Ribeiro2245 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Basically me and this girl have been flirting at work. She can tell I'm interested and vice versa. I've asked her out a couple times and she flaked both times so i stop asking. She eventually contacted me first and said we should get together. I jumped right on that and ask her out for a drink. She accepted and we had a date set for after work the following week. The day of the date came and I was about to IM her at the end of the day but noticed she was already offline. So I'm like maybe she's waiting for me in the lobby. I texted her and she never replied. An hour went by and nothing. So I went and hung out with another friend. Later I came across her snapchat story and she took a pic of a drink. I feel like this a huge slap in my face. My question is how should I handle her when I come across her at work?
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Since you didn't touch base before the date she could have forgotten or thought you might not be on. Never set a date a week in advance and not touch base the day of or the day before. In fact, never do that with any appointment since things do come up and people forget things unless it is a doc appointment they tend to stick. But you said she flaked before maybe she is just a flake. When you see her next or if you IM at work send her a message tomorrow and simply say something like "did you forget something last night?" And she'll either play dumb or really have forgotten. In which case ask her "didn't you ask me out to hang last night a week ago?" see what she says. Be cool and see what excuse she gives you. Then come back here and we can all cut her to pieces on what lame-ass excuse she uses. No I'm kidding on that part...ask her and feel out what she responds. Better to ask her in person so you can see her body language.
Author Ribeiro2245 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 Since you didn't touch base before the date she could have forgotten or thought you might not be on. Never set a date a week in advance and not touch base the day of or the day before. In fact, never do that with any appointment since things do come up and people forget things unless it is a doc appointment they tend to stick. But you said she flaked before maybe she is just a flake. When you see her next or if you IM at work send her a message tomorrow and simply say something like "did you forget something last night?" And she'll either play dumb or really have forgotten. In which case ask her "didn't you ask me out to hang last night a week ago?" see what she says. Be cool and see what excuse she gives you. Then come back here and we can all cut her to pieces on what lame-ass excuse she uses. No I'm kidding on that part...ask her and feel out what she responds. Better to ask her in person so you can see her body language. Thanks for the advice! The thing is. Last Thursday we both agreed to get a drink tonight. I reminded her Monday about the date and she was still down.
mbee Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Thanks for the advice! The thing is. Last Thursday we both agreed to get a drink tonight. I reminded her Monday about the date and she was still down. I have to agree with the earlier response a bit. I feel two ways honestly. 1. She flaked before so she may be a flaky person. That is definitely true. 2. However, to be honest, I would be concerned she felt the date wasn't on or that you had lost interest. I have had a guy not confirm the date within a day or 2 of the date and whenever he asked very last minute if we were still on, I'd reply with, "I didn't know we were still on." I think in the future, maybe confirm the day before or the morning of, never in the evening. Personally I'd feel like you were standing me up if you had confirmed so late in the day. Keep in mind this is a first date so I think it's normal to expect people to touch base and confirm early in the day or the day before. Once you guys meet up and go on a date, it'll be easier to be more spontaneous and relaxed about confirming dates in the future. Keep in mind that if she's flaked in the past, she may feel you might flake on her which means she may have thought you weren't into her or changed your mind. Instead of making assumptions, ask her if she forgot about the date and that you had tried to make contact but couldn't get ahold of her. See how she responds. If she said she didn't realize you were still on, then that tells you she's the type that needs you to confirm at least more than a few hours before the date. If she gives a weird excuse, then she's being flaky and I'd recommend you pursue other people instead.
Author Ribeiro2245 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 I have to agree with the earlier response a bit. I feel two ways honestly. 1. She flaked before so she may be a flaky person. That is definitely true. 2. However, to be honest, I would be concerned she felt the date wasn't on or that you had lost interest. I have had a guy not confirm the date within a day or 2 of the date and whenever he asked very last minute if we were still on, I'd reply with, "I didn't know we were still on." I think in the future, maybe confirm the day before or the morning of, never in the evening. Personally I'd feel like you were standing me up if you had confirmed so late in the day. Keep in mind this is a first date so I think it's normal to expect people to touch base and confirm early in the day or the day before. Once you guys meet up and go on a date, it'll be easier to be more spontaneous and relaxed about confirming dates in the future. Keep in mind that if she's flaked in the past, she may feel you might flake on her which means she may have thought you weren't into her or changed your mind. Instead of making assumptions, ask her if she forgot about the date and that you had tried to make contact but couldn't get ahold of her. See how she responds. If she said she didn't realize you were still on, then that tells you she's the type that needs you to confirm at least more than a few hours before the date. If she gives a weird excuse, then she's being flaky and I'd recommend you pursue other people instead. I think it's pretty clear she's stringing me along. I mean to say we are still on about 2 days before and to forget so easily like that is weird. I texted her 4 hours ago about what happened and still no response. But she has time to snap pics lol?
