Feeling insecure

[xxbelieverinlovexx]

Hello,

 

I am back... dating another old man (I am turning 20 soon). This time a 35 year old who I started talking to since april. I didnt see him as dating material, until this month when he confessed to me that he liked me. So after that I started liking him too. We spend 3 days with each other last week, and I felt a great connection. But to be honest: I feel insecure as HELL now!

 

1st problem is that i saw a picture of a female mutual FB friend in his phone (he doesnt talk to her).. I was shocked.. He said to me that he just liked the picture, and that he always saves pictures he likes. I felt bad because we are christians.. I know his morals... and he already judged men who followed hot girls on instagram whilst they have a GF. So to me, him saving the picture just felt the same as commenting or liking girls' pictures on instagram.

 

2nd. Problem: I saw a message in his phone from a girl which said: I wish you could come to( INSERT COUNTRY). So it feels like he still talks with other girls.. But on the other hand: He has a lot of female friends.. and that girl could just be a friend. And he has agoraphobia, so he cant take planes... But still it makes me insecure.

 

3rd. problem which started today: He dated a 17 year old girl (yeah. i was in shock too when he told me), and he confessed to me today that he had sex with her. I was REALLY disappointed and I felt hurt, because I thought he only made such a mistake once with another girl. Also, because I am so insecure, I searched in our message history where he was talking about the girl. I found a message where he said that he REALLY liked the girl.. they only knew each other for 1,5 month .. they didnt talk much but they already wanted to date. I felt really hurt when I saw that message. I talked to him EVERYDAY and he didnt like me after 1,5 month. He talks with a girl for 1,5 month and they already had sex.

 

4. He never tells me I am pretty. He told me once. He tells me I am sexy... that i have a great body.. But i would LOVE to hea from him that I am beautiful.

 

I dont know what to do... Should I confess these feelings (I have already said things about problem 2)? I am afraid that he will run away because this is an early stage and now i am already complaining so much. But I am just SO FREAKING INSECURE.

 

I need that confirmation, I need that: I liked you soon after we started talking. I need that: you are BEAUTIFUL.

 

I don't want to loose him because he is one of the few friends I have... and the friend i talk to the most. Please tell me what to do

Edited August 18, 2016 by xxbelieverinlovexx

[itstoni]

Okay step one; Anything that happened before you is irrelevant, you don't care and you shouldn't. step two; Stop depending on others for happiness. step three; Give him compliments! as the saying goes "treat others as you want to be treated." step four; Be optimistic

[BaileyB]

First thing - I would never date a man who was an adult and slept with a minor. That is NOT ok with me and speaks to his character, IMHO.

 

For that reason, the age difference or the fact that he has other women on his phone would not be an issue for me... But, if that wasn't the case, it would be. Dating is a period of time during which you get to know someone. Do not make the mistake of trusting this man until he has clearly demonstrated to you that he is deserving of your trust. Based on what you have said, I would say that I would be very cautious.

 

And, you definitely need to develop more self-confidence and other friendships. It's never wise to depend on one person for you life happiness.

Edited August 18, 2016 by BaileyB

[JewelD]

So he's a pedophile. Why are you dating him? He's probably calling you sexy because he sees you as a sex object. Your youth and naivete is probably what attracts him to you.

 

You are way out of your league. Insecure girls in relationships always end badly, but you're in a relationship with a man 15 years your senior. He probably already knows how insecure you are and he's going to take advantage of that and run an unimaginable amount of game on you because you wouldn't be able to figure it out.

[BaileyB]

So he's a pedophile. Why are you dating him? He's probably calling you sexy because he sees you as a sex object. Your youth and naivete is probably what attracts him to you.

 

You are way out of your league. Insecure girls in relationships always end badly, but you're in a relationship with a man 15 years your senior. He probably already knows how insecure you are and he's going to take advantage of that.

 

Yeah. I didn't really want to say it, but this is exactly what I was thinking. This guy is a criminal. You are so young... Please, find someone else your age, make some other friends, and forget this guy. He will take advantage of you and you won't even realize that he's doing it.

[h0000]

Okay step one; Anything that happened before you is irrelevant, you don't care and you shouldn't.

Hmmmm not alwayssssss.......

 

 

OP once you turn 20 he will dump you and look for another teenage girl.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

You can do better.

[xxbelieverinlovexx]

First thing - I would never date a man who was an adult and slept with a minor. That is NOT ok with me and speaks to his character, IMHO.

 

For that reason, the age difference or the fact that he has other women on his phone would not be an issue for me... But, if that wasn't the case, it would be. Dating is a period of time during which you get to know someone. Do not make the mistake of trusting this man until he has clearly demonstrated to you that he is deserving of your trust. Based on what you have said, I would say that I would be very cautious.

 

And, you definitely need to develop more self-confidence and other friendships. It's never wise to depend on one person for you life happiness.

