virtual one) with some popcorn and flowers, with a note that says, "Call me, I love you. I am so glad we're friends." Never date any other woman, as that would take time away from her, and she could figure out she wants you ANY SECOND NOW. Do this for about a year, and she will realize that you are the greatest guy ever, and that it has been YOU she wanted all along. She just needed YOU to wait around and point it out. Then you'll really be happy and live happily ever after and never be lonely again. But I am not telling you anything. You knew this the entire time. I am just glad I could be the one to tell you you're doing the right thing, and that you are looking good so far! Keep it up, and let us all know what happens! Go in peace, eat your broccoli, don't take any wooden nickels, there are no atheists in foxholes.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by ggallin13 But I am not telling you anything. You knew this the entire time. I am just glad I could be the one to tell you you're doing the right thing, and that you are looking good so far! Keep it up, and let us all know what happens! GG, you just made my day!
millefiori Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 ggallin13, was that sarcasm? There weren't a lot of women here who answered, so I'll tell you, whatever she said, I probably have said, too, once in a while. I was dropping hints that I was not interested (YES, we all make mistakes. Who knew that some people can not take hints....) She is not interested. Zero interest. If you pursue her further, you're out for a lot of pain.
theLoveBelow669 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by ggallin13 Wait, I have thought about your situtation and have come to a totally different conclusion. Pursue her. Go out with her as often as you can, but never make a move on her--make sure she has all the "space" she needs. Tell her you'll be there always and you just want her to be happy. Whenever you go out, you pay, always. Rain or shine, night or day, be available to her. If she needs a ride to work and it'll make you late then so be it. Take a week off when she is on vacation just in case. Always have your phone on you so you will always be there when she needs you. If you can manage it, sleep in your car in front of her house so she knows you are there when she needs you. Give the guy she is sleeping with rides wherever he needs to go. Pretend like it is totally cool that you and she are not together even though it kills you inside. If her car breaks down, make sure you get it running before the big concert weekend she is going to go to without you. Drive her and her boyfriends on their dates. Give them money for the motel. Loan him condoms if he doesn't have any. Loan her money so the guy she is sleeping with can make his rent. Don't ever ask to be paid back. Make sure you hear about all her dates, what she finds attractive in other men, and all her issues with past boyfriends. Do what you can to NOT be like them. If she decides to be vergan, never eat meat again. If you are vegan and she eats meat, start. Always agree with everything she says, no matter how inane or hurtful or stupid. Agree with her even if what she says goes against the core of your beliefs. Remember, when you are together she'll automatically agree to think EXACTLY AS YOU WANT HER TO. Complain to her friends about your relationship often. Rarely if ever see your male friends (you probably don't have any, but just in case). Convert to whatever religion she is. Become really good friends with her mom. Hyperanalyze little gestures she may use, or little things she says. Really, she'll tell you how she really feels when she orders a latte or is trying on shoes. You can tell, because you "communicate" on such a different level than everyone else does. Make it a "thing" betweeen the two of you that you see every chick movie that comes out TOGETHER. Pick a date where you watch "Steel Magnolias" together, same time every year. Of course, if she breaks that to be with another guy accept it and wait until the next year. Leave the DVD on her dorrmat (the real one, not you, the virtual one) with some popcorn and flowers, with a note that says, "Call me, I love you. I am so glad we're friends." Never date any other woman, as that would take time away from her, and she could figure out she wants you ANY SECOND NOW. Do this for about a year, and she will realize that you are the greatest guy ever, and that it has been YOU she wanted all along. She just needed YOU to wait around and point it out. Then you'll really be happy and live happily ever after and never be lonely again. But I am not telling you anything. You knew this the entire time. I am just glad I could be the one to tell you you're doing the right thing, and that you are looking good so far! Keep it up, and let us all know what happens! Go in peace, eat your broccoli, don't take any wooden nickels, there are no atheists in foxholes. Wow man. Youre one angry little brutha. Good luck with that. Keep in touch with yourself...
