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Posted
Oh, he's such a ****. He supposedly really wanted a baby??? This guy is scum and has absolutely no conscience. The OW is getting a real POS. He's writing his own destiny . . . he's acting like some kind of victim of fate or something. Geez.

 

Sweetie, I hope you can stop imagining what's going on over there on "the other side". There's no point to it. Stay focused on you and your needs and your child as much as you can.

 

When I read that, I thought the same exact thing, he's making himself out to be a victim when there are no victims. I'm surely not a victim, I'm just the collateral damage of his selfishness. He wrote his own destiny, and like one of my good friends said, if he was that concerned, he'd be knocking on my door to discuss decisions and arrangements. He surely hasn't done that.

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Posted
You've handled it all brilliantly. Quite simply he didn't deserve you.

 

Thank you, Spiderowl. In times of doubt, like I'm having right now, I need to hear that.

Posted
When I read that, I thought the same exact thing, he's making himself out to be a victim when there are no victims. I'm surely not a victim, I'm just the collateral damage of his selfishness. He wrote his own destiny, and like one of my good friends said, if he was that concerned, he'd be knocking on my door to discuss decisions and arrangements. He surely hasn't done that.

 

He has no conscience, clearly. He's an empty human being.

Posted
When I read that, I thought the same exact thing, he's making himself out to be a victim when there are no victims. I'm surely not a victim, I'm just the collateral damage of his selfishness. He wrote his own destiny, and like one of my good friends said, if he was that concerned, he'd be knocking on my door to discuss decisions and arrangements. He surely hasn't done that.

 

to discuss decisions and arrangements. -- He gave up any "right" to participate in any decision about that baby the minute he decided to cheat anyway.

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Posted
to discuss decisions and arrangements. -- He gave up any "right" to participate in any decision about that baby the minute he decided to cheat anyway.

Absolutely, when i confronted him I asked him 'Were you thinking of the baby when you were flirting with another woman and promising to make her happy? Clearly not'. I let him have it in a dignified way. Yes, I'm sad, yes I'm heartbroken, but this situation has made me realize how extremely flawed and selfish he truly is. He even told his sister 'email Cristy. She needs support'. He's so selfish he calls on others to support me for the damage HE caused. Un-freaking-believable.

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Posted

Keep up the good work and we're here for you.

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Posted
Keep up the good work and we're here for you.

Thank you so much. This forum is a true lifesaver.:):):)

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Posted

Oh geez, night time is tough. Im here watching reruns of "Chopped" and thinking "why, how?". I have no desire to xcontact him but did feel I was losing my resolve to at least get some answers but I got over that hurdle.

I want vindication. Yes, I wish he'd contact me for a FULL apology because what he's done is beyond the pale. He wrote me a goodbye letter that I'm going to translate on here. It rings so hollow now:

Dear Cristy,

I know how you're feeling but trust me when I say I feel much worse for having hurt you so badly. It was never my intention tomhurt you. I love you very much, I know you're hurt and you won't trust me again.

I feel so horrible that I'm ashamed to look you in the eye, but I want to make it clear that nothing happened between me and that girl, it was only textsd. I know you don't care at this point and you've made the decision and i dont want to gurt you further with my presence..

I feel I've lost the most amazing woman I've ever met, and if i could fix the damage ive caused, i would.

I'm the most horrible man alive for having betrayed yoyu when you werre always my life. I will never forgive myself formhaving done this. I feel guilty, i feel awful. I'm so sorry.

Even though you don't believe me, please know my heart will always be yours. You are always going to be very important to me and i wanted nothing more than to raiser our child as a family together.

Im a disaster of a man. I hope one day you can forgive me.

You're the person I truly loved to create our family together, you were my trule love.....

 

Ok, that was hard.....:(

Posted

Hang in there. You get past the point of wanting an apology. I was already there and I am at the point now, I am angry and I have my difficulties with things that have happened but I wouldn't want an apology. An apology will change nothing. Believe it or not, he did you a favor. It's hard to see this right now. It's hard to believe that your life holds better but give it more time. You did the right thing by logging online. You will get to a point where you start to ask yourself why you enabled it as oppose to asking him to say he was sorry for doing it.

