Toodaloo Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I am seeing a lot of people saying that they have lost the spark. So my tip is this. Remember what you did at the beginning when you first met that was fun and energetic and made you both giggle? Do it again. Snogging behind the bike sheds is still fun and a bit naughty at 70 so go for it. Get dressed up for a meal at home or go out for a meal every now and then. Tell each other what you admire about each other. Do those silly little things for each other. Write those silly love notes 2 years, 20 years down the line and hide it in their pocket for them to find... If you see a pebble that you think they will like pick it up and give it to them! If penguins can do it I am sure humans can to! You can post your own tips here too! 6
Grisho Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Pick some hobbies to share that are new to both of you, and are helped by you working together. Learn some languages together in a group of other people. Learn to crochet and both contribute a square to (what ultimately becomes) a blanket every year you are together. Learn to sail together. Learn to make some local dishes from a different country every month together. Grow some plants together. My other tips: Take care of your appearance - hygeine is always critical, as is not being lazy about things like shaving and exercise. Tatty, hole-ridden clothing should never be worn around your loved one, unless you're wearing it to do messy jobs around the home. 3
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 I cannot imagine losing the spark while dating. People lose spark after 15 years marriage not 2 years dating. If you are dating and have lost the spark than you ain't with the right person or maybe you've been dating too long and the relationship has never grown into anything. I have been dating BF for 9 months and we are still in our honeymoon phase. 2
Leigh 87 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 This is probably a little different... When we go food shopping, for some reason we cannot keep our hands to ourselves. Something about being out in public together ( huge introverts here) just makes our hands go everywhere and we make out a bit. We really enjoy food shopping lol. Always works a treat in terms of keeping the sparks alive. 2
Weezy1973 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Prioritize sex. As long as the sex is great, the sparks stay. Fantasizing about your partner is a sure fire way to keep feeling sparky. 3
BaileyB Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 For me, it's about humor. Teasing, laughing, playing together... I never want to lose that. 6
todreaminblue Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 i think with any memory spark if you want to reignite you go where sparks were....i actually forgot my spark for life and my ex made me this embossed photo book of all the beautiful places and people in my life i love.....shock therapy stuffs memory up completely..... when i looked at this book of sunsets and sunrises we had seen together, ocean pictures at all times of the day and the people in my life......it bought back floods of memories.....many sparks.....i could feel the ocean ...hear it...write about it.....i could write about love in poetry...once i remembered what it was to feel love.... journals and photo books are wonderful things......they put you back somewhere special....some time special.....some one special...... its wonderful to go out and explore find somewhere new..or somewhere old......but i would add take a picture...write a poem...make that somewhere special...part of you...part fo them...part of you both together.....these snapshots and written memories.....make awesome gifts......to renew and remember...when you might have....forgotten.... losing a spark...is the loss of a memory...a visual....a physical....an emotional.....and memories of these kind...are eventually...all we have...to pass down to family....to keep bonds strong with our loved ones...our partners....our spouses.........and to remember....love is always with us..if we remember what love feels like..............deb 2
RecentChange Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Toodaloo - I agree with everything you have posted! My husband and I have been "re-discovering the sparks" after 15 years. I came off of this weekend just feeling giddy, and couldn't help but think, wow, this is the "old us". What did we do this "spark filled" weekend? We dressed up and hit the town (not too unusual). He made me feel beautiful and proudly showed me off. The mood was always light and fun - even "disasters" were met with a belly laugh and a "who cares!" We teased and flirted, he whispered naughty things and let his hands wander where they shouldn't in public. We made out on street corners. We danced and laughed some more. He playfully took advantage of me as I fumbled for my keys after we finally made it back home - and we didn't put clothes on again till noon the next day. Back to work - I sent him texts about how he rocked my world. We made new inside jokes. And after 15 years, I certainly could feel the sparks, that same wonderful feeling that drew me to him so many years ago. 7
Author Toodaloo Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Toodaloo - I agree with everything you have posted! My husband and I have been "re-discovering the sparks" after 15 years. I came off of this weekend just feeling giddy, and couldn't help but think, wow, this is the "old us". What did we do this "spark filled" weekend? We dressed up and hit the town (not too unusual). He made me feel beautiful and proudly showed me off. The mood was always light and fun - even "disasters" were met with a belly laugh and a "who cares!" We teased and flirted, he whispered naughty things and let his hands wander where they shouldn't in public. We made out on street corners. We danced and laughed some more. He playfully took advantage of me as I fumbled for my keys after we finally made it back home - and we didn't put clothes on again till noon the next day. Back to work - I sent him texts about how he rocked my world. We made new inside jokes. And after 15 years, I certainly could feel the sparks, that same wonderful feeling that drew me to him so many years ago. That is what it is about!!! So many just give in and give up! Putting in effort like this should be fun! Good on you!!! Although I am a bit jealous that you are getting more rumpy pumpy than I am!!! Deb what a lovely thing to do! Again another prime example of something simple, thoughtful and lovely that just keeps it going! 2
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Keep a certain mystique in your relationship no matter what the stage. Dont let it all hang out. Make an effort to dress nicely and stay sexy. Go out on dates. Sure they see you first thing in the morning with bed head, etc. I remember seeing my sister's husband plucking out her chin hairs for her with tweezers. Sheesh. I would never do that. Bad enough that she did it in the lounge, he started doing the ones she couldnt see.
