The_Onceler Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) I am feeling really unsure about how to proceed. A bit of background: we were not married, but my STBX and I were in a long term, committed relationship. We have two children, girls, ages 6 and 8. We moved about a year ago to a new house, and filled it with new furniture. The STBX announced about two months ago that she intended to leave. She has become involved with an old boyfriend, from 20 years back. We are still living under the same roof, so as to gracefully split and spare our kids from unnecessary messiness. So, I already bought her interest in the house. She had indicated that she intended to leave, so she was happy to sign things over to me, for a price. Now we are left with splitting the furniture. Most of it we purchased new, but in order for her to continue to maintain a good credit history, she had wanted to open a line of credit for the furniture, which we did. Of course, she was not working, so I was paying the payments. We planned to pay the balance off at the end of the year, with my expected bonus. Of course, now all of that is out the window. I am happy to continue to make the payments, as agreed, but she wants the debt load removed from her credit. I am unwilling to open a second line of credit to clear the first. I told her, she can take the furniture if she likes (so long as she repays me for the months of payments that I have made thus far). She instead wants me to open an equivalent line of credit for her. Then we can each pay against the other's line of credit, until we pay the balance simultaneously at some prearranged point in the future, say 2 years hence. She has also been encouraging me to sell the house (it will be hard for me to afford now, after child support payments). Given that, she has suggested that I need to keep the furniture in order to "stage" the house for sale. So, essentially she has been pressuring me to decide NOW if I want to sell, and similarly pressing me to satisfy her requirements with regard to settling the furniture line of credit. I feel like: we are in this mess because she decided to change the plans and blow everything up. Why is it incumbent upon me to shoulder the burden of cleaning up the mess? Also, I want LESS entanglement with her going forward, not MORE. Why would I want to open a line of credit with the intention that SHE would be paying it, even if it is equivalent to her line of credit that I am paying now? Sure, there is a parallel there, but the reason I am paying a line of credit that is in her name is because we had agreed to do it that way in order to benefit her credit health, and with the expectation that we were going to stay in our relationship for the long term. She blew sh_t up, not me. Edited August 15, 2016 by The_Onceler
central Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 You should probably stand firm. Let her work out HER financial problems. Maybe the new bf will bail her out. Will she be moving in with him? If so, he benefits from the furniture, so he can pay her share. If any refinancing is done, she should be the one to do it (or he should), to pay you for what she takes. It might be helpful to get some financial advice from someone who deals with divorce or your situation. Maybe even a mediator. I agree that your goal should be to sever all financial ties ASAP, even if that's to her detriment. You don't owe her - if anything, she owes you. As for the house, what is the ownership and mortgage situation now? You say you bought her out, though. If you sell, will there be a profit (if so, it's yours). If a loss, that's also yours, but you may be able to negotiate that she will get less of other assets because she is responsible for the situation.
carhill Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Is the furniture debt joint? I wasn't clear on that. Sounds like it is. Basically how these things go is whoever cares the least wins. Up to you how much time and energy to spend on this item in the big picture of things. The way I looked at it back when I got divorced was the price of stuff was worth about what the legal costs of arguing about it was so the value of peace tipped the scale. She gets to get out, take the furniture with her and clear the debt from a bit of the cash she got in the house deal. Right now, she's a freeloader. She's living in the house you paid her for, for free, you're paying the furniture loan, and she's dating an old boyfriend. Get mean. She's gotta go. It's over. The kids will get over it.
PegNosePete Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Have you spoken to a lawyer? You're not married but with kids and home ownership in the equation, it's definitely worth seeing one. First consultation is free so you've absolutely nothing to lose. I would very much recommend not having any financial ties going forward. These credit lines etc sound like a disaster waiting to happen. Whoever keeps the furniture, buys the other out. End of.
Author The_Onceler Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Right now her move-out date is Sept 11th. We were never legally married, so we are not divorcing in the legal sense. I of course will be paying child support, though. The furniture is entirely in her name, purchased under store credit just after we moved to the new place. I told her that she is free to take it with her when she goes. I told her that if she chose to leave the furniture, then I will honor our original agreement and I will make the payments until I can pay it off in full. That might take longer now, though. She has just signed a lease on a local place. Whatever is going on between her and the other man, I don't think that they will be living together. He just divorced, and he has two small sons. I understand that he is just getting settled into his new post-divorce place. I don't expect them to combine forces any time soon (well, outside of the bedroom). The mortgage was in my name alone, but her name was on the deed. We have refiled the deed with my name alone, and I wrote her a big check. So, yes, if I sell, then any proceeds are mine alone. However, we JUST bought last November. If I sell and purchase something more affordable, I will wind up paying realtor fees again, directly as a result of her actions. I have enough equity to cover that, but I am loathe to write off 20 or 30 grand to realtors, just so I can move to a more modest house, because my STBX decided to leave me directly AFTER she talked me into buying this enormous house.
Author The_Onceler Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 I would very much recommend not having any financial ties going forward. These credit lines etc sound like a disaster waiting to happen. Whoever keeps the furniture, buys the other out. End of. This was my response to her: I want less ties to you, not more. The rub here is that I refuse to refinance the furniture debt. We bought the furniture at a local store, leveraging one of their "zero interest" offers. Of course, we both knew that the interest was embedded in the inflated prices, but it was handy to have a credit line with the local furniture store. So, if I refinance, I will essentially be paying the interest twice. I don't want to have to do that. Why should I? I told her that when we moved to the new house, I had agreed to paying the furniture payments. They were only in her name because as a SAHM who worked part time or not-at-all, she was always keen to have credit activity in order to keep her credit score healthy. Anyway, I had agreed to make the payments, and I will honor that agreement. She doesn't want to leave the line of credit open in her name. So, she wants me to: (1) pay it off (2) give her the furniture (3) open a line of credit in my name, and then we sort of swap I am not in a position to do (1), and I won't do (3). I told her she can take the furniture, but she doesn't want to repay me the money that I have thus far paid AND have to arrange to move all of the furniture (much of which is probably too big to fit into her apartment anyway).
Author The_Onceler Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 I guess I am having a hard time understanding my own motivations. Am I acting in my own best interest? Am I acting out of spite, and doing what I know will annoy her? Am I being manipulated by her with all the pressure and all of her "suggestions"? I don't want to be a d_ck, but I don't want to be a door mat, either. I mean, she created the current situation, and I am already taking a beating as a result... Sorry, just venting today, I guess.
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