I'm reeling, I'll never get over this

[eclecticsw]

I'm going to try to keep this brief but I don't think I'll ever get over this heartache. I dated this guy for 1 1/2 years. We moved in together six months after we met, we got engaged in February. I found out i was pregnant last month. We were trying to get pregnant because he has always wanted a child. Eveything was NORMAL. He was acting normal, giving me the same love as before.

Fast forward to last Thursday, I found some texts he sent a coworker which basically said 'I just want to make you happy' and 'I'm never too busy for you', the same words he's used with me. . I confronted him, he admitted that he had failed, and I asked himto leave that same day. On Friday, I told him that I deserved to be told to my face why he did this. He was my everything. He had no answers. I told him he was a liar, a jerk, and a coward. He didn't even fight for the relationship. It looked likehe needed to leave so I told him 'You have plans with her?' and he said 'I have plans to meet with her to end things well with her' so i said 'You'd rather end things well with some woman you barely knwo than with the woman who's carrying your child. Really? Walk out that door and you'll never see me again' he said 'Please don't blackmail me' i said 'It's not blackmail, its a promise'. He cried, he sobbed, but he eventually walked out the door. That was Friday, we texted a bit Saturday but he was cold and distant, i immediatley implemented NC that same Saturday and I blocked his number.

I read an email he sent his sister saying 'yes we broke up, I'm in another rleationship, I feel awful for hurting Cristy. It's going to be hard to find someone as wonderful as her in this life, but life isn't perfect'

I'm horrified and spent. I can barely work, i can't eat, i obsess about the what-ifs, what happened etc....I'm so destroyed that i havent even been able to cry. Please tell me that I will get through this because it doesn't feel that way. I feel like I'm going to be caught up in this endless circle of pain forever. He left his pregnant girlfriend for some girl at his job. I feel devastated. He was himself up until the end, and now I've been discarded. Please help.

[Redhead14]

I'm going to try to keep this brief but I don't think I'll ever get over this heartache. I dated this guy for 1 1/2 years. We moved in together six months after we met, we got engaged in February. I found out i was pregnant last month. We were trying to get pregnant because he has always wanted a child. Eveything was NORMAL. He was acting normal, giving me the same love as before.

Fast forward to last Thursday, I found some texts he sent a coworker which basically said 'I just want to make you happy' and 'I'm never too busy for you', the same words he's used with me. . I confronted him, he admitted that he had failed, and I asked himto leave that same day. On Friday, I told him that I deserved to be told to my face why he did this. He was my everything. He had no answers. I told him he was a liar, a jerk, and a coward. He didn't even fight for the relationship. It looked likehe needed to leave so I told him 'You have plans with her?' and he said 'I have plans to meet with her to end things well with her' so i said 'You'd rather end things well with some woman you barely knwo than with the woman who's carrying your child. Really? Walk out that door and you'll never see me again' he said 'Please don't blackmail me' i said 'It's not blackmail, its a promise'. He cried, he sobbed, but he eventually walked out the door. That was Friday, we texted a bit Saturday but he was cold and distant, i immediatley implemented NC that same Saturday and I blocked his number.

I read an email he sent his sister saying 'yes we broke up, I'm in another rleationship, I feel awful for hurting Cristy. It's going to be hard to find someone as wonderful as her in this life, but life isn't perfect'

I'm horrified and spent. I can barely work, i can't eat, i obsess about the what-ifs, what happened etc....I'm so destroyed that i havent even been able to cry. Please tell me that I will get through this because it doesn't feel that way. I feel like I'm going to be caught up in this endless circle of pain forever. He left his pregnant girlfriend for some girl at his job. I feel devastated. He was himself up until the end, and now I've been discarded. Please help.

 

 

You will get through this! Turn your focus to the baby you are carrying. Make sure he or she is your number 1 priority. You need to take care of yourself for that baby.

 

Allow yourself to grieve but don't let yourself become overwhelmed. Do it in little bits. A little time each day to sit with your emotions and at the end of that time, force yourself to do something, anything else to shift your thoughts and focus. And, come here to vent and get support.

[spiderowl]

I'm so sorry and can see this must be incredibly painful. Your ex sounds like he was an idiot. Maybe he's just not up to the job of being a father, being responsible, and he was being stupid as a result.

 

I don't blame you at all for the way you have reacted. Do you want him back if he can reassure you this girl was a stupid mistake? Again, I would not blame you if you didn't. The thing is how serious was this? It was certainly stupid but maybe he has learned his lesson now it has all blown up in his face.

 

I think you need to look after yourself at the moment. Seek help and support from friends and family. If he can pull himself together and sort this out like a man and reassure you it was stupidity on his part, then maybe consider having him back. In your position though, I would find it impossible to forgive. Others sometimes do. You have a right to know what was going on and what he thought he was doing - if he wants to come back. It sounds from that message to his sister that he has accepted it is over though, so he is not about to make any great efforts.

 

It is hard to know what to say in such a painful situation other than you will come through it and be stronger one day. That must seem so blase though. Take care of yourself; you have a lot to offer a grown-up guy.

