She said I ruined her birthday

[Howyoulikeme]

I think I may be hanging on to something and trying to create something out of nothing.

 

To tell the honest truth, she's like a girl I used to date a few years ago.

 

Hard natured. Has her softer moments but they usually seem to come from me pumping her full of positive emotions.

 

Coldness and hardness in women in my experience and what I've observed doesn't seem to be a very feminine trait and always causes conflict in the form of power struggle.

 

I need to rethink this whole thing because I actually might be at fault.

 

See I can understand what everybody in this thread is saying

 

And those who believe I should've sat back and watched her enjoy her night.

 

I've done that before with the girl I used to date in LA and it was lovely and it made me feel involved even though I wasn't in the majority of the conversations.

 

I think why I didn't do that this occasion is because I don't think I really like this girl that much and so when she decided it was important she chat with her friends more since it was her birthday and expect me to occupy myself ( her words), I didn't do that because my immediate thoughts when I started getting ignored was not, oh she's enjoying herself, I'll sit tight. It was **** this. I don't wish do be here and sit in almost silence.

 

I played along for a while at first actually and did the 'I'm fine thing' but then I got flustered at her lack of interest. That's what it was. She's so oblivious and wrapped up in her own birthday bull**** that she's unaware or not conscientious enough to realise I'm talking crap when I'm saying I'm ok.

 

And that pissed me off cos I don't think that's cool. But I held my tongue for a bit longer and then she finally noticed and said what's going on with you I told her abruptly I was left out.

 

I shouldn't have done that but at that point I honestly thought, **** you I don't want to be here.

 

So clearly I don't like her very much.

[kendahke]

So clearly I don't like her very much.

 

start acting like someone who doesn't like her very much.

 

put her on block and be done with her. Find someone who isn't at all like this.

 

Seriously--get past this thinking that you deserve to be treated like she's been treating you--the good doesn't outweigh the bad when they've done what she's done.

 

And as I've initially said, this has been brewing for some time and all she needed was any, flimsy excuse to do what she did. She set you up by ignoring you at this party so that her BIL--who's heard all of the dirt on your relationship from her sister to whom she confides--felt comfortable confronting you violently. No one goes from zero to a million on nothing unless they're psychologically impacted already.

[GemmaUK]

Thanks Grisho, that was a lovely thing to say and I really appreciate it - gave me a little smile today!

 

 

...And if your brother was mad you didn't make more of a effort to talk to him (despite your good intentions) and one of your brother's friends said they didn't care for you not interacting more with your brother that you never see and they were going to physically assault you, and your brother told you that next time if you want to see him you would have to suffer that person's company....then what?

My brother was terrified that night as we walked to the venue - some of these people he hadn't seen in 20/30 years and some he didn't even know anyone still had contact details for. It was a bit of a school and great old friends reunion.

I could see his nerves when I saw him choose his seat and I walked further down saying hello to folk I hadn't seen either in all that time - since I was a very shy teenager. Plus there were several I hadn't met or had only ever met very briefly - just in passing all those years ago.

But I knew he'd be Ok once he'd had a beer or two. I kept looking over to check on him and he was fine - he had an absolute blast that night and so did I!

Several people did ask me why I wasn't sitting with him that night - maybe 5 or so from memory - I just said it was his night, not my night with him - his night with his friends which I was pleased to be invited to as I knew many of them - certainly his close friends for years.

My bro didn't get mad at me. Had there been someone who had then I would have been pretty shocked - however - and this is important: There was no one there who I already knew to be any kind of an idiot.

I wasn't terribly keen on a very few folk but it's damned easy to be civil and friendly for an evening for the sake of everyone having a good time. I can suck that up easy and was more than happy to.

The OP already had feelings about his BIL, already knew they didn't get on and I'm gathering from the OP's comments about him that he could easily likely become aggressive/offensive - to me that would be all the more reason to go with the flow for his GF's sake, join in but also know it's a one night event and that most family events are or can sometimes be something to be tolerated with a guy like that around.

 

This was an adult birthday party, not his gf coming back to town after 10 years. An adult birthday is about as important as a normal Saturday night. His gf said she intentionally ignored him to be with others, why because a birthday is special and you can ignore your SO?

She wasn't ignoring him though was she. She was asking if he was OK - several times from the sound of it from the OP's posts. She was obviously thinking 'he's not joining in - is he OK?' Otherwise she wouldn't have asked him several times 'Are you OK?'

 

Back to you OP.

If your feelings are that you feel neglected but cannot just rise to the occasion for a once a year or few times a year event then my feeling is that you don't love her enough.

Either that or you are more needy/clingy in relationships.

 

But, I get the feeling it's the former, not the latter of those two - if that's the case you should do the right think and end this now.

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Edited August 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed off topic content ~T

[ChatroomHero]

 

She wasn't ignoring him though was she. She was asking if he was OK - several times from the sound of it from the OP's posts.

