SevenCity Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 I swear this is what is killing me. I went from on top of the world to absolute hell in a matter of minutes. At least when my marriage fell apart we both saw it coming. It was years in the making. I don't think I shed a single tear because of my divorce. My ex wife and I didn't even fight. We went to a lawyer, separated our lives out in one afternoon, no fighting at all, and a few weeks later it was done. We still cross paths from time to time and it's no big deal at all. It's like we almost laugh about how funny it was that we were actually married. It was seriously the most friendly divorce you could ever imagine, even though she had an affair. That's more my style, I don't freak out, I don't hold grudges, I just move on. But with this girl, she threw me off a cliff edge and I've never felt pain like this. It's incredible really. I can actually feel my heart hurting. It makes me feel weak, but I know stronger men than I have hurt much worse. If I could just make the images of another man with her leave my mind I would be good, but they flash in there and I get this strange jealous feeling, even after everything she has done. I feel like an idiot. I should hate her, but I don't. What you are going through is perfectly normal. I've turned into a jealous fool with the breakup of my recent ex. I am the least jealous guy you could ever possibly meet. Your ego is severely damaged. This can hurt more than anything. You put yourself out there and made yourself vulnerable and she chose someone else over you - even though she said you were the best. It's hurtful, confusing, humiliating, and devastating. The breakup of my marriage was similar to yours in the respect that I didn't really care. We had grown apart so much there was no emotions towards the end (from me anyway). I was with that girl for 10 years total. Yet the girl that I was with for a year devastated me. In time, you will get past this. I found it is helpful to write down all the things you didn't like about her. In the love fog there was nothing, but as your mind starts to clear you will start to see stuff about her that you didn't see before. Start a list and add to it as the thoughts enter your head. You will soon begin to realize she is not the goddess you put on a pedestal but just another chick. Let me start: - She broke your heart and didn't care - She contacted you after and sent messages that led you on and were only sent to make herself feel better - She was probably sleeping with the other guy while you two were together - She is immature ...continue.
Author Loveastrophe Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 She really has some nerve. And she really was contemplating going to your house if you didn't respond to her texts?! To give you this news in person and make this all the more excruciating for you?!?! Unbelievable. Stay away. Like I said, she's emotionally manipulative and selfish. She used you emotionally while she was working things out with her ex. That's what I was thinking? Why was it so important that she tell me this? Was she trying to give me closure or was she just trying to put a finishing move on me and make sure my heart was completely ripped out. I've never encountered anything like this, but I guess I'm a novice in the dating world. I had a ton of girlfriends through high school and the first couple years of college, but we were young, they really don't count. I met my ex wife at 20 and we were together until I was 32 so I didn't date all the way through my 20s. I'm learning now this seems to be a vicious world that I don't really care for at all. This entire event has actually made me terrified to even bother with dating anyone else. I was pretty happy those last couple years just doing my own thing, hooking up with a couple women, and not starting anything in the least. I let this woman sneak into my heart and she DESTROYED it in record time. What the hell? I don't know. That's all I can say. I just don't know.
