nadzz Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it?
preraph Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Lots of guys think being the more successful enables them to have the upper hand in a relationship, which certainly isn't always true. But at minimum, they count success as a point toward them to give them confidence and make them more desireable, which is at least partly valid. If a man is sexually needy, he may not think he can even get sex if he doesn't hold the position of being the more successful one (but these are the same guys for whom getting sex is their main focus so that they will trade quality in a woman for looks because that's mainly all they care about, so they usually end up with a woman focused on their money.) But there are secure confident un-needy guys out there who would just be happily supporting any success their woman had. But you know yours isn't one, and you know him better than I do, so go with your gut. Good luck. 6
normal person Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I agree with the post above. For now, you're just making assumptions. I wouldn't worry about it until there's actually signs of a problem. If he's secure, he should be happy for you. If he's not, well... you might have some problems with it because you're kind of diluting his traditional gender role as the provider. 4
Snotty Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Stick to your guns, and dont settle... EVER. I was single for a few years. I would not settle. I was told by many to lower my standards. I told them no. I would rather be single and happy, than to settle and be in a unhappy relationship. Then... I met her. She too did not want to settle. She too had high standards. I feel we are growing something special. We communicate on a level i have never experienced. She feels the same. She is a very strong independant woman. She is with me because she WANTS to be, not because she NEEDS to, and i am with her for the same readon. So nadz, how does this apply to you? She has her own business. Its who she is, and i love that about her. Find a man, not a boy. You will!! And, rock on with your business! 6
SammySammy Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 A confident guy won't be threatened or intimidated by you no matter what you do. You can be the most successful woman on Earth and some men won't be intimidated. I know who I am and I'm comfortable with that. I also enjoy watching and helping others to be successful - male or female. Doesn't matter. Someone becoming more successful than me doesn't diminish who I am at all. If your man is that easily threatened or intimidated, I suggest finding someone else. 8
dpass Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 No. A confident, secure man will not care. I love successful women. If she makes 2-3x the amount of money I make, good for her and all the more to go around if we marry. I would much, much rather be with a woman who fought for what she wanted and succeeded vs someone who's top aspiration was to be a manager at Starbucks. My girlfriend makes more than I do, she is also younger than me. It is a positive, not a negative. 3
Woggle Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 It depends on the man. We are not a monolith who all think the same way and since we don't know this men we can't say if he is one of those who do think that way. 7
Author nadzz Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 Stick to your guns, and dont settle... EVER. I was single for a few years. I would not settle. I was told by many to lower my standards. I told them no. I would rather be single and happy, than to settle and be in a unhappy relationship. Then... I met her. She too did not want to settle. She too had high standards. I feel we are growing something special. We communicate on a level i have never experienced. She feels the same. She is a very strong independant woman. She is with me because she WANTS to be, not because she NEEDS to, and i am with her for the same readon. So nadz, how does this apply to you? She has her own business. Its who she is, and i love that about her. Find a man, not a boy. You will!! And, rock on with your business! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! I hope you guys have a long and happy relationship 1
NTV Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 As a guy I am not scared at all about a more successful woman's success. I have no feeling one way or the other. What scares me is that a lot of the really successful women I've met had some sort of mental complex about their success. Some of them wanted to rub their success in their partner's face. Some acted like because they were more successful, they should get more of the attention/consideration. But the biggest one, the biggest fear is that I will be accused of having some sort of inferiority complex because of her success.... like she wants me to have one. There was a short point in time where my WW did make more than me. She first used it to try to say that because she made the money she should make the decisions. I volunteered to leave if my input wasn't needed, and that stopped that. Then she began with the whole... 'it doesn't make you insecure does is?' but her tone didn't say it was an honest question. Her tone said that it was an accusation. Hell no, a woman making more money than me doesn't make me insecure. In fact, not having to pay for every damn thing on a date would be a pretty big turn on. Any insecurity wouldn't come from the money aspect of it. It would come from the change in her mentality. If I had a relationship with an equal, and she started to act like she was superior because of her income... well I wouldn't be in that relationship... err I guess unless I was in a total different imaginary society where women purchased male companions as sexual servants/slaves. lol Then I might like it, who knows? 4
RecentChange Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Oh please OP, never, ever let worries of insecure men hold you back in life. Be your successful self! No hesitations no doubts! I make double of what my husband does - and he has never expressed any insecurities regarding that. More money for us, wooo!! I can tell you, I never ever thought oh no, what will he think with every promotion and raise - he was always the first I told, and the first to praise me on my success and to tell me he was PROUD. Find a man who would be proud of you, not threatened by you. 8
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it? This is not true. Many men would love to be with a woman who has her crap togther and more successful. The men who don't have security, ego issues and perhaps other unsavory things going on. 3
indeed7 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 First of all, men are different from each other with different personalities. Just like women. Some men are very insecure, some aren't insecure at all. Having said that, I can't remember ever hearing a man saying that he wouldn't want a woman who is richer than him, just because she has more money than him. But I have heard lots of women calling men who make less money than them "losers" and "undateable". If you are not bothered by the fact that you are making more money than him then there is no reason for you to assume that he is. 4
clia Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 What makes you think you'll be more successful than him? Most new businesses fail. Do you subconsciously view yourself as better than him because you are starting a business vs. him working a regular job? 1