 

Hi Bailey ! Thanks for replying again ! I know its FREAKING weird that he has other women's pictures in phone. And I know its WRONG to date a 17 year old (and he knew that too). But if i loose this man, I will fall into deep loneliness again. He is the ONLY person I talk with everyday. And the first person AFTER YEARS I feel really comfortable with. I know this relationship will not last for long. I mean: he is 35 going on 36 next year.. he needs to start a family and get married. But even the temporary thought of someone who is interested in you 24/7 is enough for me. I have been lonely since middle school. its so easy to say: make more friends. But it just doesnt happen a lot with me, although I try.

[xxbelieverinlovexx]

So he's a pedophile. Why are you dating him? He's probably calling you sexy because he sees you as a sex object. Your youth and naivete is probably what attracts him to you.

 

You are way out of your league. Insecure girls in relationships always end badly, but you're in a relationship with a man 15 years your senior. He probably already knows how insecure you are and he's going to take advantage of that and run an unimaginable amount of game on you because you wouldn't be able to figure it out.

 

 

I dont know about the pedophile part.. Having talked to more men.. it feels like most men like girls starting from 16 and up. And when I tell my friend or my mother and sister about it they say its ok, which make me doubt if its bad even more. And you are right about the 2nd part: that happened to me last year with another man (38 years old.. i was just 19). But as i said: we were friends before.. so i got to know him.. his beliefs, morals and standards.. and he doesnt come off as a guy that would use me at all !

[xxbelieverinlovexx]

And oh just to let you know: I dont believe he wants me for sex, otherwise we would've had sex by now. I was the one that initiated sleeping in his room. He always ASKS before he does something. So if we said: only cuddling, its stays with ONLY CUDDLING, and NO KISSING (I was the one that asked for it after he didnt initated after day 2). So i dont think he wants to use me.

[BaileyB]

I know its WRONG to date a 17 year old (and he knew that too). But if i loose this man, I will fall into deep loneliness again. But even the temporary thought of someone who is interested in you 24/7 is enough for me.

 

Make no mistake about it, he is a pedophile. It is illegal for any adult to have sex with a minor - under the age of 18. It's the law.

 

And, I'm sorry you are lonely. I know what it is to be lonely, and it is no fun. And, you are so right - it is hard to make friends. But, these statements mean that you are very vulnerable. I have to believe that this man sees this and it makes it very easy for you to be preyed upon by an older man... He will cause you a world of heart ache if you don't find yourself - develop your self-esteem, make some friends your age, date boys your age. Trust me!

 

This man could destroy you... you are way too young for that kind of pain. Take our advise. Don't learn this lesson from experience... Looking back someday to say, if only I would have done differently...

 

Take care.

[RecentChange]

I am going to be blunt.

 

You are insecure, niave and DESPERATE.

 

He is older, a predator and will use you.

 

It's not normal for 35 year old men to be sleeping with 17 year old girls.

 

And you- you are desperate and lonely, and ready to make yourself a victim.

 

PLEASE come to your senses. I am so sick of thread after thread from people hell bent in making bad choices and setting themselves up for disaster. This is another one of them.

 

What would people who love you, like your parents and friends think about you persuing this man? Be honest regarding what people who would have your best interest in mind - and how they would react to this.

 

You need to some hard thinking as to why you are so desperate and willing to compromise yourself for a little attention. It's not healthy and won't lead to anywhere good

[JewelD]

I dont know about the pedophile part.. Having talked to more men.. it feels like most men like girls starting from 16 and up. And when I tell my friend or my mother and sister about it they say its ok, which make me doubt if its bad even more. And you are right about the 2nd part: that happened to me last year with another man (38 years old.. i was just 19). But as i said: we were friends before.. so i got to know him.. his beliefs, morals and standards.. and he doesnt come off as a guy that would use me at all !

 

He is a pedophile. He slept with a 17 year old. Most men are not going to mess around with an underage girl. Perverts will. and what standards or morals does he have messing with minors?? None.

 

Idk why your mom and sister are telling you it's okay to date a man almost twice your age who has a thing for young girls. But that doesn't make it okay.

 

The fact that you'd even consider dating this man shows that you lack good judgment so you probably wouldn't be able to tell what this man's intentions are. I assure you it's nothing good.

 

He's planning on having sex with you for sure. Just because he's not rushing doesn't mean he's not going to try to convince you in the very near future.

 

Trust me, no self respecting 35 year old man is going to want anything to do with a girl your age outside of sex.

[Dis]

I dont know about the pedophile part.. Having talked to more men.. it feels like most men like girls starting from 16 and up. And when I tell my friend or my mother and sister about it they say its ok, which make me doubt if its bad even more. And you are right about the 2nd part: that happened to me last year with another man (38 years old.. i was just 19). But as i said: we were friends before.. so i got to know him.. his beliefs, morals and standards.. and he doesnt come off as a guy that would use me at all !

