I feel destroyed

[Loveastrophe]

I'm a 34 year old male and was actually married from the age of 24-32. Wife had an affair, but the marriage was falling apart anyway. I got through it okay, but spent the next two years making sure not to get in a serious relationship. I felt damaged and wanted time to myself. I was happy, I had found myself, then 3 months ago I meet her. I had been on a few dates, but nothing ever really clicked, but when I met her it was one of those moments where everything completely loses all sense and you're pretty much dumbstruck.

 

The catch is she is 10 years younger than me. I look like I'm 27 or so. People don't believe me when I tell them my age. It's always been this way. I have a baby face and I'm in ridiculous shape. Anyway, this relationship started off with so much intensity for both of us I had to keep taking a step back and telling myself this will fade, it always does, don't get too involved, but as the weeks went by we seemed more and more perfect for each other. We look so good together, we have so much in common, she's brilliant, she's pretty much everything I ever dreamed of come to life.

 

The things she told me where exactly what I needed to hear to make me fall so hard and so fast. We didn't even sleep together for over a month because we were trying to "take it slow," but we were both so enthralled with each other it was useless to fight it any longer. The promises I made to her, the promises she made to me. It seemed so perfect the entire time. I finally threw caution to the wind, lowered my guard, and let this beautiful woman have my heart with her promising the entire time that she would never hurt me. I was fool, I believed her.

 

Friday, 8.12.16, out of nowhere she tells me she wants to take a step back and that maybe "someday" we could be together. Not really an excuse for why, just a "I meant everything I said, but I need time to think about it." I'm completely shell shocked by this. I mean not 2 hours before she was looking me directly in my eyes telling me that I was her soulmate and I completed her. Nothing happened in those 2 hours. It's just like boom, here it is, I'm done, and I'm going to try to keep you on my hook. I had straight up asked her before if she was 100% sure before I committed because I didn't want to open myself up and she swore to me that she had zero doubts and pulled me in to her.

 

Naturally my first reaction was panic, like drowning looking for anything I could find to hold onto to keep her from leaving. She didn't budge, then I got pissed. I didn't really call her names or anything, I just said how could you make all these promises to me only to break my heart like this? You knew I lowered my guard for you and now you do this? She didn't even seem upset. All I got was a half ass "I'm sorry" and a sad look on her face, but no tears at all.

 

I haven't been able to eat, can barely sleep, have horrible anxiety, I really just don't know what to do at this point. I'm a mess. She has text me a few times to say "hey, hope you're doing okay" and stuff like that, but this honestly just makes it hurt more because I'm hanging onto some false hope that maybe I can still have her.

 

I'm just so confused. Are women really this heartless? Can they really change their mind this quickly? Or did I run into a psychopath or something? She's literally the sweetest, smartest, and just flat out incredible woman I've ever met. I've never seen her have a freak out or lose her cool about anything. Totally the opposite of a drama queen.

 

This has pushed me into an incredible downward spiral and it's gotten to where I don't even feel like living at this point I want this pain to end so badly. I can't believe in 3 short months I could be this far gone for someone. I'm more devastated than I was when I found out my wife was having an affair. That's how bad this girl rocked my soul.

 

Someone please tell me this will go away. Tell me how to make it go away. I don't think I'm ever going to open myself up to anyone ever again because after being wrecked like this by someone that seemed so perfect how could I ever trust anyone?

[NopeNah]

It will go away. Just like your divorce 'images' went away. I'd be willing to bet that there was a guy in the picture before you two got together and she's went/wants to go to him...Or she met someone else since you got together. Also...Read the No contact guide and follow it to a T!

[Redhead14]

I'm a 34 year old male and was actually married from the age of 24-32. Wife had an affair, but the marriage was falling apart anyway. I got through it okay, but spent the next two years making sure not to get in a serious relationship. I felt damaged and wanted time to myself. I was happy, I had found myself, then 3 months ago I meet her. I had been on a few dates, but nothing ever really clicked, but when I met her it was one of those moments where everything completely loses all sense and you're pretty much dumbstruck.

