Timshel Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Hahaha....we did not collaborate at all. Not kidding. I guess I love you babe. Kismet 1
Hoosfoos Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 The responses here prove that the "age is just a number" cliche is just that, a crock. 2
Blanco Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Funny, I feel honored and have a lot of fun getting to spend time with my girlfriend and her kids. I don't really get why so many people think every 40 something is the same, or 20 something. Every 40 something is different. Every 20 and 30 something is different. Sometimes you end up with two people in different age groups that match up particularly well for whatever reason, like my girlfriend and I. Sometimes you get people in the same age group who match up horribly. It's just how life works. I will say though, one way to guarantee you won't get anywhere is to base who you're with on internet statistics. You know better than any of us on here what you two have or don't have. Forget what some number says, if you have something worthwhile and you can agree on a kind of life together then be together. That's the best answer we can really give you. To be fair, I was in this situation and wound up being far more fond of the children than I was of the woman. I still miss them wildly. I've realized that on those occasions I feel like I miss her, it's really the kids I'm missing and it's just me subconsciously knowing that without her in my life, there is no them. Unfortunately in my situation, I was also taken for granted more and more the further I committed. Not a good feeling.
gaius Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 To be fair, I was in this situation and wound up being far more fond of the children than I was of the woman. I still miss them wildly. I've realized that on those occasions I feel like I miss her, it's really the kids I'm missing and it's just me subconsciously knowing that without her in my life, there is no them. Unfortunately in my situation, I was also taken for granted more and more the further I committed. Not a good feeling. Well that's unfortunate but it's not what always happens. The closer and more committed I've gotten with mine the more loved I've felt. She's always been rather good to me. I think it's more a personal than an age thing. You just have to find a good one. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 I find reactions like this pretty comical, and the exact opposite when guys ask about dating single moms... WOW, when the shoe is on the other foot, it's "throwing your life away". Noted. Oh for goodness sakes - I don't care what you 'note.' There have been a few random posts by young guys - 21 or 22 year olds - who were all smitten with women in their 30's with kids and I've told these guys the same thing I told the OP - RUN! 1
Lois_Griffin Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 If a 29 yo single guy was asking here about dating a 44yo divorced Mom with 2 kids I think he would get the same reaction, no? LOL - he'd sure as hell get the same reaction from me. I couldn't tell him to run fast enough.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Yeah red flag: the kids are only 2/3 years old which means he couldn't hold a relationship together after adding the stress of having kids. Yet he wants more. Red. Fkng.flag UGH. Yeah, he's looking for a nanny, alright. I had to chuckle when the OP wrote that he claimed he DOES want to have more kids. LOL. Methinks someone's pants are on fire and he just wants to reel himself in a nanny and mommy to take care of him. <shudder> I can't stress this enough. Not enough. RUN!
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 My opinion is it's cute now but it won't be always. When you are 40 and on top of your game he'll be 55 with aches and pain. When you are 50 and looking to travel and try new things he'll be 65 and scheduling his hip or knee replacement. My daughter is 29, single, no kids. If She fell for a 40 something with kids I'd flip! Men going for much younger women often would be turned down by women his age. They are often manipulative and controlling and it's much easier for them to control a young 20 something than controlling a woman of experience of 40 something. 1
phineas Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 I'm 44 and had a 29yr old chatting me up. She was divorced and had a child close to my youngest in age, but still..... I just couldn't see myself dating her seriously and had to tell her so. 1
JuanDelToro Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 My opinion is it's cute now but it won't be always. When you are 40 and on top of your game he'll be 55 with aches and pain. When you are 50 and looking to travel and try new things he'll be 65 and scheduling his hip or knee replacement. My daughter is 29, single, no kids. If She fell for a 40 something with kids I'd flip! Men going for much younger women often would be turned down by women his age. They are often manipulative and controlling and it's much easier for them to control a young 20 something than controlling a woman of experience of 40 something. 55 with aches and pain! 65 scheduling hip replacement! Generalizing much? Let's try the other way around shall we? Many men in their 50s and 60s live a healthy lifestyle, are very presentable looking younger and have no health issues. On the other hand many women in their 30-40s are literally falling apart in every account. Men go for younger women because younger women are in their sexual prime. A man is programmed by nature to be attracted to the woman that has the better chances to bare healthy and strong offspring. It has nothing to do with manipulation and control. A young woman can be equally as much of a handful as an older woman can be. The difference is that the younger woman is hotter and the older woman is more bitter. I'm in my late 30s and i date a 24yo woman, she's well grounded, extremely intelligent and intellectual, sexy as and playful. Why should i even go near an older, or near my age, woman that is on the decline, when i can have everything that a good woman can provide me with but in fresher package?