Author Toodaloo Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 I remember seeing my sister's husband plucking out her chin hairs for her with tweezers. Sheesh. I would never do that. Bad enough that she did it in the lounge, he started doing the ones she couldnt see. Thats actually quite sweet that he helps her to stay beautiful! 1
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Thats actually quite sweet that he helps her to stay beautiful! For me it would be like taking a dump in front of my partner, Id never do that. Let them see the ins and outs of my beauty routine. One guy fairly early on in dating, like the second time we had sex: we were moving into the lounge in his apartment to have a drink and watch tv after sex. I had my robe on. he just walked into the bathroom right across a narrow hall from the lounge, stood to the edge of the toilet and peed with the door open while talking to me. It is fine if he is that open and not self conscious and it didnt offend me one bit. I just wouldnt do it. Keep some things a mystery. they dont need to see me peeing, hear me fart, etc. Just keep some romance alive and not see me with it all hanging out.
Els Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Don't take anything for granted. I fell into this trap myself before - when you've been with someone for a long time and they always do certain things for you, it's easy to start getting used to the 'status quo' and forgetting that they are actually putting in effort to do a nice thing for you. It was especially easy for me to forget, because my guy rarely makes a show out of anything - he just does things for me quietly and doesn't say anything about it. I've found that really looking at what they do for you from a fresh perspective regularly, helps a lot in that regard. 6
Author Toodaloo Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 For me it would be like taking a dump in front of my partner, Id never do that. I got dumped because I was "uptight" after telling a chap I had been seeing that he had to leave so I could poo. He said it didn't bother him and he felt I was a bit "high maintenance" after that... Shame because I quite liked him! I have held no such qualms since and no man has run! I do close the door but current chap will walk in to grab a toothbrush or ask a question...
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I got dumped because I was "uptight" after telling a chap I had been seeing that he had to leave so I could poo. He said it didn't bother him and he felt I was a bit "high maintenance" after that... Shame because I quite liked him! I have held no such qualms since and no man has run! I do close the door but current chap will walk in to grab a toothbrush or ask a question... TO each their own. It has never come up with me because I lock the door and dont bring it up. If we were in the bathroom together I would wait until they left, etc. 1
Grisho Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 TO each their own. It has never come up with me because I lock the door and dont bring it up. If we were in the bathroom together I would wait until they left, etc. I'm much the same. I've never discussed bathroom activities with anyone, and wouldn't ever, unless it was with a doctor for a medical reason.
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I'm much the same. I've never discussed bathroom activities with anyone, and wouldn't ever, unless it was with a doctor for a medical reason. I just dont see how my bf witnessing me taking a dump would add anything to the relationship. In fact, if I saw them, it would put me off. The other poster describes her bf walking in on her on the toilet and getting a toothbrush, etc. Again to each their own, but to me that would be a violation of privacy to have someone not even be able to wait until I'm done. So that kind of thing, I think taking the mystique out of a relationship, seeing you poo, hearing you fart, letting it all hang out. It is deeply unattractive. Best to keep the spark alive by having a bit of mystique. 1
Grisho Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I just dont see how my bf witnessing me taking a dump would add anything to the relationship. In fact, if I saw them, it would put me off. The other poster describes her bf walking in on her on the toilet and getting a toothbrush, etc. Again to each their own, but to me that would be a violation of privacy to have someone not even be able to wait until I'm done. So that kind of thing, I think taking the mystique out of a relationship, seeing you poo, hearing you fart, letting it all hang out. It is deeply unattractive. Best to keep the spark alive by having a bit of mystique. I share your opinion. I've even said to a boyfriend before now "please don't wait outside of the bathroom door - carry on with what you were doing, and I'll let you know when the bathroom is free". 2
Author Toodaloo Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 I just dont see how my bf witnessing me taking a dump would add anything to the relationship. In fact, if I saw them, it would put me off. The other poster describes her bf walking in on her on the toilet and getting a toothbrush, etc. Again to each their own, but to me that would be a violation of privacy to have someone not even be able to wait until I'm done. So that kind of thing, I think taking the mystique out of a relationship, seeing you poo, hearing you fart, letting it all hang out. It is deeply unattractive. Best to keep the spark alive by having a bit of mystique. Well I guess that comes down to compatibility. I have given up stressing about it and if I need to go - I go! As I said I have been dumped for being uptight because I didn't want him hearing etc it! My exact words were "At least let me retain a shred of mystery" his were "I don't think this is going to work out"... Ho hum. Next tip from me is holding hands. In the cinema, under the table just those little touches. Keep them up. 2
DramaInPajamas Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Well I guess that comes down to compatibility. I have given up stressing about it and if I need to go - I go! As I said I have been dumped for being uptight because I didn't want him hearing etc it! My exact words were "At least let me retain a shred of mystery" his were "I don't think this is going to work out"... Ho hum. Next tip from me is holding hands. In the cinema, under the table just those little touches. Keep them up. Wow. It would bother me if they wanted to see me take a dump so much that they were willing to dump me for it. Holding hands is a good one.
Els Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Ha, poo and chin hair are QUITE different IMO! We've been together for years but have never hung around to see each other poop (whatever for???), but removing chin hair, why not... I guess to us, hair is just hair. We've helped 'trim' each other, too... 1
Author Toodaloo Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 I guess to us, hair is just hair. We've helped 'trim' each other, too... Always a fun game... I told recent beau if he wants it trimmed he would have to do the honours... He seems to enjoy it... a lot! I always enjoy the result!!! 1
jen1447 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 And here I am pooping w the door open ....to each their own Why does every thread end up being about pooping btw? 1
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