Katiejane Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 My partner has TERRIBLE manners, I don't know if its me expecting too much or if what I am expecting is reasonable but I am really struggling to deal with it and I have no idea what to do. Some examples of the stuff he does. - He is always late, if we have dinner plans with my parents or grandparents he will turn up an hour or more late and doesn't even apologise or let anyone know he's running late, When I ask him to let me know if he's going to be late he tells me "get the **** over it". - He uses ALL of the hot water, every time he has a shower, I always make sure me and the kids have showers before he gets home cause if we don't there will be no water left, He doesn't get out of the shower until the water runs out. - If we are having a conversation about something he will just leave the room midway thru, and goes and does something else and I am just left sitting there like okay guess we are done. - He refuses to help me with tiny little things, like stopping at the store on the way home from work even though he drives right past it , yet he expects me to drop everything and jump whenever he says so. He will call me up and make me drive an hour to go get something for him and if I say I am busy he starts yelling at me until I agree to go do it. - He doesn't speak if we are at my family or friends houses or they are visiting,he just sits and stares at his phone ignoring everyone. - When he gets home from work he will not move off the couch, We both work full time and have kids and pets and yet he will sit down, expect his dinner brought to him, then cleared away, I will feed the animals, take them outside, get the kids to bed all while he barks orders at me to get him things from the fridge, then he will go to bed leaving **** where he was sitting and I will clean it all up before I go to bed. I am emotionally exhausted - He turns off the electricity at the fuse box if I try to leave and then hides my car keys and phone etc because he knows in the pitch dark there is no way I will be able to find anything to pack and get away for the night. Please help, am I over reacting. How can I make him realise that this is messing with my head so bad.
Toodaloo Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 No you are not over reacting but you are going about things the wrong way if you think he is going to change. I was with one like yours... It didn't end well and like you I was exhausted. Emotionally, physically, financially. It took a very heavy toll on me. So from where I sit... Just leave. Its difficult and you have doubts that you are doing the right thing but its the best thing I ever did. 1
CarrieT Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Based on your other thread with your partner's issues with his mother, I'm curious how long you are going to bother staying in this relationship that is going no where.... 4
BaileyB Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 WHY are you dating this idiot? Hide my car keys once, and it will be the last time that I see you... That's ridiculous (as is everything else you posted). This guy is terrible! 4
Toodaloo Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Based on your other thread with your partner's issues with his mother, I'm curious how long you are going to bother staying in this relationship that is going no where.... Oh dear lord just get rid of this guy already! 1
Lois_Griffin Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 - When he gets home from work he will not move off the couch, We both work full time and have kids and pets and yet he will sit down, expect his dinner brought to him, then cleared away, I will feed the animals, take them outside, get the kids to bed all while he barks orders at me to get him things from the fridge, then he will go to bed leaving **** where he was sitting and I will clean it all up before I go to bed. I am emotionally exhausted BIG surprise there. Not. Why haven't you left this worthless abusive man? Something tells me you won't listen to what anyone says anyway and will continue jumping around like a trained seal desperately seeking this guy's approval, or looking for ways to continue staying with this POS. ETA: LOL...oh this is the mutant with the Oedipus complex and the mommy issues. I guess you'll know when you've had enough. 4
Grisho Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 This man is abusive and you are in danger. Let your friends and family know you are in a perilous situation and get out (it's important to let them know in case he escalates his aggression). Cease all contact. Then focus on healing, so you stay away from controlling abusers in future. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 This man isn't even good enough to lick my shoes clean, let alone date. Why are you lowering your standards so much? He's an abusive tool. 3
Redhead14 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 My partner has TERRIBLE manners, I don't know if its me expecting too much or if what I am expecting is reasonable but I am really struggling to deal with it and I have no idea what to do. Some examples of the stuff he does. - He is always late, if we have dinner plans with my parents or grandparents he will turn up an hour or more late and doesn't even apologise or let anyone know he's running late, When I ask him to let me know if he's going to be late he tells me "get the **** over it". - He uses ALL of the hot water, every time he has a shower, I always make sure me and the kids have showers before he gets home cause if we don't there will be no water left, He doesn't get out of the shower until the water runs out. - If we are having a conversation about something he will just leave the room midway thru, and goes and does something else and I am just left sitting there like okay guess we are done. - He refuses to help me with tiny little things, like stopping at the store on the way home from work even though he drives right past it , yet he expects me to drop everything and jump whenever he says so. He will call me up and make me drive an hour to go get something for him and if I say I am busy he starts yelling at me until I agree to go do it. - He doesn't speak if we are at my family or friends houses or they are visiting,he just sits and stares at his phone ignoring everyone. - When he gets home from work he will not move off the couch, We both work full time and have kids and pets and yet he will sit down, expect his dinner brought to him, then cleared away, I will feed the animals, take them outside, get the kids to bed all while he barks orders at me to get him things from the fridge, then he will go to bed leaving **** where he was sitting and I will clean it all up before I go to bed. I am emotionally exhausted - He turns off the electricity at the fuse box if I try to leave and then hides my car keys and phone etc because he knows in the pitch dark there is no way I will be able to find anything to pack and get away for the night. Please help, am I over reacting. How can I make him realise that this is messing with my head so bad. He doesn't just have terrible manners, he's abusive, lazy, a user and perhaps a narcissist. How can I make him realise that this is messing with my head so bad -- He doesn't care. I doubt very seriously that he doesn't see that it's taking a toll on you. In fact, that's probably his goal. To break you down so that he can continue to control, manipulate and use you. Throw his ass out TODAY!!!! 3
Author Katiejane Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 Oh you're all right. I know I am an idiot
BaileyB Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Not an idiot. Only an idiot if you stay with him, and continue to put up with his terrible behavior. I hope you realize that you have choices, and you should expect more from a life partner.
