Lexxi Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Reconnected with a guy I was talking to online 8 or so years ago- we never met but always chatted online, through email, or texts. A couple of weeks ago we reconnected and we texted every single day, chatted on the phone a few times and sent photos etc. That happened for a week straight then last Monday he was taking off to a week long event a couple hours from where he lives. He even texted before he left just to say goodbye, he was always so responsive and texted every morning to say "good morning". I didn't expect to hear from him all last week since he was at the event, camping out and such, and I was right, not one text from him. My understanding is that he should've came home last night (Sunday night), or this morning. Would it seem a bit eager to shoot him a text to say hi and see how his week went? Or give it a few days to let him settle and see if he will reach out to me? Just want to chat with him again, but wanted to get thoughts on if it would seem like I'm crazy to text him right when he gets back, and the fact that he hasn't reached out either.
Versacehottie Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 I definitely think you should let him settle and let him reach out to you. you can thank me later 1
hippychick3 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 If you have no plans to meet in the very near future (like next couple weeks), then no. You haven't met each other and therefore there really is no relationship at this point. It's very likely he is seeing someone else or dating others as you should as well. Find someone with whom you can have a real life relationship rather than a penpal.
DramaInPajamas Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Why did you never meet? Are you going to meet now. Chatting 8 years ago and never meeting seems a bit strange. You say reconnected: which one started it Was it you who got back in contact?
Author Lexxi Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Why did you never meet? Are you going to meet now. Chatting 8 years ago and never meeting seems a bit strange. You say reconnected: which one started it Was it you who got back in contact? We never met because we both entered new relationships, I actually married, had kids, divorced. And he out of the blue got in touch with me a couple of years ago, I was still married so I informed him of that and we just let it go. Fast forward 2 more years, this time I got in touch with him. We "met" online, live in different states so unfortunately we never got a chance to meet face to face due to the locations and situations we were in.
Grisho Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 We never met because we both entered new relationships, I actually married, had kids, divorced. And he out of the blue got in touch with me a couple of years ago, I was still married so I informed him of that and we just let it go. Fast forward 2 more years, this time I got in touch with him. We "met" online, live in different states so unfortunately we never got a chance to meet face to face due to the locations and situations we were in. It isn't sustainable to have so much contact every day, like you were having. It's even dangerous to, when you haven't met someone, because your imagination runs wild and you fill in the blanks of all the things you don't know with perfect answers. Text messaging is generally hopeless, aside from mid-crisis when people are unable to speak. How long is it likely to be before you and him could meet? How far away is he (in distance and hours)?
Author Lexxi Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 It isn't sustainable to have so much contact every day, like you were having. It's even dangerous to, when you haven't met someone, because your imagination runs wild and you fill in the blanks of all the things you don't know with perfect answers. Text messaging is generally hopeless, aside from mid-crisis when people are unable to speak. How long is it likely to be before you and him could meet? How far away is he (in distance and hours)? It's hard to say, as I haven't had the time to really feel him out yet with regard to his enthusiasm (or lack thereof), to meet. Even though we reconnected 2 weeks ago, we only communicated daily that first week, and absolutely nothing this second week due to his travels. We live 1200 miles apart so it could still be a while before we can discuss meeting face to face.
DramaInPajamas Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 It's hard to say, as I haven't had the time to really feel him out yet with regard to his enthusiasm (or lack thereof), to meet. Even though we reconnected 2 weeks ago, we only communicated daily that first week, and absolutely nothing this second week due to his travels. We live 1200 miles apart so it could still be a while before we can discuss meeting face to face. So the question is, re you going to get anything from this. Are you ever going to be able to meet? Even if you meet, how often can you keep meeting?
Grisho Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 It's hard to say, as I haven't had the time to really feel him out yet with regard to his enthusiasm (or lack thereof), to meet. Even though we reconnected 2 weeks ago, we only communicated daily that first week, and absolutely nothing this second week due to his travels. We live 1200 miles apart so it could still be a while before we can discuss meeting face to face. I would lessen your contact generally, because with so much contact come expectations, and they cannot be maintained. At some point, you'll both come down from the initial butterflies. Focus on quality rather than quantity. SKYPE video chats are a nice way to talk, because both see each other. Be mindful that a lot of time can easily pass in a long-distance relationship, and it can turn out to be wasted time, if the relationship doesn't reach your goals.
