TigerCub Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 Hi, I went on 2 dates with a guy, and for the 3rd one I invited him out for dinner (because I wanted to see him again and he treated for the first 2 dates) He suggests that I go to his place and he'll make me dinner. I said thanks, but I think it's too soon to go to his place and that if he wants to hang out, we can do dinner at a restaurant He then asks why not go to his place. I tell him because going to his place means that things will get a lot more physical (more than just the few kisses on date #2) He tells me that no, that's not the case and there will be plenty of time to get physical later, I said ok, fine, I'll get back to you on that Later that night, I just didn't feel right, I was thinking, I don't know this guy that well, what if he puts something in my food or drink or something, what if he wants to go further than I'd want, and then it would be awkward and uncomfortable to be in the situation to tell him no, and what if he doesn't like that and gets rough ... I just thought all those bad things and decided not to do it. I texted him the next day tell him I'm not comfortable going to his place so soon and if that puts him off, I understand, but if he wants to get to know me better then we can meet on Friday But when I look back on my early 20s, I remember going to a guy's house on the 2nd date and not thinking twice about it - and we ended up dating for months and all was fine. It just makes me wonder if growing older made me more paranoid and scared and that when I was younger I took more chances and had more relationships. I dunno, even as I write this, I still think I made the right call for sure to tell that guy that I'm not comfortable - because I really don't know him all that well and I wasn't that into the idea of having sex with him at that point. So why go to his place? How would you have handled this? 1
BaileyB Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 I wouldn't have gone with him to his place on the third date. He is still a stranger at that point. I wouldn't feel bad about it. If he really likes you, he will fine with giving you a little more time and meeting you for dinner in public. 2
Author TigerCub Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 I wouldn't have gone with him to his place on the third date. He is still a stranger at that point. I wouldn't feel bad about it. If he really likes you, he will fine with giving you a little more time and meeting you for dinner in public. Thanks, and I totally don't feel bad at all. When he replied he said 'What a lovely text to wake up to LOL!' I saw that as an attempt to guilt me and make me feel bad about not going to his place and I just thought 'F**k yourself loser!' and I blocked him One thing I like about me is that I stand my ground, but just looking back on my younger years, I just looked at how carefree or stupid I was and it made me wonder what I wrote in the post. His response proved exactly what he was after, except where most guys invite me to their place for the 2nd date, this guy thought he was smooth by waiting till the 3rd
TXGuy Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 You handled it well. You set a boundary and stuck to it. I think that's great. 1
imaginarium Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 When I was 18 my friend showed up at my house with 3 guys I didn't know and 20 minutes later had to leave. They offered to take me with them, drop her off, and we could hang out. I didn't have anything better to do so I went. The 3 guys were decent dudes and I ended up dating one of them for 2 years. That being said, when I think back I'm like "wtf were you thinking, that could have been horrific." You are wiser and it's a good thing. You made the right call. 1
deep_night Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 If he was a gentleman he'd want you to feel comfortable and would want to please you. I think your instincts are right. He may be annoyed but i bet deep down he respects you for it. 1
basil67 Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 I think you made the right decision first up. However, I think your interpretation of his text the next day could be wrong. After all, texts lose all their tone and context. It's certainly too soon to assume he's a loser and block him.....unless of course you really didn't like him to start with. 1
elaine567 Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 However, I think your interpretation of his text the next day could be wrong. After all, texts lose all their tone and context. It's certainly too soon to assume he's a loser and block him.....unless of course you really didn't like him to start with. I agree, texting is a minefield and open to misinterpretation. He may have been genuinely pleased to hear from you, especially if he didn't care two hoots about where he met you for the next date, or yes, it was pure sarcasm, but now you will never know what he really thought. 2
joseb Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 I disagree with all this "he's still a stranger" after a few dates. I mean in way he is. But so was my ex who changed a year into seeing her. But anyway, as you invited him out, he doesn't get to pick the location. His line about not getting physical sounds like that, a line. I'd have more respect for him if he was honest and admited there was some truth in it.
Author TigerCub Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 When I was 18 my friend showed up at my house with 3 guys I didn't know and 20 minutes later had to leave. They offered to take me with them, drop her off, and we could hang out. I didn't have anything better to do so I went. The 3 guys were decent dudes and I ended up dating one of them for 2 years. That being said, when I think back I'm like "wtf were you thinking, that could have been horrific." You are wiser and it's a good thing. You made the right call. I totally know what you mean - we do so much when we are young and carefree, and sometimes, luckily it turns out well, but when we're older and know more, we're like DAMN! Glad it didn't turn out the other way. Thanks for sharing
Author TigerCub Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 If he was a gentleman he'd want you to feel comfortable and would want to please you. I think your instincts are right. He may be annoyed but i bet deep down he respects you for it. Maybe he does, but he's not a gentleman - his text proved it, I totally think that text was trying to make me feel bad after I said I wasn't comfortable. I don't respect him
Author TigerCub Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 I think you made the right decision first up. However, I think your interpretation of his text the next day could be wrong. After all, texts lose all their tone and context. It's certainly too soon to assume he's a loser and block him.....unless of course you really didn't like him to start with. I know what you mean and how texts don't have a tone and stuff, but that was all he wrote. He's one of those multi texter people that sends 1 msg right after the next. He sent that 1 msg and there wasn't much after it so I blocked him. I liked him - enough to want to get to know him better, but I wasn't so hot for him that I wanted to f*k him yet.
Author TigerCub Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 I disagree with all this "he's still a stranger" after a few dates. I mean in way he is. But so was my ex who changed a year into seeing her. But anyway, as you invited him out, he doesn't get to pick the location. His line about not getting physical sounds like that, a line. I'd have more respect for him if he was honest and admited there was some truth in it. Yeah it totally was and especially with the 'There will be way more opportunities later down the line for that' or whatever it is he said - that was a line in the hopes of giving me the illusion that he sees a future for us. I dunno...whatever You are right about being with someone for a long time and them changing and turning into a stranger - that's true and that sucks on its own level But from a female perspective, we have so much to worry about physically if we don't know the person (the first few dates, we don't know what they are really like and what they are capable of).
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