What did I do wrong here? (asking for a cashier's number)

[sam123456]

Today I was at the grocery store.

 

As the cashier was handing me my change, I said "Hey, can I get your number?"

 

She blushed and said "You mean my cell phone number?"

 

I said "Yeah"

 

She said "No..."

 

I said "Okay", then laughed.

 

What did I do wrong here? Is what I did wrong the fact that I'm supposed to make some conversation and get to know the person (maybe over multiple shopping trips?) before asking for her number?

[ChatroomHero]

Today I was at the grocery store.

 

As the cashier was handing me my change, I said "Hey, can I get your number?"

 

She blushed and said "You mean my cell phone number?"

 

I said "Yeah"

 

She said "No..."

 

I said "Okay", then laughed.

 

What did I do wrong here? Is what I did wrong the fact that I'm supposed to make some conversation and get to know the person (maybe over multiple shopping trips?) before asking for her number?

 

You weren't handsoming hard enough.

[Grisho]

It's not a case of right and wrong. She had a choice whether to give it, and decided not to. You weren't wrong to ask. She wasn't wrong to refuse. Women are not obliged to hand over their number to anyone Tom, Dick or Harry, based simply on him asking.

[preraph]

It's not that you necessarily did anything wrong, though that was pretty abrupt, but it wouldn't have had any different outcome even if you'd slowed down and been smooth. She simply wasn't interested in you back. Who knows why and who cares? She could be taken, she could be gay, she could not like your hair color or you may remind her of her skeevy Uncle Larry or a kid that bullied her in junior high.

 

She wasn't attracted. Forget about it. Pat on the back for trying, and don't let it stop you in the future.

[NIGHT1985]

I don't really like asking anyone out at their employment place anyways, but if you do, do some flirting over time to see if she has any attraction to you. Going in blindly like that is gonna make things awkward

[Grisho]

I don't really like asking anyone out at their employment place anyways, but if you do, do some flirting over time to see if she has any attraction to you. Going in blindly like that is gonna make things awkward

 

I get approached a lot. Assuming I was single, and assuming his look and mannerisms charmed me, I'd likely give my number. It wouldn't put me off. It's just a number after all. It's not indicative of anything more than let's have a chat, and see if we get along at that stage. I've never had to block anyone, and I've only had to ask 1 man to stop contacting me, which he did.

[JoeSmith357-1]

What did I do wrong here?

 

You asked a cashier for her phone number, in line, while working. THAT'S what you did wrong.

[basil67]

I would think the problem is that you didn't gauge if she was interested first.

[Grisho]

You asked a cashier for her phone number, in line, while working. THAT'S what you did wrong.

 

That wouldn't be a problem for me, I must say. If I wasn't interested, I'd say no and do sometimes. Most of the times, I don't say no. I like being approached in person typically, whether I am attracted or not. I think it's a lovely part of the day, when there's a little bit of flirting and whatnot.

 

Not suggesting my thoughts are everyone's, but wanting to say I feel differently on what you posted.

[basil67]

That wouldn't be a problem for me, I must say. If I wasn't interested, I'd say no and do sometimes. Most of the times, I don't say no. I like being approached in person typically, whether I am attracted or not. I think it's a lovely part of the day, when there's a little bit of flirting and whatnot.

 

Not suggesting my thoughts are everyone's, but wanting to say I feel differently on what you posted.

 

I'm a woman. I have never liked being approached for my number by someone who I haven't had a conversation with.

[Dork Vader]

I ask for numbers all the time when people are working. It's not a huge deal, unless it would create an unethical relationship. For example Doctor and patient and so on.

 

That aside I don't think you did anything wrong, you'll get shot down a lot. They might not be single, they might not be attracted to you, tons of reasons for not giving it to you.

 

Just blurting out can I have your number does kind of put them on the spot. I've found being more flirty and casual about it works better.

[joseb]

I guess it might work sometimes, but generally you need to establish a bit of a connection through flirting first before just asking for her number.

 

Plus I rarely ask people who are just doing their job.

[redbaron007]

Today I was at the grocery store.

 

As the cashier was handing me my change, I said "Hey, can I get your number?"

 

She blushed and said "You mean my cell phone number?"

 

I said "Yeah"

 

She said "No..."

 

I said "Okay", then laughed.

 

What did I do wrong here? Is what I did wrong the fact that I'm supposed to make some conversation and get to know the person (maybe over multiple shopping trips?) before asking for her number?

 

Your direct approach is advisable if there is no chance that you will bump into her again. But a cute cashier at your local grocery store will be someone you will meet over and over again. Next time you bump into her, say a friendly hi, compliment her on her looks, ask her whether she goes to the local college, etc...all is not lost. I can guarantee she will remember you.