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Posted
Hang in there. You get past the point of wanting an apology. I was already there and I am at the point now, I am angry and I have my difficulties with things that have happened but I wouldn't want an apology. An apology will change nothing. Believe it or not, he did you a favor. It's hard to see this right now. It's hard to believe that your life holds better but give it more time. You did the right thing by logging online. You will get to a point where you start to ask yourself why you enabled it as oppose to asking him to say he was sorry for doing it.

 

I want vindication. I want....I don't know what I want. It hurts so badly that he's now in a relationship with this woman he was only texting. I want him to suffer for the colossal mistake he made. Sorry but I'm really mad right now.

Posted (edited)
Oh geez, night time is tough. Im here watching reruns of "Chopped" and thinking "why, how?". I have no desire to xcontact him but did feel I was losing my resolve to at least get some answers but I got over that hurdle.

I want vindication. Yes, I wish he'd contact me for a FULL apology because what he's done is beyond the pale. He wrote me a goodbye letter that I'm going to translate on here. It rings so hollow now:

Dear Cristy,

I know how you're feeling but trust me when I say I feel much worse for having hurt you so badly. It was never my intention tomhurt you. I love you very much, I know you're hurt and you won't trust me again.

I feel so horrible that I'm ashamed to look you in the eye, but I want to make it clear that nothing happened between me and that girl, it was only textsd. I know you don't care at this point and you've made the decision and i dont want to gurt you further with my presence..

I feel I've lost the most amazing woman I've ever met, and if i could fix the damage ive caused, i would.

I'm the most horrible man alive for having betrayed yoyu when you werre always my life. I will never forgive myself formhaving done this. I feel guilty, i feel awful. I'm so sorry.

Even though you don't believe me, please know my heart will always be yours. You are always going to be very important to me and i wanted nothing more than to raiser our child as a family together.

Im a disaster of a man. I hope one day you can forgive me.

You're the person I truly loved to create our family together, you were my trule love.....

 

Ok, that was hard.....:(

 

it was only textsd. -- What a load of crap!!!! Why did he tell you he was going to end things "well" with her when you confronted him? Why do you need to end a "text" relationship in person?

 

i wanted nothing more than to raiser our child as a family together -- All evidence to the contrary.

 

Tear it up into a million pieces, put it in an envelope and mail back to him with the bill for terminating the pregnancy and a sonogram picture of the fetus before terminating. Now, I am feeling some real anger myself. That called 'empathy' and he has none.

Edited by Redhead14
  • Author
Posted
it was only textsd. -- What a load of crap!!!! Why did he tell you he was going to end things "well" with her when you confronted him? Why do you need to end a "text" relationship in person?

 

i wanted nothing more than to raiser our child as a family together -- All evidence to the contrary.

 

Tear it up into a million pieces, put it in an envelope and mail back to him with the bill for terminating the pregnancy and a sonogram picture of the fetus before terminating. Now, I am feeling some real anger myself. That called 'empathy' and he has none.

 

I NEED these reality shocks because I lost my resolve a bit after re-reading the letter. I almost fell for the words. Mind you, I've never written our ages. We're not young things. Lol. Im 42 and he's 36.

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Posted

Ugh, his cousin (a female, very supportive) just texted me asking me how I was doing and if I've made the appoitnment. I responded, shes very nice but it hurts

Posted (edited)
I NEED these reality shocks because I lost my resolve a bit after re-reading the letter. I almost fell for the words. Mind you, I've never written our ages. We're not young things. Lol. Im 42 and he's 36.

 

I figured you would. I call BS when I see it and I know it when I see it. When you cut through all the fluff, you can see who he really is . . .

 

We're not young things. Lol. Im 42 --Pain is pain, whether, you're 42 or 22.

 

he's 36 -- IQ? I've stepped on things that have more emotional IQ, insight and forward thinking ability than he has.

