as a % how important is sex for you in a relationship?

[barbossa]

How important is sex in a relationship you want to to be in? as a %

 

would you be in a relationship where there is no sex or sex you don't like?

if you have other things like: friendship, trust, good father/mother potential etc.

 

for example My ideal relationship would be

 

friendship:50%

good sex/high passion: 30%

good mother potential: 20%

 

Sometimes I wonder if I am too unreasonable but placing a high empasis on sexual compatibility,

 

on the other hand I also meet many married couples who are sexless and stay together because they have kids or money or just do their own thing on the side anyways

[DramaInPajamas]

Sexual compatibility would need to be alot higher than 30% for me.

[Bialy]

How important is sex in a relationship you want to to be in? as a %

 

would you be in a relationship where there is no sex or sex you don't like?

if you have other things like: friendship, trust, good father/mother potential etc.

 

for example My ideal relationship would be

 

friendship:50%

good sex/high passion: 30%

good mother potential: 20%

 

Sometimes I wonder if I am too unreasonable but placing a high empasis on sexual compatibility,

 

on the other hand I also meet many married couples who are sexless and stay together because they have kids or money or just do their own thing on the side anyways

 

I could not be in a relationship where there is no sex or bad sex. Physical love and affection are a key part to a satisfying relationship. I prefer to use the words "physical love" and "affection" --- because that includes things like hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. I don't shy away from PDA, so I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone who didn't feel the same way. For instance, when I'm 70, I'll still want to hold my partner's hand.

 

In terms of breakdown, I guess is this how it stacks up for me:

 

40% common interests & hobbies

40% physical love, passion, & affection

20% common life goals

[SwordofFlame]

45% sex

45% common goals, values, lifestyle

10% common interests, hobbies

 

Most of my interests are very male dominated. That explains the 10%.

[DramaInPajamas]

I could not be in a relationship where there is no sex or bad sex. Physical love and affection are a key part to a satisfying relationship. I prefer to use the words "physical love" and "affection" --- because that includes things like hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. I don't shy away from PDA, so I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone who didn't feel the same way. For instance, when I'm 70, I'll still want to hold my partner's hand.

 

In terms of breakdown, I guess is this how it stacks up for me:

 

40% common interests & hobbies

40% physical love, passion, & affection

20% common life goals

 

Common life goals only 20%?! Really?

 

So if you want marriage and they dont.

 

Or you want to travel lots and they dont.

 

If you only have 20% compatibility in common life goals it will never ever work. Just wont be able to agree on anything.

[morrowrd]

Do not downplay the importance of sex, it's very important. I would place it at 50% myself, or higher. Alot however, weighs in on how the relationship started out, say for instance that there was not alot of sex in the beginning, one would just have to naturally assume that status quo would continue or even diminish as time went on. Communication is extremely important here, asking questions about why the lack of sexual activity or interest. Then is there compromise, is there a way to meet each other's needs without hurting each other.

 

Then there's the part of having sex as a priority and for whatever reason, it diminishes...another long talk is in order, pretty much like above with the focus being on What has changed to cause the diminish in sexual interest and activity.

 

I'll tell you something else, if two people are in love, the above isn't going to be really all that complicated. The real challenge is when the two are really NOT in love, but just in the relationship. That changes everything, motives, respect, desire, - and then there is alot of passive aggression and resentment going on instead of love an affection.

[Bialy]

Common life goals only 20%?! Really?

 

So if you want marriage and they dont.

 

Or you want to travel lots and they dont.

 

If you only have 20% compatibility in common life goals it will never ever work. Just wont be able to agree on anything.

20% is enough. But that's probably because I'm just reducing things down to the bare minimal: someone who sees himself staying in the same area until retirement and who sees himself building a stable, family life. These two things are the basics that I'm personally looking to share as common life goals.

 

You mention travel --- that, to me, falls under common interests and hobbies.

[DramaInPajamas]

20% is enough. But that's probably because I'm just reducing things down to the bare minimal: someone who sees himself staying in the same area until retirement and who sees himself building a stable, family life are the basics that I'm personally looking for.

 

You mention travel --- that, to me, falls under common interests and hobbies.

 

Travel can be a goal.

 

I once considered a sabbatical from work. A few months to a year out travelling.

 

My bf at the time looked horrified.

[Bialy]

Travel can be a goal.

 

I once considered a sabbatical from work. A few months to a year out travelling.

 

My bf at the time looked horrified.