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Thanks for the advice! The thing is. Last Thursday we both agreed to get a drink tonight. I reminded her Monday about the date and she was still down. So Monday, as in two days ago you reminded her about last night (Tuesday) she was still down and then didn't show up? Ok that's rude. You can ignore her or ask her what happened. What way are you leaning towards?
mbee Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I think it's pretty clear she's stringing me along. I mean to say we are still on about 2 days before and to forget so easily like that is weird. I texted her 4 hours ago about what happened and still no response. But she has time to snap pics lol? Yeah she's rude. The best way to deal with people like this is ignore them. Have you thought maybe that's why she asked you out? She sounds like the type of person who likes to be chased and have attention thrown at her. when you stopped asking her out, she asked you out but clearly wasn't serious. Ignore her completely. Just leave it alone and act like last week where she asked you to hang out never happened. I wouldn't approach her or be unpleasant towards her. Just act like it never happened and limit all communication to her to work-related business only.
ChatroomHero Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I would let it go and act like it was no big deal. A flake will get defensive if you call her on it. I would answer any other invites from her with, "maybe, we'll see". Don't plan on anything and if she suggests a drink like 'right now' and you are free, go if not don't go out of your way. You'll look causal and she won't have the opportunity to flake. If you try to set something up she will flake, you know that. If you do go out don't make set plans for another time after, play it casual. You won't get burned, she won't be able to flake, if she is truly interested or gains more interest she might invest more respect. Basically don't make an investment on a proven bad investment. Take any freebies that come your way, but I wouldn't put in any more effort right now.
Author Ribeiro2245 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 So Monday, as in two days ago you reminded her about last night (Tuesday) she was still down and then didn't show up? Ok that's rude. You can ignore her or ask her what happened. What way are you leaning towards? I mean I already asked her and she still hasn't responded to my text. So I'm leaning more towards ignoring her. Maybe not completely ignoring her but not going out my way to have a conversation with her.
Author Ribeiro2245 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 Yeah she's rude. The best way to deal with people like this is ignore them. Have you thought maybe that's why she asked you out? She sounds like the type of person who likes to be chased and have attention thrown at her. when you stopped asking her out, she asked you out but clearly wasn't serious. Ignore her completely. Just leave it alone and act like last week where she asked you to hang out never happened. I wouldn't approach her or be unpleasant towards her. Just act like it never happened and limit all communication to her to work-related business only. My thoughts exactly! I think she's an attention seeker. I'm done talking with her. Because what ever excuse she has is flawed. The nerve to go out for a drink with other friends when she knew we had a date scheduled lol
preraph Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Basically me and this girl have been flirting at work. She can tell I'm interested and vice versa. I've asked her out a couple times and she flaked both times so i stop asking. She eventually contacted me first and said we should get together. I jumped right on that and ask her out for a drink. She accepted and we had a date set for after work the following week. The day of the date came and I was about to IM her at the end of the day but noticed she was already offline. So I'm like maybe she's waiting for me in the lobby. I texted her and she never replied. An hour went by and nothing. So I went and hung out with another friend. Later I came across her snapchat story and she took a pic of a drink. I feel like this a huge slap in my face. My question is how should I handle her when I come across her at work? The same way you should handle her if instead she'd boinked your brains out: politely and strictly professional.
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I mean I already asked her and she still hasn't responded to my text. So I'm leaning more towards ignoring her. Maybe not completely ignoring her but not going out my way to have a conversation with her. Aww I'm sorry... That is SO freaking rude! I'd go full-on ignore. Who cares if she thinks it upset you that she stood you up and that "you care," you do care you wouldn't have asked her to hang if you didn't care. And rude behaviour should not be rewarded with more friendly behaviour from you. Go cold and let her chase you if she was anything but a self-absorbed flake she will come around and want to know why you aren't chasing her.
smudge21 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Agree with everyone here, she just likes the attention and wants to be chased. Wait and see if she mentions anything again or not. Either way, don't show emotion, definitely no anger towards her - some people feed off that as it shows deep emotion and if she's ego driven then she'll love it. If she's like this with you, chances are she's like this with others and people like this often flake on so many people that eventually they find that no one is bothered anymore. Plus you got to remember that if things are rough now, imagine what they'd be like if you two got serious. You should always set sail on calm seas, not during a storm.
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