What's wrong with me?

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I've been off the dating scene for the last 6 months mainly because I've had no luck. Guys I like never seem to like me no matter what I do, but the guys I don't like seem to be all over me like a rash. And I just don't understand why, I'm not clingy and I'm not a pest, is it all because I'm trying harder than usual?? I've been single for the last 2 years now since my hideous break up and since than I've met one guy I really like & it didn't work out. I just don't seem to have any luck when it comes to love and I'm starting to feel fed up off the constant disappointments. Can anyone help?

[lolablue17]

We turn to jump into conclusions when our statistic sample is very small. It happens to all of us, we are humans... :)

 

So 2 things I think of...

 

1. Enlarge the scale of the places you meet guys. Yes, I would adopt hobbies and interests, who will lead to meeting more guys. More guys = better statistic sample = better results.

 

2. I don't know that kind of guys you "like", but I've seen so many cases in which women (or men) are stuck in some kind of type cast they're looking for, they're not open to others, with no understandable reason, and disqualify great guys, just because they didn't fit to the type cast. I don't know if it happens with you, but take a moment to think, maybe you're stuck, too...

[Phoenician]

yeah dear enlarge your scale ...

and look at ppl like me too

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

We turn to jump into conclusions when our statistic sample is very small. It happens to all of us, we are humans... :)

 

So 2 things I think of...

 

1. Enlarge the scale of the places you meet guys. Yes, I would adopt hobbies and interests, who will lead to meeting more guys. More guys = better statistic sample = better results.

 

2. I don't know that kind of guys you "like", but I've seen so many cases in which women (or men) are stuck in some kind of type cast they're looking for, they're not open to others, with no understandable reason, and disqualify great guys, just because they didn't fit to the type cast. I don't know if it happens with you, but take a moment to think, maybe you're stuck, too...

 

Thanks for your comment, I have dated a wide range of guys and I'm open to anything new as long as we vibe and have a good connection. However for some reason I never seem to meet the right guy. I'm not one of these girls to settle down with the first guy I meet, if I don't see a future with the person I don't see the point of taking things further. Im constantly told I'm too fussy but I just think if this person is going to be around (hopefully) for the rest of my life I'm going to make sure he's the right guy and that he treats me the way I deserve to be treated. It's not something I feel should be taken lightly and I'm not one for wasting mine or his time knowing that it isn't going to go anywhere. Maybe I am being too fussy & limiting men. I'll try meeting guys in new places!!

[lolablue17]

if I don't see a future with the person I don't see the point of taking things further.

 

How long does it takes you to know that?

 

 

if this person is going to be around (hopefully) for the rest of my life I'm going to make sure he's the right guy and that he treats me the way I deserve to be treated.

 

WOW! This is a tough one. I think your way of thinking might not be rewarding (as you testify). It's because of few reasons.

 

1. How can you possibly act naturally near a guy that you do like, if you think about the him as "the one to be around you for the rest of your life"? It is so stressful, no wonder he might run away.

 

2. You actually welcome a whole bunch of manipulative players. There is group of guys who became expert in "treating girls like you like she deserve" until they manage to F**K her. They will pass your filters for sure, and if they find you too "reserving sex for the future" they will give up in the middle and will go to find another girl "to treat her like she deserve".

 

3. There are some great guys with a high value in the market, who will run from you like fire, when they understand that they've bumped into a fussy girl who is "not the one for wasting time". They probably like better girls who don't judge them so seriously from the beginning.

 

4. You will never know if this person is or isn't really can be your future, because you will never put some time and some heart in him. Finding love is not like finding a car. To develope a good connection you must put something first. Yes, when you put something in advance you can get hurt, but without that risk, you might be missing the right guys, without even noticing.

 

You cannot become someone you're not. But you might want to loosen your rules, and try to meet guys just to hang out, not for finding the father of your children. You might meet new good friends... and eve more....:o:o

[Versacehottie]

We turn to jump into conclusions when our statistic sample is very small. It happens to all of us, we are humans... :)

 

So 2 things I think of...