SwordofFlame Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 As a guy I am not scared at all about a more successful woman's success. I have no feeling one way or the other. What scares me is that a lot of the really successful women I've met had some sort of mental complex about their success. Some of them wanted to rub their success in their partner's face. Some acted like because they were more successful, they should get more of the attention/consideration. But the biggest one, the biggest fear is that I will be accused of having some sort of inferiority complex because of her success.... like she wants me to have one. There was a short point in time where my WW did make more than me. She first used it to try to say that because she made the money she should make the decisions. I volunteered to leave if my input wasn't needed, and that stopped that. Then she began with the whole... 'it doesn't make you insecure does is?' but her tone didn't say it was an honest question. Her tone said that it was an accusation. Hell no, a woman making more money than me doesn't make me insecure. In fact, not having to pay for every damn thing on a date would be a pretty big turn on. Any insecurity wouldn't come from the money aspect of it. It would come from the change in her mentality. If I had a relationship with an equal, and she started to act like she was superior because of her income... well I wouldn't be in that relationship... err I guess unless I was in a total different imaginary society where women purchased male companions as sexual servants/slaves. lol Then I might like it, who knows? Agree. It's not about her earning more money, it's about the attitude. 1
Zapbasket Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it? There's plenty to it but do you want to settle for someone who squelches your personal and professional growth? BE WHO YOU ARE. If that means starting a business and talking about your strategy, fears, etc., then do exactly that. Relationships really only work when a) both partners are developed (i.e., self-aware and experienced) enough to be true to themselves and be exactly who they are intrinsically, and b) each partner accepts the other for exactly who they are, good and bad. There is no regret more agonizing than looking back over your life and seeing all the ways you sold yourself short. Go for your dreams. Doing so is a good weed-out, anyway, for those people in your life who might *pretend* to be supportive of you, but really are to insecure / jealous / ignorant / self-absorbed / etc. to truly be supportive. Better to weed those people out sooner than later. 1
joseb Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it? No, most guys would not be put off at all. Also, you are starting a business, so you have no idea if you are going to be successful or fail anyway. A lot of people are telling you to to find a different guy, but this is all in your own head as far as I can tell. Has he said or done anything for you to believe he doesn't want you to succeed? 2
BluEyeL Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it? I think you should tell him about it and gauge by his reaction where you stand. Like clia said, you're not sure whether you'll be successful or not, but I think your concern is generally valid. Based on his reaction you'll know valuable information. I wouldn't hold back, if he's not the right guy for you, it is better to know earlier rather than later because you won't be able to be who you're not to keep an insecure man happy. Someone else mentioned above that some men think that if they are more successful they can have the upper hand and more control on the woman. My ex-husband was like that. I remember that once he threw a tantrum because he couldn't find a pen in the drawer where he expected it to be. He had a screaming fit, threw everything from that drawer on the floor and declared it was my fault because he never finds anything where it's supposed to be and, and I cite "If I had more money I'd be able to put you to your place". For some reason, he didn't feel he could...what? yell louder? hit me? Because I had money. If a man is insecure about that stuff, it's tough. Some men above claim it's about the "attitude". Maybe, but you never know what he considers "attitude" and you don't want to walk on eggshells afraid not to offend him every time you open your mouth. So I say talk aobut your career, your successes and find out if itbothers him. If it does, find someone else. When I was dating I was definitely worried not to get into a relationship with someone like my ex. I was lucky to find someone more successful than myself. I find this works much better. 1
JDPT Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it? Quiet honestly time will tell if he has a problem with that or not. He may feel intimidated by it if he's a bum with no job and no aspiration to progress in life. And if that's the case I would assume anyone, male or female will get tired of being with someone like that. I recall being genuinely happy for my ex when she decided to launch her business. Equality is imperative for me, I don't exclusively believe in a man should exclusively doing this or a woman should exclusively do that. There can be certain overlapping roles but then again there are other times when both should stay in their lane. I'm not certain what your particular situation is but I would be happy for you. 1
No_Go Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Well - I envy your confidence From starting s company to becoming successful it could be years... If ever. I'm in a position to make more money than my guy (higher degree, more competitive field), not to mention I have >3x more savings. He's NOT intimidated, I am sometimes thinking I'd be the one to take all the burden once we retire but... Let's first get there. Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it?
Author nadzz Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 What makes you think you'll be more successful than him? Most new businesses fail. Do you subconsciously view yourself as better than him because you are starting a business vs. him working a regular job? This isn't a business forum but I'll bite. The fact that I'm going after my dreams and doing more with my life and not accepting to be a part of the rat race like everyone else is a definition of success to me and is also something of concern. But thanks for the vote of confidence lol. 1
MissBee Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Hi everyone, I need some insight into how men think, and women can answer too please. I am currently in the process of starting a company and my boyfriend has a regular job. Something prevents me from talking to him about my business and I initially thought it was because I was not ready to talk to anyone before launching but today it occurred to me that I may be reluctant to talk to him because I subconsciously know that no man wants to be with a woman who is more successful than him. Is this a ridiculous thought or could there be something to it? This is false. Men who are secure and confident in themselves are completely fine with this. This is not a universal law that all men are insecure and ridiculous. You don't have to be with someone who is like that. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't support your dreams or where you have to hold yourself back to protect their fragile ego. If he has a problem with your success, he shouldn't be your partner...simple. Find someone who will support you.
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