Faithhopeandtacos Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I have been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend for going on five years. We weren't always perfect, he could be absolutely heartless, I was head over heels for him and he knew it. I cut important people out of my life and revolved everything around him and that was my own fault. Eventually we broke up for good, it was very dramatic but in the end it was my decision to leave and I felt good about it. I was single for the first time in a long time and took advantage of that freedom, maybe too much. I drank copious amounts of alcohol, had a new f**k buddy every month,(blah blah blah classic post break up stupidity) I told myself that I was making up for lost time, I'm not proud of my choices. All this time I was getting about two phone calls a month from my ex asking me to come back, but I was convinced that our break up was absolutely nessicary and good for my future, even though I missed him I tried not to forget how cold he was capable of being. After 7 months of this behavior I got very lonely, apparently I am not emotionally cut out for the one night stands I was pretending to be on board with(big surprise). My ex had called me again and I rejected him, again, this time I really hard time. About a week later I called him back, I had decided I still loved him and that it was stupid to ignore how I felt. So against my better judgement, we were back at it again. He was like a brand new man, I swear. My god I've never felt more wanted and loved in my whole life, he was so happy to have me back, and so was his family. I love them all so dearly, and my boyfriend has shown me nothing but love and respect since we've gotten back together. He's truly a better man than he was five years ago and I adore him for his growth. About three months ago reality set in though, I've lived in the same town, as has he, for 23 years and I can't just stay here forever. He works in his family business, he's very comfortable here and he's not going anywhere. I know if I stay, I will marry him, I will have his babies and I will be a housewife for the rest of my life. And while Id never look down on someone for wanting that, I want more. I got accepted to a college a few states over but I don't start until January. I know I have to go, but this has been weighing on me for months I haven't figured out what to say to him, or his family, to explain that I'm leaving. Every day, my boyfriend tells me he can't wait to marry me and build a family, and I am falling apart inside a little more every time he says it. I feel like the most horrible person, like I've played with his heart and I feel like I'm going to destroy him when I leave. Not to mention how much his family will be upset with me for breaking his heart. I keep putting it off, I don't want to hurt him, I am so nervous about how everyone is going to react to my news. Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever love anyone as much as I've loved him but I know I'll regret not fulfilling my dreams if I stay here. I haven't really told anyone what's going on, I have an older woman I go to for advice on college classes and such but she's the only one that knows. I know what I have to do, I don't know how to do it, I'm losing my s**t here. Help.
bummer Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 You'll love someone else ten times what you feel now for your ex boyfriend. You aren't 100% clear in your post that even though he's changed for the better, do you really love him? You say you know you must go, then go. Honesty hurts. Know if you tell him now he will try everything he can to manipulate you to stay or to stay together long distance. Young love is hard to break, but if you don't break it clean, there will be five more years of on and off again with more distance and heartache. The next few months will be hard. When you come home for breaks, it will be hard. But you already practiced NC before with him. You'll be fine again. His family will deal with it and support him. Remember you have feelings too. Will you break your heart and crush your dreams to not hurt someone else? New environment, New experiences. I got a fortune cookie recently I saved: A new environment makes all the difference in the world. worst case scenario he drives over to see you every month on his dime and time. I love tacos.
Recommended Posts