 

1. Enlarge the scale of the places you meet guys. Yes, I would adopt hobbies and interests, who will lead to meeting more guys. More guys = better statistic sample = better results.

 

2. I don't know that kind of guys you "like", but I've seen so many cases in which women (or men) are stuck in some kind of type cast they're looking for, they're not open to others, with no understandable reason, and disqualify great guys, just because they didn't fit to the type cast. I don't know if it happens with you, but take a moment to think, maybe you're stuck, too...

 

Great advice!!!! I would also add that also don't just think linearly. If you have a happy and engaging attitude most of the day to lots of people, good things come from it. You never know who could be noticing that and how it will take you where it takes you. The momentum you give yourself by having good interactions throughout the dating spills over into dating.

 

I think one of the biggest problems people have in dating is that they only think linear: that they will only meet people in a direct dating situation or in a social place (like a bar or club or party or online). The truth, if you start asking people how they met their bf/gf, is that the stories are often not linear. The charisma you show other people pays off in a variety of ways. Make a new gf, she may set you up or take you to a party or BBQ. You stop to chat with some random person at the gym, and their friend walks up--and he happens to be a guy you'd be interested in. You are nice to the cashier at starbucks and friendly and the guy in back of you, who you've never turned around to see, happens to be cute and strikes up a conversation with you outside or the next week at starbucks. I'm friendly with other people at my gym and one day at a bar, this guy looks familiar was looking for somewhere to sit with his date and 3 guy friends. I invited them to sit with us--I was with 2 single gf's.

 

So yeah, BE OPEN, you never know where life can take you. I also think people who think linear about dating tend to put their heads down and actually MISS all sorts of dating opportunities and prospects. Lastly, if you don't have an open attitude and radiate "something", like charisma, how do you expect to radiate it all of a sudden when you DO spot mr wonderful in line at starbucks or at a party? I think the linear daters choke all the time at this--basically because they are not practicing being social and their skills suffer.

[Versacehottie]

I'm friendly with other people at my gym and one day at a bar, this guy looks familiar was looking for somewhere to sit with his date and 3 guy friends. I invited them to sit with us--I was with 2 single gf's.

 

 

I made no sense with this story above. The guy that looked familiar was some guy from the gym who I had had mini conversations in friendly way with. Mostly about our workouts. Well ALL about our workouts but in a friendly and open way. He seemed cool to me--I didn't think further than that. If I had just been thinking linear, maybe in conversation someone would have asked if he had a gf or someone he is dating. End of story for some people. I don't think linear and when I saw his familiar face, remembered he was from the gym and saw that he was looking for somewhere to sit, i invited him to our table. Plus his date (gf) and 3 friends. All of the friends were single. So were my two gfs with me. Plus I ran into him a good 4 months after the last time I remember seeing him at the gym so even if he HAD HAD a gf, lots can change by then. Anyway, the point is: if you think directly, he is not even the potential bf in this analogy. He is just a connector. That's how you need to think. It turned out that he was a connector to the 3 other single guys, which one of them my friend thought was very cute and turns out he was visiting from NY and so was she. Boom.

 

So that's an example of why you just want to be open. This works for tons of stuff. Finding a job, a roommate, a friend, a boyfriend, business connections, vital information on a subject. Sometimes the best route to what you want is NOT the obvious or direct one. Anyway, I hope that makes sense. It's just a great technique for life. And you can definitely (and should definitely!) use it in your quest to meet a guy. Also when you approach things this way, it just takes the pressure off. Ok, good luck OP

[Mystique01]

Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I've been off the dating scene for the last 6 months mainly because I've had no luck. Guys I like never seem to like me no matter what I do, but the guys I don't like seem to be all over me like a rash. And I just don't understand why, I'm not clingy and I'm not a pest, is it all because I'm trying harder than usual?? I've been single for the last 2 years now since my hideous break up and since than I've met one guy I really like & it didn't work out. I just don't seem to have any luck when it comes to love and I'm starting to feel fed up off the constant disappointments. Can anyone help?