 

My personal experience: there is a cashier at my local Safeway whom I find very attractive (beautiful eyes, lovely features, flawless complexion, long hair, slim). I saw her for the first time maybe 3 months ago. The problem is that the environment is probably the least romantic possible - long lines of people ahead and behind you, tons of groceries to ring in and bag, and this girl was always super-busy. I remember when I first complimented her on her lipstick, she looked shocked, blushed a little and looked away, bagged my stuff and wished me a great evening...all business. But since its my local grocery, I kept seeing her and would always patiently stand in line, and when my turn came, say something nice about her hair, complexion, etc. Slowly she started recognizing me, and would smile warmly. I would always give her a high-five greeting her with "Hello glamorous XYZ". After almost 3 months of familiarity, last week is the first time she asked me how I've been doing. I was surprised, and said "I've been kinda busy", and we started chatting while she bagged my stuff...she told me she wanted to be an aesthetician but there was no money in it, so she's studying business, etc. etc...and then while parting, she said:"It's good to see you!". It was still hectic, and she would not have given me her number since there were like 7 people behind me in line, but I can sense that she has warmed up to me enough that she may like to go out for a smoothie (she looks about 19-20), so I will ask her on my next grocery trip.

[Toodaloo]

You need to chit chat a bit while she is running things through then you need to say that she seems like a lovely person and that if she is single you would like to take her out on a date and can you have her number.

 

Just randomly asking point blank like that will not get you results because its a shock to be asked like that even if she is single and fancies you...

 

Reasons why women say no.

 

1. Already dating someone else/ married

2. Shocked that we were asked/ flustered so automatically say no

3. Don't fancy the guy

4. Do not feel comfortable around the guy

5. Bad mood today for whatever reason (car broken down, argument with friend etc)

6. Not ready to date after breaking up a short time ago

7. Not feeling confident because its a greasy hair/ zit/ PMS day

 

There are probably more than that but those are the basics.

 

What to do and how to get around it.

 

1. Already dating someone else/ married

 

Nothing you can do. Move on.

 

2. Shocked that we were asked/ flustered so automatically say no

 

Work on talking to them normally, getting to know them and them you, then after a few more "meets" if they are friendly and talkative - ask again. If they are quiet and not engaging - move on.

 

3. Don't fancy the guy

 

Nothing you can do. Move on.

 

4. Do not feel comfortable around the guy

 

Work on your people skills but DO NOT pester as you will make it worse.

 

5. Bad mood today for whatever reason (car broken down, argument with friend etc)

 

Work on talking to them normally, getting to know them and them you, then after a few more "meets" if they are friendly and talkative - ask again. If they are quiet and not engaging - move on.

 

6. Not ready to date after breaking up a short time ago

 

Work on talking to them normally, getting to know them and them you, then after a few more "meets" if they are friendly and talkative - ask again. If they are quiet and not engaging - move on. Note if you are going to ask again you need to leave it until they no longer mention their ex before asking.

 

7. Not feeling confident because its a greasy hair/ zit/ PMS day

 

Work on talking to them normally, getting to know them and them you, then after a few more "meets" if they are friendly and talkative - ask again. If they are quiet and not engaging - move on.

 

Its not rocket science. Its just learning to watch how people react then working out what is going on through body language and what they say.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Your direct approach is advisable if there is no chance that you will bump into her again. But a cute cashier at your local grocery store will be someone you will meet over and over again. Next time you bump into her, say a friendly hi, compliment her on her looks, ask her whether she goes to the local college, etc...all is not lost. I can guarantee she will remember you.

 

My personal experience: there is a cashier at my local Safeway whom I find very attractive (beautiful eyes, lovely features, flawless complexion, long hair, slim). I saw her for the first time maybe 3 months ago. The problem is that the environment is probably the least romantic possible - long lines of people ahead and behind you, tons of groceries to ring in and bag, and this girl was always super-busy. I remember when I first complimented her on her lipstick, she looked shocked, blushed a little and looked away, bagged my stuff and wished me a great evening...all business. But since its my local grocery, I kept seeing her and would always patiently stand in line, and when my turn came, say something nice about her hair, complexion, etc. Slowly she started recognizing me, and would smile warmly. I would always give her a high-five greeting her with "Hello glamorous XYZ". After almost 3 months of familiarity, last week is the first time she asked me how I've been doing. I was surprised, and said "I've been kinda busy", and we started chatting while she bagged my stuff...she told me she wanted to be an aesthetician but there was no money in it, so she's studying business, etc. etc...and then while parting, she said:"It's good to see you!". It was still hectic, and she would not have given me her number since there were like 7 people behind me in line, but I can sense that she has warmed up to me enough that she may like to go out for a smoothie (she looks about 19-20), so I will ask her on my next grocery trip.

 

I've been going to the same grocery store for years...never really bothered asking anyone out there, just didn't seem conducive, even though there were pretty cashiers working there.

 

Funny thing, I happened to see one cashier pop up on Facebook via a community/group board. I'm very tempted to start a conversation that way. lol

 

"Hey, don't you work at <name>, funny meeting you here!" Not sure how that would go over though.

