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Does it sound like this guy has anxiety issues when it comes to relationships?

hayennadena

By hayennadena
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hayennadena New Member

hayennadena

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So i've been talking to guy i met online for 3 weeks. We have seen eachother 3 times throughout those 3 weeks. He has never made an exact definite plan beforehand for us to meet up all those times. Never made a date on a weekend. Always said i'll let you know tomorrow and would make the date and time of our meetup last minute and on a weekday. Everytime we met up he would always end the date early and make excuses like work... I always felt a sense of anxiety from him. He texts me first everyday, all day btw.

 

Yesterday we had our 3rd date and as soon as he saw me he said i gotta go back to work laterish. Him saying that turned me off so bad, but we had a good time overall and it was very romantic and emotional. So then he tells me to text him when i get home. I do, we text all night and then he suddenly asks if i had a good time, i said i did and asked him and he said he did but he's not sure. He thinks we're not comfortable talking and asks me if i felt the same way and i said i felt comfortable. and then he says hes just overthinking things as usual and its been a long time since hes dated someone seriously. I feel like he's just trying to find faults when everything between us was actually pretty good.

 

I honestly feel like he has some type of commitment issues. I see so many red flags. Him working all the time and work taking over his life, he even told me i work too much. Not making concrete plans. Making dates short. Making excuses.

 

 

What do you guys think? should I just forget him and move on? When he told me that last night,i felt so hurt. As if i did something wrong and i'm to blame :(((((((

Edited by hayennadena
preraph Established Member

preraph

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He's bad at dating or else he's not very interested. I'm feeling some of both. He said he's uncomfortable, so yes it's him! I don't think I'd keep going out with him if he couldn't plan a date and take me out properly and not complain about it....

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hayennadena New Member

hayennadena

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He's bad at dating or else he's not very interested. I'm feeling some of both. He said he's uncomfortable, so yes it's him! I don't think I'd keep going out with him if he couldn't plan a date and take me out properly and not complain about it....

 

 

 

Thank you for your answer! You are right! But i just don't get why he texted me everyday if he's not interested :/

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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He's not feeling it.

 

This isn't your fault - it's just a matter of compatibility. One can't be compatible with everyone ;)

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Dork Vader Established Member

Dork Vader

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I would have too agree, there is more going on here then meets the eye. He could be rebounding, he could be a lot of things.. What is something you'll only find out IF you ask him.

 

Even if I'm only some what interested I make dates, not last minute things that I modify because of work or this or that. When I have a date it's on a day when I know my schedule will be open unless it's other wise stated before hand.

 

You could try talking about these things. But I don't think much or anything will change.

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Are you sure he is single? Sounds like someone who is already attached and having to be places before or after he sees you; like at home with his woman.

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OnlyHonesty Established Member

OnlyHonesty

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Are you sure he is single? Sounds like someone who is already attached and having to be places before or after he sees you; like at home with his woman.

 

 

 

Not necessarily..I'm like him and that's part of why I don't date. I don't like ties, don't like definite plans and like being free. It's possible he feels he should be dating and is going through the motions instead of being honest with himself. Classic signs of being emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic..

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Not necessarily..I'm like him and that's part of why I don't date. I don't like ties, don't like definite plans and like being free. It's possible he feels he should be dating and is going through the motions instead of being honest with himself. Classic signs of being emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic..

 

Very true! ;-)

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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Thank you for your answer! You are right! But i just don't get why he texted me everyday if he's not interested :/

 

You answered your own question. The guy has anxiety issues which interfere with his interactions with other individuals and hence the reason why he feels more comfortable via text and texts you all day. I used to know a chick who.would text me all.day but in person would damn near hyperventilate, it's normal we all have issues.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You can't make a life with someone whose comfort level is texting. You have to bypass those people if you want a real relationship and kids someday because they have to be able to hold up their end of a family. I have a friend who married someone similar, social anxiety, and he's made marriage three times as hard for her as it would be if she was single. Hides in his room at holidays when family is over, etc. Hides behind work to keep from interacting and helping out.

 

Don't expect someone with a real anxiety to change. They are the last to seek help.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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I would say he is a sufferer. He will over analyze everything til the cows come home.

 

This behavior will never change just like the above poster said.

 

Follow your gut....you said red flags everywhere.....

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Not necessarily..I'm like him and that's part of why I don't date. I don't like ties, don't like definite plans and like being free. It's possible he feels he should be dating and is going through the motions instead of being honest with himself. Classic signs of being emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic..

 

I'm like him and that's part of why I don't date

 

It's possible he feels he should be dating and is going through the motions instead of being honest with himself. -- That's what you're doing . . .

 

If you don't like ties and like being free, why do you care if he's commitment-phobic? If he is, you two would be a good match really . . .

 

He's dating because he wants to have companionship, sex, etc. at some point . . . people don't do things unless there is some benefit to them. He's not doing it to force himself because he thinks it's something he should do unless he's completely and utterly confused and/or unbalanced emotionally.

 

You need to figure out what YOU want. Either you like things free and easy and not be tied down or you want to commit to a relationship with someone who wants the same things.

 

Beyond that, just have a conversation with him about what he's looking for out of his dating experiences and you tell him what you want. If he's unclear or not on the same page as you are, move on, plain and simple.

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GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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If he is like this now he is going to become a whole lot more hard work.

 

If you like/want that - stay.

If not - run.

I would run.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I think you need to determine if a texting adventure is a good enough substitute for an actual relationship that requires in-person involvement.

 

He thinks we're not comfortable talking and asks me if i felt the same way

He sounded like he was fishing for an answer that would have buttressed his own opinion that you two aren't connecting. If you're not feeling it all the way, why waste time?

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