 

When you say "trying harder than usual", what do you mean exactly??

 

 

My guess??? You might be coming off a little differently around the guys you DO like vs. the ones you DON'T like. Maybe the vibe you project around the guys you actually have an interest in is a little different from the vibe you project around guys you couldn't give a care in the world to.

 

Pay attention to this next time you meet a really cute guy you like. Do you notice yourself acting/thinking/behaving differently around him?

 

Try just seeing him as a normal guy. Don't think too far ahead in the future. Just stay in the present. Sometimes when we elevate someone in our heads we can end up thinking that THEY are the prize and that we are not worthy. It's a very subtle thing, so you have to really think about it. But others can pick up on it.....even if only subconsciously.

[neowulf]

Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I've been off the dating scene for the last 6 months mainly because I've had no luck. Guys I like never seem to like me no matter what I do, but the guys I don't like seem to be all over me like a rash. And I just don't understand why, I'm not clingy and I'm not a pest, is it all because I'm trying harder than usual?? I've been single for the last 2 years now since my hideous break up and since than I've met one guy I really like & it didn't work out. I just don't seem to have any luck when it comes to love and I'm starting to feel fed up off the constant disappointments. Can anyone help?

 

Oh.. we've all been there. There's a thing to remember about dating, it really is a "process". It's not like ordering take out.

 

You just have to hunker down and work the process till you find what you're looking for. I found that if you become less "results" driven about the whole thing, it becomes easier.

 

I usually went into dates with a "whatever" feeling. Don't get your expectations up, don't expect "This could be the one!". You think "Eh, maybe I'll have a nice chat with a new person, hear some cool stories or something".

 

There's really not much you can do. Life has an element of chance to it, no matter how much we like to tell ourselves it's all deterministic.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

How long does it takes you to know that?

 

 

 

 

WOW! This is a tough one. I think your way of thinking might not be rewarding (as you testify). It's because of few reasons.

 

1. How can you possibly act naturally near a guy that you do like, if you think about the him as "the one to be around you for the rest of your life"? It is so stressful, no wonder he might run away.

 

2. You actually welcome a whole bunch of manipulative players. There is group of guys who became expert in "treating girls like you like she deserve" until they manage to F**K her. They will pass your filters for sure, and if they find you too "reserving sex for the future" they will give up in the middle and will go to find another girl "to treat her like she deserve".

 

3. There are some great guys with a high value in the market, who will run from you like fire, when they understand that they've bumped into a fussy girl who is "not the one for wasting time". They probably like better girls who don't judge them so seriously from the beginning.

 

4. You will never know if this person is or isn't really can be your future, because you will never put some time and some heart in him. Finding love is not like finding a car. To develope a good connection you must put something first. Yes, when you put something in advance you can get hurt, but without that risk, you might be missing the right guys, without even noticing.

 

You cannot become someone you're not. But you might want to loosen your rules, and try to meet guys just to hang out, not for finding the father of your children. You might meet new good friends... and eve more....:o:o

 

 

I understand completely what your saying however I don't obviously tell a guy oh I'm looking for a husband and a father for my future kids It's just something I think about when I date a guy, and to answer your question I date a guy for at least 4-6 months before I decide if I want to settle down in a relationship, I'm not one of these people who gets straight into a relationship after a couple of weeks. I'm all for learning and developing a proper connection with a person before that. Regarding the whole marriage and kids thing it's not something I want to do instantly, I'm 21 still in university and plan to travel once I graduate so marriage is off the cards for at least another 7 years and kids another 9 years. When I say about seeing if a guy is marriage and father material it is more of a do I see him in my future, and that's all I meant by that.

