betacharlie Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) Hi, I am very very new here but I am amazed at all the wonderful information that is present. I want to thank everyone for posting here as I feel this is the only place where I feel I am actually heard as I relate to people's emotional trauma. My story.. married for two years, in my mid thirties and so is the H. Ours has been a very tumultous marriage. He has always been distant and withdrawn right after a few months of marriage because we had some family issues come although he actively seeks sex and intimacy with me, but when it comes to giving trust he does not care. For about a year now I have been very suspicious,, I felt like he was talking to his ex gf and then I found out through his whatsapp chats that he indeed was although it does not seem like an affair. He clings to his phone and takes it to the restrrrom and everywhere else, he will not let me touch it or go close. He stays out till 5 am atleast 2-3 nights a week and comes home drunk. Does not answer my calls and texts when I call. Tells me he is out with colleagues etc. which I do not believe. Recently I sneaked and looked into his text and he has a message from one of his seniors at work, she had sent him a smiling picture and he had wrote a compliment like whose that 'hot and pretty chica' .. she was responding back... this all at 3 30 am in the morning.This while we were sleeping seperately because of a tiff. I have noticed that she texts him a lot and they do not seem professional texts at all. Can someone please please please tell me how I can get access to his phone ? I know it like I know it that there is something happening and I just dont know how I can get access to his phone when is so super guarded.Has anyone been able to get access to their spouses phone and get the data off when they will not let them go close to it ? I would appreciate any help.I am at my breaking point and just do not know where else to go. Also wanted to add that he has an Iphone 6 and I am not on his plan so I have no access to his phone bill. He has also not added me to his credit cards or anything for me to figure where he is spending etc. Edited August 15, 2016 by betacharlie
VeveCakes Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Well it won't be a popular opinion but I was able to when my ex bf fell asleep. He NEVER let it out of his hands but one night he passed out on the couch and it fell out of his pocket. But I warn you, be careful what you wish for. The stuff I found out was too much to process and also confronting my ex ended up with him beating me up and him in jail. You know what's up. Just end it now.
cc_zero Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Hi Beta, Sorry you are here. You have lots of red flags there. Especially glued to the phone. That is one of the surest signs of an affair. You now have to unfortunately turn into a detective. Put a VAR (voice activated recorder) hidden in his car. (note though that you cannot use anything is records in any divorce proceedings in court, it is actually illegal to record non-public conversations in most states) GPS his car, Spy-Tec has a good one for 149$, 25$ a month. You'll be able to track where he's going. Getting access to the phone can be difficult, a lot of times cheaters will password protect it in addition to never letting it out of their sight. If it's not password protected, set your alarm to wake up in the middle of the night and sneak away with it. Note though... DO NOT give away any suspicions until you have concrete proof to confront with. If they think they are being watched, everything will be deleted and it will go further underground. WhatsApp for example is a huge text app for cheating because you can set it to delete all conversations after it's closed. They are deleted and encrypted forever. SnapChat is similar with pictures, after the pic is viewed, it is deleted forever by default. Another option is to hire a PI. Given 1 week, the PI will hand over pictures and video of what he's really up to. I have to be honest though, it doesn't sound good.
NTV Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Why is this relationship worth saving? Honestly, you already know what you'll find in that phone. 3
Redhead14 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Hi, I am very very new here but I am amazed at all the wonderful information that is present. I want to thank everyone for posting here as I feel this is the only place where I feel I am actually heard as I relate to people's emotional trauma. My story.. married for two years, in my mid thirties and so is the H. Ours has been a very tumultous marriage. He has always been distant and withdrawn right after a few months of marriage because we had some family issues come although he actively seeks sex and intimacy with me, but when it comes to giving trust he does not care. For about a year now I have been very suspicious,, I felt like he was talking to his ex gf and then I found out through his whatsapp chats that he indeed was although it does not seem like an affair. He clings to his phone and takes it to the restrrrom and everywhere else, he will not let me touch it or go close. He stays out till 5 am atleast 2-3 nights a week and comes home drunk. Does not answer my calls and texts when I call. Tells me he is out with colleagues etc. which I do not believe. Recently I sneaked and looked into his text and he has a message from one of his seniors at work, she had sent him a smiling picture and he had wrote a compliment like whose that 'hot and pretty chica' .. she was responding back... this all at 3 30 am in the morning.This while we were sleeping seperately because of a tiff. I have noticed that she texts him a lot and they do not seem professional texts at all. Can someone please please please tell me how I can get access to his phone ? I know it like I know it that there is something happening and I just dont know how I can get access to his phone when is so super guarded.Has anyone been able to get access to their spouses phone and get the data off when they will not let them go close to it ? I would appreciate any help.I am at my breaking point and just do not know where else to go. Also wanted to add that he has an Iphone 6 and I am not on his plan so I have no access to his phone bill. He has also not added me to his credit cards or anything for me to figure where he is spending etc. He has always been distant and withdrawn right after a few months of marriage because we had some family issues come although he actively seeks sex and intimacy with me -- He doesn't love you, he just like the sex and is likely disconnected while doing it. This is not a marriage. It's two people living under the same roof separately. Divorce him right now.