 

The catch is she is 10 years younger than me. I look like I'm 27 or so. People don't believe me when I tell them my age. It's always been this way. I have a baby face and I'm in ridiculous shape. Anyway, this relationship started off with so much intensity for both of us I had to keep taking a step back and telling myself this will fade, it always does, don't get too involved, but as the weeks went by we seemed more and more perfect for each other. We look so good together, we have so much in common, she's brilliant, she's pretty much everything I ever dreamed of come to life.

 

The things she told me where exactly what I needed to hear to make me fall so hard and so fast. We didn't even sleep together for over a month because we were trying to "take it slow," but we were both so enthralled with each other it was useless to fight it any longer. The promises I made to her, the promises she made to me. It seemed so perfect the entire time. I finally threw caution to the wind, lowered my guard, and let this beautiful woman have my heart with her promising the entire time that she would never hurt me. I was fool, I believed her.

 

Friday, 8.12.16, out of nowhere she tells me she wants to take a step back and that maybe "someday" we could be together. Not really an excuse for why, just a "I meant everything I said, but I need time to think about it." I'm completely shell shocked by this. I mean not 2 hours before she was looking me directly in my eyes telling me that I was her soulmate and I completed her. Nothing happened in those 2 hours. It's just like boom, here it is, I'm done, and I'm going to try to keep you on my hook. I had straight up asked her before if she was 100% sure before I committed because I didn't want to open myself up and she swore to me that she had zero doubts and pulled me in to her.

 

Naturally my first reaction was panic, like drowning looking for anything I could find to hold onto to keep her from leaving. She didn't budge, then I got pissed. I didn't really call her names or anything, I just said how could you make all these promises to me only to break my heart like this? You knew I lowered my guard for you and now you do this? She didn't even seem upset. All I got was a half ass "I'm sorry" and a sad look on her face, but no tears at all.

 

I haven't been able to eat, can barely sleep, have horrible anxiety, I really just don't know what to do at this point. I'm a mess. She has text me a few times to say "hey, hope you're doing okay" and stuff like that, but this honestly just makes it hurt more because I'm hanging onto some false hope that maybe I can still have her.

 

I'm just so confused. Are women really this heartless? Can they really change their mind this quickly? Or did I run into a psychopath or something? She's literally the sweetest, smartest, and just flat out incredible woman I've ever met. I've never seen her have a freak out or lose her cool about anything. Totally the opposite of a drama queen.

 

This has pushed me into an incredible downward spiral and it's gotten to where I don't even feel like living at this point I want this pain to end so badly. I can't believe in 3 short months I could be this far gone for someone. I'm more devastated than I was when I found out my wife was having an affair. That's how bad this girl rocked my soul.

 

Someone please tell me this will go away. Tell me how to make it go away. I don't think I'm ever going to open myself up to anyone ever again because after being wrecked like this by someone that seemed so perfect how could I ever trust anyone?

 

Someone please tell me this will go away -- It will go away when you get to the point of acceptance and take steps to facilitate that process which includes going NO CONTACT. Don't reach out to her, don't respond to her. I view no contact as surgically removing a cancerous situation from your life.

 

Acceptance will also come faster if you resolve to tell yourself that you would prefer not to give anymore time or emotion to a situation over which you have no control and by remembering that life is short and it's better to be happy rather than carrying the albatross of anger, hurt and confusion around your neck.

 

Allow yourself to grieve and do it in little bits. Give yourself sometime each day to sit with your emotions and at the end of that time, force yourself to do something else, anything else to distract yourself from it.

 

If you do this religiously, you should find that you need less and less time for that.

 

All will be well. Be patient and take care of yourself and focus on your needs.

[CarrieT]

I'm just so confused. Are women really this heartless? Can they really change their mind this quickly? Or did I run into a psychopath or something?

No. What you ran into was someone who was too young for you.

 

Please, please, please understand that in your early 20s (like when you got married) you are still at an age in your life when your frontal cortex was still attaching - and does not completely finish until your 28th or so year.

 

What is the consequence of this? It's not that you don't have a frontal lobe. Or that you can't use it. But you are going to access it more slowly. This is because the nerve cells that connect your frontal lobes with the rest of your brains is sluggish and don't have as much of the fatty coating called myelin, or "white matter," that adults have in this area.

