syd89 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I am 27 years old, female. I have never been the sexiest person. Going through high school and university I didn't get much attention from guys (looking at me, talking to me, flirting). My friends get attention left and right, and I had no one interested in university. In high school the only guys that were interested were foreign guys, whatever that means about me (somewhere in Africa, Afghanistan, Brazil, Philippines). We flirted and we talked in class, but never asked me out or even asked to hang out. Guess they didn't like me enough. I'm not completely revolting to look at, like a 5 maybe 6 if I'm being generous. Enough that guys aren't disgusted by me, but not enough that they actually want to be with me or even sleep with me. I've never kissed a guy or had sex. I get told by girl friends that I'm pretty and guy friends say I'm cute, but obviously not. I can't tell you how many times I have heard "I don't like you that way". I'm not fat (5'2, 125lb) but not a super thin either. My friends kept saying it would be different when I was done school and working, well that ship has sailed. I joined a couple online dating sites. The site that I get a lot of messages, the guys just want sex and I quit that one. The other one is popular but I don't get the amount of messages my friends get. They get dozens a day, I get maybe a couple at most. Most men are asking what my last relationship was like or when it was, when I tell them I have never had a relationship they disappear. If they stick around longer they will ask if I'm a virgin then, when I say yes they disappear. I've gone on a few dates but they never progress to anything. It's making me just want to sleep with the first man who will settle for me and get it over with. But I don't want that for a first time. I'm not religious at all so I don't think I will find a man who likes my non-existant sexual history. I wish I was more attractive so men would like me. I don't want someone to settle for me. My friends always get comments on how good they look, how pretty they are, I never have. Literally, never. The other day a friend changed his Facebook cover photo to a recent group photo we took. I was on the far end and he cropped me out. Apparently I'm that ugly. I'm just about ready to give up. I don't go out with my friends as much because I'm tired of guys approaching them and me not even given a second look. It's not even like I'm being choosy. A rock could give me attention at this rate and I'd take it. I just want to stop being the woman that is 27 and hasn't even had a guy touch her. I don't know what to do.
summertitparadise Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Don't rush. Everyone deserves to have someone. You'll meet one when your fate comes.
Els Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Virginity isn't much of a hindrance to women IMO. How are you meeting guys now, aside from OLD? Do you work? Join any hobby/volunteer groups? 1
mbee Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 The virginity isn't an issue. Matter of fact, I don't think it's something you need to mention until you are on a few dates with a guy and want to have sex. Regardless many guys wouldn't be turned off by that. It sounds like you have low confidence. I have no idea what you look, but if we assume you aren't that attractive well just look around you. There are many women who are attractive and unattractive who are in relationships. There are beautiful women who have also never been in a relationship. Physical attractiveness does matter to some guys, but truthfully lots of average and below average looking women find loving relationships with great guys. What are the types of guys you are going for? Are you going for just anyone or the quality guys? Focus on making an emotional connection. Even if you are not attractive, that shouldn't get in the way of meeting someone and finding love. You are likely just not going for the type of guys you can have an emotional and mental connection with. Also do you meet guys outside of online dating?
Tribble Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I feel ya. It's really difficult being the one in a group that doesn't get any attention when all your friends do. That happens to me too. It's especially upsetting when they're coupled up and not interested in the approaches they get and I'm the single one haha! I know for me, I have an air about me that puts guys people off approaching me. Like I wouldn't be open to them engaging with me. It really is all in the attitude, not physical appearance. I'm not stunning by any stretch of the imagination but I wouldn't say there is a marked difference of attractiveness in my group of friends. And yet, they get approached MUCH more often than I do. It's not deliberate, it's subconscious. I'm sure there are many, many reasons why I am that way and I try to be better. Could this apply to you too? You assume you won't get approached so you act in a certain way that assures you wont? Kind of like a self fulfilling prophesy? Why do you think that would be? In terms of your friend cropping you out, he may not have at all. The photos on facebook don't always fit and you have to drag and drop them somewhere. I've cropped people out plenty of times that were on the end purely because the picture wouldn't fit. It was nothing personal at all.