 

Did you read the posts where OP stated his gf specifically said she was ignoring him to concentrate on her friends? so, yeah, she was admittedly ignoring him according his posts.

 

 

Ignoring someone for a while and then saying, "You OK?" is well, ignoring someone for a while and then asking if they are ok.

[Howyoulikeme]

Did you read the posts where OP stated his gf specifically said she was ignoring him to concentrate on her friends? so, yeah, she was admittedly ignoring him according his posts.

 

 

Ignoring someone for a while and then saying, "You OK?" is well, ignoring someone for a while and then asking if they are ok.

 

It's all by the by now.

 

I was at hers last night and stayed over and she acted like nothing was wrong so I just played along. Then today she came home from work and was giving me crazy attitude and I said this is ridiculous. Then I said I don't even know why I'm here because you dumped me already and she said no I haven't. I was like your letter was pretty clear and she gave me the same thing about how I don't care what her friends and family think about me and how I should. And she said this clearly isn't working and I was like I'll get my stuff.

 

I felt really sad actually and got super emotional and she sat there with a stern face and put her hand on my shoulder and said it'll be alright.

 

I said how come you're not sad and she said I've down this a few times before, you get used to it.

 

I just thought, that's super sad. Another cold woman, not very much compassion.

 

I'm home now and whether or not it's for the best, I still feel like crap.

 

I've lived alone for about 5 years but I never seems any easier.

 

To tell the truth, I've felt lonely my whole life.

 

It's upsetting to me to see the other person not upset by things at all. I've always been really soft. Like everybody knows that about me. She even said when we were talking, I think you're too sensitive for me. I was like yeah, rather you have a guy who screams and yells at you...

[ChatroomHero]

Honestly by her reaction sounds like she didn't care much for you and had checked out long ago. It would explain her BIL doing what he did, she already told him and her sister you were an annoyance.

 

 

It explains her ignoring you at the party too, she probably preferred you weren't there to begin with.

 

 

I wouldn't worry that she isn't all broken up over losing you, she won't be and you don't need her to be. You need to be happy you aren't in a crappy, draining, loveless, just because you are lonely, relationship anymore.

[Howyoulikeme]

I still feel really ****ty today.

 

Ive thought about her non stop and I can't seem to keep occupied at all.

 

This totally sucks. Whether it's for the best or not it still sucks.

 

I posted a few things on my Facebook page about a new music release soon and she liked all the posts.

[Amelie1980]

I still feel really ****ty today.

 

Ive thought about her non stop and I can't seem to keep occupied at all.

 

This totally sucks. Whether it's for the best or not it still sucks.

 

I posted a few things on my Facebook page about a new music release soon and she liked all the posts.

 

Block her on facebook.

 

I had a quick read. If you cant go out for an evening without a huge fight and her family threatening you, you are better off alone.

[WomenWubber]

DUDE you wanna be married to all that?

 

I would be out so fast I would leave a fire trail.

[Howyoulikeme]

DUDE you wanna be married to all that?

 

I would be out so fast I would leave a fire trail.

 

Yeah I get that.

 

I just feel so crappy right now. I could've conducted myself better during this time and that's eating me up.

[joseb]

I think she had checked out long ago.

All the BS about the birthday was to lay the foundations.

 

I'm reluctant to say this, because I think people throw this around a lot here, but her behaviour sounds similar to one of my exes who was bpd. Might explain the coldness.

And some of her BS behaviour.

 

Main thing is you are much better out if this.

[Howyoulikeme]

I think she had checked out long ago.

All the BS about the birthday was to lay the foundations.

 

I'm reluctant to say this, because I think people throw this around a lot here, but her behaviour sounds similar to one of my exes who was bpd. Might explain the coldness.

And some of her BS behaviour.

 

Main thing is you are much better out if this.

 

She said to me that we disagreed on a lot of fundamentals and that she thought it would change but it hasn't.

 

She also said she'd been on medication before for depression.

 

I feel like I want an opportunity to apologise for my part in this mess.

 

I feel like I'd be more settled if I was able to do that.

[joseb]

She said to me that we disagreed on a lot of fundamentals and that she thought it would change but it hasn't.

 

She also said she'd been on medication before for depression.

 

I feel like I want an opportunity to apologise for my part in this mess.

 

I feel like I'd be more settled if I was able to do that.

 

No it's done. If you apologise it will probably go badly and she will abuse you further for a perceived weakness.

 

Just count your blessings you don't have to deal with her or her crappy family again

[Howyoulikeme]

No it's done. If you apologise it will probably go badly and she will abuse you further for a perceived weakness.

 

Just count your blessings you don't have to deal with her or her crappy family again

 

Oh no I don't mean apologise to go back, I just mean apologise for my part in it.

 

Her parents and sister are actually really very lovely and well educated. I don't wanna be around the bil for obvious reasons. I feel like being around that would be a huge headache.

 

I feel more like I want to apologise for closure.

 

How would I go about this?

 

I've not contacted her since i left hers on Thursday with my stuff.