 

I'm not overly fussy, I just want someone I can vibe and connect with well, someone who treats me right, who supports me and my decisions and loves me the way I am. It's not about looks as long as I find the person attractive. I just mainly want someone to treat me well and I don't see the problem in that, I've seen so many failed marriages and relationships because the men have abused and mistreated the woman and they still allow them to keep treating them in such a way and that's not something I want to see my future self be in.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Thanks for that, it was really great advice. I guess I kind of do need to be more aware of my surroundings as in quite oblivious to things :S I'm offering to do some volunteering and I'm trying to try more clubs and classes (I am quite a educational freak ) so maybe I'll try to be more present in my surroundings!

[smudge21]

As others have rightly said, your attitude may be pushing the good ones away but also the fact that you say you judge men on whether they'd be good to spend your life with, yet you're only 21. Basically, just like the world, you should be experiencing as much as possible and only after that will you be in a position to work out what is, and isn't, right for you.

 

I've many friends who always complain about being unable to find the right girl or boy, but it's always down to how they and the type of people that are their "normality". They are so used to or programmed to go for one type, that even if that type is bad for them, they still chase it. If someone who is much better for them comes along, they push them away simply because he/she is not part of that normality which they are used to. They basically, almost unknowingly, create their own problems and continue to do so. It's a matter of realising the type you attract and are attracted to and then working out why. It's pretty much that bad-boy syndrome where girls chase the bad boy but then complain when he treats them badly. I would take a guess that the boys you push away probably are not bad but just simply don't follow your normality rule. Like others have said, you may need to take a chance, ignore what you believe is right or wrong for you, and jump in feet first to see if something good could happen.

 

However, all that said, I bring you back to the fact you're only 21 and only really starting out on life. Go find your inner happiness before you begin looking for it with someone else. Enjoy your youth.. it doesn't last forever.

[4x4storm]

I date a guy for at least 4-6 months before I decide if I want to settle down in a relationship

 

Bingo !

 

I laughed so hard when I read that do you honestly think a guy is gonna stick around for 4-6 months for you to finally go "hmm yeah I think i'm ready now"

 

As a guy no way in hell am I gonna waste my money and time on you to wait months for an answer i'm sorry it just doesn't work like that.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

When you say "trying harder than usual", what do you mean exactly??

 

 

My guess??? You might be coming off a little differently around the guys you DO like vs. the ones you DON'T like. Maybe the vibe you project around the guys you actually have an interest in is a little different from the vibe you project around guys you couldn't give a care in the world to.

 

Pay attention to this next time you meet a really cute guy you like. Do you notice yourself acting/thinking/behaving differently around him?

 

Try just seeing him as a normal guy. Don't think too far ahead in the future. Just stay in the present. Sometimes when we elevate someone in our heads we can end up thinking that THEY are the prize and that we are not worthy. It's a very subtle thing, so you have to really think about it. But others can pick up on it.....even if only subconsciously.

 

I guess I'm more myself when I'm around guys I don't like, I'm more comfortable and let go a lot more such as I'm really sarcastic, I enjoy bantering, just talking about weird random things & mosn about **** when I'm pissed to them.

 

But I guess with guys I like I'm more reserved, and hold stuff back & I don't know why I can't let go. I guess it's I'm more worried about the impression I send out to these guys vs the ones I don't like.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Oh.. we've all been there. There's a thing to remember about dating, it really is a "process". It's not like ordering take out.

 

You just have to hunker down and work the process till you find what you're looking for. I found that if you become less "results" driven about the whole thing, it becomes easier.

 

I usually went into dates with a "whatever" feeling. Don't get your expectations up, don't expect "This could be the one!". You think "Eh, maybe I'll have a nice chat with a new person, hear some cool stories or something".

 

There's really not much you can do. Life has an element of chance to it, no matter how much we like to tell ourselves it's all deterministic.

 

Yeah I'm usually the same when going on a date, even if it doesn't work out I've met someone new who in turn could become a great friend, it's nice meeting new people & learning about them.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

As others have rightly said, your attitude may be pushing the good ones away but also the fact that you say you judge men on whether they'd be good to spend your life with, yet you're only 21. Basically, just like the world, you should be experiencing as much as possible and only after that will you be in a position to work out what is, and isn't, right for you.

