LoveEK Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together now for close to 2 years. We just moved in with each other four months ago after living an hour and fifteen minutes away from each other. Seeing as we would only see each other mostly on weekends that's when we would have sex and it would normally only be once a weekend. It would be rare if it was more then that. I figured once we moved in with each other it would pick up and be more like every couple days. It hasn't though, it is maybe once a week if I'm lucky. My boyfriend is very sweet and loving toward me in every other sense, he just has no drive and he uses excuses to not have sex and sometimes when I try to bug him or kid about it he changes the subject. He told me that when it comes to that with his busy schedule it isn't on his mind all of the time. He still tells me I'm sexy and that he loves me on a daily basis. I don't feel sexy though at all. I've never been in this situation before. Normally the men I've dated before can't stop touching me. I try my best to initiate it but it feels good to know that your boyfriend wants to initiate it too. The girl he dated before me was horrible to him and he told me they basically next to never had sex. So I am wondering if that has something to do with it. Please refrain from negative comments as I really do need advice. What do you suggest? Edited August 13, 2016 by iamalwaysme
Shanex Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 If he really works a lot and that keeps him busy, it's possible he is exhausted when he see you during the weekends together. Being always tired does not help with having a normal libido. Does he sleep well at least ? No insomnia? He told you that he desire and you're sexy and I don't think he is lying.. he may not be at the best time of his life for someone like you who need more intimacy. About his ex 'horrible' girlfriend. Did you know the reason they never had sex? How was she horrible ?
Author LoveEK Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 If he really works a lot and that keeps him busy, it's possible he is exhausted when he see you during the weekends together. Being always tired does not help with having a normal libido. Does he sleep well at least ? No insomnia? He told you that he desire and you're sexy and I don't think he is lying.. he may not be at the best time of his life for someone like you who need more intimacy. About his ex 'horrible' girlfriend. Did you know the reason they never had sex? How was she horrible ? Thank you for your reply. You may be right about him being busy and yes sometimes he does have a hard time sleeping. I don't know why they didn't as I only asked if they didn't have sex a whole lot. He only answered yes. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him big time and I guess when they would fight she would hit him.
Shanex Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Thank you for your reply. You may be right about him being busy and yes sometimes he does have a hard time sleeping. I don't know why they didn't as I only asked if they didn't have sex a whole lot. He only answered yes. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him big time and I guess when they would fight she would hit him. Wow poor guy. Shows that women can be abusive too. Anyway, yes maybe he's been deeply hurt by this past experience with that witch. I don't think it's his ex that really crushed him, he might not be too confident about getting in the bedroom with you although you've been together for a bit. Hard time sleeping and having a busy schedule must have him on his knees. If he overcome the insomnia and get sleep back on track maybe thing will improve. Does he smoke pot or is a drinker? I'd assume not, just wondering.
Gaeta Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 How old is he? and do you have an age difference?
central Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I think he has a naturally low libido, and his past gf has nothing to do with it. Plus, you've been together over 2 years, and during that time the new relationship hormones were at their peak and have now returned to normal. What you're seeing now is as good as it will ever be with him. I'd say you're sexually incompatible. The only possible solution is for him to have his testosterone levels checked, and supplemented if they are below the midpoint of the "normal" range. If that doesn't help, then you will either have to accept him as is (and probably expect a further decline in his interest in sex in the future), or move on.
Bialy Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 (edited) Once a week is not a lot. This is TMI, but does he watch porn? I wouldn't put much weight on whether it's because he "works a lot" -- unless he's doing manual labor. In my experience with a man (my ex) who worked hard at his white collar job, we would have sex 3-4 times a week. Edited August 13, 2016 by Bialy 1
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