 

What does this science stuff mean? In a nutshell, it means that the GF's decision-making processes were all suspect and everything she thought she wanted when you met would change as she approaches her thirties - as you have already done and gone through.

 

This all explains why people who get married in their early twenties often experience "a seven-year itch" where they want something entirely different in their early 30s. It happened to a lot of us that got married in our early 20s and you are experiencing it now.

[whatnot]

I'll go out on a limb here.

 

You'll recover faster than you think.

 

good luck

[bighearted]

No. What you ran into was someone who was too young for you.

 

What does this science stuff mean? In a nutshell, it means that the GF's decision-making processes were all suspect and everything she thought she wanted when you met would change as she approaches her thirties - as you have already done and gone through.

 

This all explains why people who get married in their early twenties often experience "a seven-year itch" where they want something entirely different in their early 30s. It happened to a lot of us that got married in our early 20s and you are experiencing it now.

 

So... does this mean that we should not even bother with trying to get serious with a woman until we are both 30 years old, because any younger and they are going to make random dumbass decisions that ruin a relationship?

[elaine567]

She is 24, she is young, she realised that she couldn't do it any more, it was not what she wanted and so dumped you.

Her coldness and lack of emotion suggests she is already done and has no regrets.

 

Maybe you falling in love scared her; maybe she was never that into you; maybe she saw marriage and commitment ahead and flaked; maybe you were so engrossed in your own feelings, you misinterpreted hers; maybe she just mirrored you until one day she woke up; maybe she just realised she was in a different life stage; maybe at 24 she just wants to be free; maybe she wants someone her own age....etc. etc.

Who knows?

 

You have to accept it is over and she isn't coming back - grieve, heal and move on, for your own sake.

[The_Onceler]

I am sorry to hear about your heartbreak. Truly.

 

As others have noted, she is very young. It may well be that she meant every word she said, and that she was as caught up in the rush as you were. However, at her age, it may actually show some wisdom that she recognized that she was not quite ready for what you presented to her.

 

I hope you recover quickly, and that you come to value the time you shared with this girl.

[elaine567]

So... does this mean that we should not even bother with trying to get serious with a woman until we are both 30 years old, because any younger and they are going to make random dumbass decisions that ruin a relationship?

 

It is not only woman's brains that are not properly connected until late twenties/early thirties, you will also be making dumbass decisions too.

[Bialy]

Don't let her feed you crumbs now with these empty, heartless texts. "Hey, hope you're doing okay"

 

You deserve more than that. DON'T respond. Let her messages go unanswered and let her stew on how callous she treated you. If she can even recognize that.

 

I'm just shocked that just two hours after having a meaningful moment with you, she dumped you. It makes me wonder - did she feel this way for some time, but got so wrapped up with your infatuation that she decided to just ride the wave of emotion even though she was not completely certain on whether she saw a future with you.

[CarrieT]

So... does this mean that we should not even bother with trying to get serious with a woman until we are both 30 years old, because any younger and they are going to make random dumbass decisions that ruin a relationship?

 

In my opinion, yes. And it isn't just women.... Do you remember what you were thinking about your life in your early 20s versus how you think about them now?

[Loveastrophe]

Wow, I certainly came to the right place. This advice is exactly what I needed to hear. I realize at 24 she is still so young, but I guess I've forgotten what it's like to be that young. I'm still shredded, and I really know she is too young for me, the feeling was/is just so intense I'm completely removed from making rational decisions.

 

I know I need to not respond to her text and just let her go. I'm not making excuses. I guess I just dread the day I'll have to run into her again, because it's a certainty that I will. There are some business connections. She is new in my field so that's why I had just met her. Now I'm stuck with the prospect of running into again whether I like it or not. I won't be able to avoid her forever. I guess in time this encounter will have less impact on me if I completely separate myself from her now?

 

Thank you all for your advice, it doesn't fall on deaf ears I assure you. I never knew heartbreak could hurt this bad. It's beyond any physical pain I've ever encountered. I work in finance and my concentration is suspect at best. I know this has to get easier in time, but right now it's like an open wound.