 

I've many friends who always complain about being unable to find the right girl or boy, but it's always down to how they and the type of people that are their "normality". They are so used to or programmed to go for one type, that even if that type is bad for them, they still chase it. If someone who is much better for them comes along, they push them away simply because he/she is not part of that normality which they are used to. They basically, almost unknowingly, create their own problems and continue to do so. It's a matter of realising the type you attract and are attracted to and then working out why. It's pretty much that bad-boy syndrome where girls chase the bad boy but then complain when he treats them badly. I would take a guess that the boys you push away probably are not bad but just simply don't follow your normality rule. Like others have said, you may need to take a chance, ignore what you believe is right or wrong for you, and jump in feet first to see if something good could happen.

 

However, all that said, I bring you back to the fact you're only 21 and only really starting out on life. Go find your inner happiness before you begin looking for it with someone else. Enjoy your youth.. it doesn't last forever.

 

Aha I completely understand mainly for the fact in my younger years I was always attracted to the bad boy, as I've grown up its not something I'm now attracted too, more into the mature man than the little boy. I understand completely about the age thing, for the last 6 months of not dating was down to needing to be by myself and just enjoy being by myself, I don't need a man to make me happy, happiness comes from yourself. I think mainly I'm missing just being close to someone & having that connection and I think it's hitting me more than usual with my best friends either getting houses with their partners.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Bingo !

 

I laughed so hard when I read that do you honestly think a guy is gonna stick around for 4-6 months for you to finally go "hmm yeah I think i'm ready now"

 

As a guy no way in hell am I gonna waste my money and time on you to wait months for an answer i'm sorry it just doesn't work like that.

 

 

That's one persons opinion everyone is different in terms of how fast or slow they move in a relationship, I'm more of a I like to take my time to get to know that person. Money wise you yet to assume that you would pay for everything, I always other to pay from the first date & if things became more consistent I would refuse to let a guy pay every other date and make sure it's evened. Even in a relationship I'm the same, one week id pay the next he would. Relationships are all about balance and I'm more than willing to step up on my behalf, I don't expect a man to pay for me, I earn a decent wage for my age and more than capable of providing for myself and my date.

 

Another thing about the time scale. You could say you wouldn't wait that long, but let's flip it, if your girlfriend wanted to get engaged and said I'm not waiting longer than 2 years isn't that the same sort of scenario? If you wasn't ready to commit to marriage? You wouldn't expect her to force you into an answer you aren't ready to give, so why shouldn't it be the same with dating? You shouldn't have to rush into anything. I'm a realist and I think with my head not my heart, in the begging months of a relationship you hardly know who that person is, you date what for 2 months then decide to embark on this relationship still not knowing completely who this person is, only to realise a year down the line that it isn't for you? Which causes a lot of heartbreak and pain for each other. I just feel before I commit to something I want to create something more deeper and a connection better then that, if a guy really liked me he would appreciate that and be willing to wait, after all the best things in life take time, Rome wasn't built in a year.

[Mystique01]

I guess I'm more myself when I'm around guys I don't like, I'm more comfortable and let go a lot more such as I'm really sarcastic, I enjoy bantering, just talking about weird random things & mosn about **** when I'm pissed to them.

 

But I guess with guys I like I'm more reserved, and hold stuff back & I don't know why I can't let go. I guess it's I'm more worried about the impression I send out to these guys vs the ones I don't like.

 

 

That's what I figured. I know because I'm the same way lol.

 

I've had to "re-program" myself in a way. What makes you so attractive to those guys you don't like however is the fact that you're being naturally YOU. You're not holding back, you're not caring what type of "impression" you make on them, and you're being more engaging and therefore probably more relaxed and care-free. Men LOVE carefree women.

