Author RazorsEdge0620 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Oh god. We just know, okay?? That's something you'll never understand if you don't already. What are you, trying to learn how to be a better, more sneaky cheater? No, as I said above, I made a mistake and can't undo it!
AMJ Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Yeah but you're focused on- "how does she know" instead of the real issue which is "why am I selfish person with no self control". One question is about not wanting to get caught. The other is about solving the issue which caused you to cheat. If you really care about your GF you'd not be so caught up in wondering how she knows. 2
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 No, as I said above, I made a mistake and can't undo it! As Redhead14 said it is NOT a mistake it was a deliberate act. 3
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I don't believe we women have any innate power to find cheaters out just because we are "women" What I do think happens though is that a person can be a great liar verbally but we women are good at picking up the subtle nuances in body language and the ways men detach emotionally when they are living a lie. You may not even realize the non-verbal cues you are putting out there in an attempt to hide a lie. Why women tend to be better at this is because of our maternal instincts we are good at picking up on those non verbal cues, goes back to how we nurture babies and how though they can't explain what they need we rely on our intuition to make sure they survive. But it's not like "women are born with an internal "cheater radar" Chances are you are acting differently and don't realize it and she is feeding off that energy. 1
AMJ Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Patio! Why are you giving him this intel! Helping him become a more sneaky cheater....tisk tisk. 2
JDPT Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Oh god. We just know, okay?? That's something you'll never understand if you don't already. What are you, trying to learn how to be a better, more sneaky cheater? meh women are just more in tuned and slightly hyper vigilant that is all. Sorry AMJ I just stripped you off your super powers lol.
JDPT Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I don't believe we women have any innate power to find cheaters out just because we are "women" What I do think happens though is that a person can be a great liar verbally but we women are good at picking up the subtle nuances in body language and the ways men detach emotionally when they are living a lie. You may not even realize the non-verbal cues you are putting out there in an attempt to hide a lie. Why women tend to be better at this is because of our maternal instincts we are good at picking up on those non verbal cues, goes back to how we nurture babies and how though they can't explain what they need we rely on our intuition to make sure they survive. But it's not like "women are born with an internal "cheater radar" Chances are you are acting differently and don't realize it and she is feeding off that energy. amen to that.
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Patio! Why are you giving him this intel! Helping him become a more sneaky cheater....tisk tisk. Bahaha that made me LOL Because it's nothing he can control unless he is a psychopath who are so generally emotionally detached they basically have no subconscience so they convey no clues for others to feed off. He can become a better liar but it's the stuff he has no control over that is going to get him caught if he continues. Actually if he continues on this path he may just be a sociopath in the making. But it sounds like they had only dated twice so I wouldn't be too hard on him...
AMJ Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Yeah I get the only dated twice part...but still the scary part is that he's really hung up on how her intuition perked up. To me that says, sociopath in the making. Because the whole point of a relationship is intimacy and that intuition comes from intimacy... I just have to shake my head that OP thinks taking a shower between one woman and the next is some sort of noble effort to cover up. Like, whattya want, a cookie? You took a shower. Come on.
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Bahaha that made me LOL Because it's nothing he can control unless he is a psychopath who are so generally emotionally detached they basically have no subconscience so they convey no clues for others to feed off. He can become a better liar but it's the stuff he has no control over that is going to get him caught if he continues. Actually if he continues on this path he may just be a sociopath in the making. But it sounds like they had only dated twice so I wouldn't be too hard on him... The more he tries to appear "normal", the more she will pick up that something is wrong. Guts are great at this stuff, but brains tend to over rule, and that is why women "in love" talk themselves out of identifying the cheater for what he is. The gut is screaming Cheater! Cheater! Cheater", but the brain says, "I love him, and he loves me, he is not a cheater...he bought me red roses for Valentines..." smh 2
ChickiePops Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 You took it the wrong way!!! I felt guilty and bad towards her even though we've only gone out twice. I did the "LOL" because I was surprised by her reaction to me the following day! Even though I showered, etc.. it seems she could tell something happened! How do they know? You call her your girlfriend and then you say you've only gone out twice. Which is it? 4
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Ya pretty tasteless no argument there. I guess what is not sitting well with most of us is the wording of "of can she tell I cheated" I mean cheating implies you are in an exclusive rel. with someone. The fact he explains later on it was two dates leaves the question had they discussed exclusivity already? Or he is dating girl #1 opportunity #2 happened and now he realized he still wants to pursue #1? He said in the OP HE knows he's a dog but if there was no exclusivity talk and only 2 dates then tacky or not sleeping with two women is not really breaking any moral codes per se. Something tells me there are hidden aspects to this story though...
