mortensorchid Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I am on a dating website (I will not say which) when I began chatting with someone. We'd been talking for roughly a week and he said he wanted to meet. I said okay, gave him my number. He texted me saying he wanted to meet at a Barnes & Noble nook store at a mall nearby at 7pm. I said good for me, see you then. I arrived about quarter til, kept my phone out on the table, and waited. Nothing. I decided to lick up something to read, I became engrossed in the book and then realized that some time had passed. I checked my phone, the sound was turned on. Nothing. Not a phone call or a text. It was now a quarter til 8. I left. If he was running late he would've let me know, wouldn't he? He was yanking my chain. Too bad. Feeling sad but, that's how it goes with people.
neowulf Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Completely disrespectful. I have no idea what's wrong with people these days, thinking that treating another person in such a way is acceptable. Look at it this way, dodged a bullet. If he's that disrespectful from day one, it's no wonder he's single. 1
spiderowl Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Sorry mortensorchid, I know how it feels. I've been in a similar place today myself. I don't know why people do this, It is so rude. Still, I guess it filters out those not worth bothering with. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 How rude! I am on a dating website (I will not say which) when I began chatting with someone. We'd been talking for roughly a week and he said he wanted to meet. I said okay, gave him my number. He texted me saying he wanted to meet at a Barnes & Noble nook store at a mall nearby at 7pm. I said good for me, see you then. So you met a guy you had only messaged and texted with? You never had a conversation on the phone with him before meeting?
Author mortensorchid Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 He's probably married. That's what I am thinking. I got home, went to the website and blocked him. He can text me if he wants to give me some lame excuse but he probably won't, and OP, no we never did talk on the phone. But I'd been out on one time internet dates with those who I'd never talked on the phone with before. It's what it is. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I can't imagine meeting a complete stranger without at least one phone call to get a decent read on his personality. I think you need to raise your standards a bit. Being more selective, you could have avoided this disappointing situation altogether. Why waste your time? How would you rate your level of self-worth? I ask because agreeing to meet a strange man in such circumstances suggests to me low self-worth. I can identify it because I've had my struggles in that area myself, but have come a long way.
TXGuy Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 He's probably married. Where does 'he's probably married' come from? (vs. just being an inconsiderate flake) He picked the time and place. Even if this guy was married, it seems like he could get away from the house at that hour without arousing suspicion. Is the theory that he is married, set this up, then chickened out? It seems like it would be just as likely that it is a couple of twelve year olds screwing around on the internet.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 Where does 'he's probably married' come from? (vs. just being an inconsiderate flake) He picked the time and place. Even if this guy was married, it seems like he could get away from the house at that hour without arousing suspicion. Is the theory that he is married, set this up, then chickened out? It seems like it would be just as likely that it is a couple of twelve year olds screwing around on the internet. I thought about it further today (and this will be the last of it, I promise you) and I'm still not sure. It could have been a prank of some kind, to be sure. It could have been that he was married and/or hiding something about himself. He also could have chickened out at the last minute. But that had never gone down before - to just not show up at all without any sort of contact. It's now about 3:30pm EST, and I have had no contact from him at all. I blocked him on the website. Life goes on.
preraph Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I'm so sorry. Something similar has happened to all of us, and it usually happens when they find someone they want to go out with worse. My worst one was my neighbor (so no getting away from him) asked me to a Halloween party. I had to put together a costume. Then the day of, he tells me to meet him there because he's giving "this little gal" a ride. Nice.
Popsicle Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Where does 'he's probably married' come from? (vs. just being an inconsiderate flake) Because married men who cheat or trying to cheat are more often than not inconsiderate flakes. He picked the time and place. Even if this guy was married, it seems like he could get away from the house at that hour without arousing suspicion. You'd be surprised how often they can't get away, especially on weekends and holidays. Is the theory that he is married, set this up, then chickened out? It seems like it would be just as likely that it is a couple of twelve year olds screwing around on the internet. Maybe but I'm going with married. 1
maryquitecontrary Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 That happened to me recently. I met a guy online and he tried talking me into going out with him the same night that I met him but I refused. The next morning he begged me to go eat breakfast with him and so I agreed. We texted the whole way to the restaurant and then I got stood up and I assumed my texts were blocked on his phone. Weirdest thing ever. Creeped me out. I didn't care much though. I still had a great breakfast by myself so I'm not sure what his point was.
