am i being stupid? - should i give up? - so

[mynamegoeshere]

me and my girlfriend have been in a long distance relationship for two years and through those two years everything has been so great. we're each others best friend and care about each other a lot. she's told me i'm her number 1 person in the whole world forever and that she loves me so much and that she never wants to lose me ever. she still likes kissing me and holding my hand and says that's all lovely and fun. we always have the best times together and love being around each other and never get sick of each other.

 

but she told me that she doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. she is confused if she loves me or not. her feelings are less intense than they were and she feels like she doesn't love me the same way i love her and it isnt enough for her. but she said she still feels things sometimes when were together like nothing is even wrong and she feels so in love with me but not all the time.

 

she said it's been happening for a few months and i kept saying to her how could she not talk to me about this because this is stuff couples are supposed to work out together and work on. we havent had sex since the end of may and i feel like we both just let that spark go and i was saying to her we can work on it and see how it goes and try see if it comes back. but she keeps saying this isnt something to be worked on shes already thought about it all - but she never worked it out with me? couples go through confusing times all the time and they work on it together and i dont know why she kept me so in the dark and decided without talking and working it out with me and then saying it isnt something to be worked on. she said being in a relationship is holding her back but not me holding her back. just the relationship, not me as a person. and im confused because if im not holding her back what can our relationship hold her back from? i said to her its her feelings holding her back from the relationship and not the relationship holding her back. she's keeps getting mad at me saying i dont know anything and im dismissing her feelings but im SO CONFUSED!!! she said she's grown apart from the relationship but not from me as a person. what the **** do these things mean??? i even suggested we take a break instead and she can do what she wants and we can figure it out together and she said no.

 

am i being stupid? i thought couples were supposed to work things out together? i know she has feelings for me because she told me theyre still there at times. but other times it feels like we're just friends and that's enough. but how can being friends be enough if she still feels love for me and how can she want to hang out with me all the time if shes still feeling that? she keeps saying this is what's best for her and this isnt something to be worked out but ive heard so many stories of people being confused and working together to figure it out and then coming back together. but she's so persistent that this cant be worked out even when she hasnt tried to work this out with me. she just ignored it all and ignored me for a while too and completely blocked me off without figuring it out with me. if she feels so much for me and im the best person in her life and ive treated her like gold and am an actual angel (her literal words) why is she so quick to throw this all away? she's still not even sure and she wont take a break and work this out with me instead. and i've tried so hard but she keeps saying no over and over. she said she cant force her feelings but it's not forcing i just wanted to try work it out together and see if we could get that spark back before ending this all. but she wont give us the chance and i just dont understand and i am so confused.

 

am i just stupid and this really cant be worked on or is she being too stubborn? she decided this all too quick. she ignored me for a while and i said to her whats up and then she said she was confused and i kept asking to talk about it and she said to stop putting pressure on her to answer but i just wanted to talk and she finally was there to talk but her idea of talk was to just end it then and there. she also told me she cant make a big decision like this without seeing me in person first, but she did it anyway - we hadnt seen each other in over a month and hadnt had sex in 2 months. she did this all via facebook and said she couldnt do it over skype because seeing my face would confuse her even more. i feel like shes convinced herself this is good and she needs to end it and its been easy because its been two months since weve seen each other now.

 

i don't know. i'm going crazy and i feel frustrated with her because she never tried to work this out with me together.

 

btw im 20 and she's 19. we see each other at least once a month. recently it became about a week or two a month but then i got a job and couldnt go see her for a whole month. please dont like dismiss all of this because we're young - that doesnt matter. it's still love.

[salparadise]

but she never worked it out with me? couples go through confusing times all the time and they work on it together and i dont know why she kept me so in the dark and decided without talking and working it out with me and then saying it isnt something to be worked on. she said being in a relationship is holding her back but not me holding her back. just the relationship, not me as a person. and im confused because if im not holding her back what can our relationship hold her back from? i said to her its her feelings holding her back from the relationship and not the relationship holding her back. she's keeps getting mad at me saying i dont know anything and im dismissing her feelings but im SO CONFUSED!!! she said she's grown apart from the relationship but not from me as a person. what the **** do these things mean?

 

You're not listening to her or accepting what she says because you don't want to lose the relationship. You're sort of in denial.

 

When she says it's the relationship and not you personally, what she's actually saying is she cares about you (affectionate, respectful, not angry) but no longer wants this relationship... with YOU. She's not obliged to seek your permission or agreement. It has to be mutual to make a relationship, which also means that choosing to exit can be unilateral. That's what she's saying... it's over, she's done.

 

I don't think you have any choice but to accept it. If you persist in telling her she doesn't know what she wants or what she's talking about it may become a lot less amicable.

Edited August 15, 2016 by salparadise

[ChickiePops]

She didn't try to work it out because there is nothing to work out. It's not like you broke up because of a fight..she doesn't want to be with you anymore. That's a problem without a solution.

 

As the above poster said, she doesn't need your permission to dump you.

 

Sorry dude, but the good news is that you're very young and you'll meet plenty of other girls.

[nns91]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I have gone through a similar phase not once but twice with the same person. Both times, I tried to ask her to work on things but she did not want to. Like everyone said, that's because she did not want me to be her significant other anymore. In this case, we can't really do anything about it. It's just the tough reality that we have to swallow.

 

I am not much older than you but I have to say that girls in their early 20s can be unpredictable. We, as men, will never be able to fully understand what's going on in their heads. A lot of young girls are trying to figure out what they want in a partner. They might just want the immediate fun instead of a long term partnership. In that case, they can quickly end a relationship once it is no longer "fun" for them.

 

Let yourself feel the frustration and the grief! After this phase, you will feel better. Take care The right person for you is still out there waiting to meet you!

[ExpatInItaly]

My guess is that she has met someone local.