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My exGF told me she filed a no contact order for my excessive contact/calling

NIGHT1985

By NIGHT1985
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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My ex girlfriend told me she filed a no contact order for my excessive contact/calling( still haven't been served though). Are you sure that's not what you've been hit with? That sounds more in line than a restraining order, though they only seem to have minor differences

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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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So how does the order work? My ex told me she filed for a no contact order, which she said she'll drop if I stick with counseling. I still haven't been served or told anything by the police

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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So how does the order work? My ex told me she filed for a no contact order, which she said she'll drop if I stick with counseling. I still haven't been served or told anything by the police

 

The order's not enforceable until you've been served w it. Where do you live?

 

Did you actually do anything to justify it? Kinda sounds like a bluff to me.

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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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I live in Arkansas.

 

Yea I deserve it. I was a complete wreck a few days ago and swarmed her with text and calls. It's sort of like a drug addiction where getting a response/reaction is a sense of "high". I'm truly ashamed of doing that to her and myself. Makes me look like a huge psychopath. I'm going to counseling tomorrow, but I'm still afraid of what these consequences will do to me. I know they stay on your record as long as they're present. Do they go away once the order has dropped? She told me she'd drop it in 6 months, as she knows I'm a good person, but just need some help. Will this affect my current employment or future employment opportunities?

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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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Where are seeing it on the website? I can't even find a section to find it on my local county's site

Scottyd Member

Scottyd

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Night1985, I don't know about your order, I was referring to mine. Our county has an online database searchable by party name. I just typed in my last name and the case title popped up. Clicked on that and it brought up the Register of Actions which shows that a temporary order was issued on August 15.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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I live in Arkansas.

 

Yea I deserve it. I was a complete wreck a few days ago and swarmed her with text and calls. It's sort of like a drug addiction where getting a response/reaction is a sense of "high". I'm truly ashamed of doing that to her and myself. Makes me look like a huge psychopath. I'm going to counseling tomorrow, but I'm still afraid of what these consequences will do to me. I know they stay on your record as long as they're present. Do they go away once the order has dropped? She told me she'd drop it in 6 months, as she knows I'm a good person, but just need some help. Will this affect my current employment or future employment opportunities?

 

Probably not, as long as you don't actually commit any crimes. A RO isn't a crime in itself, it's just an order. (There are no "had a RO" criminal offense categories.) Most criminal background checks check only for criminal convictions, so while it's possible to also conduct a civil court search on you - and ROs are usually civil matters, not criminal, oddly - it's less likely anyone will check.

 

As far as longevity goes, the record of a RO won't be expunged or anything like that. If anyone cares to dig into your civil history, it'll be there. Not really so damning tho unless you actually committed related crimes, like I said. For ex a company wouldn't technically be at liberty to pass you up based on a non-conviction history item. Your current employer might be able to dismiss you if they thought you posed a tangible threat to its employees' security, but they'd have to make a compelling case for that which would generally require a conviction record to demonstrate. Also companies don't usually go around checking their employees' civil court histories w/out some reason.

 

In the meantime stop misbehaving.

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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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One last question.[] But me and my ex talked, and both agreed to not go to court over the "no contact order". Will it be completely dropped then?

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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It'll have to be withdrawn by her in order to be off the docket, and I'd verify that independently if I were you. (I'm getting some parts confused w the other guy - were you ever contacted and advised of the order by LE at all? If not then you don't have to do anything unless you're served, including appearing anywhere just based on what your ex says. But if you were contacted, you should verify it's off w the court. The last thing you want is to miss a court appearance based on some 'reassurance' from your ex that you can.)

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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I've yet to be served, but she has never lied to me before about anything, and I doubt she's lying about this. She doesn't want to go to court any more than I do. So if neither of us go to court, her order against me will he dropped?

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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I've yet to be served, but she has never lied to me before about anything, and I doubt she's lying about this. She doesn't want to go to court any more than I do. So if neither of us go to court, her order against me will he dropped?

 

 

It really depends on the jurisdiction. It could be a temporary restraining order (TRO) with a set term that expires on it's face without a hearing on the merits.

 

 

Talk to a lawyer and more importantly, stay the hell away from her regardless.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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I've yet to be served, but she has never lied to me before about anything, and I doubt she's lying about this. She doesn't want to go to court any more than I do. So if neither of us go to court, her order against me will he dropped?

 

If you haven't been served w a RO and no one in LE has contacted you in any way to advise you (unlike the other guy), you don't have to do anything regardless. A person can't be expected to appear for court hearings they aren't aware of, which is the principle behind personal service.

 

If she's saying don't go to court, that either means she never filed for a RO in the first place or she told them to drop it. Either way it's irrelevant to you - you were never served or otherwise advised. So the would-be RO isn't contingent on your appearance at court at all in this case bc you were never ordered to appear.

 

If she did petition for a RO and got a court date and then she failed to appear as the complainant, then likely it would be dropped, yes.

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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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Okie dokie. From my understanding of these things is, a cop will show up to serve you with a temp order and a court date. The judge will then hit you with a permanent order, for what length they consider fitting. But if neither party shows up, the case is dropped?

 

And I have no plans to contact her further, even though she said she wants to attempt friendship 6 months or so down the road.

 

I'm seeing a counselor today and focusing on healing and bettering myself going forward. I just want this all in the past

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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If neither party shows up where?

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NIGHT1985 Established Member

NIGHT1985

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If neither party shows up where?

 

Court. Lol

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Ok, pls read this carefully.

  • If you were never served w a RO or otherwise notified by LE or the court of a RO against you and/or a notice to appear, you don't have to make any court appearances. Period. That's all you really need to know to move forward in peace.
     
  • If you were served w a RO, you'd know it. A court deputy or process server would have arrived at your door and given you a bunch of court documents and likely had you sign a proof of service to acknowledge you got them.
     
  • If she filed for a RO and got a court date and she didn't show up for it, most likely her petition for the RO would be dropped.
     
  • If she filed for a RO and got a court date and you were served w notice to appear but you didn't show up, most likely you'd be held in contempt of court and either assessed a fine or possibly have a warrant issued for your arrest.
     
  • If she didn't file for a RO and doesn't appear in court anywhere, nothing will happen.
     
  • If she didn't file for a RO and you don't appear in court anywhere, nothing will happen.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Okie dokie. From my understanding of these things is, a cop will show up to serve you with a temp order and a court date. The judge will then hit you with a permanent order, for what length they consider fitting. But if neither party shows up, the case is dropped?

 

And I have no plans to contact her further, even though she said she wants to attempt friendship 6 months or so down the road.

 

I'm seeing a counselor today and focusing on healing and bettering myself going forward. I just want this all in the past

 

Don't dude. You're setting yourself up with false hope. She hopes that after six months, you and her can be friends? I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you're nothing more than a really good friend to her.

 

Dude, put this chick in your rear view mirror and don't look back. Concentrate on the ONLY thing you have control over than that's you! Focus on your healing. Get new hobbies, go to the gym a lot, travel and see something new. KEEP BUSY! Forget about this girl, because (and I hate for this to sound mean) she's trying to forget about you.

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