[eclecticsw]

Thank you so much for the responses. I would not take him back because he lied until the bitter end AND he didn't fight for the relationship. If he would've, I might've given him a second chance. Now he's dating this girl. I can't deal with that.

As far as the baby goes, i have some decisions to make. I'm not too far along and I do NOT want any link to him for the remainder of my life. Aside from all of that, I'm devastated to the poiint that i almost felt like being hospitalized throughout the day. It's THAT bad.

[eclecticsw]

We were engaged, a baby he REALLY REALLY wanted on the way. Why not fight for that? Because it wasn't his priority, thats why. Because he doesnt care. I've been discarded completely.

[Redhead14]

Thank you so much for the responses. I would not take him back because he lied until the bitter end AND he didn't fight for the relationship. If he would've, I might've given him a second chance. Now he's dating this girl. I can't deal with that.

As far as the baby goes, i have some decisions to make. I'm not too far along and I do NOT want any link to him for the remainder of my life. Aside from all of that, I'm devastated to the poiint that i almost felt like being hospitalized throughout the day. It's THAT bad.

 

Well, please don't make any decisions regarding the baby while you are in this frame of mind. Is there someone who can come and be with you now? It sounds like you shouldn't be alone right now.

[eclecticsw]

No, no....please don't get me wrong. I'm not going to hurt myself. But the pain is unbearable. I'm concerned that im not crying at all. I barely sleep which I'm sure affects my state of mind. As far as the baby goes, I made the decision with a clear mind. I HAVE to move on for my well being and I can't do that carrying his child. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible but I have a 7 1/2 year old to take care of from my first marriage. I feel spent and worn.

[elaine567]

As far as the baby goes, i have some decisions to make. I'm not too far along and I do NOT want any link to him for the remainder of my life. Aside from all of that, I'm devastated to the poiint that i almost felt like being hospitalized throughout the day. It's THAT bad.

 

Remember that this is your child as well as his, do not let your anger against him cloud your judgement, this is a decision that may affect you for the rest of your life.

He will no doubt be happy if you abort, but you are the one that will have to live with that decision.

Make sure you have a clear head before coming to any conclusions, think this through logically and rationally, and try to avoid making a reflex decision that you could regret later on.

[eclecticsw]

No, he doesn't want me to abort. He wanted this baby. And it's not out of anger, it's out of convenience. I dont have the resources to raise two children on my own.

[Redhead14]

No, no....please don't get me wrong. I'm not going to hurt myself. But the pain is unbearable. I'm concerned that im not crying at all. I barely sleep which I'm sure affects my state of mind. As far as the baby goes, I made the decision with a clear mind. I HAVE to move on for my well being and I can't do that carrying his child. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible but I have a 7 1/2 year old to take care of from my first marriage. I feel spent and worn.

 

I didn't think you would hurt yourself, but if you are feeling so poorly as to think about hospitalization, you have to consider that it may become an emergency.

 

You are in a state of shock and numbness. It is not unusual that you aren't crying. But you will. You will go through all the stages of grieving, like you would with a death, and you should allow yourself to grieve.

 

Aborting the baby is a personal choice and it sounds as though you're priorities are in order.

 

All the best to you. Be good to yourself and focus on your 7 year old. He or she needs their mother.

[eclecticsw]

Amazingly enough i woke up feeling a little better today, a little stronger. I don't want to go through the stages of crying and I don't want to have another day like yesterday ever again, although something tells me I will. This is an emotional rollercoaster, I suppose. I jus can't believe he doesn't care anymore. How do you just turn that off or did he even care in the first place.

The thought of him giving another woman the love and caring he gave me makes me sick to my stomach. I'm horrible to say that I hope she puts him through the wringer. That's my anger talking but I kind of mean it.

Thank you for all the support. This forum is amazing.

[stillafool]

He was obviously cheating with her for a while before you broke up. One doesn't just get in another relationship that fast so it is clear this wasn't some one night stand. I'm so glad you found out the type of man he is before you went further with him.

[eclecticsw]

Hi,

I'm not sure he was cheating for that long before I found out. He told his cousin, who told me that nothing had happened between them. However, I know that he's the type of man that can't be alone. That was always a red flag that I chose to ignore. His past relationships were long term (5 years, 8 years, 3 years) but after breaking up, he would immediately jump into a new relationship. Knowing that always bugged me, made me wonder why he needed to be in a relationship always.

I'm still reeling. I keep wondering 'why did this happen? Why didn't he at least try to fight for the relationship?' I'm guessing he was too lazy to work at it. He knew that there would be issues with trust,etc and he didn't want to deal with it. So, as his usual pattern goes, he jumped into a relationship with this woman, although i think it was headed in that direction regardless.

[Redhead14]

Amazingly enough i woke up feeling a little better today, a little stronger. I don't want to go through the stages of crying and I don't want to have another day like yesterday ever again, although something tells me I will. This is an emotional rollercoaster, I suppose. I jus can't believe he doesn't care anymore. How do you just turn that off or did he even care in the first place.

The thought of him giving another woman the love and caring he gave me makes me sick to my stomach. I'm horrible to say that I hope she puts him through the wringer. That's my anger talking but I kind of mean it.

