hoully81 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 I have 2 kids 50% time. My girlfriend has one kid all the time except every other weekend. I need advice on how to get free time with her as I want sex more often then every other week. Her kid is 4 years old. My kids are 16 and 11 so they are old enough to be left alone and I do not have them as much as she has her son. We only stay the night with each other every other weekend when we both do not have kids.
dpass Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 And thus, the problem with dating with children - and even being married with your own children. My girlfriend has a 7 year old, I have no kids and we don't live together. She has 50/50 custody with the father. We only have sex on the days that she doesn't have him or when he's in school if our work hours allow it. Many married couples will have their adult time after the kids go to bed. Are you able to stay at her house while she has her son but you don't have your kids? Do your fun time after he goes to bed, then head home? It tends to be more rushed and worrying about being walked in on. Sometimes there is no way around it and you just have to deal.
JoeSmith357-1 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 I've dated women with young kids, they don't know what the hell is going on and you can have sex with them around. It's when they get to be teenagers and know whats up you have to worry. If she wants to find time, she will. Is she against you staying over at her place?
Author hoully81 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 She currently lives with her mom for financial reasons and to have her help with the son. Which just while typing this out it came to my head. I am going to have her ask her mom to watch her son for a couple hours and see if she will do that while we have some adult time. Her mom helps her a lot so I think she feels bad to put extra burden on her but we will see. I did mow there grass yesterday so hopefully she will babysit for a few hours. I feel bad that I am even thinking this but I guess a man has his needs. lol
smackie9 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 get a babysitter, or leave the kids with their grandma. In exchange for watching the kid, take grandma out for a family dinner. 2
JoeSmith357-1 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 She currently lives with her mom for financial reasons and to have her help with the son. Which just while typing this out it came to my head. I am going to have her ask her mom to watch her son for a couple hours and see if she will do that while we have some adult time. Her mom helps her a lot so I think she feels bad to put extra burden on her but we will see. I did mow there grass yesterday so hopefully she will babysit for a few hours. I feel bad that I am even thinking this but I guess a man has his needs. lol Yeah, I feel you. How old is she? Her mom's probably not terribly thrilled with the idea her daughter getting knocked up again and (probably) anther mouth for her to feed, body to house, etc. I have my standards and would not get involved with someone like this. She does not have her life in order, why do you want to involve yourself into a situation like this? 1
mortensorchid Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Can you arrange for a sitter so you can have some adult time away from the little kid? Surely she can arrange one night to do so. Or better, have it for two nights in a row - One so that she can have a night of R & R to catch up on sleep, and the second so that she has charged batteries for adult time with you. Just a suggestion.
clia Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Do what everyone else does and pay for a babysitter. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Does the 4 year old nap at all? If not, it definitely makes it tricky as they are clearly pretty needy at that age. That said you may be able to slip away for a quicky while they watch tv. But I hear what others are saying... you're having sex with a girl who can't afford to look after the kid she already has... it's a dangerous situation you are in. No matter how safe you think the sex you are having is you'd better be prepared to marry her or pay child support if something goes wrong. 1
Author hoully81 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Yeah, I feel you. How old is she? Her mom's probably not terribly thrilled with the idea her daughter getting knocked up again and (probably) anther mouth for her to feed, body to house, etc. I have my standards and would not get involved with someone like this. She does not have her life in order, why do you want to involve yourself into a situation like this? Joe, I am not getting where you are coming from when you say she does not have her life in order? No her life didn't go as planned but neither did mine? I have 2 kids and no longer married. So does that disqualify me? She is 26. She could move on her own but she would be broke and its just a better situation for the time being to stay with her mom. The 4 year old does not nap and is very needy. The kid also sleeps with her at night too.
Grisho Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Does your girlfriend also want to have more sex? The way you phrased your original post seems very 1-sided about your desire to have more sex. Have you discussed this topic with her?
Author hoully81 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Yes we have discussed and she has actually brought the subject up to me.
startingagain15 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Yes, it's tough. I have my 4 kids 100% of the time and he has his 16 yo son 100% of the time. My mom would not watch my kids overnight if she knew BF was sleeping over (she doesn't approve of pre-marital sex). So we do what we can. It is sometimes two weeks before we have opportunity though. We make due with time after all the kids are asleep. Otherwise we have made use of days off when the kids are at school. Or his place when his son is gone with friends. It's tough, but if you want it bad enough you figure it out! Babysitters, understanding relatives and stolen moments seem to be the best you can hope for. Good luck!
jen1447 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 The kid thing is almost impossible imo. If you're looking for anything more than those stolen moments, the only time you really get that is when they're elsewhere.
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 She can enroll her child in any type of classes like karate or scouts and she takes that time to go visit you. How long have you been dating? When will you be introducing the children?
Author hoully81 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 We have been dating for around 1.5 years. The kids have been introduced already. There is a pretty big age gap. Hers is 4 and mine 11 and 16. Thanks for your comments.