It can be a life goal, but I relegate it under the common interests & hobbies percentage. I view travel in the sense that my partner and I share an interest in road trips, day trips, and outdoor adventure trips (cycling and hiking and visiting cities).

[Dork Vader]

My most recent Ex and I had absolutely amazing chemistry. The making out everything was absolutely amazing.

 

Then came sex.. With out going into a lot of details me and Condoms do not get a long at all. I have ED issues because of them. I have HSV-2, she did not. So no condoms were not an option.

 

I straight up lost interest in sex and intimacy with her because of it. Less then a month later the relationship was over. I literally preferred masturbation then sex with her. I tried to talk too her about it. I tried to find compromise but she was just not willing to listen. She did suggest things she was willing to do but they were not help to me.

 

Sex is extremely important, there are chemical reactions that happen in the brain caused by good sex and good intimacy. If it's bad and generally not a "fun" experience for one partner. They are going to lose interest in it real quick. As that interest fades, they will lose interest in other aspects of intimacy as well and you're relationship is going to feel like friendship real quick.

 

No a relationship should not be all about sex, but to say it's not important is foolish and ignorant at best.

[Grapesofwrath]

I think the answer depends on what stage of life you are in. When I was young, and wanted to have children, I placed less emphasis on sex. I had never been married and I had no idea what I was doing, like most people. Now I realize that sex is the glue that holds people together, romantically. Without it, you're just roommates.

 

Now that I have been married, had my kids, got divorced, and been in relationships post-divorce, I'd say that sex is very important. It's the main reason why I have relationships. Sex and affection. So sexual chemistry and fiscal independence and responsibility are way up there on my list. (By that last one, I mean that he takes care of himself financially, not that I expect anyone to take care of me.)

[RecentChange]

I don't know that I could place a percentage value on it. But sex is a HUGELY important part of my relationship.

 

I am married to my best friend. We are extremely compatable in most ways. Similar world views, including religion (or lack there of), politics, common intests and activities, stimulating conversation, common goals.

 

When our sex life dips and falters, so does the rest of our relationship. We just do not get along as well when that connection lacking. When our sex life is on fire, it seems that everything falls into place. Hahah maybe it calms us down and makes us less critical I don't know, but after 15 years, I have seen a correlation.

 

And we met as a "one night stand" - sexual compatibility was one of the first things that brought us together.

 

I swear, after the sex I had last night, I was chuckling to myself how I wanted to cling to his leg like a kola bear and get up early to cook him breakfast

 

Gets me all doe eyed and gaga for him all over again.

[jen1447]

I hate to be a stick in the mud but I don't think the percentage thing works. It's entirely possible for good sex to be "totally important" and life goals to be "totally important," which means both would be 100%. So the division of value thing really isn't a viable measure imo.

[Ruby Slippers]

I strive for quality in all areas of connection. I'm happy if I feel we're at 80% or better in sexual connection, conversational, practical, and all the other points.

 

I love sex and have high drive. My feeling is that since my romantic partner is the ONLY person I'll be sexual with, it has to be good. 100% in a perfect world, 80% or better is great and acceptable.

 

In my experience, firecracker passion and sex are either there, or not, and it doesn't take long to determine the degree and quality of connection. I can get a very good read on the quality of the sexual connection just from innuendo in conversation and kissing.

[Weezy1973]

I hate to be a stick in the mud but I don't think the percentage thing works. It's entirely possible for good sex to be "totally important" and life goals to be "totally important," which means both would be 100%. So the division of value thing really isn't a viable measure imo.

 

Yeah, exactly. They all kind of go hand in hand.

[morrowrd]

I hate to be a stick in the mud but I don't think the percentage thing works. It's entirely possible for good sex to be "totally important" and life goals to be "totally important," which means both would be 100%. So the division of value thing really isn't a viable measure imo.

 

I kind of hit on that, not in the same words, but love changes everything. I honestly don't believe that the majority of people in relationships really know what love is. True love isn't common, so most people think that they're in love but when the relationship takes alot of "work" like tons of compromises and maybe even arguments, I'm guessing this isn't a couple in love. When you love someone, you do everything right. Sex is only one part of the intimate relationship. The life together should be intimate; dates, the home life if you live together, differences are dynamic of a relationship that should be handled the right way if two people are in love..pretty much everything is right because the motives are right. Being in love means both people are out for the other person's happiness. The sex part will be just one more part that is "right."