Author Loveastrophe Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 What you are going through is perfectly normal. I've turned into a jealous fool with the breakup of my recent ex. I am the least jealous guy you could ever possibly meet. Your ego is severely damaged. This can hurt more than anything. You put yourself out there and made yourself vulnerable and she chose someone else over you - even though she said you were the best. It's hurtful, confusing, humiliating, and devastating. The breakup of my marriage was similar to yours in the respect that I didn't really care. We had grown apart so much there was no emotions towards the end (from me anyway). I was with that girl for 10 years total. Yet the girl that I was with for a year devastated me. In time, you will get past this. I found it is helpful to write down all the things you didn't like about her. In the love fog there was nothing, but as your mind starts to clear you will start to see stuff about her that you didn't see before. Start a list and add to it as the thoughts enter your head. You will soon begin to realize she is not the goddess you put on a pedestal but just another chick. Let me start: - She broke your heart and didn't care - She contacted you after and sent messages that led you on and were only sent to make herself feel better - She was probably sleeping with the other guy while you two were together - She is immature ...continue. That's really good advice man. The more I think about it the longer this list is going to get. I'm starting to see countless things about her that were major red flags now that I'm not locked into her eyes everyday. Thank all of you for this advice. I couldn't pay for therapy this good. lol 1
Author Loveastrophe Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 So last night she shows up at my front door and begs me to let her come back. She made a terrible mistake and realizes that her ex boyfriend was not the right one for her and that I was. She threw everything at me. Begging, threatening, trying to have sex with me, everything. If she had of done this earlier on I would have probably let her come back, but after 9 days of really thinking about it and feeling like death I told her to never contact me again and anyone that could flip on me that fast would just lead me to a much worse pain down the road. I forced her to leave sobbing. I love this girl. I really do, so much, but what she did is flat out wrong. She shattered me and I spent a week putting myself back together just so she could try and come back to mess with my heart and mind even more? I'm done with her. For once I'm going to listen to my brain and walk away before she completely destroys me. I see now this girl is flat out dangerous and will lead me to ruin. A part of me is proud of myself for being strong enough to do this, but another part of me feels heartbroken all over again. It's like a restart to this entire process. 2
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 She doesn't actually know what she wants, but my guess is that she doesn't really want you or her ex, she probably really wants a mix of the two of you. Your good points and his good points all in the same person. That is why you are right to just stay away, do not get involved, she will hurt you again. She is just frightened of being alone just now, once she gets herself back on track, she will be on the hunt for someone she really wants. At 34 you cannot afford to be with time wasters like this.
Author Loveastrophe Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 At 34 you cannot afford to be with time wasters like this. This statement actually freaks me out. It runs through my mind constantly. I know 34 isn't old by any stretch of the imagination, but damn. With every passing day I lose market value. Yes, I look at it this way.
BluesPower Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 You should be proud of yourself. You did exactly the right thing. Move on with your life and stay strong. DONOT LET HER BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. 1
BC1980 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 This statement actually freaks me out. It runs through my mind constantly. I know 34 isn't old by any stretch of the imagination, but damn. With every passing day I lose market value. Yes, I look at it this way. I see it more as entering another phase of life. I'm 35, so I can relate to how you feel. At this age, we are moving into another phase of our lives. Your 20s and early 30s are prime times to get married and start families, so, yes, we did miss that boat or are on the cusp of missing it. For a guy, it might be a little different because you can date younger. You could get a 30 yr. old and start a family. That being said, this next phase in your life will offer the opportunity to meet and fall in love with someone who is hopefully in your same phase in life. There are plenty of people who meet someone after those prime years to start a family are finished. It's really not uncommon at all. I don't think you loose market value overall, but you loose market value to a certain set of women. Women in their early 20s are probably that set. Same for me. I have to look for men in a different age bracket than I would have 10 years ago, but that makes sense. I'd prefer someone more mature and settled, which isn't a 25 year old. And a 25 year old wouldn't want me either, so it works both ways. 1
BluesPower Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 BC1980, you are right about looking for little older man. I won't even date young women, (not dating now), they are just really silly. I am sure that men that age are too. I can't personally remember it but I am sure I was.
AT15 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 The first RL after divorce always seems to be really intense. It happens to a many newly singles after divorce. And, the new person always has some emotional issues. But, looking at this from another angle, maybe it's a mirror of some emotional stuff you need to heal. But this first love after divorce seems to be a typical tale.
Author Loveastrophe Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 The first RL after divorce always seems to be really intense. It happens to a many newly singles after divorce. And, the new person always has some emotional issues. But, looking at this from another angle, maybe it's a mirror of some emotional stuff you need to heal. But this first love after divorce seems to be a typical tale. Interesting. I guess I've never really thought about it like that, but it makes perfect sense. I'm just ready for all this to be behind me. I feel like my mind is over it, but I still think about all that time we spent together and it makes me sad that it was all a facade. What a mess.
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