[Grisho]

You need to chit chat a bit while she is running things through then you need to say that she seems like a lovely person and that if she is single you would like to take her out on a date and can you have her number.

 

Just randomly asking point blank like that will not get you results because its a shock to be asked like that even if she is single and fancies you...

 

Reasons why women say no.

 

1. Already dating someone else/ married

2. Shocked that we were asked/ flustered so automatically say no

3. Don't fancy the guy

4. Do not feel comfortable around the guy

5. Bad mood today for whatever reason (car broken down, argument with friend etc)

6. Not ready to date after breaking up a short time ago

7. Not feeling confident because its a greasy hair/ zit/ PMS day

 

There are probably more than that but those are the basics.

 

<snip>

 

In the scenario here, and given I rarely say no, I thought it might be useful to add that I say no only when I have no attraction to them. If I was on the fence, I'd say yes.

Edited August 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate full quote

[Toodaloo]

I've been going to the same grocery store for years...never really bothered asking anyone out there, just didn't seem conducive, even though there were pretty cashiers working there.

 

Funny thing, I happened to see one cashier pop up on Facebook via a community/group board. I'm very tempted to start a conversation that way. lol

 

"Hey, don't you work at <name>, funny meeting you here!" Not sure how that would go over though.

 

That would come over as creepy/ stalker behavior.

 

Just talk to the cashiers when you do your shopping. That is what normal people do.

[Grisho]

That would come over as creepy/ stalker behavior.

 

Just talk to the cashiers when you do your shopping. That is what normal people do.

 

I really love chatting to customers and cashiers in shops. It's such a nice way to pass time while I buy shopping, which I don't find that interesting.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I really love chatting to customers and cashiers in shops. It's such a nice way to pass time while I buy shopping, which I don't find that interesting.

 

Well, you're in the minority, most Loveshack people will tell you that since cashiers/waitresses or anyone in the service industry get hit on all the time and thus get tired of it, but they have to be nice to you because their employer requires it.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, you're in the minority, most Loveshack people will tell you that since cashiers/waitresses or anyone in the service industry get hit on all the time and thus get tired of it, but they have to be nice to you because their employer requires it.

 

A big difference between pleasant chatting and 'hitting on'. I know all my local cashiers by name. I can chat them up with them knowing I'm not hitting on them (men and women).

 

Yep, service industry must play nice. Stick to hitting on other customers in line. That way you'll know the rejection is true.

[Grisho]

Well, you're in the minority, most Loveshack people will tell you that since cashiers/waitresses or anyone in the service industry get hit on all the time and thus get tired of it, but they have to be nice to you because their employer requires it.

 

I don't believe any of that's relevant outside of America. You have to remember that, outside of America, service staff are being paid by their employer for their work, and have all the corresponding employment rights. They are paid like any other worker in employment. They might be given tips on top, but they will be paid regardless of whether customers come in or not, and they will know what they will earn every time they work.

 

I haven't lived in many countries where the culture is to blanketly chat-up the service staff. It certainly happen occasionally, but that means a couple of times a year, if that, and only when people have known each other a few months and are familiar.

 

I'm good friends with some of the checkout women and men in a local supermarket here, and have had 4 of them over for dinner, and see them all a couple of times a week socially.

[LookAtThisPOst]

A big difference between pleasant chatting and 'hitting on'. I know all my local cashiers by name. I can chat them up with them knowing I'm not hitting on them (men and women).

 

Yep, service industry must play nice. Stick to hitting on other customers in line. That way you'll know the rejection is true.

 

Well, actually, being "hit on" vs. "chatting" is in the eye of the beholder. I've known women to say they were "hit on" when the guy was really trying to chat with them.

 

So the terms can be used interchangeably and up to interpretation.

 

Yep, service industry must play nice. Stick to hitting on other customers in line. That way you'll know the rejection is true.

 

Can't, most are over 60 or have a cart full of kids. lol

[Toodaloo]

A big difference between pleasant chatting and 'hitting on'. I know all my local cashiers by name. I can chat them up with them knowing I'm not hitting on them (men and women).

 

Yep, service industry must play nice. Stick to hitting on other customers in line. That way you'll know the rejection is true.

 

Oh drats... I took the boys at the tyre place all chocolate this morning... Who knew I was trying to get into their knickers!

 

When I was working as "service staff" I went out with a few customers... Just saying!

[smudge21]

It could be worse - I did that years ago, got the number and was high as a kite. However, turned out she had a boyfriend and just loved the attention, so played me a bit and always gave excuses. Better to be upfront and honest IMO. Next time you see her, maybe apologise for being so abrupt and then let it go. See if she reacts and wants to chat, if not, let it go... let it gooooo...

[jen1447]

OP, did you even talk at all before the number move? The way your post reads, it was totally cold. If so that's a low percentage play and that's what you did wrong.