Author psiblast Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 What does "can't get over the fact you have two kids" even mean? Is she a hyprocrite or something—does she not have a daughter herself? And she said she felt pressured to have sex?! If she were a little kinder, she wouldn't send you these follow-up texts to play with your emotions. She probably just misses your attention. She is too much drama and too much work. I'd just block her. Yeah, hypocritical and selfish. She claims she would have been ok if I only had one kid. It's funny... I've always painted her as someone with a very kind heart. She is a very sweet person. Yet her actions have shown some flaws in that perception. She broke up with me for reasons that have nothing to do with my character. And she has no regard for my emotions by sending me these texts -- knowing that I'm probably hurting. She injects the sense of false hope. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's just naive -- not willfully manipulative. But I can't say for sure now. I showered her with romance, especially these last few weeks after she initially scared me with the breakup talk. Tactically speaking, I should have backed off as soon as it went that way. Instead, I texted her more, asked to see her more, and possibly went overboard with the attention and affection. In other words, I showed her a needy clingy boyfriend. Not the confident, strong, attractive man she first started dating. I can't say I want to block her entirely. I mean, even if there's a slight chance of getting back with her, I'd want her at least for the sex. It was really freaking good.
Author psiblast Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 Today is a tough day. I thought I was making real progress mentally, but for some reason, I found myself thinking about her a lot. I broke down and cried. Then my mind started racing and thinking about our next encounter, and the following questions kept creeping into my mind: - When will she reach out to me again? Will she call me or text me? What will she say? - How long should I wait in silence before reaching out to her? Indefinitely? - If she reaches out to me first, how should I respond? Should I ask her to meet? What I've also realized is that I am trying to fit her into this mold of a woman that in some ways I am hoping or fantasizing her to be. Yes, there are many genuine traits about her that I love. But perhaps my mind is simply inserting imaginary truths regarding the parts of her that are still mysterious to me. That makes her whole. That makes her special. The fact is, I cannot control who she is. I cannot control her character. The red flags that I have identified while in a less depressed state are still valid. When I am saddened by this situation, I forgive those red flags or rationalize them. I think at the end of the day, I just want to know the real her. Ask her some really honest questions and get the truth. I want to address those red flags and hear what she has to say.
sc0316 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 When she said she doesn't believe you can take care of her, did she mean financially or emotionally? You mentioned you've made sacrifices for the relationship, would you mind sharing some of those? Just trying to understand the "deeper" aspects of your relationship, though I still think you should block her to avoid further drama and heartbreak.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 (edited) She would be okay if you only had one child and she doesn't believe that you can take care of her.... So, she wants to come back? Why? The above two sentiments, at least, have not changed. Couldn't have, not so quickly. I think she misses YOU, but not your TWO children or the nagging inconvenience of you not being able to take care of her, in my opinion, b/c you have TWO children. I hate to say it, but I think she is thinking about the financial impact your second child is having on her hopes for being taken care of...I really do. These sentiments are not something that just erupted from stress, etc. They ARE the source of her stress (in great part). I'd let her go. I WOULD NEVER COMPROMISE my children for the sake of the affections of another human being. I don't think she's as sweet as you once thought...given a world according to her, she'll show the sweetness, but if it conflicts with her needs, her true colors come out. Look. I am a single parent with sole custody of my children. I know how tough it is to consider being in a relationship with another person with children. So, I don't blame her, not really, for realizing that you and TWO children may not be what she really wants and can handle. I recently decided to stop communicating with a woman with three children of her own. She had full custody, very attractive and intelligent, but I am not willing to be responsible for three additional children. It has to be one incredibly special and put together lady to consider it. It's tough, but keep your children your focus. Good luck. Edited August 23, 2016 by simpleNfit
ThorntonMelon Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 You shouldn't worry about "improving". It's one day. The person you love isn't the person she is, so just go easy on yourself, things will get better. In terms of analyzing what she said I think she's full of &*%&. She simply kept you around while the fantasy was easy and fun, and as you tried to move things forward, you were inconvenient. You know the real her.