millefiori Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by theLoveBelow669 Wow man. Youre one angry little brutha. Good luck with that. Keep in touch with yourself... I don't think he's mean with intention. He's just been in the same situation as you are now, made the same mistakes as you did and he's seen a lot of other guys, including himself, being deaf to the sound advices they got from those who got burned already, so he's trying to hammer the truth into your head. It's tough love. I can only tell you, back off. She's telling you in very nice words not to get your hopes up. I know, I know, we all think our situation is so unique and we all think that a post here can not accurately reflect the complex situation we're in, etc., etc. but trust me on this. You've provided us with enough information to judge the situation fairly well. I'm not sure though if you shouldn't follow your own heart this time and get burned once. If you follow our advice you may have regrets later when you see her with another guy, you may have doubts if your decision was a good one and if you had given up too early. Maybe it's better that you do what you have to do and then go back and read what people told you. Sometimes it's better to make a mistake and get burned than wondering about the ifs all the time. The important thing is that you do learn something from it. Don't get bitter, don't complain about the mean bitch who was not honest with you. Learn to read the signs and avoid this unpleasant experience next time. Good luck
Island Girl Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 I just read the IMs and am still trying to formulate a reply -- it struck home with me because I have been her soooo many times. This can't be real -- you read your own posts don't you?
theLoveBelow669 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by millefiori I don't think he's mean with intention. He's just been in the same situation as you are now, made the same mistakes as you did and he's seen a lot of other guys, including himself, being deaf to the sound advices they got from those who got burned already, so he's trying to hammer the truth into your head. It's tough love. I can only tell you, back off. She's telling you in very nice words not to get your hopes up. I know, I know, we all think our situation is so unique and we all think that a post here can not accurately reflect the complex situation we're in, etc., etc. but trust me on this. You've provided us with enough information to judge the situation fairly well. I'm not sure though if you shouldn't follow your own heart this time and get burned once. If you follow our advice you may have regrets later when you see her with another guy, you may have doubts if your decision was a good one and if you had given up too early. Maybe it's better that you do what you have to do and then go back and read what people told you. Sometimes it's better to make a mistake and get burned than wondering about the ifs all the time. The important thing is that you do learn something from it. Don't get bitter, don't complain about the mean bitch who was not honest with you. Learn to read the signs and avoid this unpleasant experience next time. Good luck See, now a post like this is civil and highly regarded. I really do appreciate anybodys replys/opinions on this thread...especially ones like GG, until they start attacking on a "personal" level. To attack someone verbally in person is one thing...on the internet, well you know what I'm saying. Its childish and just silly...but whatever. No harm no foul. I still greatly appreciate GGs feedback. As for my "situation"... she still has personal posessions of mine and I havent heard from her in over a week. I sent her 1 IM, 1 email and tried to call 1x in that span I did try to go and get my stuff in person at her house while she was at work, hoping someone would be home...but nobody was home dammit. So...after leaving off on 7/1 via IM that we would hang out again sometime after 7/4 and before 7/19, nothing has materialized and the chick has my isht. So heres a new inquiry I have...I guess what I'd really like to know is if this girl is being malicious and deceptive on purpose, or could she really trully be unsure of what she wants. Now I know yall can give ur replys on this, but its hard to really "know" unless you know the person personally, am I right? I know I know, and believe me...Ive experienced the mean, cold hearted, rip ur heart out and stomp on it while laughing in ur face chicks before myself...but bottom line is, when I know I'll know...and so will anyone who follows up on this here thread. And...I beleive in my mind (I'd say 95% sure) that this will turn out to be nothing more than me being a lark for this scattered chick...but oh well, I essentially knew thanks to many peoples input (on this board and IRL)...most say what GG says and there are afew "step back give her her space and see...". So thats that...update to follow when I get some 411...until then I'm still networking so dont think I'm just sitting on the one egg (I'm not THAT pathetic GG...I promise! ;o) Thanks yall...PL&H to all.
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