sadsue Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 This is LOOONG but please help! I think if you can die from a broken heart - I AM! Okay, here it goes... It's long, but I want to say everything so you can really help. Okay, I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 19. He's in the Coast Guard and just over a month ago he got stationed in Maine (we're from Alabama). Things have always been great with us, no problems. It was like magic from the time we first started going out 5 months ago. Like, I know we are so young, but it was like I knew I could spend the rest of my life with him, and he knew he could spend the rest of his life with me. We were so in love, everyone could see it. It was like people would just come up and say "When the two of you get married...." like, everyone just knew we would last. And Everyone, including us, saw how happy we were together. We haven't had any troubles, EVER, except I have a guy friend that I was talking to b4 me and my boyfriend got together. This guy has been my friend since 7th grade, so he's a good friend, and we never made it past friendship. My boyfriend is jealous of him b/c he thinks the guy likes me as more than a friend. He's told me he doesn't like me talking to him, but he wouldn't stop me. He was like, "I can't lie, I don't like the kid, but I can't stop you. Do what you want to do." OOOkay, so I've only talked to the other guy, we'll call him C, like 2xs in the last 2 months but one time was just last week. My boyfriend, G, has been having some serious problems at work b/c his roommate got in trouble and now he has to go testify against him in the Coast Guard court. He's having a lot of work to do so he can get qualified on his boat too, so he's been really stressed. Especially the last 2 weeks. The past week, it was like something changed. He was calling me and being short (even though I know he was doing the same thing to his mom) and like, he would call me while he was watching TV and not even talk to me ... like, totally tune me out, but he didn't want to hang up. Okay, so I got tired of this yesterday, and after a while of sitting on the phone I started complaining, and he was finally like, "Fine. I'll cut the TV off! I can't ever have any relaxing time to just chill and watch TV anymore. It's my only day off and you won't let me watch TV." That wasn't it, it was that he wanted me to SIT on the phone and just listen to him breath. Well, this was like the 2nd or 3rd time he'd done this spill, so I just decided fine and hung up on him (I'VE NEVER DONE THAT! WE'VE NEVER HAD A REAL FIGHT!!!) and he called me back and was like "No ... I'm serious." And so I told him, "Well, I'm sorry, I like to actually talk to someone when they call me. If I could see you every day it wouldn't be such a big problem, b/c it's not like I would have to constantly talk to you. I also feel like I'm not making you happy, like I can't help you with your stress anymore this week. Maybe ... if you just found someone up there ... you could see everyday, then it would help you out and we would eventually get back together anyway." I had said that a couple times recently and so he was like, why are you always saying that? I meant what I said, but he talked me out of it and I was like, "Okay, you're right, I was being stressed and stupid, I'm sorry." Then he said HE needed to go think! He called me back and said we needed to go on break! He just kept saying, "I'm sorry, I think we need this. It's for the best. It doesn't mean it's the end of our relationship." ... over and over b/c I was ARGUING with him. And I asked him about my trip to come see him with his family next friday (He had paid $400 for my ticket and bought me a hotel room AND my birthday present which was a promise ring or necklace) and he said, "Maybe you can come up next trip." When we got off the phone, HE promised me he'd call me back later on that night, and he never did, and he hasn't called me today either (which I sort of understand he's on duty, but usually he always makes time for a short phone call) and tomorrow they get underway until Tuesday, so he's probably really not going to have a chance to call me. I just feel like we need to talk about it, because I don't understand ... I mean, you know, how long does he need? Will we get back together? That kind of stuff. I called the girl (mine and his best friend) that set us up and asked her if she'd heard from him. She said he called her Thursday night all upset b/c I had talked to C and stressed about his job. I guess I just don't understand the difference in this and a breakup! I'm heartbroken. I can't eat (seriously, I try to MAKE myself and feel like I'm going to throw up), I can't sleep (I was up past 1 AM last night, tossed and turned all night and was up at 5 AM), and my HAIR IS FALLING OUT! Seriously, huge clumps of my hair. I went shopping with my grandmother today, and SHE NOTICED IT and said it had to be from all the stress of the last week. What do I do? I wrote him a 3-page long letter apologizing and I have a goody bag here that I was going to give him when I got to Maine. Should I just mail them? I don't know. I love him so much. What's the difference in a break and a break up???
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 It sounds like he may just need some space. Give it to him, and see what happens. You need to find other things to occupy your mind/life, not just him.