Thank you for all the support. This forum is amazing.

The thought of him giving another woman the love and caring he gave me makes me sick to my stomach.

She's some kind of winner in this. If she comes out of her endorphin driven fog and if she has any sense of self and values, she may come to realize exactly what he did to you and then start realizing it could be her next . . . Assuming she even knows about you. He was surreptitious enough to fly under your radar, he could do it with her.

 

Nevertheless, I'm glad your feeling better. You will be up and down for a long time. Semper Fi and Illegitimi Non Carborundum (don't let the bastard upset you. My translation -- F Him).

[stillafool]

Hi,

I'm not sure he was cheating for that long before I found out. He told his cousin, who told me that nothing had happened between them. However, I know that he's the type of man that can't be alone. That was always a red flag that I chose to ignore. His past relationships were long term (5 years, 8 years, 3 years) but after breaking up, he would immediately jump into a new relationship. Knowing that always bugged me, made me wonder why he needed to be in a relationship always.

I'm still reeling. I keep wondering 'why did this happen? Why didn't he at least try to fight for the relationship?' I'm guessing he was too lazy to work at it. He knew that there would be issues with trust,etc and he didn't want to deal with it. So, as his usual pattern goes, he jumped into a relationship with this woman, although i think it was headed in that direction regardless.

 

Yes but they must have had some type of close connection for her to want to be his gf. That doesn't happen overnight. If you saw all of these red flags about him why were you guys planning a pregnancy before the wedding date?

[eclecticsw]

Yes but they must have had some type of close connection for her to want to be his gf. That doesn't happen overnight. If you saw all of these red flags about him why were you guys planning a pregnancy before the wedding date?

 

Stillafool, that was the ONLY red flag that I saw. I'm sure that once I'm out of my emotional fog, I'll see more in hindsight. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

I'm sure they had been talking for a while. That doesn't happen overnight.

According to him, she knew about me and the baby. But again, there are so many lies that were told that who knows. He flew COMPLETELY under the radar. He was himself right up until the day I found out.

His family says that he's always been stable, not one to cheat, but at this point who knows. I'm just thankful that today I woke up feeling better. I hope to God to never have another day like yesterday because i felt like i was hanging from a string

[eclecticsw]

I'm proud of the way I handled this, though. I didn't beg for him to stay, I didn't call the other woman asking for answers, I threw him out without drama, and I've maintained NC. I told him what I needed to say and then told him to leave. I think he walked out the door with more respect for me than when he came in. That alone brings me SOME comfort.

[eclecticsw]

Although it's still fresh, I'm so proud of the way i handled my breakup. The day I found out he cheated, I immediately threw him out. When we spoke face to face after everything, I stayed calm, no drama, I told him what I needed to say and I made him the promise that he'd never see me again. Then I asked him to leave. I've maintained NC, blocked him on my phone (he doesn't have social media, thank God). I believe I can maintain NC and I know i can come here if I have trouble or flounder. This forum is amazing.

[Zapbasket]

That is AWESOME. Keep it up. If you feel yourself sliding, come on here, call a friend, go for a run, lie in your bed and stare at the wall but always, always resist the urge to tell him off, to ask why, to snoop on him, to do anything but stand firm in your conviction that you always deserve better than someone cheating on you.

[eclecticsw]

Ugh, I'm doing better today than yesterday but the thought of my ex sleeping with the other woman, giving her the love he gave me, not caring about what he had hit me like a ton of bricks. How could he do this to me????? I'm sorry. I needed to get that out of my system. I want him to regret ever doing this to me.

[Redhead14]

Ugh, I'm doing better today than yesterday but the thought of my ex sleeping with the other woman, giving her the love he gave me, not caring about what he had hit me like a ton of bricks. How could he do this to me????? I'm sorry. I needed to get that out of my system. I want him to regret ever doing this to me.

 

He may at some point regret it. I imagine when you tell him you are aborting his baby he'll feel something . . . how do you think he will take this decision?

[eclecticsw]

He may at some point regret it. I imagine when you tell him you are aborting his baby he'll feel something . . . how do you think he will take this decision?

In the email he wrote to his sister he had said 'forget about the baby. I'm destined to never be a father' so I guess he knows I've made my decision,as I told his cousin to tell him I made that decision. Either way, I'm not sure how he feels about it

[eclecticsw]

If he's told me how he feels about it, I have no idea since he's blocked on my phone.

[Redhead14]

In the email he wrote to his sister he had said 'forget about the baby. I'm destined to never be a father' so I guess he knows I've made my decision,as I told his cousin to tell him I made that decision. Either way, I'm not sure how he feels about it

 

Oh, he's such a ****. He supposedly really wanted a baby??? This guy is scum and has absolutely no conscience. The OW is getting a real POS. He's writing his own destiny . . . he's acting like some kind of victim of fate or something. Geez.

 

Sweetie, I hope you can stop imagining what's going on over there on "the other side". There's no point to it. Stay focused on you and your needs and your child as much as you can.

[spiderowl]

You've handled it all brilliantly. Quite simply he didn't deserve you.