 

EDIT: Okay, I just read the entire no contact guide and I'm going to give it my all. I can't continue like this and as much as this sucks I know that I can recover faster if I just cut her out of my life all at once. Love really does hurt.

Edited August 18, 2016 by Loveastrophe

[Sunkissedpatio]

It does go away eventually. I'm sorry you are in such pain. It's horrible to be blindsided like you were.

 

And unlike getting over your divorce this probably feels way more damaging and intensely more devastating because you are grieving for the loss of the woman, the relationship plus the dreams of what you would have in your future together. Whereas in your divorce you already had discovered each other far beyond the honeymoon and your demise was somewhat expected here you were completely blindsided.

 

Do also keep in mind that for those 3 intense months that you lived that relationship you were also still getting to know each other. She may have decided you were not right for her but why say things that mean otherwise. Right? Because yes people are heartless and people lie and they are two-faced and they are deceiving.

[LostOnes05]

Are you absolutely sure she didn't display any emotional outbursts when it wasn't really warranted or even a lack of emotion when it was? Attention-seeking behaviors or manipulation? I'm asking because the whole prefrontal cortex under/development is accurate to a degree, but some studies show it isn't even fully developed in some people until their 30s and 40s.

 

This swift change in behavior/attitude/feelings sounds like something entirely different. Even taking the prefrontal cortex aspect into account doesn't jive with the sudden emotional change toward you. Certainly a rational personal goes through changes in mood throughout the day, but they aren't drastic to the point of "I love you, you're the best", "my soulmate" to "we're done", "sorry, I need to find myself" in a 2 hour window. I'm not one to slap a personality disorder on everyone, but this sounds similar to how someone with BPD or histrionic personality disorder (HPD) would behave. The manipulation to get you to drop your guard and then when you do she pulls completely back. Almost as if the chase is over and it's time to find a new attention source. People with HPD and BPD can seem like they literally flip a switch and you go from the greatest thing in the world to the most vile, annoying thing in a heartbeat. The most mundane things can spark an argument.

 

I learned all of this from firsthand experience (and conversations with a friend in the field) with someone that I later learned had BPD. That's why I asked if you noticed anything prior to this behavior, even the smallest blatant lie/constant victimization/overly sexual/extreme sensitivity to criticism- just a few that come to mind. Someone with these disorders that isn't seeking therapy to alleviate the drastic mood swings will drive you mad trying to rationalize their behavior.

 

And sure, she might have had a sudden revelation that she was too young to settle down with you. Perhaps she is just a jerk. But drawing you in, breaking down your barriers, and then suddenly switching her view of you when everything seems perfect is textbook for someone with these Cluster B disorders. They might even crave conflict and disfunctional relationships because it gives them excitement and drama to quell their boredom.

 

You'll live...I did. Ignore the breadcrumbs...they only serve to feed her ego and give her more attention. Other than that, just take it day by day and work toward healing this wound.

Edited August 18, 2016 by LostOnes05

[elaine567]

She may have decided you were not right for her but why say things that mean otherwise. Right? Because yes people are heartless and people lie and they are two-faced and they are deceiving.

 

Yes they are, but it is also possible to change feelings for someone very quickly indeed.

I remember being on a boat trip once on holiday with a bf (~2 year relationship), and everything was great until that boat trip. He didn't actually do anything bad or wrong, but I just looked at him and suddenly thought "No, I do not want this, this is over", and when we got back home two days later, I ended it.

I suddenly saw no future and I didn't want to hang around.

From being loved up in the morning, to indifference in the afternoon...

[Loveastrophe]

Are you absolutely sure she didn't display any emotional outbursts when it wasn't really warranted or even a lack of emotion when it was? Attention-seeking behaviors or manipulation? I'm asking because the whole prefrontal cortex under/development is accurate to a degree, but some studies show it isn't even fully developed in some people until their 30s and 40s.