Author betacharlie Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Hi Beta, Sorry you are here. You have lots of red flags there. Especially glued to the phone. That is one of the surest signs of an affair. You now have to unfortunately turn into a detective. Put a VAR (voice activated recorder) hidden in his car. (note though that you cannot use anything is records in any divorce proceedings in court, it is actually illegal to record non-public conversations in most states) GPS his car, Spy-Tec has a good one for 149$, 25$ a month. You'll be able to track where he's going. Getting access to the phone can be difficult, a lot of times cheaters will password protect it in addition to never letting it out of their sight. If it's not password protected, set your alarm to wake up in the middle of the night and sneak away with it. Note though... DO NOT give away any suspicions until you have concrete proof to confront with. If they think they are being watched, everything will be deleted and it will go further underground. WhatsApp for example is a huge text app for cheating because you can set it to delete all conversations after it's closed. They are deleted and encrypted forever. SnapChat is similar with pictures, after the pic is viewed, it is deleted forever by default. Another option is to hire a PI. Given 1 week, the PI will hand over pictures and video of what he's really up to. I have to be honest though, it doesn't sound good. I know it is not good at all ! Which is why I need to find out since I feel so foolish giving it more than my all to make this marriage work despite emotional and physical abuse. He drives the car to the train station and takes the train from there and there is no way real way for me to track him down in the city.I have not confronted him after reading the stuff here since I know it will drive him further underground.
Author betacharlie Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Why is this relationship worth saving? Honestly, you already know what you'll find in that phone. I just need concrete proof for my own mental peace and to be able to move forward. Please I know it sounds crazy but I really feel too betrayed and hurt and need that information to feel atleast vindicated and somewhat less stupid. 1
Zahara Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 I just need concrete proof for my own mental peace and to be able to move forward. Please I know it sounds crazy but I really feel too betrayed and hurt and need that information to feel atleast vindicated and somewhat less stupid. Emotional and physical abuse isn't enough for you to want to move forward? But proof that cheating will? I have a feeling that even if you had proof, you'd soon enough teach yourself to tolerate it, just as you've tolerated being abused. I feel so foolish giving it more than my all to make this marriage work despite emotional and physical abuse. 2
NTV Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 But to be fair to you. ... are you wasting your time Gathering evidence.... it would be better to make the decision to cut the cord now then to deal with the pain you get when you read what he wrote other women. You think it's going to have answers for you and it will but those answers will only give you more questions... and pain. I don't know if you started one yet but I would recommend you start a journal. Make the decision now on what you will do if you find something horrible. Write it down so you don't forget. Write it down so you don't bargain with yourself. Write it down so at the end of the day you can say 'I drew My Line in the Sand and I stood by it.'
Author betacharlie Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 But to be fair to you. ... are you wasting your time Gathering evidence.... it would be better to make the decision to cut the cord now then to deal with the pain you get when you read what he wrote other women. You think it's going to have answers for you and it will but those answers will only give you more questions... and pain. I don't know if you started one yet but I would recommend you start a journal. Make the decision now on what you will do if you find something horrible. Write it down so you don't forget. Write it down so you don't bargain with yourself. Write it down so at the end of the day you can say 'I drew My Line in the Sand and I stood by it.' I will, that I definitely will and no I will not teach myself to tolerate it anymore like the other poster mentioned. It is to bring closure.I will infact put a timeline on how long I will even do this fact finding and if nothing comes of it then I will simply move and file the papers. I am thinking about 1 month at max. I put in 2 years, a month more would not kill me. But not knowing and letting him get away with it all definitely will.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 He stays out till 5 am atleast 2-3 nights a week and comes home drunk. Does not answer my calls and texts when I call. Recently I sneaked and looked into his text and he has a message from one of his seniors at work, she had sent him a smiling picture and he had wrote a compliment like whose that 'hot and pretty chica' .. she was responding back... this all at 3 30 am in the morning. I am not on his plan so I have no access to his phone bill. He has also not added me to his credit cards or anything for me to figure where he is spending etc. I feel so foolish giving it more than my all to make this marriage work despite emotional and physical abuse. So if he's not cheating, you're going to keep him ??? Mr. Lucky
Author betacharlie Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 So if he's not cheating, you're going to keep him ??? Mr. Lucky NO, I am not. I am going to take some action in m life but based on some important info. Is it really that crazy to want to know thr truth ? 1
ChickiePops Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 NO, I am not. I am going to take some action in m life but based on some important info. Is it really that crazy to want to know thr truth ? In this case, yes. If he is a using you, who cares what else he's doing? Just leave!
