am i just overreacting?

[CalisthenicJustin]

Was doing lots of searching online but i guess it would be a lot better to get others opinions on the matter, since websites can't really answer questions compared to people who might have been in the same boat, well here goes

 

So 5 years ago i attended college and met some nice friends, met this girl, and her sister who i ended up meeting at a hangout cafeteria, they were both cute and i liked them both, so i was flirty with both of them (i didnt sleep, or make out with either one of them during college), mostly just playful teases and stuff, the younger one had a big crush on me and was always trying to get my attention and go out with me, i didnt have a girlfriend before so i didn't know how to act so i just continued doing my thing, over the course a a few months the younger one was trying and trying, and i ended up putting her in the friendzone pretty hard... and she ended up being very emotionally depressed, and i didnt even know (ill mention later)

 

after the time we finished school we all lost communication, i saw her again this year end of May early June, and i was so happy to see her again and she was happy to see me, so i grabbed her number and called her next day so we can go out on a hike, we go on a hike and everything goes fine we end up laughing teasing and then she invites herself to my house, we watch a movie get close and then we started talking more about the years past and stuff. she asked me if i liked her sister also, and i not a liar i said yes, so she was a little turned off by it (cause her older sister said that after school we always hanged out and stuff just to make her feel jelous when we didnt even see each other after) we had a couple more laughs and i ended up kissing her... and accidently gave her a nose bleed lol, it was a little dark haha.

 

we hung out 2 more times after that, and had an amazing time, then a couple weeks in June after out last get together she told me she needed some time and needs to find herself, so i understood that and gave her some space, i messaged her back 2 days later saying that i didn't want to lose my friendship to her and stuff and that, we started talking for a bit longer went on another date we had a blast, then she said that she needed a bit more time (((i was rushing the relationship a little too fast, and her previous relationships were not good at all))), so i told her to take the time and space she needs, we didnt talk for a whole week then she calls me, we talk on the phone for a few hours and she tells me that she misses me.

 

first week july she ended up going to Europe for a whole month, and we kept in contact every single day and talked on the phone a few times, we talked about what we liked, our turn ons, she wished i was there with her lots of times, how we both miss each other and so forth.

 

she came back last week and came over twice, wednesday and friday night, we ended up watching game of thrones because that is both of our favorite show, we ended up cuddling, making out and being really close together (no sex), she wants to take it slow and i am 100% ok with going slow in this, last few days shes been seeming a little off, i understand that she is tired from the trip and that when she got back she had to work every single day up to today and for another week so like 14 days straight cause she took a few extra days off to make her europe trip better, when she was over friday i ended up cooking for her (first time i ever cooked and first time she ever had anyone cook for her it was special), next week is her birthday and i wanted to spend the day with her but she said she is seeing her grandma cause she hasnt seen in in 2 months, but i mean like.. really the whole day? so i asked the wednesday after that to go to an art and sculpture museum and to dinner after and she replies, that could sound like fun!, and a few days ago i asked her to go out to lunch today and then a nice walk after and i reminded her last night about this morning she replied "maybe, that sounds like fun!" so this morning i message her and she says that she isn't feeling well, has a headache and a fever an hour before we go to lunch, so im a little confused, am i just overreacting to this or should i just continue what i normally am doing and not worry too much, i know we already hung out two days this week and i mean sure it would be great to spend as much time as i can with her, i would want to spend as least 1-2 days a week with her even if its for a few hours but i mean i don't know if we are still considered friends or are we dating? should i be the one that asks if we are dating?

 

Sorry for the huuuge post lol

[CarrieT]

I'm sorry, but with run-on sentences, no periods, and minimal punctuation, I can barely tell what the story is other than you are anxious about a girl and - yes - you are over-anxious.

 

You will get more responses with an actual question and proper punctuation.

[Teddius]

She is not your girlfriend and she wishes to take things slow in that regard. She is also in the process of finding herself, which, to me, suggests she 's unsure of what she wants and therefor subject to displaying behavior on opposite sides of a continuum. At one point she seems eagerly interested in progressing with you, and the next, not so much.

 

Outside of talks of exclusivity and consistent efforts on her side that corresponds with such, you yourself should consider proceeding with caution, to manage your expectations of her.

 

Yes, considering her position, you may be overreacting, just a little.

[zuzuspetals]

Great post. You write really well. I can tell you’re a victim of higher education lol. Sounds to me that you really care about this girl and the relationship (you haven’t slept with her – Bravo). It also sounds like, as in many young relationships, that you (as the man, hence leader of the relationship) haven’t created an opportunity to sit down with her over coffee and encourage the placing of all of the cards onto the table. It’s difficult not to remain guarded early in your relationship. Pride and playing defense with your feelings can get in the way. Level with her. Tell her what your thoughts are, what your fears are, what your hopes and expectations for the relationship really are and then ask her about hers. And listen very closely (leave your phone off and in your pocket and encourage her to do the same). If there’s anything you don’t understand, try to save it for the end, and ask her to clarify. If after that meeting you still don’t really know what the nature of your relationship with her is, make another date before you say goodbye; go home and think about it for a couple of days, and continue the conversation on another day until you’re clear. Don’t be afraid to ask very specific questions about her current and past situations. Learn all you can learn in the time given. Does that make sense? Do you think you can achieve the clarity you’re after if you sort of “take the reins”, and lead like this? If you haven’t done it before, it can be awkward. I don’t know your past, but I know many fathers don’t prepare their sons for standard, “relationships 101” stuff like this. Here’s where I swim against the current (of our culture). Stay with me on this, and know that there are people out there who can not only explain this idea better than I, but can better help you through it. If you think you love her (and especially if you don’t), don’t sleep with her. Something supernatural and sacred happens between two people who have sex with one another that binds them together for life. There are those who have been conditioned by our “anything goes” culture who would tell you the opposite. But if you really care about that girl like it sounds like you do, you owe to yourself and to her to lay those cards on the table too. There are so many God-ordained reasons for this and not enough cyber-space to explain it. But briefly – If you have sex and break up, you’ll be bound spiritually to that girl for the rest of your life. How is that “baggage” conversation about your past going to go with your future wife? If you end up marrying this girl and intend that your future kids save (arguably) the most wonderful thing about marriage (sex) for their future spouse, how are you going to explain your sexual history with them? There’s more, and more… I think often, young girls give up their bodies to young men because they think it’s what he wants, and if she’s going to keep him, she has to. What a tragedy, yes? If you haven’t guessed, I believe in the God of the Bible, and that He loves and cares so deeply for us that he wants our love for Him and for others to be perfect, as He designed it to be. Ok… enough for now. One long post deserves another, yes? Let me know if you want to know more. It changed my life and my relationship with my wife forever.