mavendark Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I broke up with my ex on Sunday (two days ago) because he was obsessive and did something crazy. Knowing that he would linger around and won't make it easy on me, I packed up his stuff for him and pretty much forced him out of my house. I've been NC since then, but of course he's reached out to me, to try to amend things, etc. I have no interest in doing such, but I do feel bad for keeping some of the gifts he's bought me. One of the gifts was quite expensive, it was a Macbook pro; I'm going through an intensive boot camp right now for engineering and I NEED this laptop (so I couldn't return it). I would've bought one anyway to go through my school but he bought it for me a couple of months ago for my birthday. I know he is paying this back month by month on one of those no-interest loans. I feel terrible for keeping this gift, but I can't give it back since I need it for school. I also don't know whether I should break the NC to pay him back for this laptop? Or should I just venmo him out of nowhere with like $2000+?
Redhead14 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I broke up with my ex on Sunday (two days ago) because he was obsessive and did something crazy. Knowing that he would linger around and won't make it easy on me, I packed up his stuff for him and pretty much forced him out of my house. I've been NC since then, but of course he's reached out to me, to try to amend things, etc. I have no interest in doing such, but I do feel bad for keeping some of the gifts he's bought me. One of the gifts was quite expensive, it was a Macbook pro; I'm going through an intensive boot camp right now for engineering and I NEED this laptop (so I couldn't return it). I would've bought one anyway to go through my school but he bought it for me a couple of months ago for my birthday. I know he is paying this back month by month on one of those no-interest loans. I feel terrible for keeping this gift, but I can't give it back since I need it for school. I also don't know whether I should break the NC to pay him back for this laptop? Or should I just venmo him out of nowhere with like $2000+? No, that will come across as petty. He gave them to you. If he asks for them, fine, but leave it alone. I'd suspect that you are using that to "get your foot back in the door". Don't do it. Keep no contact, focus on your schooling and move forward. 4
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Without knowing why the break up happened, I agree with the above poster to leave it alone. If he asks for it back, send him the $$.
whatnot Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I guess I have a different take. Rather than seeing that money come back to me as some sort of coded message (that would be an expensive manipulative maneuver)....I'd be thinking...."Man, she is REAllY serious to be giving this kind of cash back when she doesn't have to." I'm sure there's a way of getting it to him without breaking NC. Just send him a check in the mail. Include a note telling him exactly what you just told us. (You could also stash cash someplace where only he would find it. He'd know where it came from and would get the same message).
whatnot Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I believe it would engender respect from me. Not pettiness.
LD1990 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 That's tough. I'm of the opinion that a gift is a gift, regardless of value or how you're paying it off. When you break up with someone, you both keep the gifts you gave each other. That being said, I do emphasize with the guy. Being dumped is hard enough, being dumped and having to be reminded of your ex every month when you open up your bank account to pay off an old gift...ugh, sounds brutal! That being said, I wouldn't recommend contacting him. He's an adult, he made the decision to buy you this laptop and use a payment plan. If he contacts you about it, do whatever you think is best. But don't reach out about it. He may even take it as an insult if you do. I remember my ex and I had discussed her helping me with part of my business when we were together. After we broke up, she mentioned at one point how she still wanted to help. I simply declined, but on the inside, I was thinking "You're my ex, you broke my heart, I don't want your help and I don't want your pity." Just food for thought. 3
JewelD Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 You are not obligated to return or pay for gifts. I wouldn't give him the money or the laptop even if he asked for it back. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I believe it would engender respect from me. Not pettiness. It would if he dumped you and he gave your gifts back . . . LDD's comments above are spot on . . .
whatnot Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I'm not saying you don't have the right to keep that gift with no strings attached. And, for that matter, heck....you're entitled to it! LOL It was a gift for crying out loud! It's yours. IT BELONGS TO YOU! I heard a saying one time that's stuck with me (haunted me? lol) ..."Just because you have the right doesn't make it right). I don't lol expect my post to be popular. But...at the end of the day...there really is no "right or wrong" here...except for what YOU decide. I support you either way. It's your gift. And he gave it lol to ya.
whatnot Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 It would if he dumped you and he gave your gifts back . . . LDD's comments above are spot on . . . I thought about this. I dated a woman 7 years. After only 3 mos. of dating...she gave me a GPS for my boat. ($2,700). And it was awkward to receive such an expensive gift after such a short amount of dating. I was torn. I wanted it. But, I didn't want her to pay. So maybe I should say..."do as I say and not as I do" lol But...I *like* to think....I *like* to think....that had I dumped her shortly after...I would have given that pile of cash back. Maybe I wouldn't have. I guess we'll never know for sure! :-)
Author mavendark Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 That being said, I do emphasize with the guy. Being dumped is hard enough, being dumped and having to be reminded of your ex every month when you open up your bank account to pay off an old gift...ugh, sounds brutal! This. I'm totally okay with the NC, I don't want to get my foot back in the door or anything. I'm completely through with him. But it just feels really sad for him to have to pay off a gift for such a long time... Especially since we broke up so soon after I received the gift, some people may see it as "I took everything he's got and then just left him" kind of thing. It also doesn't help that I'm very independent and prideful, and I hate feeling like I owe him especially when we are no longer together.
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