SirGOT4life Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Hi there everyone. To fill you in, I'm 23, and the girl I am talking about is 20. In late april this year I split up from my girlfriend (of 7 months). A few weeks later I was on Tinder (not looking for anything, just doing it for something to do) and swiped right on a girl who's profile I liked. We matched, talked on there for about a week, then met up for drinks at a bar, then went our separate ways (ended it on a kiss). The following weeks we kept texting each other, getting to know each other, went on 2 more dates, I was into this girl. Then one day she invited me (mid June) to stay a night, I accepted. It went well, she cooked some dinner, watched a bit of TV, then came the "we should go upstairs" after some heavy petting. It was all fine until the sex, I just wasn't getting the buzz like I was with girls/exs, to be honest, seeing her with her clothes off made me slightly unattracted to her, and yeah, she was enjoying the sex a lot more than I was. She is a very beautiful girl, but it was her legs, I didn't notice them before but they were very large, not just her thighs but the lower part of her legs. We have gone on a few more dates since then, and texting everyday, and whenever I see her (in person or in uploaded pics on facebook) I notice the legs, and I wish I could not notice them. We got on so well, a lot in common, but the legs and lacknof buzz during the one time we had sex is giving me doubts now. I can tell she's quite attached to me, and I don't always reply to her as straight away as I did before we had sex. Maybe I'm being to shallow? I'm not someone that has to have good sex to be in a relationship but I like there to be chemistry, and that was what was lacking. Don't know if the reason I haven't ended it is the idea of me not finding anyone else. Personality wise, 10/10, but not a fan of her below the waistline, harsh as that may sound. I'm going into my second year of university (which is based where her parents home is) but she is going back to her university for second year, which is 2 hours away, even though she would be returning to her parents home every other weekend. Any advice? Do I keep going or should I end it before it goes any farther? Many thanks
Kamille Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I have strong legs. Some men love it, some men don't. I certainly want to be with a man who loves it. Break up. You're not attracted to her. You're young, she's young, you will both find other people. She'll find someone who loves her legs, I promise. Don't tell her it's about her legs though. Say it's about the distance or whatever. 2
bummer Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Date up, not down, brother! Try one more time and see if it's any different. Two times builds a trend. Single data points can be erroneous. Are you still into your 7mo ex? Was she in your head when you "went up stairs?"
Author SirGOT4life Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Kamille I wish that was that easy, everytime I think about ending it, I get all down about it, our personalities really do click :/ And Bummer, I wasn't thinking about the ex at all, even though this all probably started as a rebound
Bialy Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 (edited) If everything else is great and you're feeling crappy about dumping her for lack of mutual attraction, maybe see her 1 or 2 more times to be absolutely certain. If the physical chemistry is just not there, you really can't force it. Edited August 17, 2016 by Bialy
smackie9 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Dude if it bothers you that much then just end it when she leave for school. just say you don't want to do long distance, and it would be best that you both date other people.
Author SirGOT4life Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 I'll meet up with her one or two more times to see if I am 100% certain. On another point, how should I go around it? I've not had experience in being the one to end things as in the past its been them that's ended it
Kamille Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I'll meet up with her one or two more times to see if I am 100% certain. On another point, how should I go around it? I've not had experience in being the one to end things as in the past its been them that's ended it Platitudes are written for occasions such as these for a reason. This is not the moment to try and be original. There's no such thing as a good break up. "I need to talk to you about something. You're a great girl but I don't see us working out long term. I wish you the best." If you consider yourself BF and GF, do it in person. Let her speak her mind. Don't let her convince you to take her back. Stick to the party line. Answer her questions as honestly as possible, but avoid telling her you don't feel attracted to her. You can tell her you don't feel you click, which is a bit more nebulous. If you two are just dating and allowed to see other people, some people advocate ending it by text. I'm not a fan of ending anything by text but it has the advantage of you not "wasting her time".
Larryville Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Break up. You're not attracted to her. If the physical chemistry is just not there, you really can't force it. Yup… Bottom line “break up” because you are not only wasting your time but hers and NOTHING can be more egregious.
Author SirGOT4life Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 (edited) Next time I get a chance to speak to her in person will be around the 1st September, how should I handle daily communications with her up till then? Edited August 17, 2016 by SirGOT4life
Bialy Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Next time I get a chance to speak to her in person will be around the 1st September, how should I handle daily communications with her up till then? Respond, be polite. Basically respond as though she is a good female friend or a sister. Seriously. When you want to start creating distance, the easiest way is to not write much -- maybe if she sends you a text wishing you a nice day or something, just respond with ":)" or "Thanks!" and that's all. Don't send her any lovey-dovey texts. Don't talk about any "future plans" or anything that is a few months down the road that you know won't happen.
Bialy Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 If she doesn't live nearby and you won't be running into her, it's totally fine to have the talk over the phone. In fact, it's better that way, honestly. 1
Author SirGOT4life Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Bialy you speak a lot of sense thank you. But how come I stilk feel down when I think about ending it. That one time when I was sleeping over hers, after the sex and trying to get to sleep, it felt right. And as I've said before, we click in terms of personality. Do you think I can ever become more sexually attracted to her? I want to meet her again (as we have spent so little time together in person overal) to refresh my mind of what she looks like in person, rather than in pictures/snapchat, but by doing this I don't want her to think "yay I'm meeting him again, he must like me". Feel like I'm going in circles about it all lately
Bialy Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Bialy you speak a lot of sense thank you. But how come I stilk feel down when I think about ending it. That one time when I was sleeping over hers, after the sex and trying to get to sleep, it felt right. And as I've said before, we click in terms of personality. Do you think I can ever become more sexually attracted to her? I want to meet her again (as we have spent so little time together in person overal) to refresh my mind of what she looks like in person, rather than in pictures/snapchat, but by doing this I don't want her to think "yay I'm meeting him again, he must like me". Feel like I'm going in circles about it all lately You're welcome! You feel conflicted because you appreciate other aspects about her. If your personalities didn't mesh well, this would be an easy decision. "Can you ever feel more sexually attracted to her?" Maybe. There are people who grow to love a person in all ways. OR, they just learn to accept that in life and relationships sometimes you may need to bend or sacrifice a little. No one is perfect. Sexual attraction is important, though. To be repulsed or turned off by someone is NOT a good sign. And that's why a lot of us are saying it might be best to end it. But you genuinely like her -- keep the conversation going with a friendly tone, keep an open mind, meet her 1 or 2 more times, see how you feel about her. Keep us posted on how things shape up!
Author SirGOT4life Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 Maybe I am being picky. I can sorta see a future with her, we both love the idea of travelling and both have a bit of money so I can see us in the future travelling europe. It's almost like I'm not ready for her now but maybe ready for her in a years time, is that selfish? At the moment I want to be single and enjoy going to nightclubs and bars while at university and if I get with a girl then I don't have to worry about it cheating. (Also I was seeing someone during freshers at university last year so I was never really single during my first year uni). So would it be wrong if I said something about maybe trying again in the future? (obviously I will word it better). I wish I wasn't so much a leg man, that's my favourite feature on a girl haha
bachdude Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 (edited) Bro, given your last post, I am doubting that you are ready for a relationship right now. You seem to want to sew a few more wild oats. Just a little story here; I met an angel of a woman as an undergrad and I broke up with her. Looking back, I now realize that women like that are not exactly found on every street corner. One more thought; if you found yourself on military duty or something, and hadn't seen a woman in 9 months, I bet her legs wouldn't bother you a bit. Good luck, man. Edited August 22, 2016 by bachdude
Recommended Posts