aileD Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 55 with aches and pain! 65 scheduling hip replacement! Generalizing much? Let's try the other way around shall we? Many men in their 50s and 60s live a healthy lifestyle, are very presentable looking younger and have no health issues. On the other hand many women in their 30-40s are literally falling apart in every account. Men go for younger women because younger women are in their sexual prime. A man is programmed by nature to be attracted to the woman that has the better chances to bare healthy and strong offspring. It has nothing to do with manipulation and control. A young woman can be equally as much of a handful as an older woman can be. The difference is that the younger woman is hotter and the older woman is more bitter. I'm in my late 30s and i date a 24yo woman, she's well grounded, extremely intelligent and intellectual, sexy as and playful. Why should i even go near an older, or near my age, woman that is on the decline, when i can have everything that a good woman can provide me with but in fresher package? It's not about you. Hell yeah you'd be happy bagging a hot young chick. But that got young chick is getting stuck with an old guy who eont be much of s prize around retirement age when OP is in her prime . 3
sc0316 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 At your age, I wouldn't sign up for this whole package. You can still find someone to start a family of your own from scratch. I'm not saying you can't love his kids like your own, but his ex is always their mother - you'll have all the responsibilities of a parent without having a say in most decisions regarding his kids. If you were 10 years older (irrespective of your guy's age) and if the kids were older (preferably in their teens at least), then I would think differently.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 This has nothing to do with money so I'll just get that out of the way. It's about making good life decisions and avoiding setting myself up for failure. And to be totally frank, it's also about my fear of missing out on young(ish) love. I can give the full story if you want but I'm curious what general thoughts are on the reality of this type of age difference on top of entering a situation with a divorcee (with kids). I care about him but there are just realities with a 15 year age gap that can't be ignored. Anyone with experience who is willing to give their general thoughts? I think you're answering your own question here... You sound doubtful and afraid about this relationship. I don't care a whit about the ages of people who choose to have relationships with each other. But I think if this were a better match, you'd be feeling more confident and hopeful about it. That you feel doubtful and afraid says a lot.
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 55 with aches and pain! 65 scheduling hip replacement! Generalizing much? Not at all, look up statistics. Let's try the other way around shall we? Many men in their 50s and 60s live a healthy lifestyle, are very presentable looking younger and have no health issues. They represent 10% of the population. On the other hand many women in their 30-40s are literally falling apart in every account. 65% of Americans are morbidly obese, then something like 30% are over-weight, then that leaves you with the 10% of thin and athletic I was referring to up there. Men go for younger women because younger women are in their sexual prime. Again look it up. Women are in their sexual prime at 40, not 29. Not only she is in her sexual prime at 40 but she is less inhibited, more daring, more challenging. A man that is really interested in great sex would aim at a 40 yo woman.
JuanDelToro Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 AileD...What are you on about? Isn't she 29 and he's 44? We're talking about a 15 year difference here, not 50. The OP's already in her prime and you make it sound as if the guy is going to dissolve in 10 years, while she'll be climbing Everest. 1
Blanco Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 It's not about you. Hell yeah you'd be happy bagging a hot young chick. But that got young chick is getting stuck with an old guy who eont be much of s prize around retirement age when OP is in her prime . Well duh, that's when the wife goes and gets cozy with the young foreign pool guy, thus completing the romantic circle of life. I think Elton John wrote a song about it. 3
aileD Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 AileD...What are you on about? Isn't she 29 and he's 44? We're talking about a 15 year difference here, not 50. The OP's already in her prime and you make it sound as if the guy is going to dissolve in 10 years, while she'll be climbing Everest. More concerned about the kids he's gonna have Oh and as I already said Im biased because my 40 year old husband is having an affair with a 21 year old "mature for her age" child
JuanDelToro Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 More concerned about the kids he's gonna have Why are you concerned? If anything an older dad has life experience and thus the capacity to raise well rounded and happier children. There are many young dads that are complete "ignorant tools" and raise problematic children. Oh and as I already said Im biased because my 40 year old husband is having an affair with a 21 year old "mature for her age" child We are all biased in one way or another and to various degrees. That is understandable and acceptable. It is good when we strive to look pass the bias though. 1
aileD Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Why are you concerned? If anything an older dad has life experience and thus the capacity to raise well rounded and happier children. There are many young dads that are complete "ignorant tools" and raise problematic children. We are all biased in one way or another and to various degrees. That is understandable and acceptable. It is good when we strive to look pass the bias though. Well, although I am biased due to my personal situation....I also did a ton of research on age gap relationships because of my situation. Psych articles, studies and hundreds of stories of what happened to real people. So yeah. I'm biased, but also can't deny the research. And EVERYONE of those 95% failures thought "oh we have something special WE are the 5%" Older guys can raise great kids, not taking that away from anyone. Just sayin health deterioration is an actual fact of life and it would be irresponsible to not at least think of these things before bringing a child into the world.