 

I am 57, feel as good as I did when I was in my 30's! I am divorced for 9 years. Was with a man for 2 years, engaged to him for the 2nd year. He died 3 months before the wedding. I currently have an SO and things are going very well. But, I am completely and fully prepared to continue on with the happy, fulfilling life that I have for myself running parallel to any of my relationships. I will always have that life to rest on if anything ever goes wrong. It's my secret bank account for rainy days.

 

Never give your entire self away to anyone. You don't need a man to make you happy. Having a man in your life should enhance the happiness you already have for yourself.

Edited by Redhead14
  • Like 3
Posted

I'm sorry that you are hurting, this is a tough situation. The mixed emotions that you are experiencing is completely understandable.

 

 

However, would you consider re-thinking the fate of the baby??

 

You guys BOTH wanted the baby....not just him.

You are already a Mom, the baby is conceived and growing and counting on you.

You are desperate that your ex left you (completely understandable!) and now you are about to do the same by aborting that little innocent soul, who has nothing to do with all of this.

 

Try to separate the breakup from the baby. This would be a regret that is very hard to live with !

 

These might be helpful:

Limerence and the Biochemical Roots of Love Addiction

 

i keep reposting this:

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Posted

So im pregnant with the child of the man who cheated on me last week. I broke it off on Thursday, we haven't spoken since Saturday.

Tonight while having a conversation with my ex husband, the father of my daughter he said to me 'i know this is tough but this child is a blessing despite what happened between you guys. This is miraculous. I support your decision but think about this'. That made me think...I've kept in contact with his sister via email since she lives in another country and she emails me often, and his female cousin texts me occasionally. His siste knows what happened but I emailed his sister and told her 'I can't keep this child. But i have a couple that have been trying to adopt for years. I mentioned giving the child up for adoption to them to your brother the last time we spoke and he said no. My only other option is to give this child to your brother, terminate my rights as a parent in court, and he'd raise the child with whoever he's with at that time, but I have my reservations about that'. Is emailing his sister considered breaking NC? I hate myself. Grrrrrrr. But i need clarity, he left me ina huge bind to say the least.

  • Author
Posted
I'm sorry that you are hurting, this is a tough situation. The mixed emotions that you are experiencing is completely understandable.

 

 

However, would you consider re-thinking the fate of the baby??

 

You guys BOTH wanted the baby....not just him.

You are already a Mom, the baby is conceived and growing and counting on you.

You are desperate that your ex left you (completely understandable!) and now you are about to do the same by aborting that little innocent soul, who has nothing to do with all of this.

 

Try to separate the breakup from the baby. This would be a regret that is very hard to live with !

 

These might be helpful:

Limerence and the Biochemical Roots of Love Addiction

 

i keep reposting this:

 

Thank you, Captivating. I just wrote another post after a conversation i had with someone about the situation. I'm having second thoughts. An abortion would haunt me for life

  • Like 1
Posted

I'm so glad that you are considering keeping the baby.

Always remember that the baby has nothing to do with all of this so

be the sweetest, most caring Mom :) that you can be.

  • Author
Posted
I'm so glad that you are considering keeping the baby.

Always remember that the baby has nothing to do with all of this so

be the sweetest, most caring Mom :) that you can be.

 

Well, I wouldn't keep the baby. The baby would wither be put up for adoption OR I would give my ex the baby and terminate my parental rights. I honestly can't raise another child on my own.

Posted

?? Why would you give up the baby? Don't you feel love and attachment towards him/her already?

I really don't want to make you mad, I understand your total confusion and pain.

 

You are very upset about how your ex left you, it feels like you don't matter, how could he just forget about you, how can he "love bomb" someone else all of the sudden etc.

(i have been here too)

Basically you are questioning everything at the moment.

Your ex feels like "all business" instead of being romantically committed to you.

 

That is exactly how you sound like about the baby.

The baby seems to be an inconvenience for you that you need to get rid of?

And you are making this decision in a matter of 3 days ???

 

My purpose is to shake you up a little bit to think clearly.

The baby is your flesh and blood, growing and counting on you taking good care of her/him. He/she will love you unconditionally ! And so will you !

