Found out that husband told ex he loved and missed her while we were dating

[Cecil2007]

My curiosity/insecurity got the best of me the other day and I snooped through my husband's Facebook messages. I found out that he had been telling his ex-girlfriend that he loved her and missed her shortly after we had begun dating 3 years ago. She left for the Peace Corps a few months before we'd begun dating, but they had been broken up for awhile, although he would go over to her home after their break-up to comfort her over her son's tragic death a few years prior. She had wanted him to let him know if he began dating anyone (not sure why), which he did not do; she found out when he posted a picture of somewhere we had been on Facebook and she then told him that if he was involved with someone, that she and he needed to stop saying that they loved and missed each other. His response was, "Well we aren't some together kind of couple dear - we have a ton in common but not exactly "clicking."" From my perspective, I thought we clicked well from the get-go, but now I'm wondering if I was stupid to think so. But then if he didn't feel like we were clicking, why did he continue to date me and want to marry me? Or was he lying to her so as to not hurt her feelings? I can't help but feel like I'm a rebound and I wonder if he just settled for me because I was willing to have a child, which he so badly wanted? It doesn't help that 19 months ago, when we had been married for less than 2 months, I found inappropriate texts to her, which I confronted him about and was met with anger and his claim that he was "trying to put a smile on her face" since she had lost her son. Now those old Facebook messages, coupled with those texts from last year, make me wonder if our marriage is a sham and how much effort it's even worth putting into.

[NTV]

Make no mistake those texts show an affair. .. Emotional if not physical. This first one? I can see why that hurts. But he's gotta give her up or your marriage won't work. It sucks because you can't make him give her up. You can only leave if he doesn't.

 

What do you want?

[smackie9]

You both need marriage counseling.