i messed up and now i dunno what to do b/c my boyfriend wants a break

[Meeeee]

This is LOOONG but please help! I think if you can die from a broken heart - I AM!

Okay, here it goes... It's long, but I want to say everything so you can really help.

 

Okay, I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 19. He's in the Coast Guard and just over a month ago he got stationed in Maine (we're from Alabama). Things have always been great with us, no problems. It was like magic from the time we first started going out 5 months ago. Like, I know we are so young, but it was like I knew I could spend the rest of my life with him, and he knew he could spend the rest of his life with me. We were so in love, everyone could see it. It was like people would just come up and say "When the two of you get married...." like, everyone just knew we would last. And Everyone, including us, saw how happy we were together.

 

We haven't had any troubles, EVER, except I have a guy friend that I was talking to b4 me and my boyfriend got together. This guy has been my friend since 7th grade, so he's a good friend, and we never made it past friendship. My boyfriend is jealous of him b/c he thinks the guy likes me as more than a friend. He's told me he doesn't like me talking to him, but he wouldn't stop me. He was like, "I can't lie, I don't like the kid, but I can't stop you. Do what you want to do."

 

OOOkay, so I've only talked to the other guy, we'll call him C, like 2xs in the last 2 months but one time was just last week. My boyfriend, G, has been having some serious problems at work b/c his roommate got in trouble and now he has to go testify against him in the Coast Guard court. He's having a lot of work to do so he can get qualified on his boat too, so he's been really stressed. Especially the last 2 weeks.

 

The past week, it was like something changed. He was calling me and being short (even though I know he was doing the same thing to his mom) and like, he would call me while he was watching TV and not even talk to me ... like, totally tune me out, but he didn't want to hang up.

 

Okay, so I got tired of this yesterday, and after a while of sitting on the phone I started complaining, and he was finally like, "Fine. I'll cut the TV off! I can't ever have any relaxing time to just chill and watch TV anymore. It's my only day off and you won't let me watch TV." That wasn't it, it was that he wanted me to SIT on the phone and just listen to him breath.

 

Well, this was like the 2nd or 3rd time he'd done this spill, so I just decided fine and hung up on him (I'VE NEVER DONE THAT! WE'VE NEVER HAD A REAL FIGHT!!!) and he called me back and was like "No ... I'm serious." And so I told him, "Well, I'm sorry, I like to actually talk to someone when they call me. If I could see you every day it wouldn't be such a big problem, b/c it's not like I would have to constantly talk to you. I also feel like I'm not making you happy, like I can't help you with your stress anymore this week. Maybe ... if you just found someone up there ... you could see everyday, then it would help you out and we would eventually get back together anyway."

 

I had said that a couple times recently and so he was like, why are you always saying that? I meant what I said, but he talked me out of it and I was like, "Okay, you're right, I was being stressed and stupid, I'm sorry."

 

Then he said HE needed to go think! He called me back and said we needed to go on break! He just kept saying, "I'm sorry, I think we need this. It's for the best. It doesn't mean it's the end of our relationship." ... over and over b/c I was ARGUING with him.

 

And I asked him about my trip to come see him with his family next friday (He had paid $400 for my ticket and bought me a hotel room AND my birthday present which was a promise ring or necklace) and he said, "Maybe you can come up next trip."

 

When we got off the phone, HE promised me he'd call me back later on that night, and he never did, and he hasn't called me today either (which I sort of understand he's on duty, but usually he always makes time for a short phone call) and tomorrow they get underway until Tuesday, so he's probably really not going to have a chance to call me.

 

I just feel like we need to talk about it, because I don't understand ... I mean, you know, how long does he need? Will we get back together? That kind of stuff.

 

I called the girl (mine and his best friend) that set us up and asked her if she'd heard from him. She said he called her Thursday night all upset b/c I had talked to C and stressed about his job. I guess I just don't understand the difference in this and a breakup!

 

I'm heartbroken. I can't eat (seriously, I try to MAKE myself and feel like I'm going to throw up), I can't sleep (I was up past 1 AM last night, tossed and turned all night and was up at 5 AM), and my HAIR IS FALLING OUT! Seriously, huge clumps of my hair. I went shopping with my grandmother today, and SHE NOTICED IT and said it had to be from all the stress of the last week.

 

What do I do?

 

I wrote him a 3-page long letter apologizing and I have a goody bag here that I was going to give him when I got to Maine. Should I just mail them? I don't know. I love him so much. What's the difference in a break and a break up???

[Sal Paradise]

(Funny how so many chicks on here call the otherman or 3rd wheel C )

 

This is a tough situation. You've had the friend longer than you've been with him but he could be right. Your friend could want more than just friends. Many chicks don't pick up on it when a guy they consider a friend is interested. I can understand his being jealous or nervous about being with someone who is that close to another male they suspect wants to bang their gf.

 

On the otherhand this guy hasn't tried anything on you (or has he) so it could also be in his head. Its a tough situation and its one reason I don't date women who have lots of guy friends. Its not really fair for him to ask you at this point to cut him out (which he hasn't). So perhaps he feels the only solution is to break up and reevaluate.

 

He may not be able to get over you being this close to C. It doesn't make him a bad person. Nor would it make you a bad person to want to keep your friend.

 

If you two do work it out (or if you're in a future relationship) and C ever does cross the line or tell you he has feelings for you, if that happens you must cut him out of your life or you will lose your BF.

 

Having opposite sex friends isn't easy. It can and does complicate things.