 

This swift change in behavior/attitude/feelings sounds like something entirely different. Even taking the prefrontal cortex aspect into account doesn't jive with the sudden emotional change toward you. Certainly a rational personal goes through changes in mood throughout the day, but they aren't drastic to the point of "I love you, you're the best", "my soulmate" to "we're done", "sorry, I need to find myself" in a 2 hour window. I'm not one to slap a personality disorder on everyone, but this sounds similar to how someone with BPD or histrionic personality disorder (HPD) would behave. The manipulation to get you to drop your guard and then when you do she pulls completely back. Almost as if the chase is over and it's time to find a new attention source. People with HPD and BPD can seem like they literally flip a switch and you go from the greatest thing in the world to the most vile, annoying thing in a heartbeat. The most mundane things can spark an argument.

 

I learned all of this from firsthand experience (and conversations with a friend in the field) with someone that I later learned had BPD. That's why I asked if you noticed anything prior to this behavior, even the smallest blatant lie/constant victimization/overly sexual/extreme sensitivity to criticism- just a few that come to mind. Someone with these disorders that isn't seeking therapy to alleviate the drastic mood swings will drive you mad trying to rationalize their behavior.

 

And sure, she might have had a sudden revelation that she was too young to settle down with you. Perhaps she is just a jerk. But drawing you in, breaking down your barriers, and then suddenly switching her view of you when everything seems perfect is textbook for someone with these Cluster B disorders. They might even crave conflict and disfunctional relationships because it gives them excitement and drama to quell their boredom.

 

You'll live...I did. Ignore the breadcrumbs...they only serve to feed her ego and give her more attention. Other than that, just take it day by day and work toward healing this wound.

 

In retrospect I guess it's possible that I did see some flashes of moodiness, but I guess we were still so locked into the honeymoon phase that I missed them. Like the saying "if you look at someone through rose colored glasses all the red flags are just flags." Looking back I guess I was completely guilty of this. I see now why we didn't make sense. The age gap for starters. I don't know if she was sensitive to criticism because I never gave any to her. Was she overly sexual? Possibly. This is actually one of the things I'm having a hard time dealing with. She was extremely sexual and it turned me on to no end. I have never encountered anyone quite like this girl. She could seriously turn me on in seconds. I loved it. I think it's one of the things I miss most honestly. I know this is stupid. Relationships aren't built on sex, but this girl, oh my god. lol

 

I sit here and type this and my mind can list out reasons why this was a foolish endeavor, but my heart still aches for her to no end. Why is my heart trumping my mind? It's so frustrating. I was actually starting to feel a little better this morning. I got a little sleep last night, got up at 5 like I usually do, went and ran 6 miles which is part of my old routine, was actually thinking I could do this, then boom, she sends me a text and all it says is "good morning, I miss you" and it's like I'm back to square one. I couldn't resist replying and all I said was "thanks." I know this was stupid. I have got to NC this girl. She's like a drug and I'm acting like a junky that keeps making excuses not to quit.

 

Images of her with another man flash into my head and I have a panic attack. I feel possessive. This isn't like me at all. I'm not the jealous type. Maybe part of it is I'm afraid I can't find someone that fits my lifestyle as well as her or something? I'm a teetotaler, run between 30-35 miles a week, and have a work ethic second to none. She fit all this to a T. Doesn't drink, exercises religiously, is dedicated to her career. I just felt like there was so much I could have given her and she turns it all away. She would have been set for life with me, quite literally. How can she deny me and everything I offered her? So maybe it's the rejection that's killing me? I can't believe she would turn me down? Is this arrogance?

 

I'm just rambling. I have to get all this out I guess.

[LostOnes05]

Yeah, sometimes it's hard to see the color of the flags when you're standing too close. We all miss those signs at times. As my dude Corey Wayne would say, "Rejection breeds obsession". She rejected you and now she's all you can think about. But dude you have to cut the contact. She misses you?!?...she should've wrote "I miss the attention you gave me and until I lock down the next guy, validate and entertain me." I know how hard it is to not respond and the feeling of that familiar number popping up on your phone but you have to fight the urge. It will only prolong the hurt.

