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Is this normal talk for guys who want to marry their girl? Or am I overthinking it?

Bella1945

By Bella1945
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Bella1945 New Member

Bella1945

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My boyfriend (26) and I (23) have been dating for a year and its been amazing. We are the type of people who usually know what they want, and I feel like my boyfriend has it in his mind that hes going to marry me. Why? Well because he has said on multiple occasions that he is in it for the long haul, or we will pass by a baby clothing store and he will say that we should start shopping for baby clothes and that our kids are going to be so cute. He will tell me that we are going to be the cutest old couple in the retirement home, he says he hopes im the last girl he dates. When I told him that being pregnant is painful and hard work he told me he will be there for me, and will support me all the way... I have met his whole family and they love me so no worries on that...I just dont know what to think. I feel like he is planning something for the near future.

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Sthrngem87 Member

Sthrngem87

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Sounds like that's what he wants but it's all talk until there's an actual proposal.

h0000 Established Member

h0000

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No one can tell you what will happen in the future . There is a chance you marry him and grow old but there is also a chance you break up. but so far things good look Just enjoy life then.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

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Overthinking it.

 

Proposal is preceded by different type of conversations, now this sounds like flirting/teasing.

 

However if everything is good as you say sure, proposal will come some day.

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morrowrd Established Member

morrowrd

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Do you have your maid of honor all picked out?

oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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I don't think it's teasing/flirting unless he is an actual sociopath or has some kind of actual manipulative personality disorder and being completely calculative in suckering her in.

 

I don't think that is something that guys kid around about.

 

IMHO he is either a normal decent guy who is sincere, or he is cold, calculating sociopath who knows exactly what to say and how to say to manipulate someone into doing what they want.

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Not overthinking it. You are on the right track.

 

You have a great relationship and he keeps talking about your future together in very specific terms he is definitely thinking you are the one. :)

 

Do you want the same thing? I hope so.... :love:

  • Like 2
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Actions speak louder than words.

 

That's not to he isn't serious. He very well could be. At this point, it's hard to say if he's just fantasizing or if he is seriously considering marriage.

 

But I've also heard this from a couple of different exes and, well, they're exes now. I didn't end up marrying either one. The most important thing to watch if his actions line up with his words.

  • Like 3
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I wouldn't necessarily think that a proposal is due, but he is certainly daydreaming about having you in his future long term. It's a really good sign, but don't put too much faith in it till you've been together happily for another year or two.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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It sounds to me like you're on your way but you will have to wait. :love:

TXGuy Established Member

TXGuy

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Is it just me, or does OP sound more distressed or excited about the BF's seriousness? OP, what are your thoughts on him saying this? Do you respond to this positively, negatively, or neutrally?

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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From a guy's perspective it sounds like he knows exactly what to say to keep you smiling and in love. I mean it's been a year and quiet honestly too soon to tell.

oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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IMHO couples should start talking about this kind of stuff at some point.

 

If a guy is serious and sees a future with the woman he is dating he should share that vision with her and see what her thoughts and reactions are.

 

These discussions should precede any formal proposal.

 

If he shares his visions and future hopes with her and she is agreeing with them and falling in line with them, then they can proceed and a proposal can be coming down the pike.

 

If she starts backpedaling or saying things like, "maybe we should slow down or take a step back" etc then it is cause for reevaluation.

 

So to address the original question of, 'is it normal talk for guys who want to marry their girl...?' my answer is - it should be.

 

Couples should start having these discussions BEFORE a proposal/acceptance and buying rings and making wedding plans etc etc etc.

 

Finding out if both people have the seen future visions and goals and objectives for home and family etc, SHOULD preceed any proposals and any picking out of wedding colors and where the reception is going to be and whether there will be swans walking around the wedding venue etc.

 

Couples should make sure they are on the same page about marriage and home and family life with each other in general before proposing/accepting and making any specific wedding plans.

 

While seemingly romantic when you see videos of them on TV and on youtube, proposals should not be a complete surprise out of the blue. Discuss the marriage and the life together first, then discuss wedding details.

  • Like 4
heydad75 Member

heydad75

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I think it is great that you have found a man that can say all those things with the end in mind. It sounds like you have great conversations already which a lot of men avoid these days. From children to meeting his family it sounds like you are on the right track. Children are a blessing from God. Are you posting here because you have doubts? Is there anything that would prevent you from marrying him if he proposed? Has marriage come up in your conversations?

 

Sincerely,

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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Actions speak louder than words.

 

That's not to he isn't serious. He very well could be. At this point, it's hard to say if he's just fantasizing or if he is seriously considering marriage.

 

But I've also heard this from a couple of different exes and, well, they're exes now. I didn't end up marrying either one. The most important thing to watch if his actions line up with his words.

 

I've had this same experience with current BF and an ex. With my current BF I know he loves me a lot but I can't tell if he's serious or fantasizing. When he didn't like my reaction, he wouldn't listen to my perspective and took it all back which hurt.

 

With the ex I know he wasn't serious when he made those comments, fed me crumbs of attention and kept me at a distance, and we broke up shortly afterward.

Edited by Miss Peach
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I've had this same experience with current BF and an ex. With my current BF I know he loves me a lot but I can't tell if he's serious or fantasizing. When he didn't like my reaction, he wouldn't listen to my perspective and took it all back which hurt.

 

With the ex I know he wasn't serious when he made those comments, fed me crumbs of attention and kept me at a distance, and we broke up shortly afterward.

 

I can understand not wanting to get your hopes up after disappointment.

 

If you do see a future with your boyfriend, you could initiate a conversation in which you make it clear you feel positive about it and see those things with him. He might have been testing the waters, so to speak; a lot of people are afraid of putting themselves out there when talking about the future and he may have been trying to drop hints in a roundabout way to see how you felt.

summertitparadise Member

summertitparadise

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He has the idea to want to be your life partner. But life is full of uncertainties. Who knows right?

Grisho Established Member

Grisho

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My boyfriend is prone to this kind of talk. If he sees me around kids, he says I'm such a mum, or mentions it's not our time for kids yet, stressing yet and being all lovey dovey. He talks about how beautiful our daughter would be etc.

 

However, I don't take any of it seriously (aside from knowing he wants kids), because it's clear to me he isn't even really aware about in/fertility, the biological process of pregnancy, miscarriages, adoption, IVF, fostering and so on and so on. He tells me he'll think about those things if, and when, he has to, which makes no sense to me, especially in instances like adoption and fostering. I give both of those equal standing with biological pregnancy, when discussing if kids are part of someone's wishes. I don't see them as options only for people who can't have biological kids; I see them as options for anyone wanting kids at all.

 

He talks of unhappiness in his career, and perhaps changing his direction. He makes lists of extremely different jobs that he thinks he'd be capable of, but doesn't ever change anything (doesn't seek out training, doesn't seek out new qualifications, doesn't settle on a direction, doesn't take any tangible steps...). He has been writing lists for years.

 

His thinking about kids is akin to dreaming. In his mind, the whole trying process is non-existent... Everyone who wants kids can easily get pregnant, they always have biological kids, and they can get pregnant at any point they choose...

 

He sees no link between settling his job malaise and having kids.

 

In summary, I think someone who's genuinely thinking about the topic of kids would be discussing other things than incidental stuff like baby clothes.

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