longjohn Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 This has nothing to do with money so I'll just get that out of the way. It's about making good life decisions and avoiding setting myself up for failure. And to be totally frank, it's also about my fear of missing out on young(ish) love. I can give the full story if you want but I'm curious what general thoughts are on the reality of this type of age difference on top of entering a situation with a divorcee (with kids). I care about him but there are just realities with a 15 year age gap that can't be ignored. Anyone with experience who is willing to give their general thoughts? To put it bluntly as a man.. He's too old with way too much baggage and at your age you can pick from guys at almost any age. Why settle for baggage, stress and a partner that I hate to say isn't going to get any younger. Having said that in some cases these relationships work and I personally know of a few but in your case you said it yourself. You'd be missing out on someone closer your own age. 2
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Why has this guy divorced his wife when his kids are only 2 and 3? Was she his first wife or is there more of a history here?
Aniela Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 AileD...What are you on about? Isn't she 29 and he's 44? We're talking about a 15 year difference here, not 50. The OP's already in her prime and you make it sound as if the guy is going to dissolve in 10 years, while she'll be climbing Everest. You're acting like she's the best she's ever going to be, and that she'll no longer be attractive in 5-10 years, but that isn't the same for a man? *edit: my sister married a man over twenty years older than she is - 23/24 years older. She's basically his caretaker now, and she hasn't even turned 40. 2
Blanco Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Pretty easy to tell who the 40 and older guys in this thread are. 4
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 (edited) I'm in my late 30s and i date a 24yo woman, she's well grounded, extremely intelligent and intellectual, sexy as and playful. Why should i even go near an older, or near my age, woman that is on the decline, when i can have everything that a good woman can provide me with but in fresher package? Because when the novelty of you wears off she will be wondering if she should bolt to have a real go at proper "young love" which you and people like you who are considerably older deprive young people of. OP for me it's simple, you hit the nail on the head when you said that you feel you are being deprived of young love and indeed you are. Nothing beats being with someone who is in the same place you are in life. A man that is much older will always be in a different phase and he will steal your best years away from finding someone that is more equal to where you are in life. Older guys come with considerable more baggage too. It's the same for men with much older women. The novelty does wear off and then you are just left with an old person and all their past mistakes and failures to deal with. Relationships for the long haul are hard enough. This notion that women in their 20's are in their sexual prime...mehh read all the threads on here by women in their 20's who are bearly in 3 year relationships who are claiming they no longer have interest in sex, the novelty has worn off. Unless you plan to recycle women every year then the "sexual prime" thing wears off quickly as well. Lastly, if OLD is any accurate indication of what men in their 40s are like I would say a good 70% of them are fit and look healthy body size wise but man they look at least 10 years older, wearing dad pants etc. There is something about men after a certain age that they stop trying to dress and look good and they just look old. The other 30% are so vain and state their longest relationships have 1 year long (so they have been recycling women for 20 years every year, NO THANKS!) or are douchey 50 year old Charlie Sheen types that seep STDs from their online photos. YUCK! Not a great scene. I'm sure it is the same of women, not saying it is one sided but I can't speak of the female profiles. Edited August 16, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio 1
Fair Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 You get involved with this guy it will come back to bite you in the ass sooner than later. He's too old for you, he's got too much baggage... and one million other reasons I could list if I had the time. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean anything. Attraction alone IS NOT ENOUGH. And one thing I wish younger women would remember... men think because they can go on reproducing their entire lives it gives them license to go after very young women. It doesn't. They still age, just like women... they still get sick and die, just like women.. So just because they CAN hook up with and start a new family with a young woman DOESN'T mean they should. And you should want better for yourself than that.
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