 

But around guys you're interested in, you're probably being more inhibited, hoping that you say the "right thing", and are not really letting your "light shine" so to speak. This is because you're caring TOO much about what they think about you, and let me tell you....that is an INSTANT attraction-killer. Haven't you ever been around a guy (or just anyone really) who seemed to give off an air of caring too much about what you or others thought about them? How "fun" was this person to be around? What vibe did they give off? Did you feel comfortable around them, or did you feel kind of sad/pity for them or cautious about how you came across w/them? How much did you look forward to spending time with them? The same is true w/guys. They can pick up on whether a woman feels confident and secure enough in herself in order to just be HERSELF. But you holding back is probably subconsciously turning them off. It may not be TURNING them off per se, but it's probably not creating any "attraction" for them to be TURNED ON to you.....does that make sense?

 

Btw, there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with being reserved or even shy. As long as this is truly who YOU are. Shy and reserved girls have guys falling for them too....all the time! But this is who they TRULY are. But when you hide who you really are, you in a sense lose some of your feminine essence and presence. It dims your light, and therefore doesn't attract the guys YOU are interested in.

 

My advice?? Act like the guys you are interested in are the ones that you aren't into. Knock them off of the pedestal that you have built up in your head for them and just start to act like your TRUE self....don't care what they think in other words. I'm not saying start acting like a "bro-chick" and start belching in front of them or anything, but just relax and allow your natural radiance to shine. If you have an opinion, state it! If you like to banter or tease, do so lightly or flirty-like. Stop being so reserved if this is not who you really are and if this is not how you act around guys you're NOT interested in.

 

Basically, give guys that you ARE interested in the same privilege of getting to know the "REAL YOU" that you allow guys you aren't interested in to see.

 

 

If you need encouragement feel free to PM me, and we can work on it together. Like I said, I have a tendency to be this way myself, but I'm getting a little better.

Edited August 16, 2016 by Mystique01

[Grisho]

Loads of ways to meet decent people:

-Get involved in voluntary activities in your local community, so you practice teamwork and bonding through shared goals

-Volunteer to do language exchanges, so you also pick up new skills that bolster your confidence

-Host a street party

-Make friends with local refugees

-Host a film night for friends and neighbours

-Take up some new creative pursuits

[Toodaloo]

Couple of things here. You mention a hideous break up 2 years ago. Normally people just say I have been single for 2 years... Are you over your ex?

 

Next I disagree when people say try dating people you wouldn't have dated before.... Why? because if you were not attracted to them then why now? Its just wasting your time and their emotions.

 

What I will say is this.

 

Take a break. Do the things (other than trying to find love) that make you happy. Enrich your life, learn something, challenge yourself, get involved in life. LIFE not just getting drunk at the local bars but visiting local museums etc. Learn to enjoy being on your own. Go to a restaurant for a meal on your own. Its daunting at first but after a while it gets to actually be quite enjoyable!!! Read, paint your nails, go to the gym... Visit friends and family. Try those things you have always wanted to do but never had the courage. Explore culture, film, music...

 

You may think that is counter productive. But here is what it will do.

 

It will make you confident

It will make you interesting

It will make you happy

It will make you more educated

It will make you care about yourself and keep you healthy

It will open up doors for you

You will start meeting more people and expanding your horizons.

 

All of the above are very attractive. So even if you do go back to OLD or what ever you have been doing the things above will make you quite the catch and the bonus is that its all positive for you as well while you are doing it. Win win situation all round.

 

As for trying to be someone else how about trying to be yourself for a change? Sod being like everyone else or what the magazines say is "attractive"... Be yourself and the right person for you will be attracted to you just because you are... you!

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

That's what I figured. I know because I'm the same way lol.

 

I've had to "re-program" myself in a way. What makes you so attractive to those guys you don't like however is the fact that you're being naturally YOU. You're not holding back, you're not caring what type of "impression" you make on them, and you're being more engaging and therefore probably more relaxed and care-free. Men LOVE carefree women.