smackie9 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Some people recommend using Skype before they meet up.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Update!: I went out with a friend tonight to a coffee shop. While he and I were chatting, I got a text from the guy I was supposed to meet yesterday. I did not read the message, and continued our evening. Unfortunately I got a flat tire on the way home and was stuck waiting for AAA for about an hour. I came home, took a shower, and when I put on my pjs I find I had gotten many text messages. This was horrifying to read a rant about how inconsiderate I am, I am a dyke, no wonder I am 41 and still single, I'm a Trump supporter, etc. I went to the Verizon website and looked up how to block a number on my phone and did just that. Talk about a whackjob! I also deleted my account from the website. NEVER AGAIN will I do OLD thanks to this man.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 (edited) On Monday of this week I was supposed to have an internet date. I can't post a link to the previous post because I am on my phone and can't cut/paste. But I shall sum up:. I get to the appointed meeting place (a bookstore), pick out a book, then sit down with my phone next to me. I became engrossed in it, then realized time had passed. I checked my phone and there was no call or text from him, and the sound was turned on, and an hour had passed. I chose not to contact him. I decided "it's what it is" and left. The next day I got a text from him but ignored it. I decided I didn't want to hear his excuse as go how/why it didn't happen (because that has happened in the past). He called. I also ignored it. I went out for a bit, ended up coming home at 11pm thanks to a flat tire, and took a shower. When I come out of the shower I check the phone and I have a lot of calls /texts from him. I read them. He proceeded to tell me what an inconsiderate a****** I am that I won't acknowledge him, called me names, no wonder I am 41 and still single, etc. Then he looked up my Facebook page and said he was outraged I was a Trump supporter (I took some funny photos with me and a buddy of mine with Trump signs and he Photoshopped them). Rest assured, I took the high road and did not return any phone call or text. I went to the Verizon website and blocked the number. Dodge a bullet? I almost dove headfirst into a landmine! Think after that I would feel obligated to change or be receptive to him? I also went to Facebook, adjusted my settings so that no one can look me up by my phone number, and blocked him. What a psycho. Edited August 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 1
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've had that. Man behaved badly and then was incensed that I didnt reply to his later messages. He started calling me names and saying I was ugly and fat. I wouldnt just block him, he sounds particularly nasty. I would text him and say you have all his messages as evidence and you will report him to the police. In fact with yours, I actually would as he seemed to have looked things up about you. Tell the police that he has harrassed and also stalked: looking up your facebook is stalkerish. Im am sure nice phone call from the police will make him think twice.
Grisho Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've had that. Man behaved badly and then was incensed that I didnt reply to his later messages. He started calling me names and saying I was ugly and fat. I wouldnt just block him, he sounds particularly nasty. I would text him and say you have all his messages as evidence and you will report him to the police. In fact with yours, I actually would as he seemed to have looked things up about you. Tell the police that he has harrassed and also stalked: looking up your facebook is stalkerish. Im am sure nice phone call from the police will make him think twice. I'm inclined to support this, too. We've tried turning a blind eye to abusive men, and it hasn't taught them anything. We don't see decreasing numbers of men abusing women; the converse is true. Go to the police, and ask them to contact him. We women need to do this more, I think. 2
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I'm inclined to support this, too. We've tried turning a blind eye to abusive men, and it hasn't taught them anything. We don't see decreasing numbers of men abusing women; the converse is true. Go to the police, and ask them to contact him. We women need to do this more, I think. Yeah and dont tell him you are reporting him. No more contact with him. In he can look up your facebook, he can find out where you live in the phonebook, who your friends are. Do it.
Grisho Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Yeah and dont tell him you are reporting him. No more contact with him. In he can look up your facebook, he can find out where you live in the phonebook, who your friends are. Do it. I don't support your thinking here, because it's needlessly provocative, in my opinion. It is not based on what he might do in future that I would go to the police at this stage - simply that what he has done so far is not acceptable, and should have legal ramifications.
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I don't support your thinking here, because it's needlessly provocative, in my opinion. It is not based on what he might do in future that I would go to the police at this stage - simply that what he has done so far is not acceptable, and should have legal ramifications. I never said he was going to do it. But if he looks up things from her facebook page to run her down with, who knows how far they may take it. So a phone call from the police will nip anything else in the bud that may potentially happen: even more nasty messages, is what I meant.
leogirl876 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I never said he was going to do it. But if he looks up things from her facebook page to run her down with, who knows how far they may take it. So a phone call from the police will nip anything else in the bud that may potentially happen: even more nasty messages, is what I meant. The problem is, and I don't know how the laws are now, but in my past experience, police don't protect women with stalking stuff. Or at least it depends on what state you live in. I've had 2 stalkers in my younger days, one in Michigan and one in Georgia. The Michigan cops were wonderful and nipped that s**t in the bud, but the Georgia cops did nothing! They were horrible and I just ended up moving out of my apartment to get away from this guy (he lived in my apartment complex). So I think it depends on the state, and hopefully, the laws are better now then they were 15 years ago.
Grisho Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 The problem is, and I don't know how the laws are now, but in my past experience, police don't protect women with stalking stuff. Or at least it depends on what state you live in. I've had 2 stalkers in my younger days, one in Michigan and one in Georgia. The Michigan cops were wonderful and nipped that s**t in the bud, but the Georgia cops did nothing! They were horrible and I just ended up moving out of my apartment to get away from this guy (he lived in my apartment complex). So I think it depends on the state, and hopefully, the laws are better now then they were 15 years ago. A local police force being useless is no reason not to report conduct that is abusive and aggressive. Nothing will change if we don't report these men. No funding will be allocated to this problem, if the statistics (number of cases and so on) don't show there's a problem. The police go through evolutions. They are slowly learning that crimes can be committed on the internet. It's fair to say that it takes an age for the police to embed change, because the people that make up the police are often so far removed from modern reality. I remember years ago a woman being told that until her stalker attacker her physically, there wasn't really anything the police could investigate. Attitudes change with time. We need to keep the police under pressure to represent our needs.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Whatever the case may be, I will NEVER internet date again. Period.
Shining One Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Whatever the case may be, I will NEVER internet date again. Period.I'm not sure why you're coming to this specific conclusion. I've heard horror stories worse than this from female friends who have met men out in real life. You should certainly blame the person in question though.
Grisho Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I'm not sure why you're coming to this specific conclusion. I've heard horror stories worse than this from female friends who have met men out in real life. You should certainly blame the person in question though. It's this poster's style of communicating simply. She posts in extremes about herself. "I'll never love again" "I'll never internet date again" Etc etc None of it is serious. A day later, she's always back doing what she swore to stop. 2
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