bebegal Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Breaks go either way. my friend and her man had a break and he called her and told her he could not live with out her. IN my situation... I was told--like you completely to my suprise as we were so happy--that he needed a break. A wk later it turned intoa break-up. I was devasted. If you do not here from him--call him and tell him you need to know so you can move forward with your relationship..or you move on... my ex (now) new all along for a wk it was over and was to chicken to tell me. When they finally decide a break is needed---its usually not good...as a person in a relaionship should not need a break... they should be able to discuss problems together. maybe a one day break..not a wk. IM sorry and I hope it works out... but it hurts that they need to think about whether they want to be wiht you... they should KNOW they want to be with you
sadsue Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Oh geez. I called him about 2 hours ago, but he was supposed to be underway, but they had landed at a port or something and he was running errands and he actually ANSWERED his phone! I just wanted to hear his voice mail and maybe leave a message. LOL. Anyway, I panicked and hung up. Real mature right? Well, he called back! And I told him and appologized and he was like, "It's okay! You don't have to be scared of me!!" So, we talked for a while, and he said he just needed some time to think and he thought and he still thinks we need a break, but he did say, "This isn't the end of our relationship. I promise you that." He told me that his mom was mad at him, and I told him that my little sister said she wanted to throw him in jail! We had a good convo, and laughed and he said he'd still talk to me. His parents went on a break for 3 YEARS b/f they got married, and I asked him if ours would be for years and he said "OH NO! But we'll know when the time is right. I just want you to have fun and not have to worry about a long distance relationship right now." Soooo, anyways! That's my update! I was so honest with him. He said he was about to go through a dead spot and would maybe call me back after or whenever he gets a chance... later. He'll be busy for the next two days, but he has Wednesday (My b'day) off and is planning on sleeping the whole day! I told him it was my birthday and he was like "Too bad." laughing. I think he'll call, but if he doesn't, he made me feel like it's okay to call him. I think it would be a good day to talk. He said he's always there for me, and now I feel like we are really going to end up together and he told me he still loves me. I feel soooo much better in a way, but I still miss him... Any advice on ideas to help this break go by faster? I mean, he made it very clear we are going to stay good friends, so I was thinking about texting him tomorrow too while he's at work just to say I'm thinking of you, have a happy 4th. Any ideas on how to reassure him that I realize the things I've done wrong and am changing? THanks so much girls!
Zaira Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Sounds like things are going well (well, as much as can be expected ). I would just find some hobbies or something to occupy your mind. Let him call you next time too. Got to let the men do the chasin' sometimes
sadsue Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Okay, well it's been 2 weeks, and things are going better. He called me on my b'day and has called everyday since (except the sunday he was visiting with family and today b/c they are underway on their way to Boston, he probably won't call tomorrow eithere cause they get there sunday night but we'll see. He even called me the nights that he was on duty). But, anyway, he's really been giving me mixed signals. I talked to his best friend (who he tells everything) Matt, and Matt said that George was pretty confident that we would eventually get back together, and the only reason he put us on break was b/c I was talking about breaking up and he thinks I need to date other people. and matt also told me that there was a girl up there that George wasn't going to feel guilty hanging out with since we're not really together anymore, but that nothing was going to come of it. He sent me a text message about 3 or 4 days ago saying I miss you and I still love you (iI think it was after he got my letter saying how I was sorry and I agreed we needed a break but we would work things out) and the next morning he called me saying he was just thinking about me. He even called me one day at 3:55 AM just to talk b/c he was driving back from the airposrt and was thinking about me. He called me the 2 nights ago to tell me about this girl though... Her name is Janelle, and she's in the Airforce. He says it's not going anywhere, she just makes him laugh and he likes hanging out with her, but it won't get serious. He has kissed her once though, and he kissed another girl, Janelle's best friend Christa, on a dare. He said that his boat mates sortof pushed him into dating her, but that she's a cool girl. We talked for like 45 minutes, during wich he called me Baby and said that he thinks we WILL not might get back together, he's just not sure when. During the conversation I COMPLETELY opened up and told him everything, including how I was confused, I still loved him, and even how I felt weird talking to him on the phone b/c he is my best friend and I'm so used to saying I love you and calling him Baby but I can't cause I don't want him to feel uncomfortable, and how I knew I started the whole problem with what I said. It's so weird b/c he still listens and I still feel so comfortable. He didn't say anything about me going to his sister's wedding in DEC anymore, but he did say he would hang out with me when he comes down then (I gave up going to Walt Disney World for his sister's wedding, so I better be going! LOL! Regardless if it's just as friends!!!I don't know how to bring that up really... everytime I do he avoids it soooo i dunno) and he said that he still thinks of me alot and blah blah blah. ANd he said it's been hard on him, that he's cried too. Some people I talk to about it think he's sincer and some people say he just wants to "Have his cake and eat it to" but I dunno. I believe him. Maybe I'm still naive and stupid and setting myself up to get hurt, but I believe him. I mean, I want us to work out and I believe we will. I talked to my great aunt (she's like a second mom) today and she told me she would pray and that I should just pray and that if he is the right one then we'll get back together and if he's not then someone else will find me. I just don't know... He's sending me mixed signals, and I told him that, but he asked how, because he's like, "We are getting back together and I call you almost everyday" and that's true, but then he's going out and dating that other girl and KISSING her? I have nightmares about it! LoL, but what should I do? Any advice? I mean, I've already decided I need to not limit myself to just him (especially since i have to find a new date to prom now lol) and that it will work out if it's meant to be, but what do you guys think? I mean, it's weird too, when we talk on the phone, we pretty much act the same way, I mean we can talk about anything, and we an be kind of flirtatious, we just usually don' call each other baby or say I love you. I dunno. LOL advice?Thanks!
outdated Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 People that are sure of things don't need breaks. A break is a cop out. Make him sweat it out. If he comes back, then think a while before you make any rash decisions. You're young, and I know you don't want to hear this, but chances are he's not the one that you'll spend the rest of your life with. Live each day as if you're searching for that one, and if he does come back, make him earn it.
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