[deep_night]

effective and honest communication 30%

physical attraction, chemistry and affection 30%

fun times 10%

trust and loyalty 30%

[QueenDafine]

20% Common interests and hobbies

40% Physical passion/sex and attraction

40% Friendship

 

Might also depend on how old you are I guess.

[indeed7]

I think it's really hard to describe these things in percentage points. There's got to be friendship and there's got to be sex too...

[barbossa]

I hate to be a stick in the mud but I don't think the percentage thing works. It's entirely possible for good sex to be "totally important" and life goals to be "totally important," which means both would be 100%. So the division of value thing really isn't a viable measure imo.

 

1. Did i say it works? I was asking for personal opinions on the importance of sex as a %.No one gets 100% anyway. who do you know that is 100% on life goals. Why do you think people are sexually frustrated and cheat?

 

2.I feel if you cant put an approximate % on this question sex is just not a priority for you,

 

3. I am 95 % in saying you either have low sexual experience or are too prudish and this is was your politically correct answer instead of answering my direct question.

[Trinity_84]

Sex itself isn't that important.

 

The ability to be open about it, upfront, honest, understanding, catering and non-judgemental with each other. That is 100% important.

[jen1447]

I kind of hit on that, not in the same words, but love changes everything. I honestly don't believe that the majority of people in relationships really know what love is. True love isn't common, so most people think that they're in love but when the relationship takes alot of "work" like tons of compromises and maybe even arguments, I'm guessing this isn't a couple in love. When you love someone, you do everything right. Sex is only one part of the intimate relationship. The life together should be intimate; dates, the home life if you live together, differences are dynamic of a relationship that should be handled the right way if two people are in love..pretty much everything is right because the motives are right. Being in love means both people are out for the other person's happiness. The sex part will be just one more part that is "right."

 

I'm not sure I agree that 'true love' makes relationships easy by any stretch. There'll always be challenges. That said, I think you're right about the need to work on it so much it seems like a job or like you're trying to convince yourself of sth you're not sure of. Anytime I've been In Love, I've never had a doubt about it. Easy or not.

[Shanex]

Would you be in a relationship where there is no sex or sex you don't like?

 

NO. I always thought of myself as a sex-obsessed person and while there are a lot more to that in a relationship, I can't imagine a LTR without sex, or very bad sex.

 

Friendship :35%

good sex/high passion: 50%

good mother potential: 15%

 

Only 15% for 'good mother potential' because I don't think I'll have children. I'm in the 'undecided leaning toward yes' camp, but I don't think I'll have children.

 

Now of course I need a friend, a mate, a support, and love, not only banging it every evening.

 

A relationship is a lot of different things all rolled up together, the greater the compatibility, the better. Sex is a part of it, and is important.. but sex only is a FWB.

[morrowrd]

<I'm not sure I agree that 'true love' makes relationships easy by any stretch. There'll always be challenges. >

 

I didn't say easy, I said "right" - and if you've been in love a "few times" I'm guessing you're not talking about the true love I'm talking about. There is a saying I live by, due to experience, "when you love something or someone, you'll do everything right."

 

I'm not some armchair theorist, I'll share some life stories if need be. Until that time arises, just trust me. True love is rare, and is a once in a lifetime chance. If you've had it a "few times" you are really lucky. I'm going to be bold and guess that you aren't talking about the same thing I'm talking about though. There have been relationships in my past where I said "I love you" - and meant it. In hindsight, and based on experiencing the real thing, those other relationships now look hollow, a sham. Even though at the time they didn't.

Edited August 15, 2016 by morrowrd

[jen1447]

I didn't say easy, I said "right" - and if you've been in love a "few times" I'm guessing you're not talking about the true love I'm talking about. There is a saying I live by, due to experience, "when you love something or someone, you'll do everything right."

 

I'm not some armchair theorist, I'll share some life stories if need be. Until that time arises, just trust me. True love is rare, and is a once in a lifetime chance. If you've had it a "few times" you are really lucky. I'm going to be bold and guess that you aren't talking about the same thing I'm talking about though. There have been relationships in my past where I said "I love you" - and meant it. In hindsight, and based on experiencing the real thing, those other relationships now look hollow, a sham. Even though at the time they didn't.

Today 8:55 PM

 

Oh I'm sure we're diff (I'm poly so that's a lot diff than the traditional relationship framework), but probably very few ppl are alike in their sensibilities anyway.

 

And def true love btw.