 

But around guys you're interested in, you're probably being more inhibited, hoping that you say the "right thing", and are not really letting your "light shine" so to speak. This is because you're caring TOO much about what they think about you, and let me tell you....that is an INSTANT attraction-killer. Haven't you ever been around a guy (or just anyone really) who seemed to give off an air of caring too much about what you or others thought about them? How "fun" was this person to be around? What vibe did they give off? Did you feel comfortable around them, or did you feel kind of sad/pity for them or cautious about how you came across w/them? How much did you look forward to spending time with them? The same is true w/guys. They can pick up on whether a woman feels confident and secure enough in herself in order to just be HERSELF. But you holding back is probably subconsciously turning them off. It may not be TURNING them off per se, but it's probably not creating any "attraction" for them to be TURNED ON to you.....does that make sense?

 

Btw, there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with being reserved or even shy. As long as this is truly who YOU are. Shy and reserved girls have guys falling for them too....all the time! But this is who they TRULY are. But when you hide who you really are, you in a sense lose some of your feminine essence and presence. It dims your light, and therefore doesn't attract the guys YOU are interested in.

 

My advice?? Act like the guys you are interested in are the ones that you aren't into. Knock them off of the pedestal that you have built up in your head for them and just start to act like your TRUE self....don't care what they think in other words. I'm not saying start acting like a "bro-chick" and start belching in front of them or anything, but just relax and allow your natural radiance to shine. If you have an opinion, state it! If you like to banter or tease, do so lightly or flirty-like. Stop being so reserved if this is not who you really are and if this is not how you act around guys you're NOT interested in.

 

Basically, give guys that you ARE interested in the same privilege of getting to know the "REAL YOU" that you allow guys you aren't interested in to see.

 

 

If you need encouragement feel free to PM me, and we can work on it together. Like I said, I have a tendency to be this way myself, but I'm getting a little better.

 

Thank god I'm not the only one Yeah I've tried to think that oh I don't like these guys but for some reason I just can't seem to be myself around them like I would if it was a guy I wasn't interested in. I'm not shy I'd say around them, I'm very loud and confident but I guess I just hold back my true self, I think maybe the fear of rejection is the reason why, because I know if I'm not myself he hasn't rejected the real me in some sort of ****ed up way! Anyways I'll try and change this habit as it needs to be broken!

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Loads of ways to meet decent people:

-Get involved in voluntary activities in your local community, so you practice teamwork and bonding through shared goals

-Volunteer to do language exchanges, so you also pick up new skills that bolster your confidence

-Host a street party

-Make friends with local refugees

-Host a film night for friends and neighbours

-Take up some new creative pursuits

 

I've applied to volunteer at a few places, and in wanting to take up a language course & some cooking classes.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Loads of ways to meet decent people:

-Get involved in voluntary activities in your local community, so you practice teamwork and bonding through shared goals

-Volunteer to do language exchanges, so you also pick up new skills that bolster your confidence

-Host a street party

-Make friends with local refugees

-Host a film night for friends and neighbours

-Take up some new creative pursuits

 

Couple of things here. You mention a hideous break up 2 years ago. Normally people just say I have been single for 2 years... Are you over your ex?

 

Next I disagree when people say try dating people you wouldn't have dated before.... Why? because if you were not attracted to them then why now? Its just wasting your time and their emotions.

 

What I will say is this.

 

Take a break. Do the things (other than trying to find love) that make you happy. Enrich your life, learn something, challenge yourself, get involved in life. LIFE not just getting drunk at the local bars but visiting local museums etc. Learn to enjoy being on your own. Go to a restaurant for a meal on your own. Its daunting at first but after a while it gets to actually be quite enjoyable!!! Read, paint your nails, go to the gym... Visit friends and family. Try those things you have always wanted to do but never had the courage. Explore culture, film, music...

 

You may think that is counter productive. But here is what it will do.