Larryville Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 How do I get men interested if I'm not very attractive and a virgin Virgin irrelevant... I have never been the sexiest person. Being sexy is a mindset, I've seen fat people project sexiness, about confidence. I didn't get much attention from guys (looking at me, talking to me, flirting). high school the only guys that were interested were foreign guys, I'm not completely revolting to look at, like a 5 maybe 6 if I'm being generous. I've never kissed a guy or had sex. Kissing is the gateway to intimacy, if you don't engage you will never be bale to bond with anyone. I get told by girl friends that I'm pretty and guy friends say I'm cute, but obviously not. It's making me just want to sleep with the first man who will settle for me I wish I was more attractive First of all you gotta stop this and soon… If you persistently feel unattractive that usually is a predictor and a symptom of depression, and that underlying problem needs to be addressed professionally. There is this disorder “Body Dysmorphic Disorder” you sound like a classic case. It revolves around dissatisfaction with one's looks. You may need professional help, in the form of therapy or possible medication. Depression is a serious issue and needs to be dealt with. The other thing is maybe look at yourself closely from head to toe and ask yourself what can I change? Hair, make-up, teeth, type of clothing, posture, how you walk, how you talk, do you have any bad habits (smoking), do you exercise ect. Attractiveness also manifests itself through mental clarity. I guarantee you that you project (your perceived unattractiveness) to all you come in contact with (men) Eye contact, your smile (why good teeth are important) and again posture... projects confidence. First fix the mental… also whatever you have been doing up to the point of posting this thread, change blow up the old you and reinvent. Like someone said we can’t see you but even if we did and you were “attractive” and you got hundreds of “likes” by folks here would not matter until you change your mental mindset. Good Luck 1
preraph Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Your best chance to meet someone who likes you is to do a lot of activities involving other people and keep making new friends too. It's easier to fall for someone with repeated exposure, so church, school, hobbies, working in retail or as a server in a restaurant, that sort of thing makes it easier to meet people and them get to know you and like you. You see unperfect people all the time coupled up at, for example, Walmart, so it's not just the pretty ones getting married, etc. But online, everyone seems to shoot for the moon and go for people way above their own attractiveness level, so online may not be the best place for you. It is true different cultures find different body types attractive, so if you are getting attention from foreign men, by all means give them a chance. Good luck.
ChatroomHero Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I wonder if you're telling guys things like you're a virgin, no relationship...to say here are all the things wrong with me if you can get past it...instead of selling yourself. Like a used car salesman saying a car has rust and 200,000 miles rather than saying it runs great and has a new engine.
stillafool Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Virginity isn't much of a hindrance to women IMO. How are you meeting guys now, aside from OLD? Do you work? Join any hobby/volunteer groups? I think after a certain age it is. Men view it as too much responsibility thinking the woman will fall head over heels for them and they can't get rid of her. I've had men tell me this.
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Focus on yourself. Do things that make you happy. Exercise. Develop friendships. Date as many men as you can to develop your dating skills. When you are happy and confident in yourself, that is when you are attractive. I too often felt like the one in my group of friends who didn't get any attention. I have always been self-conscious about my body and my looks. But, I have met a wonderful man who thinks that I am beautiful. He thinks that I am sexy. Sometimes I'm not always sure why... But, I have learned that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The right man will find you beautiful. But, there is SO MUCH MORE to attraction than physical appearance... It has everything to do with confidence and who you are as a person. Good luck! 1
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 You need to start with the inside first. Personality, positive attitude, and confidence...find some self help books to get inspired. Next, go to a salon and get a make over...hair and makeup. After that hit the stores, start a new wardrobe. Those sales ladies know their stuff....if you ask they will put outfits together for you, help you with mix and match. When you look your best and dress for success, you will gain so much confidence in yourself, and that's when they will notice you. **you can also take flirting classes, belly dancing, and find a dating coach. If you want this bad enough, you need to get on with your transformation. 2
SwordofFlame Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Don't tell men that you're a virgin and just don't make a big deal out of it. To the best of your knowledge, just act like you've done it before. It seems like you are disclosing way too much information too soon. You're not fat but if you want to improve yourself, start working out and lose a little bit of weight. 1
mortensorchid Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Don't lament your condition or circumstances. Get out of the house, interact with as many people with community work, socially, etc. Be friendly and open to new situations and be welcoming, but not TOO friendly and welcoming. It's all a delicate balance. That's the first step. If there was a magic word or phrase I could tell you to do or say, I would tell you what it is. Outside of that, keep moving forward.
Recommended Posts