Mr. Lucky Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Is it really that crazy to want to know thr truth ? The truth that he seems to be a physically and emotionally abusive playboy who seems to be more interested in living the single lifestyle than being married to you? Based on your opening post, aren't you already there ??? Mr. Lucky
aileD Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Do you know his passcode? Once my Husband got really wasted, we were joking around and fell and I threw his phone in a bush. He forgot cuz was wasted. Fell asleep Went out and got it, PW protected but the backup was to enter your gmail password. Didn't know the gmail password so did forgot my password for his gmail account from my phone, which they called his cell to give a code. Don't need the passcode to the phone to answer a call so I got the code, reset his gmail password and used that to unlock his phone. Founds tons of emails to them back and forth (this was at the very beginning). Hid in my shower and forwarded them all to my email. The. I went to my friends house and ignored him for a week. He sent me tons of emails and texts (from my sons phone) begging me to come home, that he was only buying time to dump her, bla bla bla. So I screenshotted those and sent them to her. I've also got his password by watching the reflection of the phone in the car window when he turns it away. 2
lolablue17 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Like everyone else here, I don't understand why do you stay in this marriage. It doesn't really important what secrets does he keep in his phone. I know you're not leaving him because you're scared to do it. This is the problem you need to focus on, your fears, not the phone. Go to an attorney, make the papers ready and do it. If you're curious, when he asks why do you divorce him you can say "because I know". Now, let him be the one who is trying to find you to explain. But this information is realy just gossip. It's irrelevant to the real actions you need to take,
Lois_Griffin Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 The abusive ass has to sleep SOMETIME doesn't he? Does he put his phone under his pillow or keep it in his hand? This guy is SUCH a douche nozzle. You remind me of my long-time friend. she knew her sleazy husband was cheating but she just kept holding out for that one piece of irrefutable evidence that would put him away for life. Strange women's numbers, messages from women, finding lipsticks in the car, people constantly telling her they'd seen him with another woman in the car or at a bar, or somewhere else, and the list just went on and on. NONE of that was worthy. She had to find the smoking gun. Of course, that was just a lie she told herself; a diversion she employed to keep herself exactly where she was so she didn't have take on the scary and overwhelming task of leaving him and finding a better life. She kept choosing the devil she DID know. Don't be like her. She stayed for 18 years and was an unhealthy and emotional MESS when it finally ended.
Silveron Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 If you have Verizon, there is a way. You'll need to know his login credentials though. Verizon has a text app, most phones have it already installed. Goto vtext.com and login with his login information. Hide the app within a folder if you download it. Anything that is texted to him or he sends out (even if he deletes it) shows on the website. Even with him using the original iPhone text message app. The first time you add the account, it does send him a text message so you will have to have his phone to delete that message. At this point though, the only information you are going to get is through detective work. You know something is up, so IMO you should give him the ultimatum of either handing over everything or divorce. You can't build a marriage/family off of lies.
ChatroomHero Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 NO, I am not. I am going to take some action in m life but based on some important info. Is it really that crazy to want to know thr truth ? It's pointless. Ask yourself, could there be anything on his phone that you could see that would suddenly make you love him and want to be with him? Is there anything that would make his behavior acceptable in hindsight? Basically, you have husband treating you awfully and you know it, but you want proof? Proof of what? Seriously, it's like if he were to punch you in the face but you said couldn't act on it because nobody had it on video. The proof that you are right to leave him is the fact you felt the need to post here about finding proof.
Author betacharlie Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 Last night he came home drunk and I figured from his phone while he was sleeping that he has been with that woman and had returned from her place. So it is confirmed then that he has been with her all this while. Guys the reason I want to find out the truth is because I want him to be hurt, I want some sort of action. This is because last year we were in a legal case and I supported him completely when I could have screwed him over and now I feel like a complete idiot. I really want to see him hurt for the betrayal, hurt and damage he has caused me and my family. Maybe the evidence helps with that. Hes currently on probation for battery assault and DV. I was the victim and I foolishly supported him and look where I am today.
VeveCakes Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 He has already attacked you? Do not confront him. Either leave or change the locks when he leaves. 2
Author betacharlie Posted August 16, 2016 Author Posted August 16, 2016 He has already attacked you? Do not confront him. Either leave or change the locks when he leaves. Yes he has. Still continues to be verbally abusive. How do I ever avenge ?
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