porta77 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) I don't think you should do anything. imo you've been attaching too much importance to texting. Texting is NOT courting/dating. People come up with all kinds of excuses for not getting together in person. If he's interested he'll be in touch soon........to make arrangements to meet IN PERSON and spend time together. If your don't hear from him, there's your answer. Meanwhile, be open to dating others. Actual real dating, not just texting. Edited August 15, 2016 by porta77 1
DramaInPajamas Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 I don't think you should do anything. imo you've been attaching too much importance to texting. Texting is NOT courting/dating. People come up with all kinds of excuses for not getting together in person. If he's interested he'll be in touch soon........to make arrangements to meet IN PERSON and spend time together. If your don't hear from him, there's your answer. Meanwhile, be open to dating others. Actual real dating, not just texting. This and also if he can't meet you because of distance as an excuse, accept that you will probably never meet and just keep him as a text friend as long as it doesnt stop you meeting others.
Author Lexxi Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Thank you all so much- great points you've all brought up. I think my number one problem is that throughout my marriage, having kids and working full time, I've just sort of lost touch with old friends, and I dont actually hang out with them, they are all mothers too and just introverts and I've become one as well. So I have not had the opportunity to go out and meet new people. So it seems like I just somewhat attach myself to those from the past who have become familiar- such as my "friend" I had posted about a few weeks back... This particular guy I've known 10 years and we met at the gym, so we have had the opportunity to hang out before. We saw each other for the first time in 10 years, almost a month ago and what do you know? After he gets back on the plane to go home, I never hear from him again. So I should learn from this but meeting people in my area isn't so easy.
Grisho Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Thank you all so much- great points you've all brought up. I think my number one problem is that throughout my marriage, having kids and working full time, I've just sort of lost touch with old friends, and I dont actually hang out with them, they are all mothers too and just introverts and I've become one as well. So I have not had the opportunity to go out and meet new people. So it seems like I just somewhat attach myself to those from the past who have become familiar- such as my "friend" I had posted about a few weeks back... This particular guy I've known 10 years and we met at the gym, so we have had the opportunity to hang out before. We saw each other for the first time in 10 years, almost a month ago and what do you know? After he gets back on the plane to go home, I never hear from him again. So I should learn from this but meeting people in my area isn't so easy. Volunteer in your community Arrange a street party Extend the hand of friendship to refugees Learn some languages via a language exchange Get involved with activities at your kids' school Join a running club Learn to sail
Author Lexxi Posted August 21, 2016 Author Posted August 21, 2016 So, just an update to my post last week, and would also like some thoughts please... I did end up texting him 4 days ago (Tuesday), and it was just a very casual like "Hey, hope you had a great time assuming you're home now. And most importantly, that you're back safe and sound. Just wanted to say hello." He responded immediately saying "Hey, yeah we came back last night, it was fun! How are doing? :)" It was just a little bit of small talk, him saying that he was still hung over, lots of happy face emojis from him, and he thanked me for asking and said "you are so sweet to me :)". I didn't want to take up his time considering he mentioned that he was still hung over from that week of partying and he just wasn't feeling well so I told him to take it easy and get some rest and we would talk when he felt better. He responded with "ok :)". I didn't think at that point there was anything indicative of him trying to pull away, but I have not heard from him. What are your thoughts, perhaps there is still a possibility I will hear from him again? Or is this another goner? Should I refrain from reaching out to him?
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 You have contacted him, now I think the ball is in his court. Don't chase him - if he is interested, he will contact you. I personally don't think he's very interested based in what you have shared. And, I'd be more that a little concerned about the week partying on the trip and the hangover... He doesn't seem like a very mature man who is really looking for a serious relationship. Only time will tell...
joyful Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 i don't think you should text him again. if he wishes to remain in contact, he will. i think a lot of your attachment to (the idea of) him comes from being an isolated single mom? if so, i would recommend building up your social life a bit more -- both friendships and dating. you sound very sweet, and this shouldn't be too hard once you get started.
Author Lexxi Posted August 21, 2016 Author Posted August 21, 2016 i don't think you should text him again. if he wishes to remain in contact, he will. i think a lot of your attachment to (the idea of) him comes from being an isolated single mom? if so, i would recommend building up your social life a bit more -- both friendships and dating. you sound very sweet, and this shouldn't be too hard once you get started. You are absolutely right. I haven't had any time to rebuild friendships and pretty much have no life cause my children are of preschool age and I am just starting to see how life is with free time since they go to their dad's house every now and then. It's been so long as well, since I've felt "butterflies" for a man, so to speak, just really need to work on my attachment issues. And also been out of the game so long that I don't even know what's appropriate and what's not when it comes to keeping in contact with men.
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