She/he is a blessing, your ex-husband is right !!!

Posted
So im pregnant with the child of the man who cheated on me last week. I broke it off on Thursday, we haven't spoken since Saturday.

Tonight while having a conversation with my ex husband, the father of my daughter he said to me 'i know this is tough but this child is a blessing despite what happened between you guys. This is miraculous. I support your decision but think about this'. That made me think...I've kept in contact with his sister via email since she lives in another country and she emails me often, and his female cousin texts me occasionally. His siste knows what happened but I emailed his sister and told her 'I can't keep this child. But i have a couple that have been trying to adopt for years. I mentioned giving the child up for adoption to them to your brother the last time we spoke and he said no. My only other option is to give this child to your brother, terminate my rights as a parent in court, and he'd raise the child with whoever he's with at that time, but I have my reservations about that'. Is emailing his sister considered breaking NC? I hate myself. Grrrrrrr. But i need clarity, he left me ina huge bind to say the least.

 

How far along are you? I always say that a person should never make an important decision in the midst of emotional turmoil. If you can, take the pressure of the decision for a little while and address it with a clearer head.

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Posted
How far along are you? I always say that a person should never make an important decision in the midst of emotional turmoil. If you can, take the pressure of the decision for a little while and address it with a clearer head.

 

I'm eight weeks pregnant

Posted

Folks, we got a report on multiple threads on the same breakup so merged a few threads. There may be some duplicate content. Please continue the discussion on this breakup in this thread. Thanks!

Posted (edited)

electicsw your story really touched me ane truly resonated with me because just two months ago I came here with a very similar story minus the pregnancy.

 

I feel your sorrow, your confusion, your need for answers, your feelings of despair and of being deceived and all the horrible feelings that come from finding out the man you are about to marry has been setting up shop with someone else. Unlike you, I did not know mine was a relationship jumper, he hid that quite well from me but there were some telltales over the years that I now look back and realize the signs were there but he was a very good liar and I chose to trust him instead of seeing the lies for what they were.

 

Like I said, your situation is different in that you are expecting his child. My prediction (for what it's worth) and this is exclusive to your situation only is that because he will always been in your life one way or another because of the child, I think that once the endorphins subside and he gets the "thrills" of this new loser he left you for out of his system he will be back on your doorstep playing the world's tiniest violin begging for your forgiveness. Not that it is any consolation to what you are feeling today but do be prepared for that down the road because if there was deep love there he will not get over it just like that, and he may be infatuated by this new "whatever she is" but it will pass.

 

I guess as the weeks go on you might find out more things.

 

Question is how will you proceed from there if he does come back. I mean you will always have contact with him because of your child and every time a relationship fails he will try to default back to his baby's mom. I don't know if you were having significant issues in the relationship but the trust issues you mentioned also ran very true to my situation, it was easier for him to jump ship than to actually do something to work on himself along with us working on ourselves to fix our issues.

 

I am so SO sorry for what you are going through and all I can offer is take it one day at a time. In time you will realize that for as much as you miss what you thought he was the truth is that you were with someone fickle and narcissistic enough to do something as despicable as what he did to you and that is one of the lowest things another human being can do to someone they claim to love.

Edited by Sunkissedpatio
  • Author
Posted

I'm losing my resolve in maintaining NC. I feel like emialing him asking for answers. I honestly don't know what to do. He left me in quite a quandary.

Sunkissedpatio thank you for your response. I sincerely doubt he'll come back. He's too much of a coward to face me again. He hasn't tried to call, if he's texted well, I wouldn't know because I nlocked his texts. Today I got a call crom a weird number but I doubt it was him. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm truly devasted and feel like the world's BIGGEST FOOL for missing him. I'll be honest and say that i wish he'd call, i wish he'd reach out to me somehow but for what? Since he left his email open on my IPAD i keep loking to see if he emails his sister with responses to HER questions which are 'who is this chick you left Cristy for? Have you thought this through? This isn't you, this is your first child why did you do this?' Basically those are my questions. I feel so lost. Lost and alone. Completely alone

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