betnow Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 my girl and i of 4 years broke up. her biggest thing is living her life without having to worry and not being questioned about anything. she also says that during this time she will not be itimate with anyone. and she knows she will eventually be with me again. my question, is it a phase? do they always come back?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Its not a phase. Its a choice based on waning emotional investment. Will she be back? Only if she finds nothing else in her life to fill the void in her heart where you once were. She has let her emotional involvement drop to the point where she wants to see what else is out there for her - whether it be another relationship or new life experiences in general. She is giving you the impression that she may be back because her emotional investment in you is still high enough to consider you a fallback plan and security blanket.
NightsEcho Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Before I give advice my first question: Is she between 19-24?
NightsEcho Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 I knew it. Buddy this is like a phenonamon or something (not sure if i spelled that right) Girls and guys at this age seem to go through some kind of crisis. I have been there 3 1/2 years over.(She is also 19) You may call it a phase...but unfortuantly it will likely not end with you to back together. It sucks to hear...but after being seperated for 4 months I can tell you it does get better... if you can go into more detail about the relationship I will be able to give better advice Support Live 8!
Author betnow Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 ok well when she first left the reason was i would never change, and she was tired of it, but she loves me, blah blah blah. for a month up until like 4 days ago she was still seeing me in every way, but also hanging with friends and i was fine with it. every other day i had to hear im confused and im gonna stop talking to you after tonite, but she kept coming back. i was her first everything and she would not cross the line with anyone. well our last fight she sais she never loved me, were finished, so i said some mean things to. i didnt call anymore. the next night while shes at a club or something she calls and hangs up. the next day she calls with some story that she said she had to tell me. yet this is the same person that says if i never call she guarantees she will never call me. since then which was friday i havnt heard from her. ive had various break ups similar to this , but this one may be more serious even though very similar. and your right it is amazing how this happens , i know many like mine.
NightsEcho Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Ok, now i have a little bit of background...so I can give you some advice I hope. I think it is funny that she says she never loved you, yet was with you for 4 years. And if she didn't care why is she calling to yell at you. It seems like she is trying really hard to get a rise out of you. She says she has something to say then doesn't call. My ex is kinda the same way...but we have periods way longer of NC like a month. I know you probably love this girl....but right now she seems unstable. She h you as a rock for 4 years....then BAM...suddenly you mean nothing and she never loved you. Can I ask you would you ever do this to her. She is young and while she may think she knows what love is....she has no idea...some people never do. Love happens so quickly, but many people don't realize that it still takes work. She says you won't change okay? have you started taking steps to be the person YOU want to be? Not what she wants you to be...but who you wanna be? Never compromise yourself for someone. Would your friends or family ever tell you to change? Ever abandon you? Not likely....that my friend is unconditional love. When you have that you know it. I am slowly realizing this myself. You to are broken up...i know you want her back.... So I tell you to do what I tell all the newly dumped. Back off NC....she says she wont call you...ok good. Back off for at LEAST 1 month (better 2-3) don't beg or plead. You can open contact when your emotions settle. She needs to know that breaking up aint a game. Go do something you want, a trip, a party, something. Dig out the phone book and have a summer party with all the friends you have likely lost contact with and shake the block. Keep me updated
Author betnow Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 thanks for the advice, its nice to hear someone else has gone throught it. and to answer the question of would i do it to her, thats a never. and i know its easy for her to do this because she knows i always give in, i have never gone a week without talking to her, the only thing that makes me wanna call her right now is thinking if another guy with her. but shes gonna do what she wants, when she wants, with who she wants no matter what i do or say, and i know this. thanks
NightsEcho Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Let me just touch on why you want contact. If there are guys with her. Well friend, if you call and there is a guy she is gonna be like "oh no my ex boyfriend" you will be pushing her toward the new guy. No contact none. Girls need validation (most girls) and when your not around to validate her negative feelings she will have to question them. She will begin comparing them to you. If you call her, she will see you as a pain. Do you remember how she talked to you about her previous b/f's? ya thats what she is doing now. No contact.....she is going to do what she wants anyway. Don't let her justify it by calling her.
Sal Paradise Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 If she loved YOU she wouldn't want YOU to CHANGE. She loves her idea of what she thinks you should be.
Author betnow Posted July 3, 2005 Author Posted July 3, 2005 I CAME TO A NEW CONCLUSION TO MY WHOLE SITUATION. EVERY TIME I GO THROUGH THESE BREAK UPS WITH HER I LOOK AT IT AS IF IM LOSING MY RIGHT ARM. YES WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL, BUT HER ACTIONS DONT SHOW IT. SHE HAS VERY LITTLE RESPECT FOR ME AND RIGHT NOW SHE DOESNT EVEN DESERVE TO TALK TO ME UNTIL SHE AND IF SHE DECIDES ITS TIME TO RESPECT ME AS A MAN. IM NOT GIVING HER ANYMORE OF ME UNTIL SHE DESERVES IT, AND IF THAT POINT NEVER COMES, WELL SHE NEVER LOVED ME LIKE I ALWAYS THOUGHT AND SHE ALWAYS SAID. SHES BEEN CALLING AND TEXT MESSAGING ME AND I WONT ANSWER BECAUSE SHE DOESNT DESERVE IT, ON MY TIME I WILL DECIDE WHAT I WANT TO DO, SHE GETS NO MORE POWER. SHE LEFT ME, THEREFOR WHEN I WANT TO TALK WE WILL TALK. IF SHE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE MORE POWER TO HER, THAT JUST TELLS ME THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE FOR ME TOO. SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN, AND REALIZE YOU DESERVE RESPECT.
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