 

"You can save them Kal...you can save all of them" (Man of Steel movie reference). Nope, he didn't and you can't either. So, in reality, the idea of giving her so much and being set for life is/was a figment of your imagination. And of course your ego is bruised and you're experiencing loss. Someone you really wanted to be with, someone you let down your guard for, someone who made you a million promises let you down. Acknowledge that but don't let it consume you. Does she have a right to change her mind?...Of course. But you have a right to accept or reject the new terms she's set before you (Hint: reject those terms). She can't have you and not have you...as her terms were to end the relationship. So the "I miss you" and any other contact means nothing. It's just a signal check to see if you're still in orbit around her.

 

Remember that silence can be deafening. No Contact...No Contact...No Contact...No Contact!! Say it with me now.

[slider1985]

Are you absolutely sure she didn't display any emotional outbursts when it wasn't really warranted or even a lack of emotion when it was? Attention-seeking behaviors or manipulation? I'm asking because the whole prefrontal cortex under/development is accurate to a degree, but some studies show it isn't even fully developed in some people until their 30s and 40s.

 

This swift change in behavior/attitude/feelings sounds like something entirely different. Even taking the prefrontal cortex aspect into account doesn't jive with the sudden emotional change toward you. Certainly a rational personal goes through changes in mood throughout the day, but they aren't drastic to the point of "I love you, you're the best", "my soulmate" to "we're done", "sorry, I need to find myself" in a 2 hour window. I'm not one to slap a personality disorder on everyone, but this sounds similar to how someone with BPD or histrionic personality disorder (HPD) would behave. The manipulation to get you to drop your guard and then when you do she pulls completely back. Almost as if the chase is over and it's time to find a new attention source. People with HPD and BPD can seem like they literally flip a switch and you go from the greatest thing in the world to the most vile, annoying thing in a heartbeat. The most mundane things can spark an argument.

 

I learned all of this from firsthand experience (and conversations with a friend in the field) with someone that I later learned had BPD. That's why I asked if you noticed anything prior to this behavior, even the smallest blatant lie/constant victimization/overly sexual/extreme sensitivity to criticism- just a few that come to mind. Someone with these disorders that isn't seeking therapy to alleviate the drastic mood swings will drive you mad trying to rationalize their behavior.

 

And sure, she might have had a sudden revelation that she was too young to settle down with you. Perhaps she is just a jerk. But drawing you in, breaking down your barriers, and then suddenly switching her view of you when everything seems perfect is textbook for someone with these Cluster B disorders. They might even crave conflict and disfunctional relationships because it gives them excitement and drama to quell their boredom.

 

You'll live...I did. Ignore the breadcrumbs...they only serve to feed her ego and give her more attention. Other than that, just take it day by day and work toward healing this wound.

 

Wow..wow.. you totally hit the nail on the head with your opinion. read my previous threads I experienced the exact situation. I date this girl 27. She came on so strong, said everything i wanted to hear, wanted exclusivity and asked me to be her boyfriend etc..

 

2 months in she has behavioural outburst, unwarranted, she was very needy, self centred, attention seeker, super high maintenance. All of a sudden she goes distant, I questioned her actions and asked her if she met someone else, she says no! she somehow manages to turn the situation on me .basically she started an argument with me about nothing and used that to make it seem like It was my fault for the relationship failure. Two weeks after that I continue to get breadcrumbs "I miss you " "can I come see you" etc and then she would be a total bitch to me for no reason.I find out a week later that she was dating a rich dude behind my back. She's already told him she loves him 1.5 months in.. i was played by her manipulative nature. Learned my lesson, next time I sniff a red flag, I'm gone!

[Loveastrophe]

No contact, no contact, no contact, no contact! I know! The next text I get I'm going to ignore it. I have to for my own sanity. I really feel like I'm doing a little better today, but I keep having these flashes where I picture her with someone else and it freaks me out. I've never felt possessive like this. It's strange.

 

Part of me wishes this had of gone on longer so I could have gotten out of that honeymoon phase with her, but another part of me is glad it didn't because I might as well get this pain behind me. Being blindsided like this so early is so much worse to me. I don't have any negatives to hang onto other than her changing her mind so quickly, but maybe that's enough?