 

And oh just to let you know: I dont believe he wants me for sex, otherwise we would've had sex by now. I was the one that initiated sleeping in his room. He always ASKS before he does something. So if we said: only cuddling, its stays with ONLY CUDDLING, and NO KISSING (I was the one that asked for it after he didnt initated after day 2). So i dont think he wants to use me.

 

Oh hun! For gods sake pls wake up. I'm saying this for your own good...this guy is disgusting! He had sex with a 17 year old girl and he's 35! In some states, thats what the legal system likes to call statutory rape.

 

Like Jewel and Baily said, he is going to play you like a piano and because you have such low self esteem are are extremely naive....you'll just go along with it until he decides to dispose of you like yesterdays newspaper

 

Hun, this guy actually sounds like a disturbed man, I know you wont listen to the advice were giving you because of how much you crave his companionship....but brace yourself because this is NOT going to end well

 

And for you to say you think he doesnt want sex from you...it just makes me shake my head because thats the only thing he wants from you

 

Please be safe hun...If I was your age....I would rather sleep under a bridge than be alone with this guy

[RecentChange]

Op- why do you have such low self esteem?

 

Why are you so insecure?

 

Why do you sleep with old men?

 

Where is your father?

 

At this point, you are like a wounded animal. And the wolves know it. They can smell you from a mile away.

 

I know you probably don't see it, but that IS the reality.

 

If he does manipulate you, and have sex with you like we all know he will PLEAE PLEASE PLEASE insist on condoms.

 

At least then you will be a heart broken emotional mess, but not a pregnant heart broken mess.

 

Real talk. If I knew you, I would be giving you a real talking to in an attempt to knock some sense in you.

 

Let's start dealing with facts and reality, and less with your out of control feels - okay? Sorry for the tough love, but woman up already, DONT MAKE YOURSELF ANOTHER VICTIM!

[Gaeta]

 

1st problem is that i saw a picture of a female mutual FB friend in his phone

he always saves pictures he likes.

 

from a girl which said: I wish you could come to( INSERT COUNTRY).

 

He dated a 17 year old girl

 

I found a message where he said that he REALLY liked the girl.. they only knew each other for 1,5 month

 

He never tells me I am pretty.

 

 

Tell us again why you want to date this weirdo-perv?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I'm the same age as this man.

 

It is very troubling that he was sleeping with a teenager, and no, most 35-year-olds are not interested in 17-year-old girls. That is plain creepy.

 

Your self-esteem is so low that are clinging on to this man. And I guarantee you that he is using that to his advantage. Your naivety is very evident, and this clown is taking full benefit of it.

 

He is full of horse dung when he says he saves every picture he likes on FB. Come on, now. He saved it because he likes her.

 

Stay far, far away from this loser or risk even further damage to your self-worth. He is playing you for a dang fool.

[h0000]

I'm afraid OP is not going to wake up. Listen to her defending him. She is not going to see it the way we do. She is not going to think he is creepy. She is not going to think dating a minor is a problem. She is not going to break up with him because she's lonely.

 

 

I do wonder if her up-bringing and living circumstances have anything to do with her broken mentality. Because who will tell their daughter it's ok for men to be pedophiles? And why most men around her are interested in girls starting from 16 and up?

 

 

She is going to be with him and be used by him I'm afraid, till one day he dumps her.

[summertitparadise]

I feel that he's using you for his unique sexual desire.

[BaileyB]

 

He is older, a predator and will use you.

 

It's not normal for 35 year old men to be sleeping with 17 year old girls.

 

And you- you are desperate and lonely, and ready to make yourself a victim.

 

Exactly. Please, don't be his victim.

 

It's called grooming. When he holds you and makes you think that he doesn't want sex with you... He is encouraging you to lower your defences before he takes advantage of you. Because, he will. If you think a 35 year old man is spending time with a 20 year old girl - sleeping beside a 20 year old girl - and he doesn't want sex... Sex is the ONLY hing he wants from you. And, after he gets it - he will leave you for another 20 year old girl. And then... where will you be? Even more lonely and depressed than you are right now.

 

Definitely, if you insist on going down this path to self destruction and you sleep with him - be sure to use a condom! Do not allow yourself to become pregnant by this man.

 

But please, trust us when we tell you this is not a wise decision. There is something really wrong with a 35 year old man who has sex with teen age girls. Please, trust us and get away from him. Find someone else to help you deal with the lonliness and unhappiness that you feel.

[xxbelieverinlovexx]

Just arrived back from staying at his house for 2 days. I started THE talk.. I wanted to know if he wanted to have a relationship with me... and you were right... he does not. I was astonished. I thought that we both wanted something serious... but because of his illness and the age difference he doesnt want to take the next step. He still wants to date me because he likes being with me... I feel like I am having a deja vu moment... because I got the exact same argument when i was dating the 38 year old last year.