Author Katiejane Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Hes made it clear if I leave him I will have nothing and he will fight me for the kids
Toodaloo Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Hes made it clear if I leave him I will have nothing and he will fight me for the kids Who cares? Pack up your stuff and go! You don't need big houses and new cars to be happy. You need a safe secure environment. So do your children. By the way its just another threat. This behavior is detrimental to the children so no court will allow him to "take" them. They still swing in your favour. Ask the Dads on here who are desperately trying to get their children away from abusive mothers... You work, you can be independent. Get out.
BaileyB Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Of course, he threatened you. I would expect nothing less because he doesn't want you to leave (for obvious reasons) and he doesn't know how to communicate with you any other way (especially when he is feeling threatened and upset). It won't be easy to leave. But, you need to know that you don't have to stay - you always have a choice! Talk to family or friends to help. If you don't have any support, find a counsellor or go to a women's shelter. They will help you to develop a plan. It will take courage and it will be hard, but you shouldn't stay with a man who treats you badly! Think of what you are teaching your kids! Best of luck.
maryquitecontrary Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 My partner has TERRIBLE manners, I don't know if its me expecting too much or if what I am expecting is reasonable but I am really struggling to deal with it and I have no idea what to do. Some examples of the stuff he does. - He is always late, if we have dinner plans with my parents or grandparents he will turn up an hour or more late and doesn't even apologise or let anyone know he's running late, When I ask him to let me know if he's going to be late he tells me "get the **** over it". - He uses ALL of the hot water, every time he has a shower, I always make sure me and the kids have showers before he gets home cause if we don't there will be no water left, He doesn't get out of the shower until the water runs out. - If we are having a conversation about something he will just leave the room midway thru, and goes and does something else and I am just left sitting there like okay guess we are done. - He refuses to help me with tiny little things, like stopping at the store on the way home from work even though he drives right past it , yet he expects me to drop everything and jump whenever he says so. He will call me up and make me drive an hour to go get something for him and if I say I am busy he starts yelling at me until I agree to go do it. - He doesn't speak if we are at my family or friends houses or they are visiting,he just sits and stares at his phone ignoring everyone. - When he gets home from work he will not move off the couch, We both work full time and have kids and pets and yet he will sit down, expect his dinner brought to him, then cleared away, I will feed the animals, take them outside, get the kids to bed all while he barks orders at me to get him things from the fridge, then he will go to bed leaving **** where he was sitting and I will clean it all up before I go to bed. I am emotionally exhausted - He turns off the electricity at the fuse box if I try to leave and then hides my car keys and phone etc because he knows in the pitch dark there is no way I will be able to find anything to pack and get away for the night. Please help, am I over reacting. How can I make him realise that this is messing with my head so bad. You are NOT overreacting. Get rid of this selfish prick. It will only get worse with time.
preraph Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Please just use the door and leave this childish douche before you get pregnant from him and are stuck with this selfish self-serving sullen jerk for life!
Author Katiejane Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 I already have kids with him
Toodaloo Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 I already have kids with him So? What are you teaching those children? That its OK to be rude and nasty towards people they care about? Having children makes it even more important that you get out. What sort of example are you setting to them?
joseb Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Hi OP, I'm just wondering what are you hoping to achieve posting here? It's obvious to everyone, and I think even to you, that you need to leave, for your own and your kids safety if nothing else. Are you hoping we will say "it's fine he doesn't mean it" or something?
Toodaloo Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Hi OP, I'm just wondering what are you hoping to achieve posting here? It's obvious to everyone, and I think even to you, that you need to leave, for your own and your kids safety if nothing else. Are you hoping we will say "it's fine he doesn't mean it" or something? Jose here is what I think is going on. Katie knows full well that she is in a rut. She knows she is being abused. She knows it is having a detrimental effect on her children. She knows she has to leave. Here is the problem. She doesn't have the courage. She is frightened about finances and how she will survive. She is frightened that no one will ever want her or love her and that perhaps she is better off settling for this because if he thinks she is worthless then perhaps she is. This horrible nasty vile situation has gone on for so long that it is "normal" to her and while she knows others do not live like this she has no idea how to get that for herself. She is still in the "if you bake this amazing cake for him then it will all be peaches and cream or if you take this magic pill it will all get better and be like a disney film" stage... What KatieJane needs is a plan. She needs to get good solid advice on how to sort out her finances, how to sort out day care etc and work, how to find somewhere suitable for both herself and the children, and how to move forward and heal while dealing with an ahole of an ex... Problem is she isn't asking those questions. She isn't ready yet. So the abuse will continue and she will get lower and lower until she is dead or so down trodden she has nothing left at all and just accepts life as it is and eventually dies miserable anyway. KatieJane knows all of this. But only she can make that choice and only she can pluck up the courage to leave. It takes balls. It takes time to grow those balls. It is not an easy decision even if it is a simple one. Anyway. That is my take on it... 1
preraph Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Hes made it clear if I leave him I will have nothing and he will fight me for the kids Oh, well, as we all know judges love narcissistic abusive fathers who play baby blackmail and threaten their wives! Please. If that's your excuse. Log everything and take it to court. Get a restraining order if you can if he's threatened you recently and let that be on his record when he says he's taking the kids from you. See how far he gets. No one can take the kids away from a mother if she's been doing her part and not getting into drug trouble or something like that.
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