 

One thing I did keep thinking about during the entire relationship was that I was going to pay for how good it all felt. Opponent process theory at it's finest. It's like there was a part of me that knew it would all have to even out eventually, that feeling this amazing for 3 months straight would have consequences. It's funny I ignored that, but I seem to see it all so much more clearly now.

 

It's kind of crazy how far I've come in 24 hours when I look at my original post yesterday. I think I just needed to dump all of this out. This forum has certainly helped with that. I'm still a total wreck, but I feel like I can see a tiny bit of light ahead. I've always been pretty resilient so this entire event has shattered me for the first time in many years. I just can't believe how quickly I let a woman take control of my heart like that. It's generally not how I operate. I was with my x wife for 4 years before I asked her to marry me and didn't even consider marriage until like the 3rd year. I was ready to marry this girl next week. lol

 

I guess we all have a type, from a personality standpoint and a physical standpoint it's like this girl walked out of my mind. I will not fall victim to this again. Such a mistake.

[Bialy]

NC is the way to go. Stay strong! We're here for you - post away! If you get the urge to write to her, take a deep breath, log onto the forum, and post here first. We'll talk it out with you.

 

What she did was absolutely emotionally manipulative and shockingly cold-hearted. Don't let do this again.

[Loveastrophe]

Well last night I had a failure at no contact, but honestly I think it was good thing. She text me over and over again because I was ignoring her until finally she text me and said she was going to come to my house if I didn't reply. I definitely didn't want to look at her so I asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to apologize for the way everything went down and that while she still loved me, she had reconnected with her ex boyfriend and wanted to give it another chance with him. She had barely mentioned this guy to me during our time together and the way she described him was stupid, jealous, and immature. I never gave it a second thought really.

 

So naturally I get pissed off as hell and let her have it, and I mean have it like I've probably never let anyone have it before. I'm kind of laughing at this point because she told me I wasn't stable by the time I was done. Of course I reply with "stable? I'm not stable? You're the one that was telling me I'm your soulmate and then not 2 hours later dumping me?" Honestly it was kind of funny looking back on it. I see I deserve someone so much better than her now. I see her in a different light. It still hurts to no end and I don't truly understand it at all, but at least now I have closure.

 

I feel a little immature for losing my cool on her, but I mean seriously, you love me, but you want to be with your ex boyfriend that you talked all this trash about? Whatever, thanks for the lesson on love because I will NEVER lower my guard that quickly ever again. Tragic mistake. I have a fairly busy weekend ahead and I truly hope I can distract myself from the way I feel. I just can't believe how mad I am at her, how I realize we never would have worked, but I still want her in some twisted way? I mean what the hell is wrong with me?

 

EDIT: to anyone going through similar situations the NO CONTACT approach is truly the only way to go. I see this now more than every. It hurts at first, but it's so important. I've deleted every picture and every reminder I have of her and it feels good to know I can't torture myself looking through old pictures of her. I deleted her number, I deleted her from my life. It hurt to do it, but I know in the long run this is the only way I can put this behind me where it belongs. It was good life lesson, it hurt, still does, but it didn't kill me.

Edited August 19, 2016 by Loveastrophe

[SevenCity]

Well last night I had a failure at no contact, but honestly I think it was good thing. She text me over and over again because I was ignoring her until finally she text me and said she was going to come to my house if I didn't reply. I definitely didn't want to look at her so I asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to apologize for the way everything went down and that while she still loved me, she had reconnected with her ex boyfriend and wanted to give it another chance with him. She had barely mentioned this guy to me during our time together and the way she described him was stupid, jealous, and immature. I never gave it a second thought really.

 

So naturally I get pissed off as hell and let her have it, and I mean have it like I've probably never let anyone have it before. I'm kind of laughing at this point because she told me I wasn't stable by the time I was done. Of course I reply with "stable? I'm not stable? You're the one that was telling me I'm your soulmate and then not 2 hours later dumping me?" Honestly it was kind of funny looking back on it. I see I deserve someone so much better than her now. I see her in a different light. It still hurts to no end and I don't truly understand it at all, but at least now I have closure.

