More issues?

[Alwaysthinkofme]

The fact that this guy has recorded me without my concent the first time we did things sexually, has always had me feeling very uncomfortable. (I made sure to the best that it was deleted, but who knows..we did fight about it.) He corrects my grammar constantly, even through text before allowing me to correct them. Makes rude comments about me being on drugs when he can't understand or read something clearly. (My screen is cracked so its more difficult) Ended up drinking more than me, falling asleep during a show we talked 2 weeks about watching together. Makes me doubt the things that I say like for example, "Have you ever shot a gun before?" Me "Yes I use to go to a shooting range with a friend to practice." Him *makes rediculous face and looks to his friend for validation.* The list seems to be going on and on about the things he does that comes off offending. We had a short conversation about him purchasing a Yeti thermus and out of no where says "I don't think it will fit in you though.." This guy in the beginning texted me the moon and the stars, through numerous messages fullfilling his "true feelings" so to speak. Insults me through messages when we disagree labeling me as from insecure, passive aggressive, ect. He will ask for advice, then when I give that advice it will be later corrected. From the start he admitted to being insecure from past cheating, was very clingy and demanded that I smother them with continuous attention through text. What sent me over the edge recently, was when I was asking him some questions about past dates. He went on about a beautiful girl, perfect match and very traditional. The most this guy has made a compliment on is my private part by saying how pretty it was..

 

Am I wasting my breath and time chasing? I don't want to be a jealous woman and find it a turn off myself, but I can't help feeling sexually and emotionally used by him. He acts dramatic saying things like "I'd be devastated if something happened or lost you, I never felt like this before, this has to be it!" (This was in less than a month in) I've asked him how he can say these things and have his future So take those words seriously..which he claims up and down is something kept for long term relationships. Advice or outside perspective on this?

 

The trip to stay with his girl best friend in a hotel next week is still on from my previous thread. help?

[Gaeta]

Why do you spend time with this weirdo?

 

Dating is about finding a compatible partner and you do that by filtering out the bad ones. This one should have been out with the trash weeks ago.

[smackie9]

No you don't want to be jealous, BUT you do want to have self worth and ditch the thought of ever being in contact with this guy. Dump this chump.

 

you are being used by him....zowie it's so damn obvious.

[dpass]

Everything about this guy screams abusive. He is being verbally abusive and trying to bring you down. If he mentally beats you to the floor there is a better chance you will stay with him because you won't think you deserve better. Also, saying that he needs you, would be devastated without you, etc. that a huge sign of abuse. Anything to keep you.

 

Run.

[Redhead14]

The fact that this guy has recorded me without my concent the first time we did things sexually, has always had me feeling very uncomfortable. (I made sure to the best that it was deleted, but who knows..we did fight about it.) He corrects my grammar constantly, even through text before allowing me to correct them. Makes rude comments about me being on drugs when he can't understand or read something clearly. (My screen is cracked so its more difficult) Ended up drinking more than me, falling asleep during a show we talked 2 weeks about watching together. Makes me doubt the things that I say like for example, "Have you ever shot a gun before?" Me "Yes I use to go to a shooting range with a friend to practice." Him *makes rediculous face and looks to his friend for validation.* The list seems to be going on and on about the things he does that comes off offending. We had a short conversation about him purchasing a Yeti thermus and out of no where says "I don't think it will fit in you though.." This guy in the beginning texted me the moon and the stars, through numerous messages fullfilling his "true feelings" so to speak. Insults me through messages when we disagree labeling me as from insecure, passive aggressive, ect. He will ask for advice, then when I give that advice it will be later corrected. From the start he admitted to being insecure from past cheating, was very clingy and demanded that I smother them with continuous attention through text. What sent me over the edge recently, was when I was asking him some questions about past dates. He went on about a beautiful girl, perfect match and very traditional. The most this guy has made a compliment on is my private part by saying how pretty it was..