 

It will make you confident

It will make you interesting

It will make you happy

It will make you more educated

It will make you care about yourself and keep you healthy

It will open up doors for you

You will start meeting more people and expanding your horizons.

 

All of the above are very attractive. So even if you do go back to OLD or what ever you have been doing the things above will make you quite the catch and the bonus is that its all positive for you as well while you are doing it. Win win situation all round.

 

As for trying to be someone else how about trying to be yourself for a change? Sod being like everyone else or what the magazines say is "attractive"... Be yourself and the right person for you will be attracted to you just because you

are... you!

 

This is exactly what I've been doing & though it's been great it's sometimes nice to have that connection with someone. I've actually been to the cinemas on my own for the first time, I've sat in coffe shops alone mainly for studying, I always have goals set out for each year as well as a few things off my bucket list

I try and achieve each year. I'm currently re-writing a story I made back when I was 14 as a lot of people enjoy it, I also paint and read a lot. I do, do a lot of things that make me happy live travelling & going to events, creating memories I'm a very live like it's your last day alive kinda person. So I do keep myself occupied and try and learn as much as I can. I don't need a man but it'd be nice to have someone there to share the memories with.

[Grisho]

This is exactly what I've been doing & though it's been great it's sometimes nice to have that connection with someone. I've actually been to the cinemas on my own for the first time, I've sat in coffe shops alone mainly for studying, I always have goals set out for each year as well as a few things off my bucket list

I try and achieve each year. I'm currently re-writing a story I made back when I was 14 as a lot of people enjoy it, I also paint and read a lot. I do, do a lot of things that make me happy live travelling & going to events, creating memories I'm a very live like it's your last day alive kinda person. So I do keep myself occupied and try and learn as much as I can. I don't need a man but it'd be nice to have someone there to share the memories with.

 

Congratulations and kudos to you. Those things you have done are fabulous. I want to also caution you to get involved with groups of people, though. It's important to get to know people in group settings, and to have some positive experiences of teamwork and bonding.

[4x4storm]

That's one persons opinion everyone is different in terms of how fast or slow they move in a relationship, I'm more of a I like to take my time to get to know that person. Money wise you yet to assume that you would pay for everything, I always other to pay from the first date & if things became more consistent I would refuse to let a guy pay every other date and make sure it's evened. Even in a relationship I'm the same, one week id pay the next he would. Relationships are all about balance and I'm more than willing to step up on my behalf, I don't expect a man to pay for me, I earn a decent wage for my age and more than capable of providing for myself and my date.

 

Another thing about the time scale. You could say you wouldn't wait that long, but let's flip it, if your girlfriend wanted to get engaged and said I'm not waiting longer than 2 years isn't that the same sort of scenario? If you wasn't ready to commit to marriage? You wouldn't expect her to force you into an answer you aren't ready to give, so why shouldn't it be the same with dating? You shouldn't have to rush into anything. I'm a realist and I think with my head not my heart, in the begging months of a relationship you hardly know who that person is, you date what for 2 months then decide to embark on this relationship still not knowing completely who this person is, only to realise a year down the line that it isn't for you? Which causes a lot of heartbreak and pain for each other. I just feel before I commit to something I want to create something more deeper and a connection better then that, if a guy really liked me he would appreciate that and be willing to wait, after all the best things in life take time, Rome wasn't built in a year.

 

 

Look I hate to be the bad guy here but I can't agree with you on anything. Ok so yeah you pay for a a date every second week for the next 4 months ahhhhh soo? I work full time and only get 2 days off a week which one of them is going to you!

 

So i'm giving you my available time and what happens 3 months down the track when you say "Sorry bill but I would like to see how things go with Johnny from now on" Right so I just wasted my only free days/nights on you and a lot of $$$ on all the dates.

 

Don't you see how much of a gamble that is for a guy? At the end of the day it's our Pride that takes a beating.

 

So what does poor bill get? absolutely nothing sorry sweetheart but in no way are you Rome and if you expect a guy to stick around for that long I say good luck.