TunaCat Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I know the OP broke up with him, but I just wanted to put my 2 cents in. I am very careful with money. I don't spend it carelessly, but I also don't watch every single dime I spend. Your ex was a straight up cheap-ass and you absolutely made the right choice. When I was with my ex, we took turns paying for stuff and he never EVER made me feel weird about that. We were a TEAM. A partnership. We were equals. I would never ever date anyone who either expected me to pay for everything all the time or who tried to control the cost of things by limiting what I order. Or any other types of being financially controlling. I understand not spending frivolously, but your ex OP takes the money thing too far. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Sorry for my english, it's not my native language Hi guys, I need to know someone else's opinion. I am seeing a guy for almost 4 months now. We met on dating website. On his profile he wrote that "he is a little bit materialistic, but he is not cheap or souless - he just respect money". I am too so I thought that is fine and didn't think about it much after I read it. He is sweet, smart, funny, thoughtful, caring and I am very attracted to him. There is one thing. He is weird about money. I graduated recently, he is working for 4 years and he has well paid job. On a first date he bought me a rose, paid for my tea, I didn't offer to pay back because my previous boyfriend was finding it offensive and I wasn't sure if I should. On a second I insisted to pay for my coffee - I don't like when guys are paying all the time, however I like when they offer (I will find tons of comments that I am a gold digger - I know ). Next he invited me to the cinema. I took my wallet out of the bag and wanted to pay him back but before I even took it from there he said: "you want to give me money back?" and took the money. Guys I've been seeing before at usually were saying: "no you don't have to" even if it wasn't sincere. Then he said that he does not offer food and drinks because probably I woudn't want it...(I didn't but he why did he say that?). However, ee had a great time. Next week we went for a beer. He said that he will pay, but I will pay for another round. For 'his' round he bought cheaper beer than for 'my' round of course and I started to look at it more deeply - don't get me wrong I don't care paying for a guy but you know.. it was another sign for me that something is different that with my other boyfriends. He was a little bit drunk and he told me that he is not cheap, he just respect money and I had a feeling that he tries to explain himself. For our next date he invited my to his partment to cook together but I didn't want to go as barely knew each other... One we went for a juice and I had only credit card and some coins. I didn't have enough - it wasn't intentionally, really.. He said I can pay him back later... after that he said that he has a friend who always forgets to take his wallet when go out with his wife... I wasn't sure if it was to critisize me that I 'forget' my wallet or he wanted to prove me that he is so generous (?). This juice was very cheap and I was planning to pay him back... I know he was poor for a while, his father didn't have a job. I understand because my family wasn't rich either and I respect money too. Our next dates were always just walks after work, I tried to organize someting else - concerts, outdoor cinema, festivals - it's summer and a lot of free events. He liked it but still didn't organize anything by himself - only walks all the time, so it wasn't only about money. My previous boyfriend was offering to pay for me always (I was always paying him back) and organizing fun dates, taking care if I was entertained, maybe this is why I am a little disappointed - he wasn't that caring and thoughtful as my recent boyfriend though... I was thinking that money are not that important but I feel that he is really weird about it. He talks about money, discounts, planing expense budget, investing, finances etc,. a lot and that is not really my thing. After I graduated with distinction month ago I thought maybe he will but me a flower or something but we just had an usual walk... I have an internship now and he said something like: "I hope they don't exploit you for the lowest wage".. well they do but I felt ashamed that I don't have well paid job when he said that and said that they don't... I just graduated and I feel it must take some time until I will make more money. He wanted me to meet his friends, go for a party with him and for a trip, planing vacation together... but I hesitate because I am unsure if I want to be with him in a relationship. I cannot imagine my life like that, talking about money all the time, planning every expense, to never be invited for pizza by my man, feel ashamed I don't earn a lot.. Except of this one thing everyting is fine, we have a lot in common, great chemistry, interesting conversations, he always walks me home, asks if I am cold or hot, tired, cares about my life. What do you think? I feel I need some kind of nudge to make the decision. Good grief. Move on. What a downer. I am VERY financially responsible, but I know when and how to put money aside for fun! In fact, part of my active budget is for FUN, traveling, etc. He smells like a control-freak to me and a little selfish.
sc0316 Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 OP: Just curious, but what is this guy's cultural background?
Author Meddle Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 OP: Just curious, but what is this guy's cultural background? White European, atheist but his parents are catholic. I don't know that else I can say. As for his family, I haven't met his parents but from what he said I can assume that his mother is thrifty and father didn't have job for longer period of time. I suppose that this could be the reason for his behaviour. Thank you for your responses. I broke up with him. He was veery surprised and didn't talk much. I told him that we are not right for each other, I didn't want to bring money into the conversation unless he asks what exactly I mean. He didn't. He just said that he doesn't agree and nothing more so it went quite smoothly. I find that kind of things difficult but I am sure I made the right decision 2
Gaeta Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 White European, atheist but his parents are catholic. I don't know that else I can say. As for his family, I haven't met his parents but from what he said I can assume that his mother is thrifty and father didn't have job for longer period of time. I suppose that this could be the reason for his behaviour. Not sure it's the source of his cheapness. As a Catholic I can tell you that loving money is a sin so his 'I respect money' is not from a Catholic up bringing. You certainly did the right thing. You sound like someone with a good head on her shoulders, you'll find someone much better suited for you soon. 1
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