 

Am I wasting my breath and time chasing? I don't want to be a jealous woman and find it a turn off myself, but I can't help feeling sexually and emotionally used by him. He acts dramatic saying things like "I'd be devastated if something happened or lost you, I never felt like this before, this has to be it!" (This was in less than a month in) I've asked him how he can say these things and have his future So take those words seriously..which he claims up and down is something kept for long term relationships. Advice or outside perspective on this?

 

The trip to stay with his girl best friend in a hotel next week is still on from my previous thread. help?

 

You haven't said one positive thing about this guy! What's think about, block him and keep moving. He's a douche. Are you so desperate for a man as to accept crappy treatment from anyone who shows you the least little bit of attention?

 

I'm sorry to be harsh, but I want to shake you out of your thinking/thought pattern.

 

Am I wasting my breath and time chasing? -- Never chase any man, especially this one!

[Zahara]

Oh my. Instead of focusing on him, you best figure out why you believe you deserve to be treated so poorly. He has his issues, but time to start pointing that finger at yourself. The fact that you can't see how wrong this is and question your judgement and take blame for being "jealous" - you've lost all sight of your self-worth.

[BaileyB]

The fact that this guy has recorded me without my concent the first time we did things sexually, has always had me feeling very uncomfortable.

 

I'm sorry, I stopped reading after the first sentence. Are you freaking kidding me... You are still together with this "person." If someone did that to me, he would be out the door and I'd be making my way to the police department to see if I could file charges. He would NEVER see me again... I would definitely not be on a dating website asking people if they thought the relationship was a good one and what I could do to make it work.

 

Sorry, I don't mean to be unkind... But have some self respect! I can't even say the words that I think would describe this man and his behavior... I will never understand why some women out up with disrespectful and abusive men.

[Alwaysthinkofme]

At first he would text lengthy multiple paragraphs of how much he thought we would relate, things he liked about me, things in common, ect. this is something I'm working on personally and I've admitted that its a problem of not speaking up or saying no and allowing myself to be subject to abuse. It could be a past related issue of trauma that was out of my control. Everything seemed normal in the beginning before noticing this tightening grip of control. What made it confusing and blinding to see was the fact that he drove over 4 hours here and back numerous times. (We had dates where no sex was involved) the first thing that I noticed was he was in love with his appearance, constantly obsessing over small flaws be a zit or anything.

 

I did make a huge scene when it happened and threatened to call the police but, lived two hours away and it blew into a huge fight. After harassing him about the record throughout the entire weekend, it got to the point where I started looking for an attorney in case of taking action. Asked them to delete it in front of me (but there is still no way of knowing) There is some respect to be asking this (though there is a lot to work on in like mentioned..pointing the finger at myself caused by my own past abuse) and understand it comes off very rigid with a lot of giant flags that scream run, but this is something I'm trying to understand being the reason I'm here. (The mind set of not being able to see things out of self respect) Not for validation of a relationship starting or continuing..but outside advice and perspective.

Edited August 15, 2016 by Alwaysthinkofme

[BaileyB]

Good for you for standing up for yourself as it comes to the sex tape. That takes courage and definitely shows self respect.

 

I hope you can show that same self respect as it comes to the relationship. With all due respect, it doesn't matter if he treats you well sometimes and says nice things. It doesn't matter how it was "at first." It's abusive now! And you have to do something about that.

 

It doesn't matter what you do or what you say - whether you are a jealous person, or anything else - no woman ever deserves to be treated abusively by a man. And, although he may do nice things occasionally, he is abusive. Have no doubt about that! You deserve better - believe that in the same way you believed that you did not deserve to be taped while having sex.

 

I'm sorry about your past abuse. I pray that you will learn and continue to get stronger along your journey... I pray that it is not with this abuser one day more than you have already wasted with him. Take care.

[Satu]

No need for any further thought or analysis.

 

Delete, block, forget.

[doyathinkso]

He sounds like a total creep!

 

How could you even consider staying with him?