In love with 2 people?

[babybear]

Hi there - I'm so confused! I just don't know what my feelings mean ...

 

So, I started a job about 3 years ago and INSTANTLY felt this insane chemistry with a colleague/supervisor. I discovered he was divorced and waited for him to ask me out! Every single day I believed it was on the tip of his tongue because the attraction/banter/chemistry was so apparent, even people commented to me. Then I find out he has a GF! I chalked him up to a questionable individual and just decided to keep some space. When I would randomly see him it was more of the same flirtation and eventually after MONTHS of this I decided to avoid him like the plague because I really did feel something for him. Lo and behold, in that time - I met my prince charming. WONDERFUL MAN. Soon after, work randomly brings me and the other guy back together, but this time I didn't get nervous when I saw him, or get tongue tied, etc. We caught up, I found out he was single now, and joked about his online dating profile. We became fast friends, but in a very different and substantial way. Over time we developed this incredible friendship. He told me about a woman he met online, we talked about how the dates went, he told me when he proposed. He is now married and I'm engaged. My fiance is such a good man, I love him with all my heart and soul. But I feel real love for this other man too and I'm confused about what I'm feeling. I know that when he was single I HAD the opportunity with him and I chose not to take it and jeopardize what I had. I find that we text all the time, we have inside jokes, and one time he even said oh crap - I just texted you good morning before my girl! Sometimes I wonder if a part of me is in love with him and a part of him is in love with me. He once sent me a text 'I've always wondered...'. I guess I have too.

 

I've never cheated, I'm not an unfaithful person, and this isn't about lust because I am not trying to get in his bed. Just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way?

 

Babybear

[elaine567]

I've never cheated, I'm not an unfaithful person, and this isn't about lust because I am not trying to get in his bed. Just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way?

 

 

You are cheating on your fiancé, you are in an emotional affair with a married man.

[Bialy]

Lo and behold, in that time - I met my prince charming. WONDERFUL MAN.

This is the worst part about all of this. You have a wonderful man in your life.

 

If he saw your texts to this person, he would be crushed and lose all faith in you and your honesty. He doesn't deserve that at all.

[jen1447]

It's possible to be in love w 2 or more ppl at the same time, sure. If your sensibilities and personal ethics (and those of the ppl you're associating with) are such that sth like that's not sustainable, that's where the problem lies.

[Redhead14]

Hi there - I'm so confused! I just don't know what my feelings mean ...

 

So, I started a job about 3 years ago and INSTANTLY felt this insane chemistry with a colleague/supervisor. I discovered he was divorced and waited for him to ask me out! Every single day I believed it was on the tip of his tongue because the attraction/banter/chemistry was so apparent, even people commented to me. Then I find out he has a GF! I chalked him up to a questionable individual and just decided to keep some space. When I would randomly see him it was more of the same flirtation and eventually after MONTHS of this I decided to avoid him like the plague because I really did feel something for him. Lo and behold, in that time - I met my prince charming. WONDERFUL MAN. Soon after, work randomly brings me and the other guy back together, but this time I didn't get nervous when I saw him, or get tongue tied, etc. We caught up, I found out he was single now, and joked about his online dating profile. We became fast friends, but in a very different and substantial way. Over time we developed this incredible friendship. He told me about a woman he met online, we talked about how the dates went, he told me when he proposed. He is now married and I'm engaged. My fiance is such a good man, I love him with all my heart and soul. But I feel real love for this other man too and I'm confused about what I'm feeling. I know that when he was single I HAD the opportunity with him and I chose not to take it and jeopardize what I had. I find that we text all the time, we have inside jokes, and one time he even said oh crap - I just texted you good morning before my girl! Sometimes I wonder if a part of me is in love with him and a part of him is in love with me. He once sent me a text 'I've always wondered...'. I guess I have too.

 

I've never cheated, I'm not an unfaithful person, and this isn't about lust because I am not trying to get in his bed. Just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way?

 

Babybear

 

Sometimes people want what they can't have and fantasize about what could have been. The truth usually is that the person wouldn't live up to the fantasy anyway and if I were going to happen, it would have.

 

Look at what's actually in front of you and focus. Evaluate the man you have and be objective about him. He deserves that.

 

Yes, lots of people experience this, however, they operate in the here and now and not in the "clouds".

[Leigh 87]

I have had the instant insane chemistry.

 

The reality of actually being with these rare few men was never as good as I had envisaged.

 

I ended up getting the same kind of chemistry for a guy who actually wanted to be with me.

[babybear]

To clarify - I don't exchange flirty messages with him or send nude selfies etc. It's usually more like - ugh stuck in traffic! Or - had the best nachos ever! We get along well like I said - and can just shoot the breeze.

 

It's just that I suddenly realized how often I wanted to share with him and how often he came to me with news. And so I had to question if I really do just connect on a friendship level or if I'm walking a fine line.

 

My fiancé is my heart and my number one. These things kind of sneak up on us sometimes - but like others have said - I'm sure the 'what if factor' and the 'unknown' just tricked my brain for a minute.

[Redhead14]

To clarify - I don't exchange flirty messages with him or send nude selfies etc. It's usually more like - ugh stuck in traffic! Or - had the best nachos ever! We get along well like I said - and can just shoot the breeze.

 

It's just that I suddenly realized how often I wanted to share with him and how often he came to me with news. And so I had to question if I really do just connect on a friendship level or if I'm walking a fine line.

 

My fiancé is my heart and my number one. These things kind of sneak up on us sometimes - but like others have said - I'm sure the 'what if factor' and the 'unknown' just tricked my brain for a minute.

 

If you live by "what ifs" you miss "what's now".

[mortensorchid]

He had his opportunity to do something and he chose not to for whatever reason. You are now engaged to be married to someone else. I have this advice for you:

 

DON'T F*** IT UP.

[babybear]

Honestly - the second I sent the initial post I thought to myself, you're an idiot. Who cares if someone makes the same jokes as you or likes the same odd movie. That's all superficial - and there are probably a good million other people on this planet who would fit that description.

 

But there is only one person who can just glance at me for a second and know what I'm thinking. He doesn't deserve 'what if' and I don't want to be that person.

 

Thank you guys.

[babybear]

I WILL say this - a male BFF is a slippery freakin' slope!

[longjohn]

I WILL say this - a male BFF is a slippery freakin' slope!

 

Exactly why I run a mile from any woman with a "male" friend that isn't gay.