 

I feel a little immature for losing my cool on her, but I mean seriously, you love me, but you want to be with your ex boyfriend that you talked all this trash about? Whatever, thanks for the lesson on love because I will NEVER lower my guard that quickly ever again. Tragic mistake. I have a fairly busy weekend ahead and I truly hope I can distract myself from the way I feel. I just can't believe how mad I am at her, how I realize we never would have worked, but I still want her in some twisted way? I mean what the hell is wrong with me?

 

EDIT: to anyone going through similar situations the NO CONTACT approach is truly the only way to go. I see this now more than every. It hurts at first, but it's so important. I've deleted every picture and every reminder I have of her and it feels good to know I can't torture myself looking through old pictures of her. I deleted her number, I deleted her from my life. It hurt to do it, but I know in the long run this is the only way I can put this behind me where it belongs. It was good life lesson, it hurt, still does, but it didn't kill me.

 

Yea another guy makes sense. Women don't typically all of a sudden lose feelings for you in the middle of the honeymoon phase for no reason. It's apparent she used you as a rebound relationship.

 

I went through the same thing which lasted a year and it was one of the hardest RLs to get over. She was younger, hot, awesome in bed, etc. but also the most selfish woman I've ever met. Like you, I had my walls up and resisted for 6 months of her telling me everything I needed to hear at just the right time. Once I finally believed her I was head over heels - then she dumped me.

 

It took me a full 2 years to get over that one...but I did....and you will get over yours as well.

 

My last RL was also crushing - this one I had healed enough where I allowed myself to open up. Honestly, I think I was much happier (stable) when I wasn't fully invested in a woman. You don't get hurt as much that way.

 

The tough thing about your situation is it was broken off at the pinnacle - the highest high. You fell as far as you possibly could at this stage.

 

Love is a drug and you were highly addicted. The only thing that you can do is wait it out. Time is your friend. Also, see about getting on top of another chick. That has always helped me feel better.

 

And to answer your question, yes, women can be that heartless. But they don't look at it like that. Women operate on emotions unlike guys who operate on logic. To you, this makes no sense. To her emotional mind, it makes perfect since.

 

A poster above referenced Corey Wayne. I recommend getting his book:

 

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0692552669/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 

I just got through the first couple chapters but it seems great so far. He's really got some eye opening info about a woman's mind that can help you in your future endeavors. One example is how when a woman says she loves you, she means it right there in that moment. It doesn't mean forever. Explains how they appear to turn off like a light switch to us.

[Toodaloo]

Don't feel bad or stupid.

 

We have all done the same at some point.

 

Sorry you were her rebound. Great news is that not everyone is like this! You have a plethora of great gals out there itching to date a great guy too! So go for it!

 

Good luck!

[Loveastrophe]

The tough thing about your situation is it was broken off at the pinnacle - the highest high. You fell as far as you possibly could at this stage.

 

I swear this is what is killing me. I went from on top of the world to absolute hell in a matter of minutes. At least when my marriage fell apart we both saw it coming. It was years in the making. I don't think I shed a single tear because of my divorce. My ex wife and I didn't even fight. We went to a lawyer, separated our lives out in one afternoon, no fighting at all, and a few weeks later it was done. We still cross paths from time to time and it's no big deal at all. It's like we almost laugh about how funny it was that we were actually married. It was seriously the most friendly divorce you could ever imagine, even though she had an affair. That's more my style, I don't freak out, I don't hold grudges, I just move on.

 

But with this girl, she threw me off a cliff edge and I've never felt pain like this. It's incredible really. I can actually feel my heart hurting. It makes me feel weak, but I know stronger men than I have hurt much worse. If I could just make the images of another man with her leave my mind I would be good, but they flash in there and I get this strange jealous feeling, even after everything she has done. I feel like an idiot. I should hate her, but I don't.

[Bialy]

She really has some nerve.

 

And she really was contemplating going to your house if you didn't respond to her texts?! To give you this news in person and make this all the more excruciating for you?!?! Unbelievable. She doesn't have her meat hooks in your brain anymore.

 

Stay away. Like I said, she's emotionally manipulative and selfish. She used you emotionally while she was working things out with her ex.