 

I am so sad about it. i WANT to have a person who cares about and for me 24/7 but at the other hand I am disgusted by him. I am disgusted that he wanted to have a short time fling with a 17 year old, I am disguted that I got to hear that he searched: 'ebony teen porn' because we had dirty talk and i was not with him (before we started dating..), I am disguted that everytime I see a beautiful woman on the tv screen or on the street my heart is racing, because I dont want to see his obvious face hornying over that woman. I am disguted that he told me he is excited about dating a ladyboy, chick with a dick.. because they are horny, and know what to do with a mans body. I hate men. Men are disgusting creatures, and I am scared that I will never find a man that matches my standards. I want to have that man that things I am a 10. I want to have a man that only likes women, not girls. I want to have a man that respects me so much that he doesnt admire beautiful women in my presence (he doesnt talk about them, nor can i see it in his facial expressions). I want to have a man that does not save every beautiful women's picture on his phone to later fap with it. But I don't think that man exists..

 

I can't let him go at this moment. I am having the time of my life with him. Just talking with him or being in someone's presence makes me so happy. I mean: before this, I only talked with people on uni or on facebook. I love the feeling of being accepted for who I am.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

If you were my daughter, I would be devastated right now. I would be worried I was going to lose you.

[stillafool]

Hi Bailey ! Thanks for replying again ! I know its FREAKING weird that he has other women's pictures in phone. And I know its WRONG to date a 17 year old (and he knew that too). But if i loose this man, I will fall into deep loneliness again. He is the ONLY person I talk with everyday. And the first person AFTER YEARS I feel really comfortable with. I know this relationship will not last for long. I mean: he is 35 going on 36 next year.. he needs to start a family and get married. But even the temporary thought of someone who is interested in you 24/7 is enough for me. I have been lonely since middle school. its so easy to say: make more friends. But it just doesnt happen a lot with me, although I try.

 

If you are involved in church I'm sure there are other men (your age) around to get to know. Why do you need a man to tell you you are beautiful? You have to build your own self-esteem. You sound completely desperate and men can and will pick up on that and use it against you. This man is not ready to get married and start a family. He isn't finished chasing teenage girls and probably won't be until he's in his mid forties and married to one. Get away from him now and put dating on hold until you are secure in yourself.

[Gaeta]

I can't let him go at this moment. I am having the time of my life with him. Just talking with him or being in someone's presence makes me so happy. I mean: before this, I only talked with people on uni or on facebook. I love the feeling of being accepted for who I am.

 

You go on and on about how you feel disgusted then proceed saying you won't stop seeing him!!

 

You are a young girl with her entire life in front of her, stop spending your time with these old perverts. You are wasting your youth away. A youth that will NEVER come back to you!! You think you are bettering your life by letting these dirt in your life! He is using you and when he's done he'll find a younger one, one with a smell of newness and he'll discard you like an old shoe.

[Dis]

Just arrived back from staying at his house for 2 days. I started THE talk.. I wanted to know if he wanted to have a relationship with me... and you were right... he does not. I was astonished. I thought that we both wanted something serious... but because of his illness and the age difference he doesnt want to take the next step. He still wants to date me because he likes being with me... I feel like I am having a deja vu moment... because I got the exact same argument when i was dating the 38 year old last year.

 

I am so sad about it. i WANT to have a person who cares about and for me 24/7 but at the other hand I am disgusted by him. I am disgusted that he wanted to have a short time fling with a 17 year old, I am disguted that I got to hear that he searched: 'ebony teen porn' because we had dirty talk and i was not with him (before we started dating..), I am disguted that everytime I see a beautiful woman on the tv screen or on the street my heart is racing, because I dont want to see his obvious face hornying over that woman. I am disguted that he told me he is excited about dating a ladyboy, chick with a dick.. because they are horny, and know what to do with a mans body. I hate men. Men are disgusting creatures, and I am scared that I will never find a man that matches my standards. I want to have that man that things I am a 10. I want to have a man that only likes women, not girls. I want to have a man that respects me so much that he doesnt admire beautiful women in my presence (he doesnt talk about them, nor can i see it in his facial expressions). I want to have a man that does not save every beautiful women's picture on his phone to later fap with it. But I don't think that man exists..

 

I can't let him go at this moment. I am having the time of my life with him. Just talking with him or being in someone's presence makes me so happy. I mean: before this, I only talked with people on uni or on facebook. I love the feeling of being accepted for who I am.

 

I think this might be the most disturbing....nauseating post I've read on LS

 

xx, there is obviously nothing I or anyone here can do for you.....you seem to have some very deep rooted/serious problems....I hope one day you can find help...I truly wish you the best