Author psiblast Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 When she said she doesn't believe you can take care of her, did she mean financially or emotionally? You mentioned you've made sacrifices for the relationship, would you mind sharing some of those? Just trying to understand the "deeper" aspects of your relationship, though I still think you should block her to avoid further drama and heartbreak. There were cultural differences with regard to money. Particularly, how a man should behave towards money when it comes to his woman. Example: We were going to go on a vacation together, and I wanted to discuss how we were going to split the costs. She was turned off that I even brought that up. She basically expects the man to cover the cost (if it's his idea). I tried to explain this cultural difference to her before, and it took a conversation with her best friend to realize how much I was giving up to try to compromise with her, even totally giving into her cultural norms and not trying to force any of mine into the situation. There was another thing, which I still don't get. When she offers to pay for things (which isn't often), she finds it a turn off when I thank her for it. I don't understand that one. When she said she didn't think I could take care of her, I really don't know. She didn't elaborate. We both make 6-figure incomes, but she makes more. She knows my custody situation, and I receive child support from my ex. Emotionally, I give her a lot of support. It was only two Fridays ago when she was upset about where she was in her life, and had a long conversation with me. We were lying in bed talking. After the conversation, she thanked me for listening and said she felt much better. She also noted that she was surprised that she could share such deep thoughts with me and appreciated the fact.
Author psiblast Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 You shouldn't worry about "improving". It's one day. The person you love isn't the person she is, so just go easy on yourself, things will get better. In terms of analyzing what she said I think she's full of &*%&. She simply kept you around while the fantasy was easy and fun, and as you tried to move things forward, you were inconvenient. You know the real her. It's ironic... I went into this thinking I'm going to simply enjoy her companionship and the sex, and tried to detach myself emotionally from her. But here I am, in love with her. If I could somehow turn back the clock and taken steps to avoid falling for her.
Author psiblast Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 She would be okay if you only had one child and she doesn't believe that you can take care of her.... So, she wants to come back? Why? The above two sentiments, at least, have not changed. Couldn't have, not so quickly. I think she misses YOU, but not your TWO children or the nagging inconvenience of you not being able to take care of her, in my opinion, b/c you have TWO children. I hate to say it, but I think she is thinking about the financial impact your second child is having on her hopes for being taken care of...I really do. These sentiments are not something that just erupted from stress, etc. They ARE the source of her stress (in great part). I'd let her go. I WOULD NEVER COMPROMISE my children for the sake of the affections of another human being. I don't think she's as sweet as you once thought...given a world according to her, she'll show the sweetness, but if it conflicts with her needs, her true colors come out. Look. I am a single parent with sole custody of my children. I know how tough it is to consider being in a relationship with another person with children. So, I don't blame her, not really, for realizing that you and TWO children may not be what she really wants and can handle. I recently decided to stop communicating with a woman with three children of her own. She had full custody, very attractive and intelligent, but I am not willing to be responsible for three additional children. It has to be one incredibly special and put together lady to consider it. It's tough, but keep your children your focus. Good luck. I hear what you're saying. Question - Why do you think she said she was hasty in breaking up with me, and talked about realizing how much I've done for her, and how wonderful I made her feel? I mean, all the reasons why she broke up with me are still there. Why would she even consider the possibility of us getting back together if the real source of her stress are things that will always be present? Is it simply because she is thinking with the emotional part of her brain and it is overtaking her rational side -- the side that had her convinced a breakup was needed, less than 24 hours ago?
ThorntonMelon Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 Question - Why do you think she said she was hasty in breaking up with me, and talked about realizing how much I've done for her, and how wonderful I made her feel? I mean, all the reasons why she broke up with me are still there. Why would she even consider the possibility of us getting back together if the real source of her stress are things that will always be present? Is it simply because she is thinking with the emotional part of her brain and it is overtaking her rational side -- the side that had her convinced a breakup was needed, less than 24 hours ago? Because it was how she felt at that moment and she doesn't care how it makes you feel. Myself and others were telling you from OP that it was coming, because her behavior over the last months was so obvious. Not saying this to pile on, just saying that the only thing hasty about her decision is if you have really gone silent on her, she misses having you wrapped around her finger.
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