Redhead14 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Taking a shower does not remove the stench of moral turpitude and weakness of character nor does it cleanse the conscience. It is one's conscience that usually gives a person away because even if they think they are being sneaky and getting away with it, they will at some point sabotage themselves in ways they aren't even aware of . . . 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 The more he tries to appear "normal", the more she will pick up that something is wrong. Guts are great at this stuff, but brains tend to over rule, and that is why women "in love" talk themselves out of identifying the cheater for what he is. The gut is screaming Cheater! Cheater! Cheater", but the brain says, "I love him, and he loves me, he is not a cheater...he bought me red roses for Valentines..." smh SO TRUE Elaine!!!! Realizing now the general uneasiness and difficult time I had in trusting my ex the first year or our rel. weren't just my issues, it was my subciscience picking up all those red flags I simply couldn't explain. Been exploring this in therapy lately..
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I think he is just feeling very guilty and feels he may have ruined it with girl#1. My guess is that girl #2 is not the quality of girl #1, hence why he is upset girl #1 may have sussed out he is a cheater, as he saw a "future" with girl #1. 1
AMJ Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 meh women are just more in tuned and slightly hyper vigilant that is all. Sorry AMJ I just stripped you off your super powers lol. Psshh women have a much higher sense of intuition when it comes to these things. It is absolutely a superpower. Men need to be hit over the head with information while we can pretty much just smell it.
JDPT Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Psshh women have a much higher sense of intuition when it comes to these things. It is absolutely a superpower. Men need to be hit over the head with information while we can pretty much just smell it. Well she apparently has not "smelled" it yet. On to better things, you'll be amazed how many men are observant and don't need things spelled out. What I never got and didn't care to put much effort in getting is why women believe in operating on "clues" everything is a "hint" communication would be more effective between the two (male and female, sorry just thought I would make that clear for ya if both parties were just a little more up front about their intentions. That is all.
Shining One Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've gone out on two dates with a woman, slept with a different woman, and then gone out on a third date with the first woman. The first woman didn't detect anything wrong (to my knowledge). Of course, I didn't feel guilty about it, so there may not have been anything to detect. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 On to better things, you'll be amazed how many men are observant and don't need things spelled out. What I never got and didn't care to put much effort in getting is why women believe in operating on "clues" everything is a "hint" communication would be more effective between the two (male and female, sorry just thought I would make that clear for ya if both parties were just a little more up front about their intentions. That is all. Yes definitely works both ways. And that is very true, in particular when we are younger and less confident we rely less on direct communication and more on searching for "clues" and playing control games. Hopefully as we mature we get better at asking and saying what is on our minds. But when you are dealing with good liars you tend to take note of the clues. 1
JDPT Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've gone out on two dates with a woman, slept with a different woman, and then gone out on a third date with the first woman. The first woman didn't detect anything wrong (to my knowledge). Of course, I didn't feel guilty about it, so there may not have been anything to detect. Correct. And this is a perfect example of how dating operates.
AMJ Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 SO-Did you have sex with woman #1 at noon, take a shower, then run over to woman #2 at 3:30 though? (And for some reason woman #2 thinks she's a GF even though it's only been two dates.)
Shining One Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 SO-Did you have sex with woman #1 at noon, take a shower, then run over to woman #2 at 3:30 though? (And for some reason woman #2 thinks she's a GF even though it's only been two dates.)No. Sex on Friday and date with the other woman on Saturday. I don't think she thought of herself as a girlfriend at that stage (I certainly never used the label), but she did seem surprised when I ended things a few dates later. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've gone out on two dates with a woman, slept with a different woman, and then gone out on a third date with the first woman. The first woman didn't detect anything wrong (to my knowledge). Of course, I didn't feel guilty about it, so there may not have been anything to detect. But that's the point, the guilt and feelings of repressed "wrong doings" is what manifests as those non-verbal clues. When you feel guilt you are not at ease, if you are not at ease you will send off that energy. That's why sociopaths are hard to detect they have justified their wrong doings to a point of feeling indifferent. 2
preraph Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I really think that any women who doesn't know when their man is cheating either doesn't want to know or doesn't care. 2
losangelena Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Hold up, hang on. Maybe the first woman isn't acting strangely because she sensed you slept with someone else. Maybe she's just realizing for other reasons she doesn't want to date you. I dunno. I don't think I'd expect exclusivity from a guy I only went out with twice. I wouldn't have necessarily wanted to know if that had happened, but I also wouldn't have automatically assumed he was some lying dirt bag, either. That's what casual dating is, right? I do think OP feels guilty, and in this respect, his conscience should guide him. OP, if you and this woman become exclusive, would you feel a compulsion to cheat? Why did you sleep with this other woman in the first place? Are you multi-dating? You're giving very little context for your actions and thoughts, hence the blow back.
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