Piddle Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I've written about this before on this forum. Guys seem to pursue friendships with me, and never want to date me. I find this so confusing. Recently it's happened again. One extremely hot guy at work was seconded to another branch, he only ever said hi to me before we never spoke or had a conversation. He comes back, sees me in the canteen, practicaly runs over and gives me a hug. I was a little surprised. He then emails me to ask me for a mid day coffee. We have a social coffee at the work coffee place and that's it! He went back to his office and I to mine. A similar thing happened same week with a guy I do a hobby with. Neither of them went any further in fact they both seem interested in pursing a non romantic friendship. It's not like they've gone silent, it's more like 'let's hang out as friends'. Work guy is way to hot for me, and I am a little surprised that he even noticed me so I am not interested in either of these men as such but I am using it as an example. During both coffees I was doing the right things, asking questions, listening, whatever and both guys were keen to 'do it again soon' and both have chased this up a couple of times but in non-datey ways. Like with other people present. I am honestly losing my mind over this. What am I doing wrong? What turns these guys off because that is clearly what is happening. I spoke to a female friend about this and she said something a little weird but kind of struck something with me, she went 'oh Lucy once really liked the color of your highlights, and asked me if I knew what color it was. She felt that she couldn't approach you directly to ask.' I was so shocked I would have no problem even going to the beauty place with Lucy and showing her exactly what I had done, so I just don't know why she would be intimidated to ask me. It got me thinking I wonder if I'm giving off a similar vibe to men? (totally unintentional and all my friends and close work colleagues who know me well love me and talk to me about EVERYTHING) If somebody is a bit nervous to ask me about something as teeny tiny as hair color, I'm kinda guessing asking me out would be a bigger deal. Could this be it? And if it is, how do I get rid of vibe I have no idea I am giving out. I really thought I was approachable, and all the people who do get to know me know this is true but clearly something is going wrong with the signals to people I do not know well. This is driving me nuts!
gorf Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 1) Smile more. When someone looks at you, smile. For no reason, even if they don't smile back. I think that by itself will do wonders to start 2) Are you showing enough interest in these guys? Or in people in general? Are you asking about their day and how life is going for them, how their new cat is getting along with the dog.. do yo even know if they have a dog? Are you showing interest enough to want to persue with you? 3) Are you available to date? If so, are these guys getting the vibe? If not, why? Are you the flirty type, start flirting more. Doesn't take much with guys. You might just be putting off you are interested to date, but don't really care if you do or don't. Could be, not sure. But I say just flirt a bit more if you don't already A few ideas without knowing you
preraph Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Without meeting you, I can only guess, but to me it sounds like they like you, think you're nice and aren't too intimidated because they hug and things like that. So I have to assume they don't see you as sexy for some reason. How do you dress? Maybe you need to wear something more feminine? Again, just taking a shot in the dark.
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