JoeSmith357-1 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 (edited) Joe, I am not getting where you are coming from when you say she does not have her life in order? No her life didn't go as planned but neither did mine? I have 2 kids and no longer married. So does that disqualify me? She is 26. She could move on her own but she would be broke and its just a better situation for the time being to stay with her mom. The 4 year old does not nap and is very needy. The kid also sleeps with her at night too. If she's 26, has a kid and lives with her mom, she does NOT have her life in order. If she cannot afford to live on her own and put food on the table, she does not have her life in order. Not trying to be rude or disrespectful, but this is fact. What happened to the baby's daddy? Were they ever married? Is she getting child support? Does she know who the father is? Look, i'm a single dad, dating a single mom. And I have dated a ton of them. I know how these things go. I know the red flags when I see them... sometimes I ignore them, but I see them. That's a different story. I've taken single moms back to "their place", only to wake up in the morning and get ungodly glares from HER MOM, then finding out it's HER MOM's house. Awkward, embarassing, etc. When I know about that ahead of time, I tend to not get involved with those types. They rarely turn out well. Edited August 16, 2016 by JoeSmith357-1 1
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 We have been dating for around 1.5 years. The kids have been introduced already. There is a pretty big age gap. Hers is 4 and mine 11 and 16. Thanks for your comments. Why this relationship has not escalated in 1,5 year? After 1,5 year I would expect some plan for a life together. I would expect we all spend our weekends together, kids and all. Where is this going? Why are you still hiding? 1
Author hoully81 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 Joe, Her kid is from a previous marriage and she is getting child support probably 50% of the time as her ex has been going thru some job changes and I believe has a full time job now so she should be getting regular child support. She could be living on her own and put food on the table but has decided it would be better to live with her mom as she would benefit financially and her mom could also help with the kid. So you saying her living with her mom equals she does not have her life together is a little unfair. I have thought about moving in with my mom so I could help her take care of her house etc. I make plenty of money to live on my own but if I decided to take care of my mom that would not equal not having my life together? Gaeta, This post was trying to get ideas from other people on how to get alone time. Are you suggesting we spend the weekends together with the kids? I believe that would work but I believe her parenting plan has something about she is not allowed to have the kid staying over night with someone that she is not living with. We have discussed moving in together as she wants to but I am currently going thru some custody battles with my ex and I dont think the timing is right for that. I currently have 50% time but my Ex has filed a motion for full custody (whole other Post. lol)
Grisho Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Joe, Her kid is from a previous marriage and she is getting child support probably 50% of the time as her ex has been going thru some job changes and I believe has a full time job now so she should be getting regular child support. She could be living on her own and put food on the table but has decided it would be better to live with her mom as she would benefit financially and her mom could also help with the kid. So you saying her living with her mom equals she does not have her life together is a little unfair. I have thought about moving in with my mom so I could help her take care of her house etc. I make plenty of money to live on my own but if I decided to take care of my mom that would not equal not having my life together? Gaeta, This post was trying to get ideas from other people on how to get alone time. Are you suggesting we spend the weekends together with the kids? I believe that would work but I believe her parenting plan has something about she is not allowed to have the kid staying over night with someone that she is not living with. We have discussed moving in together as she wants to but I am currently going thru some custody battles with my ex and I dont think the timing is right for that. I currently have 50% time but my Ex has filed a motion for full custody (whole other Post. lol) I think the problem for us is you have put so little info in your opening post, that we're all havign to guess a lot of info. Why not explain the history of your relationship up front, so we can give you meaningful advice? I even had to ask if you'd discussed this topic with your girlfriend. What stage is your relationship at? What has happened to grow your relationship since you got together?
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Joe, Gaeta, This post was trying to get ideas from other people on how to get alone time. Are you suggesting we spend the weekends together with the kids? I believe that would work but I believe her parenting plan has something about she is not allowed to have the kid staying over night with someone that she is not living with. We have discussed moving in together as she wants to but I am currently going thru some custody battles with my ex and I dont think the timing is right for that. I currently have 50% time but my Ex has filed a motion for full custody (whole other Post. lol) Yes I was suggesting that after 1,5 years there is a little more togetherness in this relationship, including the children. Parenting plan? what's that and she is not allowed to have her child sleep over at someone's house? In what type of trouble she got into for being this limited in raising her own child? that she has 90% of the time as you said.
Author hoully81 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 I am not sure what kind of trouble she has gotten into? Her parenting plan say she is not to have visitors past like 9:00 pm. She wanted that in her Exes parenting plan but maybe she didn't realize at the time she didn't want it in hers?
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I am not sure what kind of trouble she has gotten into? Her parenting plan say she is not to have visitors past like 9:00 pm. She wanted that in her Exes parenting plan but maybe she didn't realize at the time she didn't want it in hers? People don't get clauses like this inserted in their child care agreement for no reasons. Someone was partying the night away with the child in the house. I cannot imagine a judge going along with this unless the child safety was at risk. Not being able to get visitors after 9pm is like being in prison in your own house! Think about it! and NO, it's not because one parent has a limitation that automatically the other parent has it. Noway!! I think there are important things you don't know about your girlfriend.
Author hoully81 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 Well they both have it so I am not sure? I will ask. She seems to very trust worthy to me. So hopefully if there is an issue she will come clean.
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